By Baldmichael Theresoluteprotector’sson
16th December, 2021
N.B. Please note this post may contain a scene of a distressing nature (hint: Joe Biden). Some words may offend (hint: like Joe Biden, but there may be others).
I thought I should update you on what is going on in the UK/world from a UK perspective. For my sins, I have decided to review the headlines from the Daily Telegraph. I find it easier to read in that old fashioned spread sheet paper version than others such as the Times.
I do read other papers though; perhaps I may get a copy of something else and look at that. If it is not worth reading, I can always use it to light a fire.
To be honest, most newspapers are like that. The puzzles sections can be good though. Often the best bit.
All too often nowadays I read things and say to myself as I scan the articles ‘Bollux, bollux, complete bollux, bo…mmm, now that’s interesting, bollux, bollux’ etc. etc.
Anyway, here is a selection of headlines and my perspective/rewrite. Which may or may not be true. But hopefully funnier.
I have the strong suspicion that most of the newspapers are just running April Fool stories, whether or not it is April (which is isn’t today). They have been running them for over 20 months now, every day it seems. Here goes with mine.
Scrap use of BAME Label, race board tells Johnson.
Boris Johnson’s racial disparities commission is apparently to recommend the above. Instead of Black, Asian and minority ethnic it should become Dark, Asian and minority ethnic.
The new acronym will become DAME. This is very suitable as there is ‘nothing like a dame’ according to ‘The South Pacific’, a Polynesian publication.
Whether it will be of any use to the statisticians collecting data is a moot point.
Boris Johnson is alleged to have said he is recommending that the race board should be scrapped as he now realises that there is only one human race.
The Coalition of Race Equality Organisations (Core) has said that it is fearful that the commission could act as a fig leaf for inaction.
God has said fig leaves were never any good for covering up anything sinful. He should know; He was there in the Garden of Eden and He told Adam and Eve the same thing.
Police struggle to fight rise in scam messages from criminal gangs.
This was a misprint, as it should have read ‘Spam messages’.
Monty Python have indicated that spam is wonderful, so what are the police worried about?
Baldmichael has however commented that spam contains sodium nitrite and that is harmful to health, so police are right to be concerned.
Police aware of 7,000 sex reports.
It has been said these reports are issued termly to parents to indicate what sex their child has decided upon during term time. This varies according to the mood of the child and whether they want to get out of a particularly hard piece of homework.
It is not clear why the police should want to know this, but it is believed that this is easier than catching criminals.
However, it is understood that the sex reports are largely logged on line by Soma Sara and her team who set up a website. It has been observed that a large number of the sex reports indicate that the girls involved had got themselves drunk. It is not clear who supplied the alcohol.
The reports do also indicate instances of inappropriate behaviour/inaction by staff and pupils of all sexes.
Baldmichael says this clearly indicates how far society has fallen into chaos as a result of not observing the Most High’s commandments to love God and love their neighbour as themselves.
Illegal on the streets means illegal on line
It is not clear as to the full application of this. For example, it is illegal to urinate or defecate in a public place. This includes the streets.
However, it is quite impossible to urinate on line. I mean how can you urinate from the Cloud?? Mind you, up here on my Cloud if I get caught short I have no toilet to use. So I have to stand or sit (I said sit please note) on the edge and err, well you know.
So should you be standing underneath at the time and the rain seems yellow, then I suggest you seek shelter immediately.
If you should find that there is a sudden hail storm of brown stones then it is probably too late as these tend to come and go suddenly without warning. Best in reality to avoid going under clouds as you never know what might descend.
If you should hear a clap of thunder, this may be me, sorry about that. If it is followed by a warm wind, this can herald the brown stones, so this can be helpful as an advanced warning.
God says He has the same problem which is why in the Acts of the Apostles it talks about a ‘rushing mighty wind’.
Dutch doctors group approves euthanasia for incompetent people.
This is from
It is understood that Dutch doctors have signed their own death warrant as they have become incompetent. Some people are mad.
Mind you, perhaps it’s the Dutch for you. If they can speak Double Dutch what do you expect?
Québec committee supports euthanasia for incompetent people but not for mental illness.
This is from another post on the same site as above.
It looks like the incompetent are in for the chop. I gather Justin Trudeau works in Quebec. So this seems like good news to me. Just make sure he doesn’t cross the border before you get him, will you?
Dutch Cynicism and the Burqa Ban
This is from Zeta Moire. I assume Zeta is a she, but anything is possible nowadays. I assume Zeta is not one of the variants of Covid 19 – see link at end.
Zeta talks about a ‘trans-Western project’. So is this the trans-gender movement behind this?
Anyway, I gather the ban is now in place. Yet apparently face masks are now required?? Wakey, wakey people! Or ‘Wakker worden, Wakker worden’ in Dutch.
This is ‘Wakker worden, Wakker worden, Wakker worden, Wakker worden’ in double Dutch of course, for those that don’t understand Dutch.
Alternatively in another universe this can be anagrammed as ‘wanker worked, wanker worked’.
Or ‘wanker worked, wanker worked, wanker worked, wanker worked’ in double Th’ Cud of course. I don’t know what this may mean. Th’ Cud is the anagram of Dutch in another universe.
France and the Burqa Ban
I understand these are banned in France. But masks are required nowadays??
Wakey, wakey people! Or ‘éveillé éveillé’ in French. This really means come out of the veil like a bride! The bride of Christ!! The bridegroom wants to see your face. Don’t we all.
The following is an extract from the Brittas Empire, a T.V. series in the UK based around the goings on of a leisure centre.
Series 7 (1997)
The Elephant’s Child
Linda finds Tim trying to catch a chill, to avoid the bungee jump
Tim: Gavin thinks I’m tough, but just the thought of that bungee jump scares me to death!
Linda: You’re going to die anyway if you get pneumonia.
Tim: Well, I don’t mind dying of something I’m not scared of.
This reminds me of Covid 19, except that many are very scared of it. It’s only the ‘flu. Get over it. As to how to get over it, see my other pages. Ask if you are stuck.
The key question Joe Biden must answer in his debut UN General Assembly speech Sep 21, 2021 by Frederick L. Shiels
The key question us is ‘where’s wally? or ‘where’s your brain mate?’ It could even be ‘where’s your willy’. But that’s silly, it’s in the middle of Joe Biden’s name, Joe Robinette Biden. See my link for further explanation.
Article by FOX NEWS Adam Shaw: Joe Biden calls son Hunter ‘smartest guy I know’ amid questions over business dealings
This is from The Daily Hatch Oct 29, 2020.
This is rather worrying for a president with no brain. They say that intelligence runs in the family. Along with stupidity.
Intelligence and Joe Biden is an oxymoron. Joe is a moron in need of oxygen. And a brain of course.
Biden Administration Issues Vaccine Mandates Impacting 100 million U.S. Workers. 27 States Sue.
From Time Surf Nov 6, 2021
This is confusing. It seems Sue (whoever she is) states it is only 27 people, not 100 million U.S. workers. There is a discrepancy here. We need a fact checking site to verify the truth. Provided such sites are not biased and are not being paid fat cheques to lie. Anybody checking?
I found this picture of Joe and Jill Biden at a soldiers ‘homecoming’ event. I gather there was a lot of ‘coffin’ going on (no disrespect intended). Coffin is a sign of Covid 19 symptoms, especially when you are dead. Covid 19 responsible for a lot of things, including the brave soldiers who died in Afghanistan as a result of Joe Biden’s incompetence (among other demonrats).
As far as I can tell, Joe may be thinking (I use the term loosely) ‘Where’s my wallet?’ Or maybe ‘is my pacemaker working?’ He needs one, he hasn’t got a heart.
Or ‘It says on my wrist prompter DO NOT LOOK AT WATCH WHEN THE COFFINS FILE PAST!’
I see Jill Biden has her right hand on her left tit. What is her left hand doing? Somebody once said ‘Do not let your right hand know what your left hand is doing.’ Any thoughts as to where it is?
Controlling the string to the right tit I imagine. I mean Joe Biden of course, as he is a right tit.
From Nottinghamshire County Council
Face coverings – these are shown with two handles so that two people can hold them whilst looking lovingly into each other’s eyes. Or pull ferociously in opposite directions if it is the last mask and there is a 0.01 % of dying.
Work from home – if your home doesn’t look like this then you are buggered. If you haven’t got any work you may be buggered. If you are buggered, then…it is probably the government listening in to you. Why, what else does it mean? They have bugged you, er surely?
Covid passes – mandatory in certain settings. If this is a problem to you, change the settings on your phone.
N.B. The picture shows a type of phaser, à la Star Trek. This is to indicate this is phaser 3. The first two phasers are not shown as it is assumed the viewer of the picture is intelligent. Personally, I think pigs might fly myself given what people are doing nowadays.
N.B.B. there are 5 days between phaser 1 and phaser 2. There are 2 days between phaser 2 and phaser 3.
5 + 2 =? Answers on a postcard please. I don’t care where you send it.
It is important to see there is a significant difference in the time lengths between phasers. Why it is important, don’t ask me as I didn’t come up with the stupid poster, the government did.
N.B.B.B. This stands for Nota Bene Bebe. See be-below.
Unvaccinated mothers urge pregnant women to get jabbed
Pregnant women are being urged to get the vaccine by unvaccinated mothers. Why aren’t the nurses doing this? Why should unvaccinated mothers have to do the work?
If the unvaccinated mothers aren’t vaccinated, why aren’t they vaccinated? Are they jealous that someone might have more children than them, so want them poisoned by the Nazi vaccines? I’m confused.
Anyway, I thought everybody was supposed to be a pregnant person nowadays (if they want to be). Or a child rearing person, not a mother which is racist or something like that.
Bloody stupid I call it. I shall self-identify as an invincible mech-warrior or X Terminator, and marmalise the cretinous people who come up with such drivel.
Below is a picture of a pregnant person. I cannot tell if it is male or female. If it is female, it will be a WOMAN. If it is male it will be a MAN. If it is a man, he will have a cushion up his jumper. And something strapped to his chest.
Either that or he has a beer belly, and something strapped to his chest.
N.B. It could conceivably be a woman with a cushion stuffed up her jumper. I don’t know, do I?!
To be continued…
P.S. Do not have any vaccines unless you are into self-harm or like playing Russian roulette with your body. Do not play Russian roulette with your unborn child’s life (if you have one) as they have no choice in the matter.
If you are into self-harm or Russian roulette please don’t. I or others will try to help if we can. Life is better than that.
If you still think masks are worth wearing against the ‘flu, a.k.a. Covid 19 try M is for…..Masks