Tora, Tora, Tora!

Raid on Pearl harbour 7th December 1941

By Baldmichael Theresoluteprotector’sson

7th December, 2021


Interestingly, Tora is ‘to ra’. This is what tigers do, they roar or ra-aah!

As regards the film, I thought it very good, full of action. A film critic,

James Berardinelli, said it was “rare for a feature film to attain the trifecta of entertaining, informing, and educating.”

The website Rotten Tomatoes, assessed it on some limited reviews as follows:

“Tora! Tora! Tora! is scrupulously accurate and lays out of the tragedy of Pearl Harbor with intricate detail, but the film’s clinical approach to the sound and fury signifies little feeling.”

Personally, I am not too bothered about feelings on their own, and it matters to me that a film is accurate if it is not merely fantasy. Certainly confusing facts and fantasy cause a lot of problems in our world if we don’t have a solid foundation of history.

However, having said that, I am going to proceed to offer my take on the proceedings in my usual wacky approach. You know, ‘Let him who has an ear to hear, let him hear.’ I hope it will make you laugh and think. I have used the Wikipedia links as a basis.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tora!_Tora!_Tora!

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Attack_on_Pearl_Harbor

Please note I do not intend any disrespect to those who died or fought, merely to show the absurdity of war, how mad things can be, even if it is only how one can use language. After all, it is propaganda and morale that count most to win battles and wars, especially wars of words.

1          Background to conflict

It revolves round some families as all conflicts do. There were the Ja’s Pan people, who made a dance around a song of things, as opposed to making a song and dance about things.

There were the China people who were rather fragile and delicate like a lotus blossom.

And there were the Amerrycannes who were usually laid back, although some of them did have the annoying habit of ‘borrowing’ land from the Indy Genius people in their own country. They have tended to hold onto the land for rather a long time having ‘borrowed’ it.

1.1      Diplomatic background

The thing is that Ja’ Pan people decided, or at least certain ‘superior’ types  decided, the China people had one or two things that the Ja’s Pan people needed, or at least the ‘superior’ types needed.

So they decided to go and ask the China people if they could have one or two things. If they didn’t agree then they would beat them up until they agreed which seemed fair to the Ja’s Pan people, or at least the ‘superior’ types.

Anyway, the long and the short of it was the China people did not agree, so the Ja’s Pan people beat them up.

In China the Ja’s Pan people were having a smashing time, the Chinese weren’t of course. After all, if you have your best China smashed, let alone your worst, this is a bit upsetting to say the least.

The Amerrycannes thought this was unfair of Ja’s Pan people, and wrote the them in no uncertain terms that they had better stop or else. This letter or note was called the Hell note.

In essence this said ‘If you don’t stop we will give you hell’.

There some scholars who disagree and say that the note was actually the Hull note and the Amerrycannes were telling the Ja’s Pan people they would go to Hull.

This could have been Hull in Massive Chew Sets, New England, or possibly Hull in Yourk Shyer, England (the old or earlier one). None of these seems likely as neither town would have wanted their china smashed.

1.2      Military planning

Ja’s Pan people, at least the ‘superior’ types thought it none of the Amerrycannes  business and decided they needed to be taught a lesson. So they planned a surprise attack against a certain Pearl, a lady who could be found in her arbour. This was when she wasn’t sitting ‘On a loo loo’.

By way of explanation, the loo loo was a two-seater outdoor privy. As the weather was normally good on the island on which she lived this was never much of a problem if she got caught short.

The Ja’s Pan people lived on an island at some distance from the island where Pearl lived, which was called ‘Ha! Why?’ Because of this, they would need to take a number of ships, including some Hair Craft Carriers which had hair dressers on board to cut the sailors hair.

The sailors, or crew, always liked to have their hair neat and tidy which is why they had crew cuts of course. In any event, their ‘superiors’ would have objected if they didn’t and would threaten to commit Hairy Kiry if the sailors didn’t comply.

The top ‘superior’ was the Umpireor High Row High Two. He made the final decision to attack as the Umpireor’s decision was final.

The admirable Hammer my toe was the Umperial Ja’s Pan’ Navy’s leader who was in overall command of the assault.

1.3      Objectives

As previously mentioned, these were to attack Pearl in her arbour. There were a number of bottleships in her arbour, which were ships in a bottle of course. These were to be smashed up and, if present, the three Hair Craft Carriers that the Amerrycannes had.

2          Approach and attack

2.1      Submarines

I gather Ja’s Pan people utilised some midges to try and sting Pearl, but it seems they didn’t reach her or do any real harm. If you are going to use midges then you need a whole swarm to be really annoying.

Some scholars say it wasn’t midges, but midgets. The Ja’s Pan people tend to be on the small side so these must have been very small.

2.2      Japanese declaration of war

In essence they didn’t, they just attacked like Germany did to Poland in 1939. After all, if you are going to do a surprise attack, why tell your enemy first? Where is the surprise in that?

2.3      First wave composition

The first wave was to have the following:

89 Kate’s. These were ‘bummers’ who could do bumming raids. They would attack beach bums for example. In this case they were to smash the bottleships and Hair Craft Carriers if present.

51 Val’s. These were dive ‘bummers’ who were prepared to go under water. They were used to ‘extreme hair styling’ where you did under water hairdos.

43 zero or nought fighters. This was rather confusing as if there were zero fighters, how could there also be 43 of them?

This wave was led bya man with a rather rude sounding name, Mister Fuch Ida.

Of those who were scheduled to take part it seems 6 did not as they got stuck in lunch. Seems a poor excuse to me.

The attack achieved was a complete surprise to the Amerrycannes, although a warning was given over the radio “Hair raid Pearl’s arbor. This is not drill.”

Seeing as the Ja’s Pan people were carrying hair dressing equipment, such as combs, razors etc, this seems blindingly obvious. Why should they be carrying drills?

2.4      Second wave composition

The second wave was to have the following:

108 Kate’s. These were to attack hair crafters, such as barbers who looked after Pearl and her crew, as well as the hangers on which the hair crafters hung their coats.

Some of the hair crafters with their hangers (presumably with the coats hanging) were at Barbers Point. This proves how accurate this post is.

78 Val’s. These were to attack any hair craft carriers and bruisers.

35 zero or nought fighters. This was rather less confusing as there were less zero fighters. Nevertheless, a zero is a zero however you look at it, and adding lots of zeros still makes zero. This is simple math people (maths if you speak proper English).

Look, this is my post, you don’t have to read it if you don’t want to.

This wave was led by a man called Mr Shimmer Sarky. He has a moustache like Adolf Hitler. That explains things.

Unless it was Charlie Chaplin, of course, but he did slapstick, not slap people with sticks etc.

2.5      Possible third wave

Did not happen for various reasons. Primarily because the Amerrycannes  were getting wise by then that they were being attacked.

Unlike Covid 19 today where there are lots more waves because the Amerrycannes have taken a lot, lot longer to get wise. Waves of Covid 19 will keep coming until they do get wise and fight back properly.

Still, a start has been made, so that’s good.

3          Ships lost or damaged

3.1      Bottleships

Arizona  – this belonged to a Rear Admirable I. Sack ze Kid, and was badly smashed.

Oklahoma: this had a cap size but what size that was is not stated.

West Virginia: this was badly smashed and thrown into the water and had to be retrieved later in a sorry state. Whether the state of West Virginia is in a sorry state, you tell me.

California: this was badly smashed and thrown into the water and had to be retrieved later in a sorry state. The state of California is in a sorry state, you don’t need to tell me.

Nevada: this was badly smashed and thrown on the beach. This was not kind as people can cut their feet on the beach. It had to be retrieved later in a sorry state. Whether the state of Nevada is in a sorry state, you tell me.

However, I see there are some great beaches in Nevada despite being a long way from the sea.

Pennsylvania – this belonged to an admirable husband called E. Kammel.  I hope he was not an ancestor of Kammel Harris, president of vice in the USA at the moment.

This was getting a dry ‘dock’ or cut with Cassin and Downes. It was slightly smashed.

Tennessee: somewhat smashed.

Maryland: somewhat smashed.

3.2      Ex-bottleship (target/AA training ship)

Utah: this had a cap size but again what size that was is not stated. I assume as an ex-bottleship it had lost its bottle and no longer had the courage to fight much.

3.3      Bruisers

Helena: One of the bouncers protecting the bottleships, but female of course. Got one in the eye and bruised.

Raleigh: One of the bouncers protecting the bottleships. Got one in the eye and bruised. Yes, raleigh it did.

Honolulu: This is the toilet that Pearl was on at the time she was attacked. This was apparently near the miss; I assume this miss refers to Helena rather than Pearl, but I may be mistaken. It had its lights broken in the struggle.

3.4      Des Troyers

These were some troyers or triers who tried hard to do the right thing.

Cassin: in for a dry ‘dock’ cut with Downes and Pennsylvania. Suffered burns and had to have reconstruction work with plastic surgery.

Downes: in for a dry ‘dock’ cut with Cassin and Pennsylvania. Suffered burns and had to have reconstruction work with plastic surgery. Understood to have suffered from Downes Syndrome, and the reconstruction work was a great improvement.

Helm: This was underway to West Loch as might be expected with a name like that. He was injured by a couple of near misses when a couple of Kates or Vals were around. That’s women for you, lash out even if it’s not your fault (look, don’t blame me, that’s what it sounds like).

Shaw: badly damaged whilst having a dry ‘dock’ cut in a floating chair. I assume many of the crew were on shore, but not on Shaw at the time.

3.5      Auxiliaries

Also known as ‘hanger’s on’. See Barber’s Point earlier.

Oglala:  this was Mein Laier, a German visitor. Rather like Mein Führer as Adolf Hitler was called. He was injured by a blow to Helena, and had a cap size but yet again what size that was is not stated.

Vestal – possibly a vestal virgin or merely wearing a vest, it is not clear. Damaged and thrown on to the beach.

Curtiss – he was a tender, rather delicate, C-plane who suffered some bruises including when a Hair Craft man fell on him.

Sotoyomo – one of the thugs near Pearl’s arbour. Suffered collateral injuries from Shaw. So much so, that he sunk onto his bottom. With a name like that I assume he was a spy.

YFD-2 – not another Covid 19 variant, but a back yard floating on the water where you could get your hair cut or docked. In was damaged by bums and sunk.

Editor’s note: There is a Y453F Covid 19 variant, possibly another back yard.

4          Salvage

It took quite a bit of work to clear up the mess left by Ja’s Pan’s people. Lifting the injured off their bottoms took much effort. This is the consequence of being bummed by bummers.

Apparently two men died inhaling poisonous fumes. More recently it has been decided that they died by with or from Covid 19 as most people seem to do nowadays.

Even if they do have existing conditions such as Stupid 20. See link at end if you do not know what this is.

5          News coverage

Apparently, the initial announcement of the attack on Pearl’s arbor was made by the Amerrycannes White House Press Secretary, Mr Stephen, early at 2:22 p.m.

This can’t be right obviously as 2.22 p.m. is not early but rather late.

It seems that reference was made to Ja’s Pan’s people who attacked the Rushans earlier in the century at 1904, about 4 minutes past seven in the evening of course. This was an unprovoked assault on a Mr Arthur who was quietly drinking port at the time.

He should not be confused with a Mr ‘Mac’ Arthur who would later be thrown out by Ja’s Pan’s people whilst he was chatting with a Mr Philip Pines who owned some islands near Ja’s Pan’s people. This was not long after the attack on Pearl’s arbour.

6          Aftermath

As regards the math afterwards you can do this yourselves.

However, the presented Frankly Drew Zebelt proclaimed on the day he heard about the attack “a date which will live in for me”. It is unclear what he meant by this.

It said by some this was the inspiration for the film ‘Carry on up the Khyber’, where Kenneth Williams, the actor says ‘Infamy, infamy they’ve all got it in for me!’

6.1      Strategic implications

The admirable Two D’Ashi Hara (possibly related to Maureen O’Hara) apparently said

“We won a great tactical victory at Pearl‘s arbor and thereby lost the whore.”

This is disputed by many scholars as they say ‘what have whores got to do with wars?’ Well, there were usually camp followers and even mobile brothels it seems.

In any event, no Amerrycane hair craft carriers were damaged or destroyed. Or in film speak ‘No hair craft carriers were harmed during the making of this film.’

This was a fatal flaw in Ja’s Pan’s People as they ignored neglected Pearl’s navy repair yards (a type of dark blue cloth), oil tank farms (where she kept loads of oil of O’Lay which belonged to an Irish friend of hers), a sub marine base (a type of face paint like aquamarine in colour), and an old head in his quarters called Bill Ding.

Apparently someone called Glenda of Ja’s Pan’s people, who knew about the things ladies required to keep themselves well maintained, was ignored. Such is the male mind with regards to ladies so often.

6.3      Retrospective debate on American intelligence

Whether this is a reflection on American intelligence is debatable, but the      United States had been caught unaware, or more properly in its underwear.

That is with its pants down. These are trousers in countries that speak proper English. Look, this is still my post, so get used to it.

I note that Frankly Drew Zebelt, against advice from an admirable, had ordered the fleet moved from Sent Die Go in 1940.  So ships were sent from here and men died.

No doubt it was a political manoeuvre to eventually get USA into war, that or incompetence. The former for sure.

Summary

Well, whatever else one may think about what happened, it did mean that The USA entered the war against Germany. This was a great relief to the United Kingdom who were no longer alone in the west although of course Russia was fighting its own brutal battles in the east.

Germany had called off the attacks on Moscow, so things were being stabilised over the harsh winter conditions.

The following sums up Winston Churchill’s relief. From this link.

Churchill explains his feelings that evening, beginning with, “No American will think it wrong of me if I proclaim that to have the United States at our side was to me the greatest joy. I could not foretell the course of events. I do not pretend to have measured the marshall might of Japan, but now at this very moment I knew the United States was in the war up to the neck and in to the death. So we had won after all!”

He continues, “England would live; Britain would live; the Commonwealth of Nations and the Empire would live. How long the war would last or in what fashion it would end, no man could tell, nor did I at this moment care. once again in our long Island history we should emerge, however mauled or mutilated, safe and victorious. We should not be wiped out. Our history would not come to an end. We might not even have to die as individuals.”

It is worth reading the whole article.

Japan’s entry into the war had in essence started it invaded China in 1937 which is too easily forgotten. So many Chinese died as a result of Japan’s aggression.

In the film of the title of my post Admiral Isoroku Yamamoto says “I fear all we have done is to awaken a sleeping giant”. And also according to Wikipedia

Although the quotation may well have encapsulated many of his real feelings about the attack, there is no printed evidence to prove Yamamoto made this statement or wrote it down.

Whatever the case, it is true. It was like sticking needles into someone’s arm who is a lot stronger than you. In this case it sounds like Admiral Yamamoto of Japan ‘hammered my toe’ or ‘hammered the toe’ of the giant USA!!

This really isn’t a good idea of course. It might work if the giant is in the clouds like Jack and the Beanstalk (a pantomime around this time of year in the UK). Then you can cut the stalk and the giant falls to the ground and breaks his neck, but not otherwise.

Sticking needles remind me of the vaccination programs around the world. Prick the world and it will wake up as it is doing.

Back to the battle of Pearl Harbour. There wasn’t a third strike. This was understandable, but in baseball it’s three strikes and you’re out! If they had struck again perhaps matters would have been different. We can be thankful they weren’t.

There is an story on the man who led the first wave which is worth looking at.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mitsuo_Fuchida

It is interesting that he did not suffer from radiation sickness. I have some ideas about that as I seen another reference to a Japanese man who was at both Hiroshima and Nagasaki and survived both to live into old age! The link says

He became almost obsessed trying to understand why anyone would treat their enemies with love and forgiveness. It records he eventually became a Christian.

It also says he spoke to the pilot of the Enola Gay, the bomber that dropped the atomic bomb on Hiroshima. He said this.

You did the right thing. You know the Japanese attitude at that time, how fanatic they were, they’d die for the Emperor … Every man, woman, and child would have resisted that invasion with sticks and stones if necessary … Can you imagine what a slaughter it would be to invade Japan? It would have been terrible. The Japanese people know more about that than the American public will ever know.

Something to ponder I think.

Jesus treated his enemies with love and forgiveness. ‘Father forgive them, they know not what they do.’ But who was He referring to? The soldiers who were crucifying him under orders? The thieves on either side? Both?

Whatever the case, He also says ‘love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them, expecting nothing in return. Then your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High; for He is kind to the ungrateful and wicked.’

And after all, they might then become your friend, and friendship is far, far more preferable.

Don’t you agree?

P.S. This my link to Stupid 20 for anybody that has wondered what this is.

These  links may be of interest.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Isoroku_Yamamoto

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hirohito

Author: alphaandomega21

Baldmichael Theresoluteprotector'sson. When not posting pages or paging posties, trying to be a good husband, and getting over a long term health issue, I am putting the world to rights. I have nothing better to do, so why not? But of course that includes dancing, being funny (in more than one sense), poking fun at life, poking fun at myself, deflating the pompous, reflating the sad. Seeking to heal the whole of the soul (and body where possible). In short making life as good as it possibly can be for others as well as myself. You can't say fairer than that. But if you can, please say. People need to know.

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