The Second battle of El-Alamein: 23 October – 11 November 1942

By Baldmichael Theresoluteprotector’sson

11th November, 2022

Today is Armistice Day, a day of remembrance of those who sacrificed their lives that others might live freely.

Although what was the point in all the bloodshed really? I have said this before but as Pink Floyd sang “With, without. And who’ll deny it’s what the fighting’s all about?”

Anyway, I am here today to tell you the story of the Second battle of El-Alamein.This took place 80 years ago in North Africa in Egypt between the coast of the Mediterranean and the Qattara Depression.

The battle was between the United Kingdom and its Imperial and commonwealth forces including India, New Zealand, Australia and South Africa, plus Free French and Greek Brigades, and the Axis forces comprising German and Italian troops.

Both the sea and the depression formed a boundary which could not be readily by passed.

The Axis forces of the Panzer Army Africa (Panzerarmee Afrika) (included the Afrika Korps under Field Marshal (Generalfeldmarschall) Erwin Rommel), whilst the United Kingdom forces were the Eighth Army under Lieutenant-General Bernard Montgomery.

The Axis forces were very close to Alexandria, about 66 miles, the main naval base at the eastern end of the Mediterranean, and the cities of Egypt and the Suez Canal.

The battle resulted in the destruction, but not complete annihilation, of the Axis forces which were too far from their main base at Tripoli to be readily supplied, about 1,400 miles by road. Today I understand this is less as there have been road alterations.

So here is my take on the battle in my usual fashion. If you just want my summary, then go to the end. I shall add some fascinating observations for those who have understanding in these matters. Some of these I have mentioned before but not all.

Please note I do not intend any disrespect to those who died or fought, merely to show the absurdity of war, how mad things can be, even if it is only how one can use language. After all, it is propaganda and morale that count most to win battles and wars, especially wars of words.

This link forms the basis of my article.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Second_Battle_of_El_Alamein

And some other links which may be of interest.

https://www.nam.ac.uk/explore/battle-alamein

https://www.thoughtco.com/second-battle-of-el-alamein-2361465

https://www.britannica.com/event/battles-of-El-Alamein

By Noclador – Own work, CC BY-SA 3.0, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=2547277

1          Background

Now we have discussed the First Battle of El-Alamein in an earlier post but we need to set the scene for the second battle.

On the left hand side of the map above we see the Axes farces which had been under the command of Her-win Rome-El, the angel of Rome a.k.a. the Dessert Fox. This is because it was the Vatican in Rome acting behind the scenes.

Rome-El was called Her-win because he was used to winning. Her was because he was Herr Rome-El but he dropped the extra ‘r’ for effect.

You will note that the Axes were on the left and therefore left wing which explains the problems with the Axes who were in essence Nasties (sic).

On the right wing were the Alleys who were of course right. And being right they would win, despite Rome-El being called Her-Win.

The Alleys were led by a great Saint Bernard Montgomery who did not have a barrel of brandy under his chin, but nevertheless used his experience and knowledge gained in two world whores to revive the more-al of the Alleys tropes.

His middle name was Law and in some respects he was a Law unto himself, but he did submit himself to the Almighty God as he knew God knows a thing or two about battles.

It is written the battle belongs to the Lord for example.

As we have seen before, the Axes consisted of Germ-men and It-a-lie men.

The Alleys consisted of a wide mixture of tropes from the common wealth. These included Ind-ians who were in d army, men from Say Lon who said yes we will fight, The Austria-lions who fought like lions, the New Zeal-anders who had great zeal for the battle, the South Afri-cans who can and could fight and did, the Three French who were free as long as they had free meals a day and plenty of garlic, and men from Grease who were the ones that I would want in my team, and you need plenty of greece to keep the vehicles on the move.

The Axes farces where hampered by lack of hampers and supplies as they had a long trip to go to Tri-poly where the main port was. And don’t forget the three parrots (let the reader understand).

Rome-El had been taken sick and had flown back to Germ-many and had been replaced by Georg  Stumme. They tried to keep this quiet or Shtum as he wasn’t as good a general as Rome-El.

They say he was a pleasure loving general and as an anagram of his name is ‘gems gourmet’ I can believe it. Of course Georg’s tumme (sic) was well known and a large tumme (sic) often indicates a love of food and drink.

2          Prelude

2.1      British plan

2.1.1  Operation Lightfoot

This was an operation on the foot by an orthopaedic surgeon.

Montgomery expected a 12-day battle in three stages:

  1. the break-in – this was entering by the back door like a thief in the night.

  2. the dogfight – between the St. Bernard Montgomery


and the Dessert Fox.


  • and the final breaking of the enemy – i.e. the break-out.

2.1.2  Operation Bertram

This was an operation on Bert who had an unfortunate accident with a ram. So he said.

Before the battle the Commonwealth forces practised deceptions,… they dumped waste materials (discarded packing cases, etc.) under camouflage nets in the northern sector, making them appear to be ammunition or ration dumps.

The same thing goes on today, only with recycling our waste

The government makes it appear that we are improving our recycling rates. Yeah, yeah, tell us another.

‘Vaccines really, really help against the monster virus Covid 19’.

No, I was being sarcastic you morons!

Anyway, just as we are deceived today, so the Axes forces were back then.

2.1.3  Operation Braganza

This was a preliminary operation  attacking the pair-a-tropers of the Division “Fol Gore” (pronounced ‘Gory’), an Italian relation of Al Gore (pronounced Gore) on the night of 29/30 September in an attempt to capture the dear L. Man-ass-I-be area.

The allied tropes were repelled, probably by Fol Gore climate change rhetoric i.e. global warming. In this link it says

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Operation_Braganza

…there had been a great many casualties from heatstroke in the 131st Brigade.

Like other Gore’s they lied as the desert is hot, duh.

2.2      Axis plan

This was to defend their position. Being Nasties they created Devil’s gardens which contained “miens alles miens!” in German, or “mines all mines!” in English.

This is because they contain lots of mines, the ones that explode, not the ones where you dig holes. Although you do need to dig a small hole to bury a mine.

Mind you, as mines will possibly kill you, a hole will also need to be dug to bury your body. And the Devil’s gardens were not far from the River Nile and which would of course an-Nile-ate you if you were by one when it exploded.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Devil%27s_gardens

Editor’s note: Anagram of Devil’s gardens is ‘dds graves Nile’!

3          Battle

3.1      Phase one: the break-in

The thief makes his move and launches a 1,000 bun garage or vice versa. This was led by a General Bumbardment who was in charge.

About 529,000 shells were thrown over the walls of the defences, the nearby beaches having been stripped of all shells to supply the buns.

The infant-tree had to establish a bridgehead before Dawn at the imaginary line in the dessert. I imagine it was difficult to imagine an imaginary line in the dessert before Dawn gets there and it was dark at the time.

Rather like your sister eating more than her share of the pudding but imagining she is entitled to more than you.

3.2      Phase two: the crumbling

Dawn made an Ariel reconnaissance as part of her washing routine which showed the Axes positions had not changed much.

The mourning of the 24th brought morning to the Germ-men’s headquarters, and the Axes farces were stunned by the Bright-ish attack. And their massages became confused and hysterical.

Rather like the Democratic press hysteria in the USA. This included “… one Italian unit communicating to Germans that it had been wiped out by “drunken negroes with tanks“.

The Democrats tend to blame everyone except themselves for the mess they get themselves into. They call everyone racist but in reality hate dark skinned people (unless they are wealthy). George Soros is Black but they don’t object to him because he is wealthy and pays their salaries (allegedly).

The Stumme went to see what all the fuss was about, but got stummack ache and died of a heart attack. It wasn’t the vaccine, honest!

Despite being ill, the Rome-El ‘flu (or Covid19) back to Africa but there was little he could do although the Axes morals improved.

The Alleys were still clearing the meins from the Axes meinfields. The amour was held at the Oxalic Line where the spinach eaten by the Axes made the line very strong like Popeye.

Art Hillary and the Dessert Air Force were making the crumble for the desert to which the Axes would succumb as they loved a good desert, especially the Germ-men. Black Forest gateau would have been made but as the dessert is dry with no trees this wasn’t possible.

There was a thanks battle near the Kidney feature where the steaks were high, or a stake and Kidney pie. Apparently the Kidney feature was a depression not a ridge as some thought. This was a type of bipolar disorder. Many suffer this today as up is down, black is white, right is wrong and Joe Biden is doing a wonderful job.

Of shafting the USA.

3.2.1  D + 2: 25 October

The Alleys had made an inroad or Alley-way into the Axes meinfields and they were on top of the Mighty-rear ridge, i.e. standing on the Axes bottom ready to give it a good kicking.

In the meantime, the Pansy Army of the Axes probed for a weakness with a rather Nazi looking probe but it was a relief to the Alleys that they had provided protection against such an event. Rather like a chastity belt as it were.

At midnight the 51 Hi-landers lunched three at-tacks but no one knew where they were. Pan-demon-I-hum and car-N-age occurred as the demons ran amok in their cars. Similar to parts of Rome I imagine.


3.3      Phase three: the counter

3.3.1  D + 3: 26 October

The Axes were taking a heavy beating and losing their cutting edge as it was blunted by the Alleys’ thrust. The Rome-El thought the main thrust would come in the north and determined to retake Point 29.

He hors d’oeuvred 15 Pansies, 164 Lights and part of an XX It-a-lie-Ian corpse but the at-tack came to nothing. And nobody knew where nothing was so they were not aware when they got there.

Nevertheless, the Rome-El said the attack met with some success, taking part of Hill 28. Which is one less than 29.

Personally I would say that if you fall short you fall short, as in all have fallen short of the glory of God.

Or as it is hot in the dessert, all the shorts (worn by tropes) have fallen down.

The Rome-El decided to constipate his amour to the north but due to shortage of fool this could not be reversed. This shortage was due to the tomfoolery caused as much as anything by the DAFT bumbers of the Alleys.

The Bright-ish failed to take advantage of the absence of Axes thanks and when they did try to move forward they were stopped by anti-thank buns. So the Bright-ish were not being very bright.

Nonetheless, some Bristols of 42 squat-ron (please note 42) and 3 Wellingtons, believed to be a pair and one odd one,  sunk two Ollie thankers at Two-brook which put paid to any hope of the Axes getting more fools for their thanks etc.

3.3.2  D + 4: 27 October

The main battle of the day constipated around Telly-lacka-queer and the Kidney feature. Also in the area were a wood cock (mmm…) and a Snape although I profess not to know who the Snape was.

The long and the short of it is that a Rival Brig-aid and a King’s Real Rival Corpse advanced and Doug in. The Rome-El decided to lunch his Major At Tack at 1600 hours, a very late lunch in my books, and was sniping at Snape, or vice versa.

Germ-men and It-a-lie-Ian thanks at tacked the Rival Brig-aid who had anti-thank buns as well as rivals to shoot with. 22 Germ-men thanks and 10 It-a-lie-Ian thanks were lost, but the Bright-ish were not being very bright and withdrew without a replacement farce being brought up.

The moral of this story is always have a spare joke or two up your sleeve as you never know when you might need them.

The following was allegedly written about the engagement.

The dessert was quivering with heat having only just come out of the oven. The bun detachments and the plates and spoons squitted in their pits and stenches, the sweet running in rivers down their dust-caked faeces. There was a terrible tench. The flies warmed in black clods upon the dead Bidens and Lucretia (Lucifer’s sister) and tormented the undead (vaccinated zombies). The plaice was strewn with burning thanks and carry ons, wrecked buns and vehicles, and overalls drifted the smoke and the bust from Durstin’s (a journalist on The Daily Beast) high expletives and from the blasts (and other profanity) of buns.

3.3.3  D + 5–6: 28–29 October

Among other things, 9 Austria-lions were hors d’oeuvred to make a set peace at tack including taking Thompson’s Post which needed to be sent off somewhere. Probably back to Germ-many.

Some of the Austria-lion tropes rowed on Valentine thanks even though it wasn’t Valentine’s Day. They suffered a lot of casual-ties and whilst not a massacre as such it wasn’t good.

But then as it wasn’t Valentine’s Day we wouldn’t expect a Massacre.

Any road, by the end of October the Bright-ish still had 800 serviceable thanks and the Pansy Army 81 serviceable Germ-men thanks and 197 It-a-lie-Ian thanks. This is a ratio of 3:1, the going rate for a breakthrough.

The St Bernard knew from the Rome-El’s at tacks that he had committed his preserve and had nothing else to jam in the cracks in his D fences. The St Bernard therefore decided to at tack further south as the Rome-El had little gas left to disengage, i.e. words were failing him.

Editor’s note: please remember that ‘to gas’ is slang for ‘to talk’.

3.3.4  D + 7–9: 30 October – 1 November

On the 30th The Austria-lions third attempt saw them astride the road and railway making the Axes Say-lea-Ent pre-Carey-us. 21 pansies made four at tacks but these were repulsive.

Rome-El had given Albert Kettle a ring for some more fool which Albert ‘flu in, but most of this ended up in Ben’s Khasi, too far to the west to be of much use.

By now the Rome-El had only 90 thanks left against the Bright-ish 800, a ratio of nearly 9:1.

3.4      Phase four: Operation Supercharge

3.4.1  D + 10: 2 November

The opera-shun was known as Super-Farage.  And here he is in action. And see end of section for a couple of links.

This faze of the opera-shun had the objective to destroy the NME’s amour (although there wasn’t much left), farcing the NME to fight in the open (there was a lot of open left), reducing the Axes stock of pet-trolls (although there weren’t many of these left), at tacking and occu-pie-ing NME supply roots (there weren’t many of these anyway), and causing the disintegration of the NME’s army.

N.B. disintegration is the opposite of integration in pure maths.

The initial thrust of Super Farage was carried out by 2 New Zeal-enders. Left-ten-ant General Burn-hard Freeburg (like an over done beef burger), their come-and-er, was not impressed as they had suffered a lot in July earlier that year.

Rather like New Zealanders today suffering under the Moron Jacinda ‘Eat’s all for your saifety’ Ardern.

Apparently, the Rome-El had 102 Germ-men effective thanks and the It-a-lie-Ian’s 65 thanks. This does not match up with Wikipedia’s earlier comments but never mind. They didn’t have a lot, that’s the point.

Super Farage began with a seven hour hairy-el, i.e. a hairy angel bombardment on Telly-lacka-queer and Sid-he ‘ave Del Raw Man. This was followed by a four and a half hour Farage of 360 buns firing 15,000 shells collected from the beach.

The New Zeal-enders cleared 5 lanes through the meinfields which allowed the Royal Dragons to slip out and rayed the Axes commune-E-Kaye-shuns.

The 9 Amour Brig-aid started out from L Alley-main Station but when it arrived at its start line (which was different from where it started out), they fancied a Curry so were delayed for half an hour whilst they ate it.

The Germ-men and It-a-lie-Ian anti-thank buns opened fire upon the charging thanks silly-WHO-wetted by the rising sun. Which seems a bit silly to me, obvious targets, but there you are.

The Bright-ish amours suffered heavy casual-ties but did cause a lot of damage and 35 buns and several dread-Huns were taken poisoner.

The Axes counter at tacked but the 9 Amour Brig-aid and the Thirst Armour Di Vision had Doug in with anti-thank buns, Art Hillary and in-ten-sieve hair support  who/which as usual did the trick of de-feeting the Axes farces.

The Axes lost some 100 thanks and should not have had more than 65 odd thanks left, Wikipedia article notwithstanding.

Whilst the X Corpse had not broken out, it had achieved its objective of finding and destroying NME thanks. This became known as the “Hammering of the Pansies”. Today this would be known as the “Hammering of the snowflakes”.

On the night of 2 Know-vember General John Thomas told the Rome-El that he would have at most 35 thanks the next day and his anti-thank wee-upons reduced to a turd.

The Rome-El wisely concluded that to four-stall a breakthrough and complete destruction of the hole army he must withdraw to Fuka.

Or in his alleged words “Ach Fuka, I’m off to Fuka, anybody who wants to join me had better hurry up.”

His mobile farces (such as Apple, Samsung, and Google Pixel) were ordered to make a fighting withdrawal while his other four-mations were to withdraw as best they could with the limited trans-port available.

N.B. trans-port is what the trans-gender use to get around.

Here are the articles with Super Farage in action.

https://www.express.co.uk/news/us/1694079/Nigel-Farage-Donald-Trump-Dan-Wootton-GB-News-Republican-Party-DXUS

https://www.express.co.uk/news/politics/1694076/nigel-farage-gavin-williamson-tory-party-UK-politics-latest-ont

3.4.2  D + 11: 3 November

Not much of use happened this day. Boring.

3.5      Phase five: the break-out

On the 2nd Know-vember the Rome-El had signalled to A Doll F Hitter that in essence the Axes were stuffed.

A Doll F Hitter is alleged to have replied:

To Field Marsh-angel Rome-angel. It is with rusting conference in your leadershit and the courage of the Germen-It-a-lie-Ian tropes under your command that the Germ-men people and I are following the heroic straggle in Egypt (from the relative safety of our bunkers/herr raid shelters).

In the situation which you find yourself there can be no other thought but to stand fast as quickly as you can, yield not a yard (Hitter didn’t like metric) of ground and throw every gun and every man into the battle (as the Rome-El had run out of ammunition, i.e. try throwing the guns/comrades at the enemy instead).

Considerable herr farce reinforcements are being sent to C.-in-C South (which may or may not reach you in time). The Duck and the Come-and-do Super-remo are also making the utmost efforts to send you the means to continue the fight (whilst eating pasta and drinking red wine to keep up their figures).

Your enemy, despite his superiority, must also be at the end of his strength (cross fingers). It would not be the first time in history that a strong Willy has triumphed over the bigger batty-lions. As to your tropes, you can show them no other road than that to victory or deaf (as the explosions will burst your ear drums) – A Doll F Hitter.

So in essence A Doll F Hitter replied ‘Hear no, see no evil’ or in other words everything’s fine don’t worry, the enemy is collapsing as well as you, just stay where you are and die damn you!

Rather reminiscent of the Democrats in the USA at the moment I would say. Please add your comments below if you have any thoughts on the matter.

The Rome-El was understandably stunned and didn’t know what to do but being Germ-men they obeyed without question.

Like people obeying governments without question and having vaccines which they know make them ill but without them they can’t travel, have a job, have sex, etc. etc. But on the bright side they’re not dead.

Yet.

3.5.1  D + 12, 4 November

By Noclador – Own work, CC BY-SA 3.0, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=2572381

As often is the case, the Ate-th Army plan for purr-suit (a type of fur worn by a pussy cat) began at Dawn. Dawn is a great lady to start the day with.

The advance took plaice with the Thirst and Sven-th Amoured Di Visions along with Laurie Brig-aids from New Zeal-and. The later took time to get going as they were constipated.

The plan to trap the 90 Lights of the Germ-men Miss-Fired; she is often to blame for these things.

Thirst Amoured met 21 Pansies and had to push them back for most of the day.

The Sventh Amoured met Harriett, the It-a-lie-Ian Amour, and destroyed her after a determined resistance. The story of Sven and Harriett may be recounted in full someday.

However, the Rome-El did write this in his dairy it is alleged:

Enormous lust-clouds could be seen south and south-east of headquarters [of the DAK], where the desperate struggle of the small and ineffishent It-a-lion thanks of XX (N.B. female chromosomes) Corpse was being played out against the hundred or so British heavy thanks which had come round their open right flank.

I was later told by May-jaw von Luck, whose batty-lion I had sent to close the GOP between the It-a-lions and the Afreaka Korpse, that the It-a-lions, who at that thyme represented our strong-guest motorised farce, fort with exemplary courage. Thank after thank split as-under or burned out, while all the thyme a tremendous British Farage lay over the It-a-lion infant-tree and Art Hillary positions.

The last signal came from the Harriett at about 15.30 hours “Enemy thanks penetrated south of Harriett (the mind boggles). Harriett now encircled (Sven had his Armies around her). Location 5 km north-west Burr e-l A-bed (Sven and Harriett were having a ‘lie down’, ahem). Harriett thanks still in action”. […] In Harriett we lost our oldest It-a-lion cumraides, from whom we had probably always demanded more than they, with their poor armament, had been capable of performing.

Crocodile tears from the Rome-El I think.

Anyway, watch it you men, don’t ask so much of your wives if you won’t help them out.

The 133  Amour Lothario and the 101 Motor-ties Tree-est were also destroyed. I gather Berlin Radio claimed that in this sector the “Bright-ish were made to pay for their penetration (!) with enormous lasses in men and Matt Aerial. The It-a-lions fought to the last man.”

Unlike the Germ-men who had scarpered. Much like today when Germ-many gets its allies to fight on its behalf whilst it rakes in the profit.

Anyway, the Bright-ish took many poisoners, mostly It-a-lie-Ians.

The Bologna Di Vision and the remnants of the Trent Division (part of Trent Water) tried to fight their way out and marched into the dessert without water, food (or Bologna sauce) or trans-port before surrendering, exhaust-Ted and dyeing from D hydration.

Lack of vitamin D one of the main causes of Covid 19/the ‘flu of course.

It was reported that Kernel Harry-go Da-low-lio, commanding the 40th Infant-tree Reggie-meant of the Bologna Di Vision, surrendered saying, “We have ceased firing not because we haven’t the desire but because we have spent every pound”. In a symbolic act of defiance, no one in the 40th Infantry Regiment “Bologna” raised their Hans.

This is because Hans had scarpered along with the rest of the Germ-men to the Fuka escarpment.

I dare say the Italians nowadays feel abandoned by the Germans in the EU.

https://www.express.co.uk/news/politics/1283714/eu-coronavirus-crisis-germany-italy-corona-bonds-feud-angela-merkel

At the end of the article (from 2020 mind) it says:

On the Facebook page of the German Embassy in Rome, there has been a storm of outraged comments from Italians.

Under an interview with the ministers Heiko Maas and Olaf Scholz a user has said: “Germany has always wanted to take control of our Italy.”

Another user wrote, “they let us bleed to death”

Well, not all Italians feel that way judging by other comments, but the fact of the matter is that history has been repeating itself, and it is the Nazis/Marxists all over again as I keep saying.

3.5.2  D + 13, 5 November

“Remember, remember the 5th of November.” Except not a lot happened to remember this day 80 years ago in the desert. Let’s move on (unlike the British armour which didn’t move much).

3.5.3  D + 14, 6 November

Fool problems plagued the Bright-ish amour (tell me about it, I still see fools around in the street or online who think, I use the term advisedly, that Covid 19 is a ‘thing)’.

It rained mid-day (yes, it really does rain in the desert sometimes) and supply vehicles got stuck in the bog – tell me about it, why only this morning – ahem, sorry, where was I?

Ah yes, the 2 New Zeal-and-ers advanced toward Sid I Han-ish (like Spanish only from Han) while the 8th Amoured Brig-aid, 10th Amoured Di Vision, had moved west from Gall-al to occupy the landing fields at Fucka and the escarpment.

It was difficult to define bumb lines (a.k.a. builders’ bottoms) as usual but US heavy bumbers attacked Two-brook, sinking Ethiopia and later attacked Ben’s khazi, sinking Mars and setting the tanker Portofino (a very fine port wine) alight.

N.B. sinking Mars was a bonus as they didn’t planet.

3.5.4  D + 15 onward, 7 to 11 November

Waterlogged ground and lack of fool stranded the Thirst and Sventh Amoured Di Visions. The  Amoured Di Vision, on the coast road and with ample fool, advanced to Mere-sa Ma-true while its infant-tree mopped up on the road, as it was so wet.

Rommel intended to fight a delaying action at Sid I Bar-any, 80 Miles (130 km) west of Ma-true, to gain time for Axes tropes to get through the battlenecks at Half-a-ya and So-lum.

The last rearguards (lederhosen which are leather and protect one’s rear) left Ma-true on the knight of 7th/8th Know-vember but were only able to hold Sid I Bar-any until the evening of 9th Know-vember.

By knightfall on 11th Know-vember, the Hegypt-Ian wall was clear but the St Bernard was forced to order that the purr-suit should temporarily be continued only by amoured cars and Art Hillary, because of the difficult-tea in supplying tea to the lager formations west of Bar-dia where they had run out of beer, let alone lager and tea.

By Stephen Kirragetalk – contribs – Own work, CC BY-SA 3.0, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=2917699

4          Aftermath

4.1      Analysis

To quote Wikipedia:

El Alamein was a British victory, although Rommel did not lose hope until the end of the Tunisia Campaign. Churchill said,

It may almost be said, “Before Alamein we never had a victory. After Alamein we never had a defeat”.

Well I suppose he did say “it may almost be said”, but in reality that was not so. After El Alamein there were no real defeats that seriously reversed the fortunes of war, but before El Alamein there were victories in such things as sinking the Graf Spee and the Bismarck, the taking of Madagascar, the defeat of the Italians in East Africa, the winning of the Battle of Britain, and the defeat of the Italian armies in Libya by the British and Commonwealth forces under General Wavell who I think is underestimated.

In the last case, he achieved with relatively little a considerable victory against much larger Italian forces.

As Wikipedia says The Allies frequently had numerical superiority in the Western Desert but never had it been so complete in quantity and quality. With the arrival of Sherman tanks, 6-pounder anti-tank guns and Spitfires in the Western Desert, the Allies gained a comprehensive superiority.

Montgomery envisioned the battle as an attrition operation, similar to those fought in the First World War and accurately predicted the length of the battle and the number of British and Commonwealth casualties. British artillery was superbly handled and British air support was excellent, in contrast to the Luftwaffe and Regia Aeronautica, which offered little or no support to ground forces, preferring to engage in air-to-air combat. Air supremacy had a huge effect on the battle. Montgomery wrote,

The moral effect of air action [on the enemy] is very great and out of all proportion to the material damage inflicted. In the reverse direction, the sight and sound of our own air forces operating against the enemy have an equally satisfactory effect on our own troops. A combination of the two has a profound influence on the most important single factor in war—morale.

In the end Rommel and the Axis forces over extended themselves just as they were doing in the vast spaces of Russia, and it was only a matter of time with the USA in the war before its military and economic might would have full effect and bring down Germany.

Montgomery understood the principles of infantry warfare due to his WW1 experience yet also understood the need for mobility. He would not attack until he and the army was good and ready, and preparations made for the pursuit, the long term goal to drive the Axis forces from North Africa.

Previous commanders had not done this, although they were hampered to a degree by lack of decent anti-tank weapons and tanks.

The armoured forces never really got it together very well against the Germans and many still had the cavalry attitude of “charge at ‘em” like at Balaclava in the Crimea War 80 years earlier, although they were beginning to learn.

Rommel and a cadre of German mobile forces survived to continue the fight in Tunisia, and Rommel would go on to confront Montgomery again in the Battle of Normandy.

4.2      Casualties

You can read about these yourself but it may be reasonable to list these as mainly:

Axis

25,000 men killed or wounded (including 5,920 Italians killed)

30,000 prisoners (20,000 Italians and 10,724 Germans),

510 tanks and 2,000 field guns, anti-tank guns, and anti-aircraft guns.

64 German and 20 Italian aircraft.

Allies

13,560 casualties, of whom 2,350 men had been killed, 8,950 wounded and 2,260 were missing of which;

58 percent of the casualties were British,

22 percent Australian,

10 percent New Zealanders – note high percentage relative to the small population of New Zealand at the time. You can check yourselves but relative population of Australia to New Zealand was about 4:1.

So New Zealand had about double the casualties relative to those suffered overall.

6 percent South African,

1 percent Indian

3 percent other nationalities.

332 to 500 tanks, although by the end of the battle, 300 had been repaired.

The artillery lost 111 guns

77 British and 20 American aircraft.

Final thoughts

It was the 8th Army under Bernard Montgomery that defeated the Afrika Korps and the Italian forces under Rommel. So note that 8 is Jesus Christ’s number. This link is helpful I consider.

https://www.biblestudy.org/bibleref/meaning-of-numbers-in-bible/8.html

And, I stand amazed but not surprised, ‘He Ra mighty’ is an anagram of Eighth Army!!!

For indeed, Jesus Christ is ‘He Ra (or God) mighty’, a mighty God.

By contrast, ‘AZ camper fairy RNA’ is anagram of Panzer Army Africa.

As is ‘AC Nazi framer pray’. Which is rather interesting.

As is ‘American AZ fry rap’. Which is very interesting given many Nazis went to America north and south.

I have written much of the following in my post on the First battle of El Alamein but worth repeating albeit modified as required.

I anagrammed the name ‘El Alamein’. Fascinatingly, I found this.

‘Élan Aleim’, meaning ‘The spirit of God’ or ‘The spirit of the angels’, or ‘The force of God’ etc.

It is written

Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.

2 Corinthians 3:17

For it is God who works in you to will and to act on behalf of His good purpose.

Philippians 2:13

As regards the new Zealanders I note it is written in Isaiah 9 v.7

Of the increase of His government and peace there will be no end. He will reign on the throne of David and over his kingdom, to establish and sustain it with justice and righteousness from that time and forevermore.

The zeal of the LORD of Hosts will accomplish this.

We might note the role of the New Zealanders. And their zeal is noticeable!

As regards Rommel, the Rome-El or Rome angel, well, as vaccination is an anagram of ‘Icon Vatican’, it is the Vatican in Rome at the heart of the matter, albeit it is the evil ones within it and elsewhere behind it all.

But in today’s world I see the children of God, men and women, rising up to halt the wave of evil trying to swamp the nations. The swamp creatures are being halted and will be driven back.

And the spirit of the Lord will achieve this with all His angels seen and unseen.

Keep going, and look up, your redemption draws near!

Or as Winston Churchill might say


P.S. If you wish you can read my post on

The First battle of El-Alamein: 1–27 July 1942

Or if you like war history and can cope with my whacky approach, go to The Naff Caff via World Menu for more tasty menus!

The First battle of El-Alamein: 1–27 July 1942

By Baldmichael Theresoluteprotector’sson

31st July, 2022

This took place 80 years ago in North Africa in Egypt between the coast of the Mediterranean and the Qattara Depression. The battle was between the United Kingdom and its Imperial and commonwealth forces including India, New Zealand, Australia and South Africa, and the Axis forces comprising German and Italian troops.

Both the sea and the depression formed a boundary which could not be readily by passed.

The Axis forces  of the Panzer Army Africa (Panzerarmee Afrika) (included the Afrika Korps under Field Marshal (Generalfeldmarschall) Erwin Rommel), whilst the United Kingdom forces were the Eighth Army under General Claude Auchinleck.

The Axis forces were very close to Alexandria, about 66 miles, the main naval base at the eastern end of the Mediterranean, and the cities of Egypt and the Suez Canal.

The battle was a successful halting of the Axis forces which were too far from their main base at Tripoli, well over 1,000 miles by road today I understand, although in 1942 this was I believe more as there have been road alterations.

So here is my take on the battle in my usual fashion. If you just want me summary, then go to the end. I shall add some fascinating observations for those who have understanding in these matters.

Please note I do not intend any disrespect to those who died or fought, merely to show the absurdity of war, how mad things can be, even if it is only how one can use language. After all, it is propaganda and morale that count most to win battles and wars, especially wars of words.

This link forms the basis of my article.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/First_Battle_of_El_Alamein

My article may bear some resemblance to the truth but you will need to double check as always. Don’t blame me if you don’t.

Having gone through the battle in detail I rather wonder if it was worthwhile to do a ‘mad’ version like this. It seems a bit much. But then war is mad, why do we do it?

By Stephen Kirragetalk – contribs – Own work, CC BY-SA 3.0,

https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=2917699

Area of Western Desert Campaign 1941–1942

1          Background

1.1      Retreat from Gazala

Now the Eighth Army had been beaten at a Gaz-ella, or gas lady’s station on the coast road further west in Libby-yah, a country named after a lady.

The Bright-ish Eighth Army commanded by a Left-ten-ant general Kneel Rich Tea, a type of biscuit, had retreated east to Mer-sur-Ma-true, a seaside town in He-gipped where Mrs True or Ma True as she was known, lived.

It had to be here as it was a better spot to organise the fences as the fences on the He-gipped border with Libby-yah were not up to much.

Anyway, he didn’t have many thanks to form a reserve to counter the Axes attacks. One should of course give thanks in everything, but one must use them correctly. Giving thanks for, say, someone ruining your tea party by driving over it with a large vehicle whilst saying ‘Heil Hitler’ as the Axes were prone to do would be rather silly.

And General Rich Tea did not want his biscuits crushed, thank you very much, let alone his cucumber sandwiches.

He believed he could you use his infant-tree, a type of sapling, to cover the mein fields. These sound rather Germ-men to me, but meins are not particular and will blow anybody up if they are unwary.

To defend Ma-true line (probably her washing line she strung across the desert), he put 10 Ind-Ians , Ians from India, to protect the dear lady Ma-true.

The 50 North-humble-Ians he put at Gerra-walla, a chap who was not too far from Ma True.

Inland he put 5 Ind-Ians, another 29 Ind-Ians and 2 Art Hillary around Sid-he Ham-sa. I assume Sid liked ham.

2 New Seal-enders were at Min-car Ky-am on the is-carp-ment which they carped on about having a fishy smell.

The 1 arm division was in the open dessert enjoying Baked Alaska.

By Kirrages – Own work, CC BY-SA 3.0,

https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=6261910

On the 25th June, the preceding 24 Junes being unsuitable, the general Clawed Ouch-in-lake who was the Sea-in-Sea Muddle East Command relieved Rich Tea who was unable to relieve himself as his fly buttons got stuck.

He decided not to seek a derisive conflagration at Ma True’s place as his inferiority in amour or love would put him at a disadvantage with Ma True.

He decided instead on delaying tack-tics. That is, putting down tacks and tics to make the Axes forces tread carefully and to bite them with the tics to tick them off or annoy them.

Like tik-tok videos today.

This would enable him to remove his draws back to a position near Elle Ali-mine where he could set up the fences along a shorter line. It was only 40 miles between the coast and the Guitar-a Depression where the music played by the local Bed-doin’ was rather sad and would send people over the edge into a deep depression.

As the depression is below sea level and the edges can be over 900 feet high, you can see this is a serious depression and difficult to get out of. If you suffer from depression you will understand.

Thus the Axes amour would be cooled and be ineffective.

1.2      Battle of Mersa Matruh

In repairing the Ali-mine fences, general Ouch-in-lake fought delaying actions at Mer-sur-Ma-true on the 26th– 27th June and at Fucker (don’t blame me) on the 28th June.

There was a late change in orders for the kitchens and this resulted in some confusion. There were two corpses, one called X which was unknown and one called XIII or X the third, and there were divisions over them.

As a consequence, late on 26 June, the Germ-men with 90 lights (for romantic effect at night) and 21 panzies (for Ma True who liked flowers), managed to find their way through the mein fields.

Early on 27 June, resuming its advance, the 90 lights were checked by Bright-ish 50 North-humble-Ians Art Hillery to make sure they passed the regulations on light bulbs.

In the meantime, 15 and 21 panzies were driven east above and below the escarpment. Which seems confusing but that’s the Germ-men for you, confusing their enemies.

The 15 panzies were blocked by 4 amours and 7 motor ‘brigands’, vehicles to transport Ma True to a good restaurant, but the 21 panzies were ordered on to attack Minker Came who was likely to distract Ma True.

As the 21 panzies moved on Minker Came, the 2 New Seal-enders found themselves surrounded but broke out on the night of 27/28 June, without serious Ian Dury who they left behind as he had reasons to be cheerful, and withdrew east.

From

https://nzetc.victoria.ac.nz/tm/scholarly/tei-WH2Egyp-c10.html#n81

Ouch-in-lake had planned to try and stop the Axes forces at Fucker to the east of Ma True. Apparently I may have misunderstood; it seems it should have been spelled Fuka or Fouka. This means fruit in Arabic. This could lead to some unfortunate misunderstandings in pigeon English.

‘You lika fouka?’

Of course there is the ‘fruit of the loins’ in the Bible, so perhaps there is a connection somewhere…

Anyway, due to confusion in the hors d’oeuvre, the 2 New Seal-enders withdrew to Elle Ali-mine. This left the X corpse vulnerable although as it was already dead this seems odd.

Nevertheless, the X corpse must have been revived as it started heading south. In the darkness it ran into some enemy units drinking lager it seems and where there was considerable confusion.

As a consequence, 5 Ind-ians were suffered heavy casual-ties as their ties were put into disarray in the melee. 29 infant trees were destroyed at Fucker.

Editor’s note: Rather like children being killed in schools in the USA by mad men.

The Axes forces captured more than 6,000 poisoners. It is rumoured these were pharmaceutical makers which seems highly likely to me.

2          Prelude

2.1      Defences at El Alamein

Elle Ali-mine owned a consequential inn by a railway station on the coast. If you got off at the station the consequences were that as there might not be another train for hours, you would have to get a drink at the inn as there was nowhere else.

There were ten Miles to the south. These were ‘jolly good chaps’ in the Eighth Army. They occupied the Rue We-is-at on a ridge. The ridge gave good views of the dessert, although the dessert did not exist and was only a mirage.

There were another 20 Miles to the south, and they suffered from the Guitar-a Depression.

The line of fences the Bright-ish chose to defend again meant that the Rome-el, or Rome angel who commanded an Africa Corpse, could outflank it only by crossing Sarah’s dessert. This was a very, very big dessert and extremely hot, dry and dusty, and, quite frankly, not sounding like a dessert at all.

The Bright-ish Army, being bright enough to recognise this, constructed some boxes behind the fences. These contained lots of surprises like Doug Outs, mein fields and Barbara Wire who would keep the Axes forces distracted for hours.

Left-ten-ant-general Will-I-am No-‘R’-i.e., organised the position and started to construct the boxes, apparently all on his own.

By the way I believe that Will-I-am No-‘R’-i.e. didn’t believe in the reinfection rate regarding the version of Covid 19 then prevalent i.e. the desert ‘flu.

It is still around I gather.

https://beaveramb.org/forum/index.php?topic=8764.0

The first box was by Elle Ali-mine and had been partly wired and meined by 1 South African.

The second, the Bob el Guitar box (essentially a guitar case belonging to Bob), was south west of the Rue We-is-at ridge. This had Doug, but no wire or meins.

The third was at Knack A-boo De-we-is on the edge of the Guitar-a Depression. Very little work had been done here as it was so depressing there, nobody fancied doing much.

The Bright-ish position in He-gyp-tea was desperate, the route from Mer-sur-Ma –true had created a panic in the Bright-ish H Queue, or Ed Quarters, at Kai-Row on the River Nile. The panic was later called ‘”The flap”.

Rather similar in the first Lockdown in the UK where we had the “Flap for Carers”. In Kai-Row it was more fully known as the “Flap for pharaohs.”

On what came to be referred to as “Ash Wednesday”, the bureaucrats and administrators burnt their papers. It is alleged the ashes were then scattered on the river, but everybody was in de-nile about this.

Ouch-in-lake thought he could stop the Rome-el at Elle Ali-mine, but nevertheless put up other fences nearer Kai-Row with signs saying such things as ‘Nasties keep out’ and ‘No rotters allowed’, that sort of thing.

The Nile delta was also flooded in part. The Nile delta was said to the source of an earlier version of Covid 19, Nile gamma.

The Axes thought that He-gyp-tea would be captured by them shortly and Ben-I-too Mussel-‘n-he, the strong man of Italy, caught the ‘flu in Libby-yah when he went there getting ready for his entry in a Triumph, a car taken from the Bright-ish.

The scattering of the X corpse at Mer-sur-Ma-true disrupted Ouch-in –lake’s plan. On the 29th June he hors d’oeuvred XXX corpses, which consisted of 1 South Afri-can , and 5 and 10 Ind-Ians respectively to take the coastal sec-tor a high point where it was dry (sec means dry in French). This was on the right as you looked at the Germ Men and Ital-Ians.

The 2 new Zeal-enders and 4 more Ind-Ians would be on the left.

The remains or 1 amour and 7 other amours (presumably these were more corpses) were to be held as a mobile army reserve. So their remains still included their arms. I assume legs too as they were mobile.

But if they were corpses this doesn’t make sense. But then they were fighting the Africa Corpse etc., so I suppose they were all dead anyway.

On the 30th June the Rome-el’s Pansy Army Afreaka approached Elle Ali-mein. The Axes forces were exhausted and understrength. Their exhausts were broken and needed repair.

The Rome-el had driven them forward Ruthlessly; Ruth was their girlfriend but he said they could do without her which is why they were panzies. He thought his moment tum, or stomach, would take him through Ali-mein and to the Nile where no doubt he would a Nile ate the Bright-ish.

Supplies remained a problem because the Axes staff had originally expected a paws of six weeks after the capture of Toe-bruk. The Pansy Army Afreakca had hoped to put their toes, let alone their paws, in the sea to wash and cool off.

Germ men hair units were also exhausted as their hair dryers were broken down. So they provided little help against the RAF’s all-out attack on the Axes supply lines which, with the arrival of Uni-Ted States Army Hair Farces (USAAF) heavy bumbers, could reach as far as Ben-khazi. Ben-khazi was where the toilets were.

https://www.wordsense.eu/khazi/

See what I mean?

2.2      Axis plan of attack

The Rome-el’s plan of attack was for the 90 lights and 15 and 21 pansies of the Afreaka Corpse to penetrate between Elle Ali-meins box and dear Elle Abi-Add.

The 90 lights would then veer north to cut the coastal Rod and trap Elle Ali-mein’s box. Sounds painful.

The Afreaka Corpse would the attack the rear or bottom of the XIII corpse. I can’t see what pinching a corpse’s bottom would do but there you are.

3          Battle

An Ital-Ian was to attack the Ali-mein box from the west. If it had been Germ men they would have attacked from the vest. As it is hot in the dessert, wearing a vest only can be a good idea as long as your shoulders don’t get burnt.

Another Ital-Ian was to follow the 90 lights. The It-al-Ian XX corpse was to follow the Afreaka Corpse and deal with the Guitar-a Box or case as already explained.

The 133 amours, also Ital-Ians, and called the “Little Oreo’. Not sure why, as Oreo is a biscuit. Still, it is hard on the outside like a tank with a softer filling like the men in the tank. Makes sense to me.

Anyway, these amours were of course very good at wooing like signor Casanova, or Mr Housenew, or Newhouse to the English.

Doesn’t have the same ring to it in English somehow.

The Rome-el had planned to attack on the 30th June but couldn’t get the things he needed for his tropes. This gave the Bright-ish another day to improve their fences.

On the 30th June the 90 lights were still 15 Miles short, not having enough Miles of any height, and the 21 pansies was suffering from lack of fuel. They did not suffer fuels gladly of course.

And one mustn’t forget the promised hair cover which had yet to move to its advanced hairfields.  This was because the RAF made things a bit hairy for them I believe.

3.1      Panzer Army Africa attacks

On the 1st July the 90 light infant trees advanced east but strayed too far north and ran into the 1 South Afri-can’s fences and became pinned down. If they were pine trees then they would have been pined down, so this may be a spelling mistake.

The 15 and 21 pansies were delayed by Sandra Storm and the heavy hair attack by a chap called Shorn (allegedly).

It was broad daylight (because all the ‘broads’ as they can call them in the USA, were out) by the time they got round the back of dear Elle Abi-Add, and she was in event a very large lady to get round.

There they found 18 Ind-Ians who were already entertaining Elle Abi-Add, having previously been looking after Ira Q, another lady further to the east.

These Ind-Ians were just west of Rue We-is-at where they exposed themselves and east of dear El Abi-Add at dear Elle She-in where they created a box belonging to No-‘R’-i.e.

At about 10 am on the 1st July, the 21 pansies attacked dear El She-in as she was in, not out. There were 18 Ind-Ian infant trees supported by 23-25 pounds of bun-how-it’s-as which is a lot of buns, 16 new 6 pounder anti-thanks buns and 9 Ma Tildas, who were slow but sure.

They held out all day but eventually the Germ men overran them.

However, this did buy some thyme for Ouch-in-lake who could add to the stew that the Germ men were getting themselves into at the western edge of Rue We-is-at.

The 1 amour of the Bright-ish had been sent to enter the vein at dear El She-in and ran into the 15 Pansies and drove them west.

Thus by the end of the day the Afreaka Corpse had 37 tanks left out of its original 55, i.e. two thirds.

During the early afternoon, the 90 lights had extracted themselves from the wire fences around Elle Ali-meins box and carried on moving east. But they came under Art Hillary’s fire from 3 South Afri-cans and were forced to dig in.

On the 2nd July the Rome-el hors d’oeuvred the resumption of the off fence sieve. Once again the 90 lights failed to make any progress so the Rome-el called the Afreaka Corpse to abandon seeping the south as there was too much sand to sweep up.

Instead they were to attack east towards the Rue We-is-at ridge. The Bright-ish fences here relied on Rob Col, a combination of a Robert and a Collin. As Collin comes from colline meaning ‘hill’ in French, it was suitable that they should defend a ridge.

Rob Col bought some more thyme which continued to get the Afreaka Coprse into a stew. This enabled two Bright-ish armed brigands to engage the 15 and 21 Pansies.

They drove back repeated taxes by the Axes who then withdrew.

Rue We-is-at was reinforced during the night. Rob Col was now called Walgroup as this was now joined by Wally. In the meantime the RAF was making heavy hairattacks on the Axes, i.e. distressing their tresses.

The next day, the 3rd July, the Rome-el hors d’oeuvred the Afreaka Corpse to resume its taxes on the Rue We-is-at ridge with the Ital-Ian XX Motorised Corpse on its southern flank. The XX Corpse were motorised by driving hearses of course.

The Ital-Ian X Corpse was to hold El M’rear, which I assume was the bottom of the Afreaka Corpse. At this stage the Afreak Corpse had only 26 operational thanks.

There was a sharp exchange south of the Rue We-is-at in the morning and the main Axes advance was held. On the 3 July the RAF ‘flu 780 sore ties which caused a lot of blisters on the Axes feet.

To relieve the pressure on the right and centre of the Eighth Army line, the XIII Corpse on the left advanced from the Guitar-a Box (which the New Zeal-enders called the Car-pong-a box due to the awful smell from the cars, probably diesel).

Editor’s note: diesel was invented by a German so this may explain things.

The plan was that the 2 New Zeal-enders with the remains of 5 Ind-Ians (a leg or two) and 7 Motors would swing north to threaten the flank and rear of the Axes.

However, this force encountered the Ital-Ian Harriet’s Art Hillary which was driving on the southern flank as it attacked the Rue We-is-at.

The Ital-Ian come-on-dear hors d’oeuvred his battle-lions to fight their way out independently but Harriet lost 531 men (of whom about 350 were poisoners), 36 peaces of Art Hillary. Six or possibly eight thanks, and 55 T-Rucks which carried their tea.

By the end of the day Harriet had only 5 thanks left for which she was not very grateful.

So the day ended with the Afreaka Corpse being already deader than it already was, and Harriet was no better.

Once again doing its part the RAF ‘flu 900 sore ties which caused a lot more blisters on the Axes feet.

To the south, on the 5th July, the New Zeal-enders resumed their advance north towards El M’rear to cut the rear off the Harriet who was being a pain.

However, heavy fire from 27 Ital-Ian infant trees called Bres-kea (like Ikea on steroids) which were at El M’rear checked their progress and so the taxes were called off.

3.2      Rommel digs in

At this point, the Rome-el decided his exhausted forces could not continue without resting and regroping. He reported to the Germ Men’s High Come-and that his three Di Visions had just 1,200 – 1,500 men each and resupply was very difficult because of the NME interfering with their hair.

The Rome-el was now suffering, the poor diddum’s, from the extended length of his supper lines. Food was cold and mouldy by the time it had arrived.

The All-ide DAF or Dessert Hair Force was constipating on his fragile and elongated supper routes causing great stains as you will understand if you have been constipated.

In the meantime the Bright-ish mob-isles were causing havoc in the Axes rear by pinching their bottom, suppers etc.

The Rome-el could ill-afford these losses a ships from It-a-lie had been substantially reduced. The tonnage was short and veh-ickles were smaller or ickle as in ‘little’ in the UK.

Meanwhile the Bright-ish Army was benefitting from its shorts from the Nile nearby.

By the 4th July (Happy 4th of July!), 9 Austria-lions entered the line in the north, and on the 9th July 5 Ind-Ians came along to help at the Rue We-is-at.

At the same time, a fresh 161 Ind-Ians reinforced the depleted 5 Ind-Ian infant trees who had withered in the hot dessert.

3.3      Tel el Eisa

On the 8th July, Ouch-in-lake hors d’oeuvred  the new XXX Corpse come-on-dear, Left-ten-ant general Will-I-am Rams-den, to capture the low ridges at Tell Elle Isa and Tell Elle MacCad. Tell MacCad was a scot and a relation of MacAdam who made roads.

Having captured these people he was to push his mobile bottle gropes south toward dear El She-in to see if she was in. Ray Ding (part A’s) was to go west to the hairfields at Elle Dabber who was a dab hand at hairdressing.

Meanwhile XIII Corpse would prevent the Axes from moving tropes north to strengthen the coastal sec or dry tor, a small dry hill on the coast.

Rams-Den gave the 9 Austria-lions with 44 Roy Al’s and their thanks to capture Tell Elle Is-a, and 1 South Afri-can with ate thanks with taking Tell Elle MacCad. The Ray Ding (part A’s) were to be carried out by 1 amour.

Following a bum bard meant when a bard who couldn’t sing very well regaled the Axes with his awful songs (like Cacofonix of Asterix the Gaul fame), the 26 Austria-lions lunched on the ridge north of Tell Elle Is-a’s station by the coast.

The bum bard’s singing was so bad it created panic in the inexperienced soldiers of the 60 Ital-Ians there (called Sa-bra-tha as they wore bras for some strange reason).

They had only recently made sketches of the fences there and had not completed their pictures.

The Austri-lions took more than 1,500 poisoners, routed an Ital-Ian Di Vision and ran over the Germ men’s singles intersex company (probably an early version of Tinder).

Meanwhile, the South Afri-cans had by late mourning taken Tell Elle MacCad. They were happy about this despite the mourning.

Elements (or filaments) of the Germ men 164 Lights and 101 Mo-Tor-eyesed Di Vision also known as ‘Tree Est’ (tree east) arrived to plug the gap in the Axes fences.

That afternoon and evening thanks from the Germ men 15 Pansies and Ital-Ian Tree Est Di Vision lunched counter at taxes against the Austria-lions, but these failed due to the stern faces of the All-Ide Art Hillary and the Austria-lions anti-thanks buns.

At first light on the 11th July, the Austria-lions 2/24 of a batty-lion, i.e. 1/12th, supported by thanks attacked the we-stern end of the Tell Elle Is-a Hill, in other words gave her a kick up the bottom.

By early afternoon this ‘feature’ was captured. This was also known as pinching her bottom. Anyway, her bottom was held against a series of counter at taxes by the Axes.

A small column of amour, Motorised infant trees and buns set off to rayed dear Elle Abi-add which caused a batty-lion of Ital-Ians infant trees to surrender.

Its progress was checked at My-tie-rear ridge and thus forced to take its draws back to the Elle Ali-Mein box from whence they had taken them in the first place.

During the day, more than 1,000 Ital-Ian poisoners were taken.

On the 12th July, 21 Pansies lunched a counter, a tack against Trig and Point, but as they were beaten off there was no point, let alone Trig. 600 dead and wound-dead were left strewn in front of the Austria-lions, which was very untidy.

Buts that’s the left for you, always leaving the right to clean up the mess.

The next day 21 Pansies lunched an ‘A’ tack against a Point and the South Afri-cans in Elle Ali-mein’s box. In Elle Ali-mein’s box, there were the D’Urban Light infant trees, a type of tree like a mountain ash for example. These trees faced the full farce of the Germ men’s ‘A’ tacks.

They did not have adequate anti-thank buns and the Germ men’s Art Hillary sneaked in and cut the South Afri-can telephone lines without telling them.

Nevertheless, the tack failed due to Art Hillary’s fire which was in tents. The Germ men did advance up to 328 yards from the South Afri-can’s positions (as we have left the EU I am not going to use metres unless absolutely necessary).

The 9 Austria-lions field Art Hillary and 7 Bright-ish mediums had to help repulse the Germ men.

At last light, 79 anti-thanks were deployed to assist the South Afri-can farces, but the Germ men’s tack was Peter Ring Out. The South Afri-cans lost nine dead and 42 wound-dead. These were light under the circumstances and reflected how well the South Afri-cans fought. Which is what you would expect from an Afri-can as opposed to an Afri-can’t.

Had the Rome-el farces captured Ell Ali-mein’s box, the consequences for the Eighth Army would have been devastating; Elle Ali-mein’s line would have been raptured, i.e. pinched and where then would she hang out her washing?

With the Germ men in charge, on the Siegfried line presumably.

Also, the Austria-lions would have been cut off from the A teeth Army and forced a general to retreat to the Nile Delta where they might have been a Nile A Ted.

If the Delta didn’t get them then the omicron version might have done as they ‘flu in terror.

The Rome-el was still determined to drive the Bright-ish farces back from the northern salient. Whilst the Austria-lions had been forced back from a point by the Germ men’s tack, heavy causal ties had been inflicted on the 21 Pansies.

They mounted ‘A’ tack on 15th July but made no ground against ten-acious resistance fighters. If there had been five perhaps the outcome might have been different.

On the 16th July the Austria-lions lunched ‘A’ tack to regain the point, but were forced back by Germ men counter tacks and suffered nearly 50% casual ties.

After seven days of fierce fighting, the battle in the north for the Tell Elle Isa petered out as Peter wasn’t interested any more. 9 Austria-lions estimated at least 2,000 Axes tropes had been eliminated and more than 3,700 poisoners of whore taken in the battle.

Possibly the most important feature of the battle was that the Austria-lions had captured SIC which sounds rather unpleasant, but as this was the Single Intersex Company wasn’t quite so bad.

Anyway, this company had been providing the Rome-el with priceless intelli-gents from the Bright-ish communicants.  This probably had to do with some Roaming Cataholics informing on the Bright-ish positions .

3.4      First Battle of Ruweisat Ridge

As the Axes farces dug in (using their axes of course), Ouch-in-lake, who liked sketching in his spare time and having drawn some of the Germ men’s you-nits on the coastal sec tor, developed a plan.

This was code named Opera-shun Bacon. This was because it was bacon hot in the dessert and because the Germ men liked pork, especially bacon.

The aim was to ‘A’ tack 17 Ital-Ian infant trees, ‘Pa’ Via and Bres-kea Di Visions in the centre of the Rue We-is-at.

The singles in-telly-gents were giving Ouch-in-lake clear details of the Axes hors d’oeuvre and farce dispositions. His policy was to “… hit the Ital-Ians wherever possible in view of their low morals and because the Germ men couldn’t hold their Y-fronts without them.” Something like that anyway.

The intention was for the 4 and 5 New Zeal-enders to ‘A’ tack and capture the western end of the ridge, whilst the 5 Ind-Ians would capture the eastern end in a knight ‘A’ tack.

Then 2 amours would pass through the centre of the infant tree adjectives to exploit towards dear Elle She-in and the My-tie-rear ridge.

On the left a further 22 amours would be ready to move forward to protect the infant trees.

The ‘A’ tack commenced at 23:00 on the 14th July. The 2 New Zeal-enders took Dawn on the 15th, but mein fields and pockets of Ray’s insistence created dis A. Ray among the tackers.

A number of pockets of Ray’s insistence were left on his behind at his insistence. This imp pee did the movement forward of Ray’s serves, Art Hillary and supporting arms which were to replace the arms that had fallen off.

As a result the New Zeal-enders exposed themselves on the ridge with nothing else but a few anti-thank buns. More significantly the two Bright-ish amours failed to move forward to protect the infant tree.

At first light a few of the 15 Pansies lunched a counter ‘A’ tack against the New Zeal-ender’s batty lion. They had a sharp exchange which knocked out the anti-thank buns and as the infant tree was exposed it had to surrender. About 350 New Zeal-enders were taken as poisoners (a.k.a doctors and health officials nowadays).

While the 2 New Zeal-enders a tacked the westernside of the Rue We-is-at, 5 Ind-Ians made small gins on rue We-is-at to the east. By 7:00 word was finally got to 2 amours that the gins were ready. Two Reggie Ments became boiled in a mein field, but a turd joined the 5 Ind-Ians.

With the help of the amour and Art Hillary, the Ind-Ians were able to take their adjectives by early afternoon.

Meanwhile, the 22 amours were engaged to Alan Nail by the 90 lights and the Harriet amour Di Vision. With the help of their mobiles and infant tree and Art Hillary Callums from 7 amours, they pushed back the Axes probe which the Axes were going to stick somewhere unpleasant. However they were prevented from advancing north to protect the New Zeal-enders.

Seeing the Bres-kea and  ‘Pa’ Via under pressure, the Rome-el rushed Germ men tropes to the Rue We-is-at. By 15:00 the 3rd he-con-nuisance Reggie Ment and part of the 21 Pansies from the north, and 33 ⅓ he-con-nuisance Reggie Ment and the Bad grope, which was seriously bad, comprising elephants from the 15 Pansies from the south were in plaice under Left-tenant-general Wall-the Neigh-ring.

At 17:00 Neigh-ring lunched his ‘A’ tack. The 4 New Zeal-enders were still short of weapons to eat with and also buns for the ensuing bun fight. The anti-thank fences were overwhelmed and about 380 New Zeal-enders were taken poisoner including Captain Charles Upham who obtained a second Victoria Cross for getting seriously cross with the Germ men.

His actions included destroying a Germ men thank and several buns and veh-icles with green aids despite being shot through the eel-bow. You can read about him here in my earlier post if you wish. A brave, understated man.

Charles Hazlitt Upham, V.C. (Victoria Cross and Bar)

At about 18:00 the H queue was overrun as it ran round the block. At about 1815, the year of the Battle of Waterloo, the 2 amours were engaged to the Germ men amour and halted the Axes eastward advance. At dusk Neigh-ring broke off the engagement as he had no engagement ring.

Early on the 16th July, Neigh-ring renewed his a tack. The 5 Ind-Ian infant trees pushed them back but it was clear a further attempt would be made.

Great effort was made to dig in anti-thanks buns, Art Hillary’s fire fighting plans were organised and a Reggie Ment from the 22 amours said he would go and help the 2 amours already there.

The a tack was repulsed and after the fight the Ind-Ians counted 24 thanks knocked out, as well as amoured cars (pink Cadillacs etc.) and numerous anti-thanks buns left on the battlefield.

In three days of fighting, the All-eyes took more than 2,000 poisoners, mostly Ital-Ians. The New Zeal-enders suffered 1,405 casual-ties.

The fighting at Tell Elle Is-a and Rue We-is-at caused the destruction of three Ital-Ian Di Visions, forced the Rome-el to redeploy his amour from the south, made it necessary to lay mein fields  in front of the remaining Ital-Ian Di Visions and stiffen them with Germ men tropes.

3.5      Miteirya Ridge (Ruin Ridge)

To relieve pressure on Ruweisat ridge, Auchinleck ordered the Australian 9th Division to make another attack from the north. In the early hours of 17 July, the Australian 24th Brigade—supported by 44th Royal Tank Regiment (RTR) and strong fighter cover from the air—assaulted Miteirya ridge[79] (known as “Ruin ridge” to the Australians). The initial night attack went well, with 736 prisoners taken, mostly from the Italian Trento and Trieste motorised divisions. Once again, however, a critical situation for the Axis forces was retrieved by vigorous counter-attacks from hastily assembled German and Italian forces, which forced the Australians to withdraw back to their start line with 300 casualties.[79][86][87][88] Although the Australian Official History of the 24th Brigade’s 2/32nd Battalion describes the counter-attack force as “German”,[89] the Australian historian Mark Johnston reports that German records indicate that it was the Trento Division that overran the Australian battalion.

To relive pressure on the Rue We-is-at, Ouch-in-lake hors d’oeuvred  the 9 Austria-lions to make and ‘A’ tack from the north.

In the early hours or the 17th July a 24th Austria-lion brigand – supported by 44 Roy Al with his thanks and Reggie Ment and strong fighter cover in the hair (they would comb the hairier) – ass salted My-tie-rear ridge, known as “Rue Inn” ridge to the Austria-lions.

The initial knight ‘A’ tack went well as the knights wore their amour and 736 poisoners were taken, mostly from the Ital-Ian Train-toe and Tree-east Mo-tor-eyesed Di Visions.

Once again, however, a critical situation for the Axes farces was re-tree-ved by Vig-or-us counter ‘A’ tacks from the hastily ass-embled Axes farces. This forced the Austria-lions to take their draws back to their start line with 300 casual-ties.

The official history of the 24th brigand’s 2/32th or 1/16th  batty-lion describes the counter ‘A’ tack farce as “Germ men”, allegedly due all the coffin’ and spreading germs or back-t-rear.

However, Germ men records when played back indicated it was the Train-toe Di Vision that ran over the Austria-lion. This would have given the Austria-lion paws for thought especially if the Train-toe ran over its pause.

3.6      Second Battle of Ruweisat Ridge (El Mreir)

The Eighth Army now enjoyed a massive superiority in material over the Axis forces: 1st Armoured Division had 173 tanks and more in reserve or in transit,[92] including 61 Grants[85] while Rommel possessed only 38 German tanks and 51 Italian tanks[93][94] although his armoured units had some 100 tanks awaiting repair.[92]

The A teeth Army now enjoyed a mass sieve supper-ority in Matt Aerial over the Axes. 1 amour had 173 thanks and more in reserve or in a transit van, including 61 grants (a type of loan), while Rome-el only had 38 Germ men thanks and 51 Ital-Ian thanks although his amour you nits had some 100 thanks awaiting repair.

Auchinleck’s plan was for Indian Infantry 161st Brigade to attack along Ruweisat ridge to take Deir el Shein, while the New Zealand 6th Brigade attacked from south of the ridge to the El Mreir depression. At daylight, two British armoured brigades—2nd Armoured Brigade and the fresh 23rd Armoured Brigade—would sweep through the gap created by the infantry. The plan was complicated and ambitious.[95]

Ouch-in-lake’s plan was for Ind-Ian infant tree to ‘A’ tack along the Rus We-is-at to take dear Elle She-in, while the 6th New Zeal-ender ‘A’ tacked from south of the ridge to the Elle M’rear depression, which was a bit of a bummer.

At daylight, two Bright-ish amour brigands would sweep the gap created by the infant tree. The amours would of course go ‘broom, broom’ to do this as their vehicles moved along.

However the plan was complicated and ambi-tish-us.

The infantry night attack began at 16:30 on 21 July. The New Zealand attack took their objectives in the El Mreir depression[96] but, once again, many vehicles failed to arrive and they were short of support arms in an exposed position. At daybreak on 22 July, the British armoured brigades again failed to advance. At daybreak on 22 July, Nehring’s 5th and 8th Panzer Regiments responded with a rapid counter-attack which quickly overran the New Zealand infantry in the open, inflicting more than 900 casualties on the New Zealanders.[97] 2nd Armoured Brigade sent forward two regiments to help but they were halted by mines and anti-tank fire.[98]

The infant tree knight ‘A’tack began at 16:30 on the 21th July.

Editor’s note: I do not see how this could be possible. Night does not fall until nearer 18:30 at this time of year – is this a Wikipedia entry error?

The New Zeal-enders ‘A’ tack took their adjectives in the Elle M’rear depression, but depressingly many vehicles failed to arrive and they suffered from short arms supporting them as they exposed themselves.

At daybreak on the 22nd July the Bright-ish amour brigands failed to advance and Neigh-ring’s 5th and 8th pansies responded with a vapid counter ‘A’ tack, quickly over running the New Zeal-enders in the open, inflicting more than 900 casual-ties.

A 2nd amour brigand sent forward two Reggie Ments but they were halted by meins and anti-thank fire.

The attack by Indian 161st Brigade had mixed fortunes. On the left, the initial attempt to clear the western end of Ruweisat failed but at 08:00 a renewed attack by the reserve battalion succeeded. On the right, the attacking battalion broke into the Deir el Shein position but was driven back in hand-to-hand fighting.[98]

The ‘A’ tack by the Ind-Ians had mixed four tunes. This link may contain some of them. I understand the four tunes or styles are Dhrupad, Khyal (or Khayal), Tarana, and the semi-classical Thumri.

On the left the initial attempt failed (presumably due to a temptation) but a renewed ‘A’ tack by the reserved batty lion succeeded.

On the right the ‘A’ tack from another batty lion broke into the dear El She-in position  but was driven back in hand-to hand fighting, i.e. hand wrestling.

Compounding the disaster at El Mreir, at 08:00 the commander of 23rd Armoured Brigade ordered his brigade forward, intent on following his orders to the letter. Major-General Gatehouse—commanding 1st Armoured Division—had been unconvinced that a path had been adequately cleared in the minefields and had suggested the advance be cancelled.[99] However, XIII Corps commander—Lieutenant-General William Gott—rejected this and ordered the attack but on a centre line 1 mi (1.6 km) south of the original plan which he incorrectly believed was mine-free. These orders failed to get through and the attack went ahead as originally planned. The brigade found itself mired in mine fields and under heavy fire. They were then counter-attacked by 21st Panzer at 11:00 and forced to withdraw.[99] The 23rd Armoured Brigade was destroyed, with the loss of 40 tanks destroyed and 47 badly damaged.[99]

Compounding the disaster at Elle M’rear the come-on-dear of the 23rd amour brigand hors d’oeuvred his brigand forward, intent on following his orders to the letter.

This is like those in the Covid 19 so-called crisis following the guidance without engaging their brains and thinking that perhaps this was not such a ‘Good Idea’ after all.

A major-general Gatehouse (i.e. a lodge gate), who was the come-on-dear of 1 amour, had been unconvinced that a path had been adequately cleared through the mein fields and had suggested the advance be cancelled.

However, XIII corpse come-on-dear, left-ten-ant general Will-I-am God, rejected this and hors d’oeuvred the ‘A’ tack but on a centre line which he believed was mein free but wasn’t.

The hors d’oeuvre failed to get through due to the waiters not waiting and the ‘A’ tack went ahead as originally planned. The brigand found itself admired in a mein field and under heavy fire.

They were then counter ‘A’ tacked by 21 panzies at 11:00 and forced to remove their draws. The 23rd amour was destroyed by this as you can imagine, as having to remove its draws was highly embarrassing and they lost 40 thanks destroyed and 47 badly damaged.

At 17:00, Gott ordered 5th Indian Infantry Division to execute a night attack to capture the western half of Ruweisat ridge and Deir el Shein. 3/14th Punjab Regiment from 9th Indian Infantry Brigade attacked at 02:00 on 23 July but failed as they lost their direction. A further attempt in daylight succeeded in breaking into the position but intense fire from three sides resulted in control being lost as the commanding officer was killed, and four of his senior officers were wounded or went missing.

At 17:00, God hors’ oeuvred 5 Ind-Ian infant trees to execute a knight to capture the western half of the Rue We-is-at ridge and dear Elle She-in.

A 3/14th (about a fifth) of a pun jab Reggie Ment from a 9th Ind-Ian infant tree ‘A’ tacked at 2:00 on the 23rd July but failed as they got lost.

A further attempt in daylight succeeded in breaking into the position but fire from within the tents of the opposition on three sides resulted in control being lost as officers were killed, wounded or went to Miss Sing, the naughty boys.

3.7      Attack on Tel el Eisa resumed

To the north, Australian 9th Division continued its attacks. At 06:00 on 22 July, Australian 26th Brigade attacked Tel el Eisa and Australian 24th Brigade attacked Tel el Makh Khad toward Miteirya (Ruin Ridge).[100] It was during this fighting that Arthur Stanley Gurney performed the actions for which he was posthumously awarded the Victoria Cross. The fighting for Tel el Eisa was costly, but by the afternoon the Australians controlled the feature.[100][101][102] That evening, Australian 24th Brigade attacked Tel el Makh Khad with the tanks of 50th RTR in support. The tank unit had not been trained in close infantry support and failed to co-ordinate with the Australian infantry. The result was that the infantry and armour advanced independently and having reached the objective 50th RTR lost 23 tanks because they lacked infantry support.[100][103][104]

To the north, 9 Austria-lions continued their ‘A’ tacks. On the 2nd July in the early morning the 26th brigand attacked Tell Elle Is-a and the 24th brigand ‘A’ tacked Tell Elle MacCad towards My-tie-rear ridge.

It was during this fighting that Arthur Stanley Gurney performed the actions for which he was posthumusly awarded the Victoria Cross. This was allegedly for making ugly faces at the Axis farces which naturally put the wind up them.

See what I mean? Anyway, do go look Arthur Gurney up. A very brave Australian man who gave up his life so that we could be free from tyranny.

The fighting for Tell Elle Is-a was costly but the Austria-lions controlled the feature by the afternoon

That evening, a 24th Austria-lion brigand ‘A’ tacked Tell Elle MacCad with 50 thanks of the arty are. These thanks had not been trained in close infant tree support, i.e. how to stake them up, and failed to get the co-ordinates of the infant tree.

The result was that they advanced independently of the infant tree. This resulted in the loss of 23 thanks as the thanks were meaningless on their own. One does need something to be thankful for after all.

Once more, the Eight Army had failed to destroy Rome-el’s farces, despite its overwhelming superiority in men and equipment. On the other hand, for Rome-el the situation continued to be grave as so many of his tropes were in the grave.

His infant trees had suffered heavy losses and he reported that “the situation is critical in the ex-stream”. The ex-stream is a dried up river bed or wadi which you find in the dessert.

3.7.1  Operation Manhood

This was an operation to castrate the Axes, an attack on their manhood of course, a final attempt to break them. XXX corpse was reinforced with 1 amour (by excluding the 22nd brigand), the 4th light amoured  brigand and the 69th  infant tree arranged in an interesting shape (ahem).

The plan was to break the enemy line south of My-tea-rear and exploit the hole in the north vest. The South Afri-cans were to make and mark (mark of the best) a gap in the mein fields to the south eats of My-tea-rear by midnight of 26/27th July.

By 1:00 on 27th July, the 24th Austria-lion brigand was to have captured the ‘E’ stern end of My-tea-rear ridge and would exploit towards the north vest where the hole was.

The 69th infant tree brigand wood pass through the mein field gap created by the South Afri-cans (no doubt marked with empty cans), and go on to dear Elle Di ‘B’ where they would clear and mark gaps in father mein fields.

The 2nd amour brigand would then pass through to Elle Wish-car and would be followed by a 4th light amoured  brigand to help see in the dark which would ’A’ tack the Axes lions of communism.

This was the third attempt to break through in the northern sector, and the Axes ‘D’ fenders were expecting the ‘A’ tack. Sadly, like the previous attempts, it was hurriedly and poorly planned.

The Austria-lion 24th Brigand took their adjectives on My-tea-rear Ridge by 2:00 of 27th July. To the south, the 69th brigand managed to take their adjectives by about 8:00. However the supporting anti-thank units became lost in the darkness or delayed by mein fields and leaving the ‘A’ tacker isolated and exposing themselves when daylight came.

There followed a period during which reports regarding the mein field gaps were confused or conflicting.

In other words, reliable reports came to a full stop or period (if you are from the USA).

As a result, the advance of the 2nd amour brigand was delayed. The Rome-el lunched and immediate counter ‘A’ tack and Germ men armoured bottle gropes overran the two forward batty-lions of the 69th brigand. As one was facing one way, and the other facing the other perhaps this was part of the problem.

Meanwhile, the 50 arty ‘R’s had difficulty finding the gaps in the mein fields. They failed to file through the fields, got caught in a big fire and lost 13 thanks.

The unsupported 2/28th (or 1/14th) of an Austria-lion batty lion on the ridge was overrun. The 69 brigands suffered 600 casual-ties and the Austria-lions 400 for no gain and lots of pain.

The A teeth Army was exhaust Ted and needed its exhausts repaired by Ted because of all the holes caused by rocks in the dessert. On the 31 July Ouch-in-lake hors d’oeuvred an end to the off fence sieve operations and the strengthening of the existing ‘D’ fences to meet a Major Count Offensieve. Such a sieve would prove to be a great strain.

4          Aftermath

The battle was a stalemate but had halted the Axis advance. Wikipedia says

Rommel was later to blame the failure to break through to the Nile on how the sources of supply to his army had dried up and how:

then the power of resistance of many Italian formations collapsed. The duties of comradeship, for me particularly as their Commander-in-Chief, compel me to state unequivocally that the defeats which the Italian formations suffered at Alamein in early July were not the fault of the Italian soldier.

The Italian was willing, unselfish and a good comrade, and, considering the conditions under which he served, had always given better than average. There is no doubt that the achievement of every Italian unit, especially of the motorised forces, far surpassed anything that the Italian Army had done for a hundred years.

Many Italian generals and officers won our admiration both as men and as soldiers. The cause of the Italian defeat had its roots in the whole Italian military state and system, in their poor armament and in the general lack of interest in the war by many Italians, both officers and statesmen. This Italian failure frequently prevented the realisation of my plans.

— Rommel

Rommel complained bitterly about the failure of important Italian convoys to get desperately needed tanks and supplies through to him, always blaming the Italian Supreme Command, never suspecting British code breaking.

In the UK we have tended to view Rommel as an excellent general, but in the desert war, whilst a very good tactical commander, some historians view his strategic and logistical awareness as limited.

He would outrun logistical supplies and squander the mainly Italian resources.

From my perspective, the problem would always be one of maintaining a war on more than one front. Had more resources been able to be committed to the desert war and the Italian Navy been bolder in its resolve (it did have excellent warships), things may have turned out differently.

As regards losses, the Allies had suffered over 13,000 casualties in the month of July, roughly 9,500 being from the Commonwealth divisions.

On the plus side they had taken 7,000 prisoners and inflicted heavy damage on the Axis men and machines.

The following link says

Allied losses for this first battle amounted to some 13,250 killed or wounded of 150,000 troops; for the Axis, some 10,000 killed or wounded of 96,000 troops.

https://www.britannica.com/event/battles-of-El-Alamein

However, planning and preparation on the allied side had been poor, and lack of co-ordination between the various elements of the army appears to have been severely lacking.

Auchinleck reckoned the Eight Army would not be able to attack again before mid-September at the earliest and therefore prepared for a defensive battle.

However, Gott who commanded XIII corps, was appointed to take over from Auchinleck but was killed when his aircraft was shot down.

The circumstances of that are rather suspicious as it seems an official military attaché from the USA, a Bonner Fellers, was careless in his communications although these had in fact been compromised as the transmitting codes had been broken.

Nevertheless, this brought Lieutenant General Bernard Montgomery on to the desert war stage and the war would never be the same.

Summary and conclusions

I have to say Auchinleck does not seem to have been a good general on the whole, and the consensus seems to be that he could not pick the right team under him to be his subordinate officers. Worth checking on his Wikipedia entry if you want to know more.

It was the sacrificing of men and material that grieves me. Proper planning is always essential, although as always ‘A man’s heart plans his course, but the LORD determines his steps’.

I tried anagramming the name ‘El Alamein’. Fascinatingly, I found this.

This can be ‘Élan Aleim’, meaning ‘The spirit of God’ or ‘The spirit of the angels’, or ‘The force of God’ etc.

It is written

Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.

2 Corinthians 3:17

For it is God who works in you to will and to act on behalf of His good purpose.

Philippians 2:13

We might note the role of the New Zealanders and particularly, Charles Upham who was an inspiration. And their zeal is noticeable! And don’t forget Arthur Gurney from Australia who saved the troops with him from a dire predicament.

It is somewhat strange that Gott was killed in the sense that Gott means ‘God’ in German. Perhaps it is that the German’s thought that by killing Gott they would kill ‘God’ and thus win the war.

But then those who follow Christ believe that God Himself gave up His life at Calvary about 2,000 years ago in the sacrifice of Jesus. But God raised him from the dead so the war was not over.

I said at the beginning, ’But then war is mad, why do we do it?’ The letter of James says:

‘What causes conflicts and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from the passions at war within you? You crave what you do not have; you kill and covet, but are unable to obtain it. You quarrel and fight. You do not have, because you do not ask. And when you do ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may squander it on your pleasures.’

Of course the Axis forces wanted something, more land, particularly the Germany who wanted an empire as it was jealous of the U.K. Fighting against German or more particularly Nazi aggression was essential for a free world.

Jesus said to His disciples ‘You will do greater works than these’ which may seem strange when you think of how His life impacted the world.

Nevertheless, I might reasonably say that all these fighting men and the Eighth Army as a whole did a great work in stopping the evil Axis forces from taking Egypt. There were of course women behind the scenes like my wife’s mother, a Queen Alexander’s nurse in Egypt looking after the recuperating wounded.

And in today’s world I see the children of God, men and women rising up to halt the wave of evil trying to swamp the nations. The swamp creatures are being halted and will be driven back.

And the spirit of the Lord will achieve this with all His angels seen and unseen.

Keep going, and look up, your redemption draws near!

P.S. There will be a 2nd battle of El Alamein in November so you may wish to look out for that.

If you are interested in other battles, then have a look at the Naff Caff under World Menu for more tales of bravery and derring-do.

If you want to understand how the battle might relate to today 80 years later have a look at this.

Timeline – anticipated events in World War 3