H is for Hitler

30th June 2020

…which according to Wiktionary means:

The surname Hitler is a variation of Hiedler, a surname applied to those who resided near a Hiedl (“subterranean river”) (Bavarian dialect). Earlier theories derived the surname from Hüttler (also spelled Huettler), either meaning “one who lives in a hut”, from Hütte (“hut”), or from hüten (“guard, look after”).

There are a few other possibilities, but I’ll go with that. Underground rivers can be fascinating. There is one in the Gouffre de Padirac, Dordogne, France. A great big hole in the ground with a river you travel on in small boats to get to the underground caverns. I have been, an amazing experience.

However, there is another mythological river, the River Styx. And that seems to mean Hate or Sorrow, river of woe. All depressing.

The vast majority will know of one infamous Adolf. The name apparently means Noble Wolf. Wolves are fine animals, but not sure that gives me great encouragement as a name to be happy about. Again, according to Wiktionary in German wolf can mean shredder or mincer (yoicks!).

Anagrams of wolf are flow (reminds you of the river again) and fowl, which sound like foul. So all in all Adolf Hitler didn’t have a great start in his name. The internet says he could have been named Schicklgruber if his father hadn’t renamed himself after his stepfather Alois Heidler. You can look it all up.

There were rumours of Adolf being Jewish. He, Adolf, went out of his way to destroy any evidence of this. The village he was born in, Döllersheim, was essentially destroyed by the Wehrmacht and used as a training ground.

Döllersheim seems to mean ‘sad home’ as far as I can tell. Dollar in Scotland has possible meanings relating to sadness (like ‘doleur’ in French). The area of Döllersheim seems to be rather impoverished; poor soils, harsh winters etc.

Well, it seems blindingly obvious that if you have nothing to hide, you don’t go around saying your not Jewish, and blow up the village you were born in and disperse inhabitants who might tell tales.

But even if that wasn’t enough, Adolf overlooked one teensy-weensy matter. Schicklgruber. What’s in a name? Well, grube seems to mean pit, hollow, or mine. Makes sense. After all, you get grubby if you go into a pit or mine. Especially if you are a ‘gruber’ or miner.

And Schickl? Well, this could be Chic, like well dressed. But well-dressed miner?? Who has ever seen a well-dressed miner? Not for working in a mine you don’t. Imagine the scenario with his wife. ‘Liebschen, ich bin going off to the mine in my best suit, ja?’ (excuse the Germanglais). ‘Nicht on your nelly, mate!’ she would reply, or something like that.

I have seen on the internet a translation that Schicklgruber means ‘posh valley’. Bollox to that. Valley is ‘tal’ in German. Or maybe ‘senke’ like sink, which is something you put things down, or to sink down. Like a valley. Somebody is trying to hide something.

Schickl sounds like shekel. Which is Hebrew or Jewish. And the currency of Israel. Well, New Shekel anyway. So we have shekelgruber, or as shekel is money, moneygrubber, or as gruber is miner, moneyminer. Or as miners dig (like the 7 dwarves), Moneydigger. Or as gold is used as money, Golddigger.

So, even if you are blind to the obvious ‘I’m not Jewish and I will destroy anybody who says otherwise’ ploy, you have this to tease you. Together with the so-called rumours. No smoke without fire.

So dear old Adolf was instrumental in the extermination of his own relatives, as it were. Nice man, wasn’t he. Make a great uncle, eh? Baby sit the children.

Sorted that one then. That he was Jewish I mean. Of course, he hung out with Eva Braun, a good Catholic girl apparently. And at the end of the war, they are supposed to have shot themselves. And were cremated, albeit not completely, that is there were remains. Rumours had it that they actually escaped. But they are just rumours. Probably.

Personally, given the current lockdown I think they must have escaped. And bred. Thousands. After all, look at all the mini-Hitlers around the world today. Especially in the UK. I mean take Scotland, for example. They have the Scottish Nazi National Party. And with Nicola Sturgeon, following on from Alex Salmond, I mean its all rather fishy, isn’t it?

That’s an old one I’m sure. To be honest, I think all Nicola wants is a baby. She has spoken about her miscarriage. Of course I could be wrong. Yes, poor Nicola Ferguson Sturgeon. That’s her full name according to Wikipedia. Nicola Ferguson Sturgeon. Ah well….

Hang on. Ferguson. I’ve heard that name before somewhere. Ferguson, Ferguson…. let me think…. Nope. It’ll come to me I’m sure.