Covid Marshals

12th September 2020

This sounds like an excellent idea. ‘Organise the virus’, rather than ‘Control the virus’. ‘Right you viruses; we’ll have you over there, you there, and you here.’

Unfortunately I am struggling to find what the plans are apart from what the papers say. Or the police farce force. For it is the latter, allegedly, who have come up with the name Covid Wombles.

Mind you the Wombles of Wimbledon Common picked up litter. Not sure that Covid Marshals  are meant to do that.

However, the papers talk about a police source. I think they have misspelt that. Police sauce it should be. A brown sauce, rather like the stuff that gets deposited on the pavements by our canine friends. But picking that up is the responsibility of the owners.

All this, of course, is all part of the ‘Covid Marshal Plan’, rather like the Marshal Plan for Europe after the Second World War. Only without the money. Or, it seems, without any coherent sense of what they are to do. Or any power to enforce anything.

They can be helpful, no doubt, to those of limited intelligence, which is sadly a large proportion of the population who cannot think for themselves. And who won’t look at the government GUIDANCE online, as I keep trying to tell people from up here on my Cloud.

Ok, so we have no formal guidance as such, what do the papers think?

From the following link:

https://www.devonlive.com/news/uk-world-news/covid-secure-marshals-no-formal-4506882

‘An MHCLG spokeswoman added: “We are encouraging the introduction of Covid-secure marshals to help support our high streets and public spaces, making sure that people feel safe to enjoy them.’

I rather thought that was the police’s role, but the police do like to go around in vehicles rather than walk the streets. After all it is much safer for them, they are much less likely to catch the virus –not. Or get bothered by the public. Ah yes, that’s more like it.

From the same link ‘Even if marshals were rolled out in great numbers’. I think rolling them out is dangerous to public health, let alone the marshals. They could pick up Covid from the pavements (not) or some of that brown sauce I mentioned earlier.

Not to mention bowling over the elderly pensioners who struggle with their shopping and masks and anti-social distancing.

From the following link:

https://www.express.co.uk/news/uk/1333894/covid-marshals-job-covid-secure-marshals-how-to-get-a-job-covid-marshal

‘Marshals will patrol parks, shopping centres, train stations and other populated places were masses may gather.’

Well I suppose we might expect the Express to misspell with a ‘fast’ name like express. They type things out too quickly. Still, gives us a bit more of an idea.

But masses of what? The masses as in people, or perhaps masses as in what the roaming Catholics do? You know, as in ‘attend masses’, on Sundays etc.

Or possibly ‘were masses’ should be ‘weremasses’, like werewolves. They go mad at the full moon, or when they are asked to anti-social distance, wear masks, stay home etc.

From the following link:

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/explainers-54105672

‘Leeds City Council told the BBC it had introduced six night marshals “who were in place over four weeks and who did not have any enforcement powers”.’

Cor, four weeks in place! That’s against the law, that is!  I make that 672 hours – what about sleeping etc? Clear breach of employment rights, they should sue the council, those night marshals. What a nightmare!

From the following link:

https://www.theguardian.com/politics/2020/sep/10/boris-johnson-covid-marshals-plan-criticised-shambolic-england

“Bearing in mind the government is introducing the new rules from Monday, they have given us no indication of additional resources, no staff, no powers of enforcement and no time to prepare people for the roles or carry out security checks. It is serial incompetence,” said Nick Forbes, the leader of Newcastle city council.

Yes, Nick, but have you bothered to check the Coronavirus act like I have? Ok, I couldn’t cope with it all as my head started to hurt.

Have you checked the government GUIDANCE as I have? No, you haven’t, otherwise you would not be bellyaching like this. You share in the serial incompetence with a large section of the population in the UK.

Mind you, I still think I must be the only one who really understands the situation, so am I the only competent one left in this country, albeit on my Cloud?

From the following link:

https://www.thesun.co.uk/news/12640071/coronavirus-marshals-covid-wombles-police/

Brian Booth, chair of the West Yorkshire Police Federation, said: “We are snowed under with our usual police work so the real issue for us is one of resourcing.

“If we are suddenly inundated with calls from members of the public or marshals reporting illegal gatherings what are we going to do?”

Ooh, you poor diddum’s’!  Do what you often seem to do, ignore the serious stuff, and concentrate on arresting an OAP who is holding up the one-way pedestrian system in the supermarket.

Or a mother and toddler standing too close to grandma.

Or someone who’s not wearing a mask because they feel they will suffocate in the warm weather.

Alternatively, just put the answerphone on with the message ‘Your call is important to us. We are experiencing a high volume of calls just now. One of our highly trained communication device assistants will be available as soon as they have stopped polishing their fingernails.’ Or words to that effect.

From the following link:

https://www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/englands-first-coronavirus-marshals-hit-22664846

Councillor Nesil Caliskan, chair of the Local Government Association’s Safer and Stronger Communities Board, said: “This announcement has caused confusion among councils who need urgent clarity from the Government on any extra resources and details on how it should work on the ground.

“It is right that councils will be able to choose whether marshals are the best way to manage COVID-19 risks in their local areas.

“However, without additional funding to support this proposal, many councils are likely to have to prioritise other activity.

As far as I can tell, Nesil is Turkish for ‘generation’ or ‘breed’. It seems to be a girl’s name. Caliskan is Turkish for ‘hardworking’. Seems a good combination. Still, Nesil, you have stated the obvious. Councils have always had to prioritize their activities.

From the following link:

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-8718097/Meet-covid-marshalls-Army-workers-enforce-new-lockdown-rules.html

They cannot fine people but they can alert the police. The move addresses concerns that police were struggling to enforce social-distancing rules because they applied differently in various circumstances.

Poor policey-weecey! Having to work out how to apply the law. Well, GUIDANCE actually. We, Joe Public, might expect a bit of brain work from the Police. Sadly, they gave up much of that when they embraced multi-culturism over catching criminals who rape, steal and murder.

So there you are. Are you any the wiser?

If the answer is ‘No’, might I suggest you look at other pages on this website? You may at least have a laugh.

And maybe even some wisdom.

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P.S. I have a song that might be appreciated. See The Covid Wombles

P.P.S. If you are thinking of becoming a Covid Marshal, I have a Covid 19 Sex & Gender Form you can complete before applying for the job.

See Covid 19 Sex and gender form