11th March 2021
The following extracts have been taken from somewhere and adapted for use following the time honoured tradition of many journalists who like to poke fun at goings on around the world. The public readership who prefer a laugh then are more likely to read the articles to try and work out what is really going on as there may be some nugget of truth hidden away.
There are some links to pages on this site which may be of further interest to those who are in need of additional humour. These can be found at the end of the five pieces below. And just as some truth may be hidden away, you may find Joe Biden hid’en away.
It should be stated that this emphatically does not mean that Joe Biden is being truthful as we would not wish to defame his character, merely that references to him are occasionally made.
Shelling Kills Eight in Kabul
The market in Kabul was the scene of chaos as indiscriminate shelling took place yesterday. ‘It was dreadful’ said Ahmed. ‘All these shells started raining down on people’s heads’.
‘As soon as we took cover the shelling would stop,’ he explained. ‘But as soon as we went back to our stalls, it would start again.’
When asked who was responsible, he explained it was the monkeys who pinched the pistachios from his father’s stall, then went up onto the roofs of nearby buildings to eat them. They then pelted passers-by with the empty shells.
The monkeys were unavailable for comment, despite tempting them with figs.
The casualties were 8 Taliban fighters who ran for cover but fell into an open latrine and were drowned. The locals, who did not wish to be named, said this was despicable as there was enough dung in the latrine already.
Four unknown Constables Found
Several unknown drawings have been unearthed in Lewes, Sussex, England. They have been taken to Sussex Police Headquarters for analysis.
They are believed to be the work of four constables who have been wandering the corridors there for some time. The constables may be trainees who lost their marbles when they started wearing masks and refused to take them off, even when eating.
The Chief Constable has reliably informed us that Sid (sic) is looking into the case, drawing on his long experience to solve the problem.
We have said we can provide Sid with paper to draw on instead. The Chief Constable declined to comment further.
Extra £3 Billion for NHS not enough to reduce back log, Doctors warn
Leading medics said the extra £3 Billion promised for the NHS is a ‘stop gap’ to deal with the mammoth waiting list.
An insider in the NHS, who refused to give his/her name, said that as far as he/she was aware, no mammoths had ever been treated by the NHS.
In any event, the ‘back log’ was a jargon medical term for constipation.
‘It’s a serious problem, really serious’ he/she explained. ‘And it’s not a stop gap, that’s the last thing the poor patients want. They need Senokot or Picolax – that’s really good, shift a whole field of constipated horses that would’.
Se’ville Society reports health bosses receiving bonuses for hitting targets
It has been reported that health bosses are receiving large bonuses (a.k.a. large sums of money) for hitting targets. The targets are understood to be the customers who are now black and blue from the bruising caused by the hitting.
Customers are also understood to be called patients for patiently enduring being hit and not fighting back.
Public Eye has questioned various health bosses as to what they would get if they murdered the customers/patients instead. They declined to comment.
However, a whistle blower, a.k.a. a referee, has informed us that they are already murdering people with Nazi (sick)
He/she explained that these drugs can take a while to act, so murder is slow and painful for the recipients which has always pleased the Nazis.
When asked why people have not spoken up about this earlier and the perpetrators brought to justice, the whistle blower hung up.
Black flags flying at White House
It is reported that black flags are flying at various public buildings in Washington D.C. (D.C. apparently stands for Demoncratic Controlled). The reason for this is unclear.
It is believed these are the POW*MIA veterans flags. It is said they show a silhouette of Joe Biden’s head in the white circle below the initials. It is understood that the initials stand for Prisoners Of War* Missing In Action.
Someone has also said the prisoners refer to those in lockdown across the USA, mainly in Demoncratic Controlled States. And that Missing in action refers to Joe Biden’s head or brain, they are not sure which.
We are reliably informed that he tried to use it recently and lost it (again). However, it appears to the editor that he may have been born without a brain as it is possible, apparently, to exist without one.
The flags are being flown at half-mast to indicate that someone is dead. It is rumoured that the most likely person is Joe Biden. We are keen to have further information on this subject to confirm or deny these rumours.
As stated earlier here are some links. Again I consider these to be funny or humorous; but then I am easily pleased.
Please note the order of the list is deliberate to indicate what many governments around the world are like at the moment. As in ‘jamming’ up the economies and ‘spouting rubbish’ to the public. I’ll leave you to work it out.
By Baldmichael Theresoluteprotector’sson