The Falklands War: 2nd April to 20th June 1982

By Baldmichael Theresoluteprotector’sson

27th June 2022

Updated 29th June further links.

This took place 40 years ago so rather interesting given that I have noted that WW2 took place 80 years ago and the American Civil War (ACW) took place 160 years ago. So double the time, then double again.

Or perhaps as I noted WW2 first (80 years) then the ACW (160 years) and finally the Falklands War (40 years) ago, that might be time, times and half a time…..Mmm…..very interesting.

Anyway, I am here to look at the Falklands and the war against Argentina who invaded the islands.

I had thought I might do some general background on the islands and the history but others have done things and for the time being I don’t see the point. This Wikipedia link gives useful information if you need it.

As with other battles/wars I have covered so far, I will do my usual play on words and unusual humorous approach. I will probably not include text from the Wikipedia page except where I think it will be particularly useful. I hope therefore you won’t get completely lost in the tangled web of words I weave.

I have decided to use extensive footnotes that you can refer to as required to clarify the persons and places alluded to, although it won’t be slick like Wikipedia I am sorry to say. I won’t  number them yet, but may try and do it later after posting.

Please note I do not intend any disrespect to those who died or fought, merely to show the absurdity of war, how mad things can be, even if it is only how one can use language. After all, it is propaganda and morale that count most to win battles and wars, especially wars of words.

This link forms the basis of my article.

My article may bear some resemblance to the truth but you will need to double check as always. Don’t blame me if you don’t.

1          Prelude

1.1      Failed diplomacy

It all started with a lot of argy-bargy about the Falk Land islands which the Argies or Argy-bargees said were theirs and the islanders saying ‘Oh not their not!’

To which the Argies replied ‘Oh yes they are!’ or I believe ‘Oh si ellas son!’ in Span-ish, the language of the Argentine. This went on for a while.

The Foreign Office in the UK thought the islands were a pain and would have happily seeded them (what type of seeds is not specified).

I should mention that the Falk Lands were called that because they were discovered by Peter Falk who came from Columbo in Sri Lanka, formerly Ceylon.

In 1980 a knickerless Ridley (no relation to Arnold Ridley of Dad’s Army fame I believe) tried to sell the islanders the idea of a leashback. This was not welcomed as the Bright-ish had a strong sovereignty claim and anyway the islanders wanted to stay Bright-ish and not be dumbed down by being Argy.

Or indeed be tied to Argentina with a leash.

Apparently, Mr Ridley said if we don’t do something they will invade and there would be nothing the Bright-ish could do if they did.

Understandable perhaps, but underestimated the Royal Navy and the capacity of the Bright-ish to be, well bright.

1.2      The Argentine junta

In Argentina there was a junta, pronounced something like hunda or Honda. So either like a German dog (a hund) or a Japanese car then.

The junta, hunda or Honda had a general leopard Guilty-hairy, a hair bridge-a-dear Basil-Low Lamby Dozy and an admirable Georgy Annoyer. The last mentioned was the driving force behind the Argies decision to invade, i.e. he was the driver of the Honda.

They wanted to mobilise the Argies people’s Pat Riot Feelings, whoever he was, and divert attention from the chronic economic problems and human rights violations.

So similar today with José Bideniosodimos (sic) in the USA with the Russia/Ukraine situation.

Or Justine Turdos in Canada.

Or Boris ‘Karloff’ Johnson & Johnson in the UK.

Or Emmanuelle ‘Oh God, is he still with us?’ Machronicos in France.

Anyway, it all kicked off with an ‘invasion’ of South Georgia by some Argy Crap Metal merchants (Crap Metal is a form of Heavy Metal music, but crap of course) who had been infiltrated by some marines. The Crap Metal guys were too stoned to notice.

By the way, South Georgia is not part of the state of Georgia, despite what many people in the USA probably think. Many citizens in the USA think nothing much exists outside their country. There is also a Georgia in the Caucasus, south-eastern Europe.

And this has nothing to do with the caucus in Georgia, state of, please note.

South Georgia is on the map earlier. If anyone in the States wants to know where the state of Georgia is they must also look on another map.

The date of the ‘invasion’ was the 19th March. A covert opera-shun known as Covert 19. A similar thing happened around this date 38 years later called something quite like that, but I don’t recall exactly at the moment.

If anybody is mad enough to want to listen to some Crap Metal music here is a link.

Yes, well, completely crap that was.

2          Argentine invasion

The Argies just barged into the Falk Lands without a ‘by your leave’ as bullies usually do.

This was met by a robust defence by some Royal Marines led by a Mike Norman. Well, I may not have Norman blood in me but he was a Michael so a good man with a good name (I may be biased, although my birth name is not Michael). The Marines were supported by some Falk Land islanders.

The Argies landed some Ann Fibbious Come-and-dos. Ann Fibbious was well known for her awful lies or fibs so reports of only a few casualties on the Argies side were made up.

The Come-and-dos were led by a left-ten-ant come-on-dear Guillemot Sandwiches-Sabotrots or G.S.S. The S.S. may be significant given that many Nazis fled to Argentina after World War Two.

The Come-and-dos successfully attacked an empty Moody Baraks, possibly related to Barak O’Barmy in the USA.

Eventually they attacked the government house belonging to Stanley and lived in by the de facto ‘king’ of the islands, a Sir Rex Hunt. Rex is ‘king in Latin of course. As he didn’t want people’s lives to be wrexed (sic), let alone the house, he Sir-rendered, as sirs will do if necessary to avoid unnecessary bloodshed.

2.1      Initial British response

Prior to the invasion the Bright-ish mini stars being reasonably bright decided to send a ‘thought’ called Austin to support the End-your-rants already telling the Argies to stop ranting and to, in navel terms, bugger off back home before we come and biff you one.

No doubt they may have been more diplomatic than that.

Anyway, a new clear Spartan submarine was also sent which was simple and severe, together with a splendid submarine which was simply splendid or spiffing as the Bright-ish were used to saying.

Another submarine which was even better, or superb, went from the altar of G.I. bra where it was enjoying itself. But it wasn’t really going to the Falk Lands as the weather down there wasn’t nearly as great.

But it was useful to pretend it was as this helped put the wind up the Argies.

The next day there was a cry sis meeting headed by the prime mini star Maggie the Thatcher (also known as the ‘Maggie’) who said the invasion was the last straw which she needed to complete the roof she was working on.

An admirable Leech said that Bright-Ann (where the Bright-ish lived) could and should send a task farce to the islands if invaded. On the 1st April he sent orders to a Royal Navel farce which was carrying out excises in the middle of the rainy Ian to prepare to sail south. This was no April Fool of course.

Following the invasion on the 2nd April and after the mini stars looked at a cabinet approval was given for a task farce to retake the islands. This was supported by Ann Emergency who was sitting in a house not far from where the cabinet was.

News of the invasion first reached the UK via an Argy sauce. A BBC journalist called Lorry My-Goal- is (whose ambition was presumably to own a lorry), confirmed with Ann Islander that the Argies farces had taken control of the islands.

The military operations in the Falk Lands War were given the code name opera-shun Cor-poo-rat as the Argy rats had invaded and needed expelling as they were putting poo all over the place. The Come on dear of the Bright-ish farce was to be an admirable surgeon Fieldmouse.

On the 6th April the Bright-ish government (when Bright-ish governments were still reasonably bright) set up a whore cabinet to help prostitute the whore. Apparently the Maggie dominated the whore cabinet (like a dominatrix) but did not ignore the opposition or fail consult others.

Once a decision was reached, she did not look back. Reminding one of the proverbs of not looking back if you are ploughing in a field as your furrows will wobble.

2.2      United Nations Security Council Resolution 502

On the 31st March , the Argies ham-bass-a-door to the UN, an Edward Rocker, attempted to garner support against a Bright-ish Millie Terry Bill Dupp whoever he was. This was to try and thwart earlier UN resolutions which called on both countries to resolve the conflict via discussion.

On the night of the invasion Mr Rocker held a blanket at his house for the US ham-bass-a-door to the UN, a Gene Curt-Pat-Rick and high officials in the US to try and open the door to influencing them against the UK. Understandably, the Bright-ish Di-Plough-Matts were suspicious of Pat Rick.

At the time ‘She was known for the “Kirkpatrick Doctrine”, which advocated supporting authoritarian regimes around the world if they went along with Washington’s aims. She believed that they could be led into democracy by example. She wrote, “traditional authoritarian governments are less repressive than revolutionary autocracies.”’


This seems naïve in reality. They are both as bad/good as each other. After all, they do produce a stability of sorts, but ultimately are ungodly and are oppressive, rule based, with limited flexibility.

And don’t forget the Nazis and Marxists/communists all came out of Germany.

On the 1st April the Don of Lon told the UK ham-bass-a-door to the UN who was also a Parsons (or Parsons unknown), that an invasion was imminent  and he should call an Ur gent (a man from Ur of the Chaldees) to a meeting of the Security Council to get a favourable resolution against Argentina.

The parson had to get nein affirmative votes, i.e. ‘yes’ votes from the 15 council members and to avoid a blocking vote from the other four permanent members.

Following the meeting a re-solution 502 was adopted (as it was all on its own having lost its parents) by 10-1, or 12.50pm. This meant the meeting took about 1 hour 50 minutes as it started at 11a.m New York time.

Pan-a-ma voted against as she had lost her hat, let alone her marbles.

I gather Russia and China abstained as someone might have asked awkward questions about Afghanistan and Tibet.

The re-solution stated 5 things that the council was;

    1. Deeply disturbed at reports of an invasion on 2 April 1982 by armed forces of Argentina – they hadn’t been there themselves so they could be sure it had really happened of course.

      Unlike today in Russia/Ukraine where a majority in the west assume everything is happening as the West’s MSM is reporting;

    2. Determining that there exists a breach of the peas in the region of the Falk Land Islands (Isla’s Mal Vinas), i.e the Argies were taking the peas (sic);

    3. Demands an immediate cessation of host utilities;

    4. Demands an immediate with drawal of all Argy farces from the Falk Land Islands (Isla’s Mal Vinas), i.e. get their draws or pants out of there pronto or face a good kicking in the pants (or draws);

    5. Calls on the Governments of Argentina and the United Kingdom to seek a diplomatic solution to their different fences and to respect fully the purposes and principles of the carter of the U-knitted Nations, i.e. what they already being trying to do for decades.

Please note that the carter of the United Nations is abbreviated CUN, in other words defining what states cun do. Or cunt do. The Argies were being told in effect you cunt do this. Or something like that.

I believe cun do and cunt do are Esperanto for can and can’t do by the way.

Anyway, this was a significant Wynn for the UK (Wynn is a fine upstanding Welshman I know). The Parson who was not daft had submitted a draft re-solution, avoiding any reference to the dispute over the sovereign tea (Argentina liked coffee, the Bright-ish liked tea).

Instead it focused on the Argies breach of Chapter VII of the UN carter which forbids the use of farce to settle disputes. The Bright-ish could then have some exercise on the islands and get them back by Milly Terry means or any other ladies who fancied the challenge.

2.3      Argentine occupation

The Argies had marked the ears of a unit of 1,000 conned scripts who had been specially selected (yeah, yeah, tell us another one) to represent all Reg Ians of Argentina. They were flown into Stanley’s hairport as soon as the runaway had been cleared of dead hares (sic).

Once it was obvious the Bright-ish were sending their own Ann Fibbious farce, more tropes were sent, meaning Gary’s sons on the island were about 13, 000. He had a lot of sons did Gary.

A bridge-a-dear general Mary-ho Ben-jamming Men-end-Des was appointed by the Milly Terry to be the guvnor of the Mal-viners, which is what the Argies called the Falk Lands.

During the conflict, the population were not generally abused. However, the Argies M.P.’s (Milly Terry’s Police, not members of parliament) arrived with detailed files on many islanders…….excuse me while I am sensible for a bit.

WTF! (What’s Those Files?). What pray had the Argies being doing?? They had clearly been planning the invasion for some time and spying on people. Excuse my language, but what Nazi little buggers they were (bugging people’s conversations/correspondence no doubt).

These files allowed a major Patricia Dow Ling (probably of Chinese extraction) to arrest and interrogate islanders who might lead opposition to the invasion.

Some were expelled but this was counter-productive as they were able to tell the UK what was going on.

I gather the population of Goose Green were detained in the village hall in squalid conditions. If anyone has seen the mess geese can leave you will understand the problem. Similar detentions were given in other out lying settlements. These allegedly included writing 100 lines saying ‘I will not tell the truth about the Argies invasion’. 

In one case an islander died because his medication was denied him. Not unlike in the first lockdown in the UK when people were denied access to care homes and excess deaths were around 30,000. What really happened, eh?

In the closing moments of the war, it is reported that some tropes placed booby traps in civilian homes (presumably to catch the tits referred to later in section 3.), put crap on walls (remember it was opera-shun Cor-poo-rat’s role to remove the poo of the rats), destroyed property and committed Orson (Welles and others) on Holmes (Sherlock and others).

There is a photo in the Wikipedia article where the words ‘Inglese puto’ which the article says ‘…is an insult against people considered weak, unmasculine and contemptible.’ The article writer is being coy

Put the text into Google Translate (Spanish to English) and see what it comes up with.

Some Argy officers were accused of torch-uring their own tropes. Food parcels sent by families were stolen, tropes starved, and punished for minor misdeeds by being steaked (Argentina is known for its beef) to the ground and lie in pools of water for hours. Many were reported to have died of mistreatment by those officers responsible for them.

Some patients in hospitals have been left like that apparently.

And not dissimilar to the stupidity of some care homes that still lockdown the elderly in their care. This is mental abuse pure and simple, Covid 19 is the ‘flu and they are not vulnerable to it, but they will suffer if this cretinous stupidity continues.

It is, was and always will be guidance from the government, so kick these care home owners good and hard from me please. And then bring them to justice for their evil practices.

As for the hospitals, watch this space.

2.4      Shuttle diplomacy

On the 8th April, an SoS was sent in the form of a Haig (a type of Whisky) from the USA arrived in Lon Don on a shuttle from the president Ronald Ray-Gun, to break a peas deal.

He then went to Ben-hos-Hairies the capital of Argentina. There he was met by the Honda and Nick-can-or Costa Lot-to-mend-it. Haig was treated coolly (whisky on ice) and told that the Argies sovereignty was a pre-condition. In other words, they weren’t interested in talking.

He went back to Lon Don and found the Bright-ish cabinet in no mood to compromise, i.e. they did not wish to dilute their whisky.

Apparently, general Guilty-hairy was going to make a concession to the Haig (remove the ice in it), but this was cancelled. The Ray-Gun administration then said on the 30th April they would support the UK, with ray guns etc.

3          British task force

The bright-ish government had no contingency plan to invade the islands. As the islands belonged to the UK this is a bit odd to expect a plan for the UK to invade its own land.

After all, an Englishman’s home is his castle, and one doesn’t expect Johnny Foreigner to try and barge in without an invite, don’t yer know.

Anyhow, needs must, so they assembled whatever was to hand and had a good name. So they had a new clear submarine called Conqueror, a couple of haircraft carriers, the Invincible (which couldn’t be conquered) and the Her me’s, a sort of version of the #her-me’stoo movement.

Then there was the SS Canned bra to deal with the tits who had invaded the islands (it is quite cold down there in the southern hemisphere so these were probably blue tits).

The SS tag was to confuse the Argies who had a number of ex-Nazi SS officers in the nation.

Queen Elizabeth was also requisitioned; I do hope they asked her first. And I do hope they made provision for the Royal Wee.

The retaking of the islands was considered extremely difficult. A her-man said that the US Navy thought it a Milly Terry impossibility. Got that wrong then.

The Bright-ish were limited by the amount of hair cover. I know the feeling; I have my bald patch. However, they did have 42 haircraft, so as this is the ultimate answer to the ultimate question, obviously 42 were going to be sufficient. The Hitchhiker’s Guide had been written by then, so it should have been clear.

The haircraft were Hairyers so most suitable for Haircraft operations. The Argies had 122 haircraft.

However, the Bright-ish lacked AEW, i.e. a ew, or ewe, an early warning sheep.

By mid-April, the the Royal Hair Farce had set up a hairbase on Ascension Island where Jesus allegedly ascended. Whilst He could walk on water, the island is in the middle of the Atlantic and it seems an awfully long way to go just to be taken into heaven, so I discount this theory.

The base had a large force of Vulcan bummers who were visiting, having been on a star trek. They were also some handy page Victors for re-fooling and some Dug Less phantoms which you couldn’t always see, but were there nevertheless.

N counters began in April. The Bright-ish task farce was shadowed by 707 boing haircraft which is a lot of planes.

The boings were not attacked because they kept bouncing up and down and were difficult to hit. On the 23rd April a DC 10 (possibly from Washington DC) was intercepted by Bright-ish hairyers who visually identified the civilian plane.

It is reported they said “Ooh, look, there’s a civilian plane, I can tick that off my bucket list”.

3.1      Recapture of South Georgia and the attack on Santa Fe

South Georgia is not part of the state of Georgia, despite what many people in the USA probably think. Many citizens in the USA think nothing much exists outside their country. There is also a Georgia in the Caucasus, south-eastern Europe.

And this has nothing to do with the caucus in Georgia, state of, please note.

South Georgia is on the map earlier. If anyone in the States wants to know where the state of Georgia is they must also look on another map.

Anyway, there was Opera-shun Paraquat or possibly Parakeet designed to take out the Argy-bargees who had taken the island. By the way paraquat is neuro-toxic as it contains nitrogen in its molecular formula which is why it is such a problem to people and animals.

And therefore should not be used, period. Or full stop.

The force to take back the island was under the command of a major guy,  a great guy that is, called Sherry Dan RM. Rather odd to have initials after your name, but never mind. Or indeed a first name Sherry. Sounds more like a girl’s name like Sherry Bliar, Toe-knee Bliar’s wife.

The force he commanded was some Marines from 42 come-and-do. There you are, 42 again. Do think up a suitable question to go with this answer.

They needed a Special Air Service to get there as well as a Special Boat Service. This was because the island is a long way from the Falklands, and they couldn’t make up their minds whether to fly or go by ship.

However, they decided to go on the next RFA spring tide. Part of the force included a Church-hill sub-marine as sending in the Christians first seemed like a good idea. They could spy out the land like the selected Israelites who went into the Promised Land to see what was going on before the invasion by the main Israelite force.

The island was over-flown by a handy page Victor haircraft which happened to be handy, i.e. available.

The S ‘a’ S and the S ‘b’ S tropes got onto the landing on the 21st April, but a Miss Ion on the Four Tuna glazier had to be drawn again after two of Ellie’s copters crashed in the high winds in the bog. I know the problems of wind in the bog all too well.

On the 23rd April an alert sub marine was sounded and opera-shuns shunned. The spring tide receded to deeper water as spring tides do. However, on the 24th April the Bright-ish farces re-groped through the bog or fog and headed in to a tack.

On the 25th April, the fey Santa was spotted on the surface by a West Land  Wes sex, which has a Mark 3 Ellie’s copter, from Ann Trim, a neat lady. The West Land Wessex attacked Santa with depth charges, i.e. he was charged with multiple crimes, including deceiving the masses at Christ-mass.

Ply-mouth, a multi-layer mouth sent a Mark 1 wasp for its lunch whilst someone brilliant sent a Mark 3 wildcat or Lynx.

The lynx threw its lunch, a torpedo, and stray fed Santa with its pintail. This was a case of pinning the tail on Santa, not the donkey. The Wes sex also attacked Santa with its GP. Nice to know GP’s have their uses, although sadly my local surgery’s variety not much good at dealing with diseases.

The wasp from the ply-mouth was joined by two other wasps for some stinging remarks about Santa’s costume, and scored some hits leaving their mark. All these marks, including mark 1, 2 & 3 were to become known as the marks of the best of course.

Santa was so affected by these marks that he was considered ‘sleigh-n’ (sic) and had be abandoned at the King Edward point where the potatoes were grown on Georgia (south).

As the spring tide had now receded far out to sea, and the Argies augmented by the Santa’s crew, Sherry Dan decided to gather the 76 men he had make a direct ass halt. After a short March (although it was now April), and a demon station by two navels (the belly dance), the Argy-bargees, a total of 190 men surrendered.

The navel force sent a massage to the Queen saying in essence that the white N-sign (this was not considered racist in those days) flies alongside the onion jack in South Georgia.

The prime mini ster, Maggie the Thatcher, broke the news. Once it was repaired, she told the me-dear “Just re-Joyce at the nudes and congratulate our farces and the marines!”

Or something like that.

Which shows it’s a great idea to send the marines which Tom Lehrer sung about.

Sadly, the USA has done this for years. These words are relevant.

For might makes right,

And till they’ve seen the light,

They’ve got to be protected,

All their rights respected,

Till somebody we like can be elected.

3.2      Black Buck raids

These started on the 1st May (no relation to Theresa) and involved a Vulcan called Spock. It had been speculated that the intervention of Spock could attack the runaway Stanley. Dropping some bombs to speckle the runaway with holes would reduce the capacity of the runaway to have hair craft use it.

In other words create bald patches on the runaway.

It certainly was a bald move, and involved a round trip journey of 8, 000 naught-tickle miles, despite the fact it was a ticklish exercise to carry out.

Spock ‘flu (said to be a pre-curser of Covid 19 which Spock said was logical) all the way and required re-fooling by victors who had won previous battles.

Apparently they had all been up K-2, a mountain in the Himalayas. Personally, I think it has more to do with the vitamin that goes well with vitamin D-3 to reduce the risk of furring the arteries, but that is just my opinion.

Although the Wikipedia link says that there were 5 raids, in fact there were 7 attempts.

3.3      Escalation of the air war

The Falk Lands had three hairfields where hair could be done. The biggest was owned by a Stanley who went looking for a Living Stone in daftest Africa I believe.

However, the hair field was too short to support fast gits. Therefore the Argy-bargees had to lunch with Major Strikes on the main land. This made their picnic hampers difficult to organise, let alone their wombat hair patrols and close hair support, i.e. they found it difficult to comb the hairy-yah.

Incoming Argy haircraft couldn’t loiter for long as otherwise they would get home loiter than was desirable. They were often compelled to attack the first target of opportunity rather than the most lucrative, which normally meant attacking a dead sheep. Quite baa-me of course.

The first Major Strike of the Argy’s was some sky hooks, some daggers, some English electric canned bras (the mind boggles) and some mirages which turned out to be just that.

Only the daggers found some ships firing at the fences near the islands.

Some C Hairyers and some mirages had a fight. But they refused to fight at the others best attitude. Then two mirages appeared and one was shot down by a side ‘winder’, a window on the side, whilst the other escaped but was damaged and made for Stanley.

This fell into the fire of the Argy-bargees so that was the end of that.

As a result of this experience, the Argy’s Hair Force stuff decided to only send skyhooks and daggers with their teams on strike. The canned bras were only to be used at night (the mind still boggles at this), and the mirages used as decoys. Seeing as mirages don’t exist in reality, this makes sense.

 They also decided to form up a squat Ron Phoenix, which would fly 24/7 to stimulate strikes. One of these a leering jet was shot down, killing the squat Ron in control, a commode of vice, God awful Della Colin. Roughly translated this means ‘King of the Hill’.

This is allegedly what he looked like. Can’t see it myself.

Stanley was used as a strong point, poor chap. Despite raids on him and some overnight shelling which drove him nuts as his shells were removed, he was never out of the action.

Anyway he had Sam Roland and Sam ‘Tiger’ Cat to defend him, together with some canons from the Roman Catholic Church. These were the Law family.

Hercules also came along to lend a hand.

I gather that there was more than one Hercules (understood to be Hercules Pilate) who got lost when he saw a hairyer when looking for the Bright-ish fleet and after Neptune got tired and unreliable.

Apparently, the Bright-ish looked at attacking the Rio Grand  ‘A’ with a light opera-shun called the Mick-Ado, but this was discounted, by how much we don’t know. Buy One Get One Free perhaps.

Anyway, they hoped the Argies would just BOG OFF.

3.4      Sinking of ARA General Belgrano

On 30 April, the British government had brought into force a 200 nought tickle mile erogenous zone, where no tickling was allowed in case someone’s fancy was tickled I suppose.

The admirable Annoyer had given his whore ships three tasks.

The first was to protect the haircraft carrier Vein-tick-in-co de Mayo (a type of salad dressing) and two old Miss Aisled Ahmed des-Troyers from Troyes in France.

The second was to protect three Mod Urns, a type of frig Gates. I gather some people nowadays are saying frig Gates for some reason. I thought frig was like fridge, but I gather that’s not the case. I don’t get out much.

The third was an old light bruiser from WW2, a veteran, called generally Belle Gran-O. She was old, hence gran, short for grandmother, but beautiful apparently. Her large buns (ehem) and heavy amor (she was very amorous) made her a serious threat, a distraction to all the men it the Bright-ish forces.

She had two young escorts, a type of 42 please note, armed with avocet Miss Isles. She was an accompanying ‘bird’ or female.

Now on the first of May, the Bright-ish new clear powered submarine HMS Conqueror found the Belle Gran-O and her escorts and followed it until it was just outside the erogenous zone.

The admirable Wouldwood was aware of the carrier group from the other direction and ordered the bruiser be attacked in case he got pinched. However, he didn’t know that the carrier Vein-tick-in-co de Mayo did not have enough wind for lunch. Should have tried vol-au-vents then, as this means in essence ‘Fly in winds’.

The order to sink the Belle Gran-O was confirmed by the whore cabinet in London and the Belle Gran-O was hit by two torpedoes which sunk her.

I gather some Latin American countries were critical but that is just typical, the usual hypocrisy. There have been consistent problems with the politics of these countries over the years.

Despite the criticism, it eliminated the naval threat as the Argy-bargees returned to port (i.e. the left) and did not leave port again during the fighting.

The only exception was the sane Loo-ee a dies-el, or dead submarine angel.

The controversy over the Bell Gran-O and whether she was manoeuvring or sailing away from the erogenous zone was settled by the captain Heck-tor Bonzo (a member of the Bonzo Dog Gaga Band) when he said she had orders to put any Bright-ish ship she found in the drink.

There was a separate incident when the Bright-ish were engaged to an Argy-bargee called Alf-here-is So-ber-all. A couple of lynxes slinked in and fired four skewers at him which sobered him up a bit. He also turned to port.

I gather Alf was looking for the canned bra but never found it.

3.5      Sinking of HMS Sheffield

On the 4th May the Bright lost the chef, a Mrs Field who was more simply known as Chef Field. She was typing 42 at the time whilst cooking on a gas primus stove.

She was struck by an avocet which knocked over the stove and set fire to her apron. She then panicked as people do such as in a pandemic, and ran over a cliff.

This was not Cliff Richard who was in Portugal at the time allegedly, but the more common sea side variety.

It appears Chef Field was typing out three 42’s in total, making 126, although whether this is significant is debateable.

It seems this all had to do with providing a medium high attitude for a Miss Isle Piquet for the Bright-ish Haircraft Carriers. Perhaps a bouffant style, or beehive, I don’t know.

Apparently Chef Field was struck amid-ships or in the stomach which was clearly devastating. I gather Chef Field was gutted by the experience, with the fire deforming her.

Severely affected by the trauma, they decided to take her to the Ascension where Jesus ascended, or to Yarmouth in the Isle of White, but sadly she sank and expired.

The incident is described in detail by the admirable Sandy Wouldwood who was once in charge of Miss Field. Her loss had a profound impact of the cabinet owned by the Bright-ish people and the people as a whole, as they realised that going to war actually meant people might get hurt.

Fairly obvious that, but people are a bit slow sometimes.

Like when sticking vaccines into human arms when it is likely to cause harm or even death.

3.6      Diplomatic activity

In the first half of May, which is M plus a half of the ‘a’ which doesn’t signify anything in my books, the United Onions were tempted to meditate on a piece. This was rejected by the Argy-bargees.

The Bright-ish made a final offer to the Argies by a general pay rise in a cellar. The Bright-ish had a band on a red line; what type of band it was it not known.

Anyway it had something to do with the drawls of the Argies and that the Bright-ish administration of the Falk Lands should be re-stored once the Argies had finished drawling.  The United Onions thought this a good idea.

I gather the Bright-ish proposed the fairly bright idea that a United Onion administrator should souper-vies the mew-two-owl with drawls of both the Argy-bargees and the Bright-ish farces. He or she would then govern the islands with the representative institutes including the Argies although none of the Argies actually lived there.

This seems like bending over and asking to be walloped or something worse, but the Argies didn’t think much of that. Which shows how stupid one can be when you have dug yourself into a hole.

Perhaps they thought possession was nine tenths of the law. They hadn’t reckoned on the Royal Navy and the other one tenth however.

Which is ‘It is ours, we live there and you don’t, and if you don’t shift your backsides promptly we will come and give you a jolly good kicking.’

3.7      Special forces operations

Now, there was a threat to the Bright-ish fleet by a combination of E 10 dards/avocets, so they made plans to fly in some sassy troops to attack home base of Rio Grande (no relation of Ariana Grande) who wore a tiara from Fuego. This was like a cheap jewellery store, a sort of Jewels-R-us if you will.

The opera-shun as previously mentioned was to be called the Mick A Do.

This was scrapped in favour of a plan to use an onyx stone set in rubber inflatables which could be swapped for the tiara, whilst destroying the avocets. The RSPB (Royal Society for Protection of Birds) were understandably upset, but this was war of course.

A sassy team was dispatched for filtrating the sea, a sort of desalination exercise. Bad weather caused a forced landing and Miss I. On was aborted. Whether she had any choice in the matter is debatable.

The pilot of the hilly copter got chilly and dropped off the sassy team. The crew of the hilly copter destroyed it then surrender to the chilly police. Most police are chilly however, it is in the name, pol-ice. This should be obvious I hope.

The sassy team crossed the border and penetrated the Argentina. In a what I don’t know. The Argies suspected something and sent 2,000 tropes to search for them.

The sassy team evaded them and managed to return to the UK. Clever boys, eh?

On the 14th May the sassy team carried out a raid on a pebble in the Falk Lands where amazingly there was a grass strip for a puke area and some mentors. I wouldn’t have thought there would be room myself.

Anyway, this resulted somehow in the destruction of several haircraft.

On the 15th May the S ‘b’ S team were brilliantly inserted in Grantham where the Maggie came from (Lincolnshire) to reckon-oi-tar sane Car-Loss. On the evening of the 20th May an S ‘b’ S trope and Art Hillary were landed in Wes sex to fanny around at a post overlooking the bay (a bring and bay sail). Meanwhile the sassy team carried out a raid on Charles Darwin by saying his theory was a load of bollox.

4          Air attacks

On the 21st May Ann R. Dent was sunk by 9 bums and Anne T eloped with some unexploded bums

The Atlantic conveyor (which carried the Atlantic ocean) was hit by an avocet which caused the loss of some chin hooks and some Wes sex (a new type of gender). Also lost were some runaway equipment intense and very sadly 12 crew.

Also lost was the sister of Chef Field who was sent to Coventry with a broad sward so she wouldn’t be alawn (sic). She had been ordered to act as a D Coy.

The R go nought and the Brillyant were moderately damaged. Many Bright-ish ships escaped being sunk because of limitations imposed by Sir Cumstances on the Argies pilots.

To avoid the highest constipation of Bright-ish hair defences, the pilots released their bums at a very low attitude and hence the bums few-zizzes or snoozes did not have sufficient time to put their arms on.

Without their arms the bums were considered retarded. Some would consider this was obvious; after all if you are bumming around on a beach and don’t anything useful, what is the point in that?

Still, sometimes bumming around is good for relaxing.

I gather the Bright-ish had sold some of their bums to the Argies years earlier as presumably they had plenty to go round.

Anyway, as a consequence many bums did not go off which was just as well as if they had there would have been an awful stink, if you get my meaning.

The pilots should have been aware of this but needing to avoid the high constipation of Sir-Face to hair Miss-Isles, the aunty-haircraft Art Hillary and the Bright-ish C Harriers, many failed to climb to the right height.

In the end the Argies farces solved the problem by making the bums even more retarded.

13 bums hit Bright-ish ships without de-tone-ating. Lord Crag, the tired marshmallow of the Royal Hair Farce is said to have remarked “Sicks butter fuzzies and we would have lots”.

However it should be noted that R Dent and Ann T eloped and were lost despite the bums not exploding. The R go nought was out of action, i.e. there was nought it could do after that.

The Argies lost 22 haircraft in the attack which is a lot.

The admirable Sandy Wouldwood blamed the BBC worldly Sir Vice for disclosing information that led to the Argies changing their retarded bums. Apparently, the worldly Sir Vice reported the lack of destinations after having a brief from a Mod official (as opposed to a rocker I presume).

The admirable Sandy describes the BBC as ‘being more concerned with being “fearless seekers after truth” than with the lives of British servicemen.’

Unlike today when the BBC is lying through its back teeth over such matters as Covdi 19 and vaccines and the Ukraine situation.

And not concerned about the lives of those lost to the vaccines of course.

A kernel ‘H’ Jones, possibly distantly related to Corporal Jones of Dad’s Army fame, also levelled similar accusations after the BBC disclosed the impending attack on a goose at a green.

I am not sure if anyone gave any thought to the cretin at the Ministry of Defence who briefed the BBC.

On the 30th May, two souper E 10 dards (probably related to the retarded bums), one of which had the last avocet, were escorted by four sky hooks with 2 bums on board each one. They were to attack the Invincible.

The Argies intelligence, or A.I., sought to determine the position of the haircraft carriers from an anal-sis of haircraft right flutes. I may have misread that.

However, as the Bright-ish had a standing order that all haircraft should conduct a low-level transit (i.e. a low-load transit van) when leaving or returning to the carriers. This tac-tic, a sort of tik-tok video but not, compromised the Argies attack which focused on a bunch of excorts.

As a consequence two sky hooks were shot down quickly by a Mr C. Dart on board an ex-eater, whilst Ann Avenger (no relation to John Steed) claimed to have shot down the avocet.

The Argies did not cause any damage to the escorts. I understand some Argies still claim to this day that they damaged the Invincible. But it is obvious they cannot have done. After all, there was no point attacking the Invincible as she was, of course, invincible. It’s in the name.

But that’s the Argies for you. There are of course liars, damn liars and certain Argies who claim things without evidence.

Again, this is similar to those today who claim the vaccines do anything apart from harm or sometimes kill people, which they ‘conveniently’ forget to mention.

5          Land battles

5.1      San Carlos – Bomb Alley

There was the Bright-ish Ann-fibious Task Group or BAT group for short under the command of a commode My-call Clap, a distant cousin of the von Claps, a rather nasty disease. This manifested itself in the UK in 2020 when it was called Claps for Caries (sic).

During the night of the 21st May, the BAT flew in as it were by water having mounted an Opera-shun Sutton around sane Car-loss Water. This was on the north-west of the East Falk Land. It faced the Falk Land sound which was rather quiet.

This was a bay, known as Bum Ali, rather like Mohammad Ali, but a bum of course. A bum is a bottom and you may have heard the phrase ‘sounding the bottom’. I hope the relationship is clear.

4,000 men of the Come-and-do Brigaid were put ashore as follows:

A batty lion of 2 pair-o-shoots.

40 come-and-do real marines.

A batty lion of 3 pair-o-shoots.

45 come-and-do’s.

It is notable that the waves of Elsie Yews and Elsie V.Peas were led by a major You-an South-buy-Tallyho who had commanded the Falk Lands detachment on a march from 1978 to 1979 which was a long march.

There were also 42 come-and-do held in reserve on the SS Canned-bra, which is a logical place for those who come and do.

There were also some you-nits from the real artillery and the real engine-ears as well as some armed vehicles put ashore with a round table and mexi-float bhajis, the latter a cross between Indian and Mexican food. 

Some rappy-hair Miss Isles were carried in under the Sea Kings for rabid deployment.

When Dawn arrived the next day, she found they had established a secure beachhead from which to conduct offensive or rude opera-shuns. Brig-a-dear Julie-Ann Tom’s-Sun set up his brig-aid headquarters in Doug’s Outs near sane Car-loss.

5.2      Goose Green

From early on 27 May until 28 May, the second Pa-Rah approached Darwin and attacked him over his theory regarding evolution which they said was a still load of bollox. 

They also attacked Goose Green, having had a gander or look at him first. They had some support from an arrow, a battery and a royal called Art Hillary. Never heard of him personally. After a tough struggle that lasted all night (like Jacob and his dream in the Old Testament), the Bright-ish won the battle, and lots of prisoners were taken

I gather the BBC announced the taking of Goose Green on the BBC World Service before it had actually happened. Had they had a premonition or a hot line to God? The Left-Ten-Ant kernel Jones was sadly killed. He was post humusly  awarded the W.C. for taking all the shit whilst charging the Argy-bargees with GBH (Grievous Bodily Harm).

Post humusly is because he was composted before being awarded and became compost, the usual end of a human body.

With the Argy-bargees out of the way, the Bright-ish could now have a break of the sane Car-Loss beach head before having a loaded March, although of course it was now May.

5.3      Special forces on Mount Kent

In the meantime, 42 come-and-dos prepared to move by Ellie’s copter to Mount Kent, a relation of Clark Kent, a.k.a superman. However, it wasn’t realised that Argy generals were determined to tie down the Bright-ish tropes, using ropes presumably. They sent some blowpipes supplied by Amerindians their own version of come-and-dos and a squat Ron from the National Gender Army Scheme.

Their opera-shun was known as “auto in poo ester”, roughly translated as ‘This car is in deep shit’.

During the next week, the S ‘a’ S and the mounting arctic warfare cads from a come-and-do waged battles in tents with Pat Rolls who had volunteered under a major Oldie Reek-co.

Throughout the 30th May, the raffish hairyers were active over Mount Kent. One of them, a squat Ron leader, a Mr Jerry Pook (nicknamed Pook of Puck Hill), lost his hairyer due to some small arms which were on fire.

Apparently Mr Pook was awarded a Deaf Sea for some reason.

The mounting artic warfare cad ray took the feet off the Argies special farces at the top of the Ma Low house which sounds a little confusing.

13 Argy come-and-dos were trapped in a shep heard’s house where they were fired from doors and windows. They then took refuge in a bed in a stream, presumably dumped there by some yob, after the house caught fire and to put out their own flames I imagine.

They were fighting 19 disguised cads, known as Covert 19, including a Mr Boswell who wasn’t disguised. When their ammunition ran out (where it ran to I don’t know, but it was exhausted getting there) they elected to surrender. They may have held a ballot; fortunately there was no mail-in ballots to distort things, unlike the USA elections in 2020 for example.

Three cad rays were badly wounded. Wikipedia says there were two dead including a left-ten-ant Her-nest Is-pin- O’Sa and a serge-ant Matt-he-owes-Bert (what he owed Bert is not stated).

Quite how the person who made this Wikipedia entry was thinking I don’t know, but ‘including’ is not the right word. If you say there are two dead and you mention two names, then ‘including’ as a word should not be included in the sentence.

Anyway, I gather they were post humusly decorated. This is understandable as having been set on fire, their decorative state would have been very poor.

Of the other Argies, only 5 were not scathing. The Bright-ish mopped up the mess in the house, and a left-ten-ant F. Razor Had-ows carried a large onion flag. Makes you weep doesn’t it?

A one-dead Argie soldier, left-ten-ant Whore-ratio Lost-it-too commented that their escape route would have gone through Had-ows position. This would have hurt them even more as they would have gone ‘Ouch, ow!’ in passing.

The Argies come-and-do tried to rescue the come-and-do company on the Stands-here mountain. They were engaged to some mortars and forced to remove the draws of two sisters. Disgusting I call that.

The leader of the come-and-do company on Stands-here mountain realised his position was un ten able (I assume there were no longer ten of them) and after conferring with fellow officers, the removed their draws. Rather odd, but each to their own I suppose.

The Argys opera-shun saw the use of Ellie’s copter to position and extract petrol; the 601st Combat Aviation Batty Lion (CAB) also suffered from casual ties. If you need to get from A to B you call a CAB of course.

At about 11am on the 30th May a puma was brought down by a Sam who had been fired by Sas whoever Sas.

As bridge-a-dear Tom’s-son said (and I summarise), that it was a good thing he ignored the Northwood HQ’s views that reconnaissance was unnecessary. I would have thought that was very sensible, any wise commander checks the ground before if he can.

This is rather like NHS admin staff working from home or isolated in the ivory tower of an office pontificating about the situation on the wards when they do not understand the true situation. They should try working on the wards themselves, that would make them think straight.

5.4      Bluff Cove and Fitzroy

By the 1st June a further 5,000 Bright-ish tropes arrived and the divisional come-on-dear, a major Germy Moor then had a sufficient farce to be offensive to Stanley.

The Argies had been a salting the Bright-ish navel farces and sadly killed 56. These were 32 Well-ish Gourds (until they were dead of course, then they weren’t well) who had a gala or celebration with a trist ram. This was a sad ram (Trist is ‘sad in Norwegian I gather).

Reminiscent of the Passover when a lamb is slain of course.

According to a sturgeon come-and-dear (no relation to Nicola I trust), one Mr Jolly, 150 men suffered Burns and other Ian Jury’s  in the attack. Well, some people have to suffer all kinds of things whether it is Robbie Burns poetry or Ian Dury’s music.

Personally I quite like some of both, but I can understand those who do not.

Some gourds were sent to support an A.D. Vance in the attack on Stanley. On the 2nd of June a small party was held in a Swan House with a number of West Land scouts in Ellie’s copters. How they got Ellie’s copters in the house as well I have no idea.

They rang up Fitz Roy ahead to check and found that the place was empty of Argies so plenty of space for the party. They came-and-dared a chin hook to ferry another Con tin gent to fit Roy and a gentleman or cove with a bluff exterior who stocked a pleasant port, well worth dinking. As the party was supposed to be secret, the exercise was known as Cove (I.D. 19).

The uncoordinated advance made things very difficult for the poor come-on-dears of the combine opera-shun. They had 30 miles of positions without fences, so might be attacked by the rabid sheep on the islands.

Support could not be sent by hair as the chin nook was already up to its chin in orders. The soldiers could March (although it was June) but their equipment and heavy supplies needed to be Ferried-by-Sea, a small settlement on the coast.

Plans were drawn up for the Well-ish Gourds to march light on the night of the 2nd June (they would need the light to march at night of course), whilst the Scuts Gourds and the second half of the Well-ish Gourds were to be ferried from Sane Car-Loss on the trist ram and a doc called In-tree-peed (as opposed to On-tree-peed).

Political pressure from on high not to risk the In-tree-peed made the commode My-call Clap to alter the plan. I assume those above thought it was a load of clap-trap. However, it meant a much more complicated opera-shun across several nights. A typical example of those above not understanding the risk on the ground, or in this case the sea.

Similar of course to the ignorant NHS administrators working from home or in their offices, not having a clue what it is like to work on the wards.

The attempted overland march by half the Well-ish Gourds failed because they refused a light despite the fact it was dark and couldn’t see where they were going.

They also tried carrying their equipment which presumably including everything plus the kitchen sink. This would have made them sink into Pete Boggs who could be found en-route.

In daylight he is easy to spot because of his green/brown suits by Moss Bros.

Anyway, they returned to Sane Car Loss and then landed at a bluff cove. The trist ram sailed on the 6th June had a gala with Dawn on the 7th June. The senior Well-ish Gourds officer insisted that his tropes should be carried the far longer distance to port (i.e. left) as this would fit Roy, the bluff cove or gentleman.

The alternative was to march via the recently repaired bluff cove’s bridge, the card game he had been playing. This was a round journey of 7 miles, but seems pointless to me a round journey would just bring you back where you started.

Whilst having a gala, there was a stern ramp (I assume Wikipedia means a stern RMP or Royal Milly Terry Policeman) with whom people were arguing. The officers on board were told they could not sail to the bluff cove that day.

They were also told they had to get the men off the ship ASAP as the ships were vulnerable to NME haircraft (the NME or New Musical Express was what one might read whilst waiting to have ones hair done).

The officers refused to take their men off the ship despite a direct order by You-in South-by-Tallyho. The triple barrel name may have been off putting to the Well-ish Gourds who were not keen on double-barrelled names, let alone a triple barrel name.

The longer journey time of the landing craft and the argy-bargy over the process caused Ann E. Normous to delay. This had disastrous consequences as the ships could be seen by Harriet on her mount about 10 miles away.

As the ships had no escorts or indeed hair defence such as hair nets to keep their hair in place, they were sitting ducks for eight Argy sky hooks. They coordinated their attacks with 6 daggers which attacked the Ply Mouth which drew off the hairyers.

As a consequence the gala had three bums dropped on it, and although they didn’t explode, they did set fire to the tables etc, thinking they had dropped in on a beach BBQ and why hadn’t anyone lit the BBQ’s yet.

The trist ram was also hit by bum. Three sea kings and Wes Sex came to the rescue. The three sea kings were of ‘orient are’ fame; they were on the East Falk lands so the link should be clear.

The Bright-ish suffered a lot of casual ties as a right mess was made. The attack on Stanley was delayed by two days.

The disaster was very unpleasant despite the port being pleasant which made one wonder why they bothered going.

Editor’s note; Why, I ask, did the Welsh Guard officers not see sense and seek to unload their troops quickly? Any fool should have seen the ships were vulnerable and surely the Royal Naval officers on board were no fools, were they?

The below gives a fuller discussion.

5.5      Fall of Stanley

On the night of the 11th June, after several days of taking panes out of the windows of Stanley’s house, the Bright-ish farces lunched with a bridge-ade (like lemonade) against a ring on the high ground surrounding Stanley.

Some of the 3 Come-and-dos supported by Royal Navy ships (these were fish ‘n’ chips and brought efficient ships for lunch, or something like that) attacked Harriet on her mount, one of two sisters, and a long Don, a professor from Oxford or Cambridge on a sabbatical.

He was there incognito and was nicknamed ‘long covert’ which reminds me of something again…

At the two sisters the Bright-ish faced resistance to their advances, as one was friendly and the other antagonistic.

The battle with the long Don was the worst (it was rumoured the Don was in fact Richard Doorkins looking at his favourite site Darwin), but eventually resistance was overcome as any fool knows that evolutionary theory is just not feasible.

I mean look at the chaos that ensures when army manoeuvres are not planned and carried out as per orders; it’s not rocket science you know. 

During the battle a glam Morgan was too close to the shore, trying to admire herself in the mirror and got hit by an avocet. However, in the end all adjectives were secured which was great, marvellous, amazing, awesome, excellent, incredible, outstanding, spectacular, stellar, and wondrous. Among others.

The second phase began on the 13th June with two pairs of Ra’s with light armour from the blues (music from Muddy Waters etc) and the royals (Queen Elizabeth the second and her son Andrew) captured the ridge with no wires on it.

The Scuts Gourds captured the Tumble down by climbing up it, but a raid by the S ‘a’ S and the S ‘b’ S was beaten off.

After all this Stanley was getting despondent and gloomy. A private Sent-I-a-go Chorizo  who decide not to keep things to himself said that a plato-on come-on-dear ordered them to take positions in the houses and if a Kelper resists to shot him.

However, they didn’t, so the Argies’ conscripts were being sensible.

By the way a Kelper is someone who needs kelp as per the Beatles song ‘Kelp!’

I gather the Will I am was attacked by some burqas but this ended in Aunty Climax when the positions were found to be deserted, i.e. dried up.

A cease fire was declared on the 14th June and Maggie the Thatcher announced that surrender negotiations would be commenced and she could get that last straw at last to finish the job she was on.

As a side note, it is rumoured that a Dr Livingstone with the Bright-ish farces was able to approach Mr Stanley and say ‘Mr Stanley I presume’.

5.6      Recapture of South Sandwich Islands

This was straightforward. The Argies had pinched the Bright-ishes sandwiches and the Bright-ish took them back. They had tried talking to the Argies but that hadn’t worked. Probably had tried speaking very loudly as many Bright-ish do when on holiday.


To which the Argies replied ‘Qué?’

6          Position of third-party countries

Having dealt with the silly bit, let’s have a more sensible look at the final items.

6.1      Commonwealth

Many were supportive of UK, especially New Zealand and Australia.

6.2      France

The French were generally very cooperative with UK. John Nott the British Defence Secretary, had described France as Britain’s ‘greatest ally’.

However, a French technical team, employed by Dassault and already in Argentina, remained there throughout the war despite the presidential decree. The team had provided material support to the Argentines, identifying and fixing faults in Exocet missile launchers.


John Nott, when asked if he felt let down by the French said “If you’re asking me: ‘Are the French duplicitous people?’ the answer is: ‘Of course they are, and they always have been”.

Personally, I think this is very unfair. But some French certainly have been duplicitous. It is usually the politicians and diplomats but you find such people in all walks of life.

I note that Dassault was founded by a man with Jewish ancestry who converted to Roman Catholicism.  

6.3      United States

Tried to promote diplomacy but eventually realised Argentina weren’t interested. Supported the UK.

6.4      Other OAS members

6.4.1  Cuba

Tried to get support for Argentina despite apparent disparity in left leaning vs. right leaning politics.

6.4.2  Peru

Supported Argentina, and tried to smuggle Exocets to them.

6.4.3  Chile

Due to long-standing tensions with Argentina , Chile supported the UK.

6.5      Soviet Union

Technically neutral, but critical of UK.

The Soviet Union did mount some clandestine logistics operations in favour of the Argentinians.

6.6      Spain

Ambiguous, reflecting the fact that Spain founded Argentina as a country but part of what was the EEC at the time.

I would point out that Spain colonised Argentina, so complaining about the Falklands as a British colony is mere hypocrisy.

6.7      Other countries

6.7.1  EEC

Generally supportive of UK.

6.7.2  Republic of Ireland

Generally supportive, but Charles Haughey who led the government at time, decided to oppose EEC sanctions on Argentina. This was seen as opportunistic rather than anything else.

6.7.3  Israel

Apparently advising Argentina in secret and may have sold some supplies.

6.7.4  Sierra Leone

Supportive of UK.

6.7.5  The Gambia

Supportive of UK.

6.7.6  Libya

Sent arms to Argentina via Brazil, with Brazil’s knowledge.

7          Casualties


907 killed

1,188 injured or wounded


255 servicemen and 3 female islanders

777 injured

8          Aftermath

It did ultimately result in the fall of the military Junta in Argentina. This can be considered a good thing in my books.

In the UK it boosted support for the Conservative party, and did help to stop the proposed cuts to the Royal Navy.

The Falklands was put more clearly on the map as it were and considerable investment made, which perhaps overall may be considered good for the islands.

Final thoughts and Conclusions

Well, the UK stood up to the Junta bullies and a good thing too.

But some of the war was a complete farce, such as the muck up by the Welsh Guards. And please note, the UN bans the use of farce (sic) in settling disputes!!!

The number 42 comes up a lot, it is quite bizarre. 42 Commandos, Type 42 destroyers, the British having 42 aircraft. What is the likelihood of that being statistically significant I wonder?

Whilst I may be biased, the UK is an island nation, relying on trade and whilst defence is still necessary, we must maintain the Navy above all of the three main armed services, whilst retaining a small but highly professional Army and air force.

But having no war would be far better. Only the arms manufacturers and the shareholders benefit.

I have referred in the main text to Nazis in Argentina. How much did they have a part to play in the affair?

As regards Nicholas Ridley, the Minister of State for Foreign Affairs at the time, he is recorded in Wikipedia thus.

On 13 July 1990, he was forced to resign as Secretary of State for Trade and Industry after an interview was published by The Spectator. He had described the proposed Economic and Monetary Union as “a German racket designed to take over the whole of Europe” and said that giving up sovereignty to the European Union was as bad as giving it up to Adolf Hitler.

I never knew he said this. He was of course quite right. The Germans have been up to their tricks since WW2 as I have already said, albeit strictly it’s the Nazis/Marxists/communists who came out of Germany.

And of course as I have stated elsewhere, the Roman Catholic Church, which has been highly influential across the world especially in Argentina. Francis the current pope is Argentinian.

Editor’s note: since posting this article I have come across this link. It sets out more about how Argentina has been at this for years and still is being a pain. It is shocking the arrogance of it all, but that is the Nazis and the Roman Catholic Catholic for you.

I note too this article from the BBC.

The Argentinians who promote such nonsense about colonisation are hypocrites. Argentina is a colony in South America where indigenous peoples were displaced by the Spanish and the wretched Roman Catholic Church in their quest for gold etc.

And as for Argentina’s President, Alberto Fernandez, you are just doing what your predecessor General Galtieri did; trying to distracte attention form your own economic woes.

I’ll be blunt, you are an evil bastard and no mistake. I am going to have a close look at you. I have already checked Wikipedia out, and its not looking good believe me.

Anyway, finally, we must not forget there are the Jews who say they are Jews but are not, but are of the synagogue of Satan. Cuckoo’s in the nest as it were. And so many are cuckoo or mad!

But then Satan is mad, quite mad.

We are mad if we think wars of wounding and killing ultimately achieve anything except lots of money for those who love it for some reason.

But fight against evil we must, and identifying the true culprits is essential which I why I was prompted to set up this website in 2020. This I and many others are doing, and the more that can join in faithfully in the task the better. Every little helps, nothing good is wasted.

There is still much to do, but I have at least completed this post. Now I really must sort out Neil Ferguson’s. Let me see, where was I…


general leopard Guilty-hairy = General Leopoldo Galtieri

hair-bridge-a-dear Basil-Low Lamby Dozy = Air Brigadier Basilio Lami Dozo

admirable Georgy Annoyer = Admiral Jorge Anaya

Ann Fibbious Come-and-dos = Amphibious Commandos

Left-ten-ant come-on-dear Guillemot Sandwiches-Sabotrots = lieutenant commander Guillermo Sanchez-Sabarots

‘thought’ called Austin = Royal Fleet Auxiliary (RFA) Fort Austin

End-your-rants = HMS Endurance

new clear Spartan submarine = HMS Spartan

splendid submarine = HMS Splendid

superb submarine = HMS Superb

altar of G.I. bra = Gibraltar

admirable Leech = Admiral Sir Henry Leach

middle of the rainy Ian = Mediterranean

Lorry My Goal is = Laurie Margolis

opera-shun Cor-poo-rat = Operation Corporate

admirable surgeon Fieldmouse = Admiral Sir John Fieldhouse

ham-bass-a-door Edward Rocker = Argentine ambassador to the UN, Eduardo Roca

Gene Curt Pat Rick = Jean Kirkpatrick

A Parson = Sir Anthony Parsons

bridge-a-dear general Mary-ho Ben-jamming Men-end-Des = Brigadier General Mario Benjamín Menéndez

major Patricia Dow Ling = Major Patricio Dowling

A Haig = United States Secretary of State Alexander Haig

Nick-can-or Costa Lot-to-mend-it = Nicanor Costa Méndez, Argentina foreign minister

new clear submarine Conqueror = HMS Conqueror

SS Canned-bra = SS Canberra

Queen Elizabeth = ocean liner Queen Elizabeth 2

A her-man = historian Arthur L. Herman

Hairyers = Harrier Jump Jets

Vulcan = Avro Vulcan B Mk 2 bombers

handy page Victors = Handley Page Victor K Mk 2 refuelling aircraft

Dug Less phantoms = McDonnell Douglas Phantom FGR Mk 2 fighters

boing haircraft = Boeing 707

Opera-shun Paraquat = Operation Paraquet

Sherry Dan RM = Major Guy Sheridan RM

RFA spring tide = RFA Tidespring

S ‘a’ S and the S ‘b’ S = Special Air Service and Special Boat Service

Four Tuna glazier = Fortuna Glacier

fey Santa = Argentina submarine ARA Santa Fe

Ann Trim = HMS Antrim

Ply-mouth = HMS Plymouth

someone brilliant = HMS Brilliant

sky hooks = A-4 Skyhawks

daggers = IAI Daggers

English electric canned bras = English Electric Canberras

mirages = Mirage III escorts

a commode of vice, God awful Della Colin = Vice Commodore Rodolfo De La Colina

Sam Roland and Sam ‘Tiger’ Cat = surface-to-air missile (SAM) systems (Franco-German Roland and British Tigercat)

Hercules = Lockheed Hercules transport

Neptune = Lockheed P-2 Neptune

haircraft carrier Vein-tick-in-co de Mayo = ARA Veinticinco de Mayo

Miss Aisled Ahmed des-Troyers = missile-armed destroyers

generally Belle Gran-O = light cruiser ARA General Belgrano

avocet Miss Isles = Exocet missiles

admirable Wouldwood = Admiral Sandy Woodward

sane Loo-ee = submarine ARA San Luis

Heck-tor Bonzo = ARA General Belgrano’s captain Hector Bonzo

Alf-here-is So-ber-all = ARA Alferez Sobral

the chef, a Mrs Field = Type 42 destroyer HMS Sheffield

E 10 dards = Dassault-Breguet Super Étendard

tiara from Fuego = Tierra del Fuego

puke area and some mentors = FMA IA 58 Pucará light ground-attack aircraft and Beechcraft T-34 Mentors

Ann R. Dent = HMS Ardent

Anne T eloped = HMS Antelope

chin hooks and some Wes sex = Chinook and Wessex helicopters

Coventry = HMS Coventry

R go nought and the Brillyant = HMS Argonaut and HMS Brilliant

Lord Crag, the tired marshmallow = Lord Craig, a retired Marshal of the Royal Air Force

kernel ‘H’ Jones = Colonel ‘H’. Jones

Mr C. Dart on board an ex-eater = Sea Dart surface-to air missile from HMS Exeter

Ann Avenger = HMS Avenger

commode My-call Clap = Commodore Michael Clapp

Bum Ali = Bomb Alley

Elsie Yews and Elsie V.Peas = LCUs and LCVPs (Landing Craft Utility and Landing Craft, vehicle, personnel

You-an South-buy-Tallyho = Ewen Southby-Tailyour

mexi-float bhajis = mexeflote barges

rappy-hair Miss Isles = Rapier missiles

Brig-a-dear Julie-Ann Tom’s-Sun = Brigadier Julian Thompson

an arrow, a battery and a royal called Art Hillary = HMS Arrow and artillery support from 8 Commando Battery and the Royal Artillery

auto in poo ester = Autoimpuesta

major oldie reek-co = Major Aldo Rico

Deaf Sea = DFC i.e. Distinguished Flying Cross

mounting artic warfare cad ray = Mountain and Arctic Warfare Cadre

left-ten-ant Her-nest Is-pin- O’Sa and a serge-ant Matt-he-owes-Bert = Lieutenant Ernesto Espinoza and Sergeant Mateo Sbert

left-ten-ant F. Razor = Lieutenant Fraser Haddow

left-ten-ant Whore-ratio Lost-it-too = Lieutenant Horacio Losito

Stands-here mountain = Estancia Mountain

had a gala or celebration with a trist ram = RFA Sir Galahad and RFA Sir Tristram

Well-ish Gourds = Welsh Guards

Scuts Gourds = Scots Guards

A doc called In-tree-peed = HMS Intrepid, Amphibious transport dock

long Don = Mount Longdon

glam Morgan = HMS Glamorgan

Sent-I-a-go Chorizo = Private Santiago Carrizo

P.S. For more wacky looks at battles, do go to the Naff Caff on World Menu on top main bar. Currently you have to scroll down for it or use ‘find’ box inserting ‘Naff’ which will be quicker.

If you are interested in 42 try this.

42 – The Ultimate Answer to Life, The Universe and Everything *

And for more information including photographs which some idea of what happened.

A very sobering documentary.

And this is also fascinating, including an interview with a much younger Joe Biden when perhaps he was sensible!