Second Battle of Bull Run or Battle of Second Manassas and why is it more commonly known as the former.

By Baldmichael Theresoluteprotector’sson

31st August, 2022

Given that the USA is undergoing a second civil war right now, albeit a battle mainly with words rather than guns, I thought it about time I did a post on a significant battle in the first American Civil War or ACW.

According to Wikipedia, the Second Battle of Bull Run or Battle of Second Manassas was fought August 28–30, 1862, 80 years ago. I have been trying to use Wikipedia as a basis but I think there is too much detail to work with regarding the actual battle, so I have decided to focus on the Encyclopaedia Britannia article instead which is more concise.

I will however, refer to the Wikipedia link for introductory matters.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Second_Battle_of_Bull_Run

This is of general interest.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_American_Civil_War_battles

The Britannica article.

https://www.britannica.com/event/Second-Battle-of-Bull-Run-1862

From the above link.

Second Battle of Bull Run, also called Second Battle of Manassas or Second Manassas, (August 29–30, 1862), in the American Civil War, the second of two engagements fought at a small stream named Bull Run, near Manassas in northern Virginia. (Civil War battles often had one name in the North, which was usually associated with a prominent nearby physical feature, and another in the South, usually derived from the town or city closest to the battlefield.) The Confederate victory drove the Union army from eastern Virginia and laid the groundwork for the Confederate invasion of Maryland.

I am going to proceed to offer my take on the proceedings in my usual wacky approach. That is, ‘Let him who has an ear to hear, let him hear.’ I hope it will make you laugh and think. I shall leave in the Wikipedia/Britannia text which may help you understand what on earth I am talking about.

Please note I do not intend any disrespect to those who died or fought, merely to show the absurdity of war, how mad things can be, even if it is only how one can use language. After all, it is propaganda and morale that count most to win battles and wars, especially wars of words.



1          Background

After the collapse of Maj. Gen. George B. McClellan’s Peninsula Campaign in the Seven Days Battles of June 1862, President Abraham Lincoln appointed John Pope to command the newly formed Army of Virginia. Pope had achieved some success in the Western Theater, and Lincoln sought a more aggressive general than McClellan.

The prescient A-bra-ham Lyn-Con (who kept a ham in his bra), appointed the Pope to form a virgin army. These became known as ‘The Virgin Soldiers’, which the author Terry Thomas wrote about allegedly.

This was all a con, hence Lyn-con, as the Pope was a Roaming Cathaholic and the virgins probably not virgin anyway. The whole thing was virgin on the ridiculous.

1.1/1.2          Military situation & Plans

Pope’s mission was to fulfill two basic objectives: protect Washington and the Shenandoah Valley; and draw Confederate forces away from McClellan by moving in the direction of Gordonsville.[18] Based on his experience fighting McClellan in the Seven Days, Robert E. Lee perceived that McClellan was no further threat to him on the Virginia Peninsula, so he felt no compulsion to keep all of his forces in direct defense of Richmond. This allowed him to relocate Jackson to Gordonsville to block Pope and protect the Virginia Central Railroad.[19]

The Pope’s mission was twofold; protect the washing tun, i.e the laundry, and the woman who looked after it who was known simply as she ‘Nan’ doer; and to draw the Confecterate Farces away from a scot known as ‘Mac’ Clellan by moving in the direction of Gordon’s Villa where another scot lived.

Roberty Lee considered ‘Mac’ Clellan was no threat to him on the virgin’s penicillin, so he felt no need to keep all of his farces sitting on the fence in Richmond. (N.B. This is not the same place as in Yorkshire, England where Rich Tea Sunak is an M.P.)

This enabled Roberty Lee to relocate Jack’s son to Gordon’s Villa to block the Pope and protect the virgin’s central rail rod.

Lee had larger plans in mind. Since the Union Army was split between McClellan and Pope and they were widely separated, Lee saw an opportunity to destroy Pope before returning his attention to McClellan. He committed Maj. Gen. A.P. Hill to join Jackson with 12,000 men.

Roberty Lee had larger plans in his mind as the Onion Army was widely separated, and he saw an opportunity to destroy the Pope before dealing with ‘Mac’ Clellan. He committed A Phil to join Jack’s son with 12,000 men.

By Map by Hal Jespersen, http://www.posix.com/CW, CC BY 3.0, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=7100910

1.3      Initial movements in the Northern Virginia Campaign

On August 3, General-in-Chief Henry Halleck directed McClellan to begin his final withdrawal from the Peninsula and to return to Northern Virginia to support Pope. McClellan protested and did not begin his redeployment until August 14.[20]

On August 3rd, the general inn chief, i.e. landlord of a pub, Hen-ree Hall-like, directed ‘Mac’ Clellan to begin his final with drawl from the pen-in-the-sewer to support the Pope. ‘Mac’ Clellan protested presumably because he was not a Roaming Cathaholic and the Pope was.

Nevertheless, he did begin his red ploy meant on the 14th August.

On August 9, Nathaniel Banks’s corps attacked Jackson at Cedar Mountain, gaining an early advantage, but a Confederate counterattack led by A.P. Hill drove Banks back across Cedar Creek. Jackson’s advance was stopped, however, by the Union division of Brig. Gen. James B. Ricketts. By now Jackson had learned that Pope’s corps were all together, foiling his plan of defeating each in separate actions. He remained in position until August 12, then withdrew to Gordonsville.[21] On August 13, Lee sent Longstreet to reinforce Jackson.

On August 9th, The National Banks Corporation attacked Jack’s son at see der mountain (you could hardly miss it) and gained an Early advanced age. However, a Confecterate counter attack led by A Phil drove the Banks back across the see der creek (the creek was less obvious).

Jack’s son’s advance was stopped by the Onion division of James Briquettes who built a wall using small bricks. There are those who say he suffered from vitamin D deficiency in the form of rickets and didn’t have a leg to stand on, therefore he used briquettes instead.

By now Jack’s son had learned that the Pope’s corpse was in the all-together, i.e. nude, foiling his plan of de-feeting each in separate actions. Removing the feet would stop the Pope running around, although I have yet to see a corpse walk on its feet.

Although on second thoughts there are the brain dead who go around like zombies saying “Give us the vaccine, they only make us ill, but we are much better for them, really, because if we hadn’t had them we could be dead!”

Anyway, he remained in position until August 12th (when the shooting season starts in the UK) and then with Drew went to Gordon’s Villa for a nice cup of tea. On the 13th, Roberty Lee sent a Long Street to reinforce Jack’s son.

1.4      Prelude to battle

From August 22 to 25, the two armies fought a series of minor actions along the Rappahannock River. Heavy rains had swollen the river and Lee was unable to force a crossing. By this time, reinforcements from the Army of the Potomac were arriving from the Peninsula. Lee’s new plan in the face of all these additional forces outnumbering him was to send Jackson and Stuart with half of the army on a flanking march to cut Pope’s line of communication, the Orange & Alexandria Railroad. Pope would be forced to retreat and could be defeated while moving and vulnerable. Jackson departed on August 25 and reached Salem (present-day Marshall) that night.

From August 22nd to 25th, the two armies fought a series of miners along the Rapper Hammock River.

Reinforcements from the Army of the Potty Mac were arriving from the pen-in-the-sewer. Roberty Lee’s new plan was to send Jack’s son and Stew’s art with half an army (forearm or upper arm is not clear) to cut the Pope’s line of communication, i.e. to excommunicate him.

As it is normally the Pope doing the excommunicating, this seems strange but perhaps Roberty Lee just wanted to get his own back.

Anyway, this would force the Pope to go to a retreat and who could then be de-feeted while moving and then have no feet to move on.

On the evening of August 26, after passing around Pope’s right flank via Thoroughfare Gap, Jackson’s wing of the army struck the Orange & Alexandria Railroad at Bristoe Station and before daybreak on August 27 marched to capture and destroy the massive Union supply depot at Manassas Junction. This surprise movement forced Pope into an abrupt retreat from his defensive line along the Rappahannock. During the night of August 27–28, Jackson marched his divisions north to the First Bull Run (Manassas) battlefield, where he took position behind an unfinished railroad grade below Stony Ridge.[23] The defensive position was a good one. The heavy woods allowed the Confederates to conceal themselves, while maintaining good observation points of the Warrenton Turnpike, the likely avenue of Union movement, only a few hundred yards to the south. There were good approach roads for Longstreet to join Jackson, or for Jackson to retreat to the Bull Run Mountains if he could not be reinforced in time. Finally, the unfinished railroad grade offered cuts and fills that could be used as ready-made entrenchments.[24]

On the evening of August 26th, after passing round the Pope’s right side, Jack’s son wing of the army struck the orange and Alex And’s rear at Bisto Station where the gravy was.

He then marched on August 27th to capture and destroy the massive onion supply at Man Ass Has Junk shun which was another rear area or bottom like Alex’s mentioned earlier.

Scholars are unclear if it was the onions which were massive or if there were just an awful lot of them. I suspect both.

In any event the action was surprising as the Pope didn’t think people would be interested in his bottom or rear areas. Nevertheless he had to retreat quickly from the Rapper Hammock as no one want’s their bottom pinched let alone their onions destroyed – after all, onions are the basis for all good meals.

During the night of the 27th and 28th August, Jack’s son marched his divisions north to the first Bull Run, where a man ass has (rather than a bull). Somewhat confusing I know. He took a position behind an un-Finnish rail rod grade below a stony ridge where there was a stony silence.

This was a good defensive position as the heavy Woods (containing Tiger Woods with his golf clubs) allowed the Confecterates to conceal themselves (or vice versa). The also had a good view of the war-ring-tone turn pike, a type of aggressive fish.

There were good approach roads for the Long Street to join Jack’s son and possibly good long streets for Rhodes to join Jack’s son too, whoever Rhodes was. Jack’s son could also retreat to the Bull Run mountains if he could not be reinforced in thyme or other herbs.

The un-Finnish rail rod grade made for N-trenchments provided you had your trench coats of course.

In the Battle of Thoroughfare Gap on August 28, Longstreet’s wing broke through light Union resistance and marched through the gap to join Jackson. This seemingly inconsequential action virtually ensured Pope’s defeat during the coming battles because it allowed the two wings of Lee’s army to unite on the Manassas battlefield.

In the Battle of Tho’ rough fare Gap (where the fare or food was rough or basic) on August 28th, a Long Street’s wing broke through a light onion resistance (probably a late sowing of a spring onion) and Marched (although it was August) to join Jack’s son.

This seemed inn consequential but virtually ensured the Pope’s de-feet during the coming battles because it allowed two wings of Roberty Lee’s army to join and become a proper bird.

Second Bull Run Campaign, August 17–30, 1862

2          Opposing forces

2.1      Onion

These were led by the following:

The Pope – a Roaming Cathaholic in charge of the Virgin Soldiers. You tell how important he is as he has hand in his jacket. He may be checking if his heart is still beating or he may have an itch.

A France Seagull – providing the wings of the army

The Nat P Bank (possibly the National Provincial Bank which merged with the National Westminster Bank in the UK)

Her vin Muck Dowel, a type of wooden peg.

A Sam Heinz-el Man, one of the 57 varieties.

A Jesse L Renault, who came from Wheeling in what is now West Virginia, not Renault (sic), Nevada. Wheeling is necessary on a Renault of course otherwise it can’t move.

2.2      Confecterate

These were led by the following:

Roberty Lee although some say it should be Roberta Ely, but with a beard and moustache this seems unlikely given the era. Nowadays of course anything is possible with imagination.

A Long Street (how long we don’t know).

Stonewall Jack’s son (understood not to be related to LGBTQ+ etc)

A Stew art – who was the war artist.

Second Manassas

The armies gather

Jackson began his march around the right of Pope’s army early on August 25. The column passed through Thoroughfare Gap on August 26, and it reached Bristoe Station, directly in Pope’s rear, that evening. Jackson’s “foot cavalry” had covered an astonishing 54 miles (87 km) in just two days. A Confederate detachment drove the Federal defenders from Manassas Junction; after thoroughly plundering the Union supply depot there, Jackson’s men set fire to the rail yard and the remaining Federal stores. When Pope became aware of Jackson’s departure, he arranged for an immediate attack on Longstreet, thinking that Jackson had withdrawn his force to the Shenandoah Valley. However, when the direction of Jackson’s march on Thoroughfare Gap became clear, Pope fell back in order to engage him.

Jack’s son began his March in August early on the 25th (August). March is of course very early for August but Jack’s son liked to be early for everything as the early bird gets worms, or something like that.

Anyway, he Marched round the Pope’s army on his leggies. The column passed thorough Throughfare Gap (or vice versa) on the 26th August and reached the Bisto Station which was a very gravy situation for the Pope as this was in his rear. Gravy in one’s rear is unpleasant I can assure you.

Jack’sons “foot cavalry” as they were known (none of this Napoleonic “meter cavalry” nonsense) had Covid for an astonishing 54 miles (87 km if you must know) which is quite a distance to have Covid for. After all it is roughly 2.8 times Covid 19. Yet they had it for two days which is also an extremely short time. Perhaps the PCR tests they had were faulty.

A Confecterate D-tache-ment (these were men with taches i.e. moustaches) drove the Feral defenders from the Man Ass Has junction. Here is a link to men of the civil war and their moustaches.

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2104419/The-greatest-beards-moustaches-Civil-War.html

The Confecterates thoroughly plundered the Onion supply depot as they knew their onions and when they were onto a good thing. It made the Feral defenders weep, but that’s what happens when someone cuts up your onions.

The Confecterates then set fire to the rail yard (again none of this rail meter nonsense) and the remaining Feral stores which made the Feral defenders even wilder.

When the Pope became aware of Jack’s son’s departure, he arranged an immediate attack on the Long Street, thinking that Jack’s son had taken his draws to She ‘Nan’ doer’s valet for repairs.

However, when the Di wreck shun of Jack’s son’s March became clear, the Pope fell back in order to be engaged to him (although Jack’s son had no intention of marrying him of course).

On the evening of August 27, Union Maj. Gen. Joseph Hooker’s division met Brig. Gen. Richard Ewell’s division of Jackson’s corps near Bristoe Station. A private with the 15th Alabama Infantry Regiment said of the ensuing encounter, “If I had held up an iron hat I could have caught it full of bullets in a short time.” The brief but brutal engagement left the Union attackers bloodied, and Ewell retired to Manassas. Pope now realized that he had Jackson’s entire corps in front of him at Manassas Junction. At once he took steps to concentrate all of his forces for a decisive strike against Jackson. When he arrived at Manassas on August 28, however, Pope found nothing but the charred ruins of his supplies.

On the evening of the 27th, an Onion Hooker met a Rich-Hard You-well of Jack’s son’s corpse near Bisto Station. A 15th Allah Bama private (believed to be distant relation of a more recent USA president) said of the ensuing encounter “If I had held up a hot iron I could have caught it full of pullets in a short time.”

The engagement (strictly a liaison) was briefs as they were all taken and left the Onions bloodied (i.e. they became red onions) and You-well re-tyred to Man Ass Has.

The Pope now realised that he had Jack’s son’s entire corpse in front of him which was a rotten thing to have to contemplate. He therefore took steps (to help him mount his horse) and constipate all his farces for a decisive strike against Jack’s son.

However, when he arrived at Man Ass Has on August 28th he found nothing but charred remains of the Onion supplies which spoiled his plans for meals for some time. Or to put it more bluntly, his ass at Man Ass Has Junction had been thoroughly kicked.

Jackson had no intention of awaiting Pope at Manassas. Having made several feints to mislead Federal scouts, Jackson withdrew to a hidden position in the hills between Groveton and Sudley Springs, northwest of the 1861 battlefield. There he awaited the arrival of Lee and Longstreet, who, taking the same route as Jackson, arrived on August 28 at Thoroughfare Gap. There Longstreet engaged a hopelessly outnumbered Union division under Brig. Gen. James Ricketts, driving it back to Gainesville. That evening Jackson’s corps held a 2-mile (3.2-km) line from Sudley Springs to Groveton, with his right wing near Groveton opposing Union Brig. Gen. Rufus King’s division. Longstreet held Thoroughfare Gap, facing Ricketts at Gainesville. On Ricketts’s right was King near Groveton, and the Union line was continued by the remaining division of Maj. Gen. Irvin McDowell’s corps and by Maj. Gen. Franz Sigel’s corps to the Stone Bridge.

Jack’s son had no intention of waiting for the Pope at Man Ass Has. He fainted several times to mislead the Feral scuts, and then took his draws and hid them in the hills between Groveton and Suddenly Springs, north west of the earlier battle of Bull Run.

There he awaited for Roberty Lee and the Long Street who were taking the same route as Jack’s son and arrive at the Throughfare Gap on the 28th.

There the Long Street was engaged to a hopelessly outnumbered Onion Di Vision which had Ricketts, a vitamin D deficiency, which meant it was driven back to Gainsville where they had to review their losses, not their gains.

That evening Jack’s son’s corpse held a 2 mile line from Suddenly Springs to Grooverton, with his right wing opposing the Onion brigand general Roofer’s King and his Di Vision.

The Long Street held the Throughfare Gap facing the Ricketts who had the King on his right, and the Onion line was continued by the remaining Di Vision of Her vin Muck Dowel’s corpse and France Seagull’s corpse to the stoned bridge. 

Pope was at Centreville, 7 miles (11 km) away, with three divisions; a fourth was northeast of Manassas Junction, and Maj. Gen. Fitz-John Porter’s corps was at Bristoe Station. Thus, while Ricketts continued to occupy Longstreet at Gainesville, Pope could concentrate a superior force against Jackson, who he now believed to be meditating a retreat to Thoroughfare Gap. However, a series of misunderstandings resulted in the withdrawal of Ricketts and King, so that no force now remained to oppose the union of Longstreet and Jackson. Meanwhile, Sigel and McDowell alone remained to face Jackson until such time as Pope could bring up the rest of his scattered forces.

The Pope was at the centre of the ville or town 7 miles away with three Di Visions; a fourth was northeast of Man Ass Has Junction and Fits-John Poor Tar’s corpse was at the Bisto Station.

Thus whilst Ricketts continued to occupy the Long Street and cause issues with his deficiency, the Pope could constipate a souper rear farce against Jack’s son, who he believed was meditating at a retreat in the Throughfare Gap.

However, a series of Miss Understandings, some unmarried girls who were causing understandable distractions to the Onion farces, resulted in Ricketts and the King taking their with drawls, so that no farce remained  to oppose the Onions of the Long Street and Jack’s son (bear in mind Jack’s son had taken the onions of the Onion farces).

In the meantime the Seagull and Muck Dowel alone remained to face Jack’s son until the Pope could bring up the rest of his scatty farces.

The first day

Jackson was now prepared for battle, on the ground of his choosing. On the morning of August 29, the Confederates, posted behind a high railway embankment, repelled two sharp attacks made by Sigel. Pope arrived at noon with his divisions from Centreville, which, led by the general himself, Hooker, and Maj. Gen. Jesse Reno, made a third and desperate attack on Jackson’s line. Jackson repulsed it with difficulty, carried his counterstroke too far, and was in turn checked by Brig. Gen. Cuvier Grover’s brigade of Hooker’s division. Grover then made a fourth assault but was driven back with terrible loss. The last assault, delivered by two divisions under Maj. Gen. Phil Kearny and Brig. Gen. Isaac Stevens, drove the Confederate left out of its position; a Confederate counterattack, led by Brig. Gen. Jubal Early, dislodged the Union soldiers with a bayonet charge.

Jack’s son was now prepared for battle on the ground of his shoestring. On the morning of the 29th, the Confecterates posted behind a high railway embankment (this was sending mail to their loved ones such messages as “Having a swell time, glad you are not here, the Onions are making us cry.”, that sort of thing).

They repealed two sharp at tacks made by the Seagull who used his beak. The Pope arrived at noon with his Di Visions from the centre of the ville, and, led by the Pope, the Hooker and the Jesse, made a desperate third at tack on Jack’s son’s line.

Jack’s son repulsed it with Di Fick Culty, but went too far with his stroking and was in turn checked by a brigand Coo-ve-‘er Groover who was attached to the Hooker (no doubt in a groovy kind of love).

The Groover made a fourth ass salt but was driven back with a terrible loss when his salt cellar was badly damaged.

The last ass salt under Fill K Ernie and I Sack Stevens drove the Confecterate left out of its position; however, a  Confecterte counter at tack, led by Jew Ball Early, dislodged the Onion soldiers with a bay and net charge.

By noon of August 29 the lead elements of Longstreet’s corps had begun to deploy on Jackson’s right. Porter and McDowell, acting on various orders sent by Pope, approached the area and observed an enemy force of unknown strength. Porter had been ordered to attack Jackson’s right flank, but it was now clear that Pope was wholly ignorant of the arrival of Longstreet. To the north, the sound of Sigel’s guns indicated that he was closely engaged with Jackson. McDowell and Porter assessed the situation. The former marched off to join Sigel, while the latter remained to hold Longstreet in check. In this Porter succeeded, for Longstreet, though far superior in numbers, made no forward move, and his advance guard went into action alone. On the night of the 29th, Lee reunited the wings of his army on the field of battle. He had forced Pope back many miles from the Rappahannock, and, expecting that the Federals would retire to the line of Bull Run before giving battle, he now decided to wait for the last divisions of Longstreet’s corps, which were still approaching.

By noon of August 29th the lead elephants (as in the metal) of Long Street’s corpse had begun to deploy on Jack’s son right having come down the trunk road of course. Poor Tar and Muck Dowel, acting on various hors d’oeuvres sent by Pope, approached the area and observed an enemy farce of unknown strength.

Poor Tar had had been hors d’oeuvred to at tack Jack’s son right (possibly his so called right to abortion, i.e. abort an at tack), but it was clear that the Pope was holy ignorant of the arrival of the Long Street.

To the north, the sound of the Seagull’s guns indicated he was engaged to Jack’s son. Guns were obviously being used rather than bells to celebrate the event. Muck Dowel and Poor Tar ass essed the situation. The farmer marched off to join the Seagull, while the latte remained to hold the Long Street in a check and preferably a coffeen (sic).

In this Poor Tar suck seeded, for the Long Street, though father superior in Numbers, made no attempt to Exodus his lines, except for his advance gourd which went into Acton on a lawn.

On the knight of the 29th, Roberty Lee re-yew-knighted the wings of his army. He had forced the Pope back many Miles from the Rapper Hammock, which meant the Pope wouldn’t sleep very well, and, expecting that the Ferals would re-tyre to the line of the Bull Run before giving a bottle, he decided to weight for the last Di Visions of the Long Street’s corpse which were still approaching.

The second day

Pope, still optimistic that he held the upper hand, mistakenly believed that Jackson was retreating and ordered a “general pursuit” of the Confederates on August 30. There was some ground for his suppositions, because Jackson had retired a short distance and Longstreet’s advance guard also had fallen back. McDowell, who was in charge of the pursuit, soon recognized Pope’s error and attempted to secure his exposed flank by occupying the Bald and Henry House hills. An attack on Jackson’s right, which Pope had ordered Porter to make, was repulsed with great losses due to devastating enfilading artillery fire from Longstreet.

The Pope was optimistic that he held the upper hand as you can see here although he is not holding that hand with his other hand of course.

He mistakenly believed that Jack’s son was on a retreat and ordered a “general hairsuit” which is why his generals were hairy. There were grounds for his suppositories because Jack’s son had re-tyred in his shorts by putting new tyres on his wagons, and the Long Street’s advance gourd had also fallen on its back.

Muck Dowel who was charging the hairsuit, soon recognised the Pope’s error, i.e that he was not infallible, and attempted to sea cure his exposed phalanx by occupying the Bald and Henry’s House hills. Of course, being a general hairsuit this made sense to try and cover the bald hills. Henry’s house looked like this.

From

https://horridhenry.fandom.com/wiki/Henry%27s_House

An at tack on Jack’s son right (right to what we are not told, possibly freedom of speech), which the Pope had told Poor Tar to make, was repulsed with grate losses due to devastating Ethel-made Art Hillary fires from the Long Street.

Shortly after 4:00 PM Lee ordered the entire Confederate army forward in a grand counterattack. Longstreet bore down on the Federal left with 28,000 men in one of the largest massed charges of the war, while Jackson pressed the right toward the Warrenton Turnpike. The left flank of the Union army was driven successively from every position it took up, and Longstreet captured Bald Hill. Jackson, though opposed by the greater part of Pope’s forces, advanced to Matthews Hill, and his artillery threatened the Stone Bridge. The Federals, driven back to the banks of Bull Run, were only saved by the spirited defense of Henry House Hill by the Pennsylvania Reserves Division of Brig. Gen. John Reynolds and the 2nd Division under Brig. Gen. George Sykes.

Shortly after 4.00p.m., Roberty Lee hors d’oeuvred the N-tyre Confecterate army forwards in a grand counter at tack to pin down the Onion farces. The Long Street boar down on the Feral left with 28, 000 men in one of the largest mass charges of the war. This should have pleased the Pope who liked masses (in this case he didn’t however).

In the meantime Jack’s son pressed the right towards the War-ring-tone Turn pike. The left flank of the Onion army was driven from every positron it took up, and the Long Street captured the Bald Hill in a bold hair raising at tack, although this was the hair on the soldiers not the hill of course.

Jack’s son, though opposed by the grater part of the Pope’s farces, advanced to Ma Thew’s Hill, and his Art Hillary threatened the Stone Bridge which didn’t fancy becoming part of Jack’s son stonewall.

The Ferals were driven back to the banks of Bull Run (I have never heard of these banks but may be merchant banks to launder the money stolen from USA taxpayers to fund the war in the Ukraine). They were only saved by the spirit of the fence of Henry’s House by the Pens of Sylvia re serves of the brigand general John Ray an’ Olds and the 2nd Di Vision under brigand general Gorgeous Ikes.

Pope withdrew under cover of night to Centreville. There he received fresh reinforcements, but Jackson was already marching around his new right. At Chantilly (September 1) Pope lost two of his ablest commanders when Kearny and Stevens were killed in action, and the whole Federal army fell back to Washington. Lee and his army were the masters of eastern Virginia, the Union army was in disarray, and the door was open for Lee’s planned invasion of Maryland.

The Pope with Drew under the cover of night to the centre of the villa. There he received fresh reinfarcements, but Jack’s son was already marching around his new right. At Chant Hilly on the 1st September the Pope lost K Ernie and St. Evens killed in Acton, and the hole Feral army fell back to the Washing tun to wash their uniforms which were by now very filthy.

Roberty Lee and his army were the masters of the E Stern Virgins, the Onion army was in disarray, and the door was open for Mr Lee’s planned invasion of Maryland where he could pinch all the cookies (which would make a nice change from the onions).

Casualties and assessment

The Union forces present on the field on August 29–30, 1862, numbered about 70,000, while the strength of Lee’s army on the same dates was about 55,000. Total casualties for the battle topped 22,000, with Union losses numbering 13,824. Confederates killed, wounded, or missing numbered 8,353 men, Longstreet’s massive charge on the second day having accounted for the bulk of that total. While the attack was successful in collapsing the Union left flank, Longstreet lost over 4,000 men in roughly four hours.

For comparison, this information from Wikipedia.

Union forces

Nearly 14,000 killed and wounded out of 62,000 engaged (22.5%).

Confederate forces

About 1,000 killed and 7,000 wounded out of 50,000. (16%)

This was a catastrophe for the Union forces, considered a decisive and strategic victory for the Confederates.

Pope blamed Porter rather than himself, but ultimately it was obvious he was at fault and being relieved of his command indicates this. When I note on the photographs on the commanders in the Wikipedia link the fact that he has his hand in his jacket it says it all; the mark of arrogance like Napoleon (although Napoleon did at least win battles).

It is very sad that Porter was court-martialled and found guilty and it took most of the subsequent quarter century for him to be pardoned and exonerated.

So there you have the Second Battle of Manassas or Bull Run. My overall summary on it is the following:

Robert E Lee’s strategy was commenda-bull and pursued a bull-ish fight.

Stonewall Jackson was generally incredi-bull. He made good use of the defensi-bull terrain and proved how capa-bull he was.

James Longstreet’s performance was varia-bull and certainly debatea-bull.

John Pope’s tactics were abomina-bull, and proved that the Pope was not infalla-bull. His orders were lamenta-bull. He was blamea-bull for the defeat and was culpa-bull.

If you think all of this was a load of bull, well you’re welcome.

But that is why the battle is more commonly known as the Second Battle of Bull Run.

And as the commanders were hairy as was the fight, here is a hairy bull. Do you think it looks terri-bull?!





P.S. If you need more insanity, try looking at The Naff Caff under World Menu towards the bottom of the page where there are various battles explored or verbally massacred depending on your point of view.

World Menu

Author: alphaandomega21

Baldmichael Theresoluteprotector'sson. When not posting pages or paging posties, trying to be a good husband, and getting over a long term health issue, I am putting the world to rights. I have nothing better to do, so why not? But of course that includes dancing, being funny (in more than one sense), poking fun at life, poking fun at myself, deflating the pompous, reflating the sad. Seeking to heal the whole of the soul (and body where possible). In short making life as good as it possibly can be for others as well as myself. You can't say fairer than that. But if you can, please say. People need to know.

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