By Baldmichael Theresoluteprotector’sson
19th September 2021
I see on the following video that Nigel Farage says it is reported that the NHS is to recruit 42 new executive managers to be recruited at up to £270,000 per annum. You can find this at just after 7 minutes.
7 minutes is probably the amount of useful work you will be able to get out of these new managers. I may be optimistic of course.
So, it seems about time I used my leaden rapier like Tom Lehrer to kill the beasts. Here goes.
Question: How many managers does it take to change a light bulb?
Answer: None, they don’t know how to do anything practical.
How many managers does it take to have a light bulb moment?
I have taken the stance of an interested member of the public asking this reasonable question of the abilities of the managerial staff. He is speaking to the managerial staff department. This may be HR a.k.a . Human Resources.
“Sorry what’s a light bulb moment? Somebody, Google that for me will you? Well, anybody will do, don’t just sit there looking at me. Ok, ok, let’s see where’s Kevin, he knows these sort of things. Mmm? Transferred to IT? Really when was that? About a year ago you think? Gosh, how time flies. And it was Gavin not Kevin? Well, I knew it was something like that.
How about you Steve? You need to go to the washroom? Well, go then, we don’t want to have to clean up if you don’t make it in time, do we, ha, ha? It’s alright, only joking, we have cleaners to do that. Sorry, I meant housekeepers sounds grander, and helps them accept minimal pay.
Anyway, don’t forget to fill in a form on return, what are they, um, P 1 or SH 1 t. Easy to remember for us. Who did those? Gavin? Really? Mmm? He left them for us before going to IT? Said the second one suited our brains best, did he? Clever chap, sorry he had to move on.
Where was I? What did you ask? How many managers does it take to have a light bulb moment? Oh, yes. Well, how about you Tracey? You’ve done it already? Good girl! And? It’s the same as an idea. Idea. Mmm, sure I had one of those once. When was it? June I think. Er, 1997 if I’m not mistaken. When Tony Blair won a landslide victory for the Labour party. Or was it the other way round? Can’t remember what the idea was, though.
Right everybody, so now we all understand the meaning of light bulb moment. Yes Frank? You’re not sure everybody does? To be honest Frank, I think you’re pulling my leg. Frank is always the joker.
As I was saying, can you all start remembering when we last had a light bulb moment in this department and then we can come back to this nice gentleman, Neville isn’t it? Melvyn? Sorry, Melville. I’m hopeless with names.
Yes, we’ll come back to you on that one. How about Wednesday? Fortnight’s time?
It’s ok, you think you know the answer anyway now. Oh. Pity, we needed something useful to do. Still, always papers to shuffle I’m sure.
Do pop in again, for a chat and a coffee won’t you?”
How many managers does it take to organise the changing of a light bulb?
I have taken the stance of an a subordinate member of NHS staff asking if it is just possible that the light bulb that has been broken for up to 6 weeks might be replaced anytime soon.
And is there anyone available soon, as the surgeon says he lost his watch inside someone and can’t see to get it out.
“Ooo, let’s see. Mmm…Well, there’s Karen from H.R. and she has how many under her? Mmm, not sure, I’ll have to check with Personnel. Of course, Personnel will have to be involved too. There’s maintenance as well, at least the chief dogsbody, whatever his name is, Richard or Connor. I think it ends with an R. Or starts with an R, one or the other. Anyway, it’ll have to be authorised in triplicate and whilst we can’t trouble the Director (all hallowed be her name), I, as the Vice Director, will have to sign all the forms. And I’ll have to check each one to make sure there are no smelling pisstakes (my little joke!). So all that takes time and as the weekend is coming up, it’ll probably be next Monday. Or Tuesday. Mmm? Oh no, not the changing of the light bulb, that would be silly, you silly man. No, telling how many managers – womanagers really, we’re all female in this department – it takes to organise the changing of a light bulb.
I hope that answers anybody’s question if ever they wondered about this perplexing problem. I shall be writing more about the NHS in due course.
In the meantime if you think spending all this money on managers is a waste of time, and gross waste of money, do write and tell the government, your MP, the NHS etc. what you think.
As taxpayers and their employers it is your right after all.
P.S. If you would like to see something else on the NHS and haven’t already viewed you might like this.
Please note that it said 42 new executive managers at the the start. This could be the number of managers it takes to organise the changing of a light bulb.
If so this shows how mind boggling stupid and wasteful the NHS might become. But then it is already. Stop this madness please.
If you wish to look at more 42 see here.