2nd July 2020

As the deadline for the possibility of extending Brexit has now passed, we thought you might like this offering. Of course, if you are a Remainer then by all means stay and watch. The remains, if any, will be carefully put onto a plate and served up for you.

So, what would you like, Sir, Madam? Well, there’s fish for a start. Smoked haddock and poached egg. Kippers, or Arbroath Smokies from Angus, Scotland.

Why not try the Kedgeree, with smoked haddock again. Really an Indian dish from the subcontinent, but adopted by us.

It contains hard boiled eggs, but you can have eggs any way you want. Boiled, fried, poached again, scrambled. Or baked, in a little dish. With a smidgen of cream on top. Like my grandmother made.

You’re from the States? You’re very welcome. Well then, how about eggs over easy, or sunny side up? Scrambled with bacon? Excellent. I had some in New York one April. Wonderful.

Omelette perhaps? French or Spanish? You’re French I believe? We are still pleased to see you, despite Brexit. Why would we call this establishment ‘Le Manoir des Quatre Saisons’ otherwise?

Of course, your hallowed President might not be quite so pleased that you came. What’s his name? He-man-you-hell MacRon. Not sure why you would want to elect a Scotsman in France but then the Scots (some of them) and the French (some of you) have been thick as thieves for a long time.

Bacon. Back bacon, streaky bacon (you have to eat this in the nude), smoked bacon. If you go to the south coast of Britain, Worthing area, you will find boards up outside certain houses saying ‘Bacon for sale’. Well, you did last time I looked. Why not knock on the door and ask to buy some?

There’s hash browns. Browns can make a hash you know. There was a Gordon once managed to sell the gold reserves at a knock down price. What happened to him? Oh yes, didn’t he say something about needing One World Government to sort out the Covid 19 crisis?

Excellent idea. After all, governments are always very efficient, do everything well, and contain the very best people. Mm? You think that’s not quite right? Oh, I say, I haven’t heard those words before used of governments. I live a very sheltered life you know, up on my Cloud.

Back to food. Waffles? Yes of course, but you are bringing us back to governments again aren’t you? We do them but to be honest by far the best are to found in the canteen of the House of Parliament. Actually, not just the canteen, as you can have a waffle anywhere you like in the building.

I’m not sure whether the best is in the Commons or the Lords. If anyone has an opinion do tell.

And there’s pancakes and maple syrup. Or how about crepes? A crepe is always good first thing in the morning, clears out the system, don’t you know? Or how about a blueberry muffin. There’s nuffin’ like a muffin. There is Muffin the Mule, but that is for children, or adults that want to be children again.

How about porridge, a good Scottish staple. With cream, whiskey, and honey. Or Welsh laverbread (a seaweed purée often mixed with oatmeal and fried). And served with fried bacon. Why not an Irish boxty (potato pancake) or perhaps a soda farl?

I could go on (please don’t!). Ok, I won’t then.

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