111 Not Out – One Day International Cricket

By Baldmichael Theresoluteprotector’sson

25th October, 2022

Tee hee! Actually, this post is not about crickets or the game of cricket, but to celebrate the fact I scored 111 hits on my site in one day, yesterday in fact.

If you don’t like cricket then perhaps you said ‘That’s a relief!’

If you are a cricket then perhaps you said ‘That’s a green leaf!’

If you are Buddy Holly and the Crickets then perhaps you said ‘We had lots of hits!’

Anyway, my ‘hits’ came from all over the world, so it was international for me.

Isn’t wonderful? I know, I know little things please little minds, but I have to keep my moral up.

Anyway, I am aiming to finish my Battle of Henderson’s field post for tomorrow when the battle ended 80 years ago, so I must press on.

‘See y’all’ as they can say in the States.

P.S. here’s proof of the stats.

Why is it a bad thing for men to lend money?

By Baldmichael Theresoluteprotector’sson

12th August, 2022



Eyes rolling upwards, here we go again.

“Ok, why is it a bad thing for men to lend money?” (Kenneth T knows this already).

Because God said ‘It is not good for man to be a loan’ in Genesis 2 v. 18

Mind you, my translation’s the NQR Revised Version. This is the Not Quite Right version, so that may explain things.

Still, it is said ‘Neither a borrower or a lender be’ so maybe it does make some sense after all.

P.S. The Bible translations all have some flaws, even the best versions. You have to go back to the original text. I am trying to sort out some of the issues, although others may well have got there before me.

Mary had a little lamb…

A lite bite.

By Baldmichael Theresoluteprotector’sson

11th August, 2022

My wife and I have been having a short break. It is very hot in the UK at the moment, 30 degrees centigrade or more this afternoon where we are.

So i was wondering what might do to cool us down a bit. Not sure this will work, but it’s too hot for strenuous thinking, so how about this, written before our break?



4th August, 2022

Mary had a little lamb

Her cheeks were white as snow

For she’d stuck them in the freezer

A little while ago.

For she’d eaten quite a lot of food

More than ought she should

Her insides were discomforted

She wasn’t feeling good.

Her tummy was a-gurgling

And things seemed about to run

So congealing all was needed

albeit not much fun.

Thus on a stool she stood

And op’d the freezer’s door

She was not tall I gather;

Being short’s a bore.

And so she stuck her bottom in

She wished to chill her butt

But freezing’s not the answer

The silly little mutt.

The cheeks I mentioned at the start

Were not those on her face

But those upon the nether parts

Down low, the other place!

She sat there for an hour

Then found that she was stuck

Her brother found her later

‘Oh dear’, he said, ‘bad luck.’

He went and told their mother

Who exclaimed it wasn’t nice

To stick your bum in there

To turn it all to ice.

They managed to extract her

And sat Mary in the sink

To defrost very slowly

As her cheeks returned to pink.



So chill out, stay cool and be careful where you sit!

Why are lawns a bad thing for men? – A lite bite.

By Baldmichael Theresoluteprotector’sson

3rd August, 2022


“I don’t know, why are lawns a bad thing for men?”

Because God said ‘It is not good for man to be a lawn’ in Genesis 2 v. 18

Mind you, my eyesight’s not very good at the moment, so I might have misread it.

P.S. If you are after more lite bites then you could do worse than go to the TAPPER’S BAR for a light bight to eat. You will find it in World Menu, just scroll down to find or use ‘find’ on the page.

Pandemic: Definitions

By Baldmichael Theresoluteprotector’sson

8th May, 2022
Minor update 9th may 2022 to last definition.


Really I should have looked at this early on, but my physical health has not been great, afflicted as I have been with great tiredness due to the neuro-toxic effects of sodium nitrite. I am improving though as the world wakes up and as my body detoxifies. Perhaps the two are related.

Anyway, I thought we could have some fun looking at the definitions of pandemic and other ‘Pan’ words. Some may have been made up. You can check as usual.

Pantechnicons – a high tech pan that people worship. Possibly a toilet which in our family has been called ‘The throne’!!

Panleukopenia – a pan which if you look at closely opens here

Pantheistically – a pan that you can make laugh (is tickly)

Pantothenate – a pan you can eat once you have used it (single use pan)

Pandemonium – a pan that doesn’t cook properly as it’s a devil to use

Pandemonimum – the panic that mums get when they think their darling children are going to get Covid 19, a.k.a the ‘flu.

Pandamonium – the panic that people get when they think that Chinese bears have caused Covid 19, a.k.a the ‘flu as opposed to bats.

N.B. bats, cricket or otherwise, do not cause Covid 19/ the ‘flu. However, bats can fly, so they can be said to have ‘flu if you see what I mean. Hence the confusion about Wuhan ‘flu or Covid 19.

Panjandrum – a pan that Janet banged like a drum during ‘Clap for carers’ weekly charade during first UK lockdown

Pancreatin – the art of making a pan from scratch

Pancretin – one of many morons around the world who think that Covid 19 is any more than the seasonal ‘flu exaggerated to make it look like a monster

Panhandle – a musical composer of pans, such as might be played on pans during first lockdown ‘Clap for carers’ in the UK

Pantoffle –an old word for a slipper

Pantoffee – a sticky sweet made in a pan

Panettone – a pan belonging to Anthony (but not Cleopatra)

Panetella – a pan belonging to Ella

Panetella – a pan that tells a woman what to do

Pandering – to make a phone call to a Chinese bear

Panicking – a man who is the best at creating a drama out of nothing (like Anthony Fauci saying the Covid 19 a.k.a . the ‘flu will infect us all, get vaccinated)

Panoramic – a pan or a mic(rophone), the choice is yours

Panasonic – the sound a pan makes when it is being banged like a drum during ‘Clap for carers’ weekly charade during first UK lockdown

Pantrymen – if you need a pan ask a man

Pansexual – a pan that could be male or female (if it comes with a handle it’s male, if it comes with a connection for a handle it’s female of course)

Pandowdy – a heavily worn pan

Panhowdy – how a cowboy greets you when he invites you to sit down with him and eat some beans

Pandanus – the bottom (ahem) of a Chinese bear i.e what you might see if you look at a bear behind

Panache – what you get when someone hits you over the head with a pan

Pandoras – a pan belonging to Dora

Pandora’s Box – where Dora keeps her pans

Pandora’s Box – a type of hedging belonging to Dora in the shape of a pan

Pancreas – a railway station in London, as in St Pancreas (sic)

Panorama – a pan or a mother (ma for mother)

Pansies – oh look, there’s a pan

Panther – a pan over there

Panther – female breathlessness

Panther – half a pair of female knickers (UK)

Panther – half a pair of female trousers (USA)

Pantry – an experimental pan

Panoply – an Irish pan belonging to the O’Ply clan

Panicky – a pan belonging to Nicholas or Nicola

Panicum – thinking about panicking  

Pandies – a dead pan to be thrown out

Panzers – a pan ‘zere’ i.e German for a pan is there

Panted – Edward’s pan

Pantie – something to hang your pan from or wear round your neck

Pan Am – a pan that just is

Pandemic – a pan of Mic(hael), such as one of mine. For example, I have a saucepan – one that is cheeky

Pandemic – a panic the dems use to scare people

And finally

Planscamdemonpanic – a deliberate hoax by the devils out of Germany, a.k.a the Nazis/Marxists to persuade the human race that Covid 19 is seriously infectious and you need to panic without double checking or thinking and isolate, mask-alate, vaccinate yourself to death to cure yourself of stupidity for believing it in the first place.

And pay for the costs yourselves at great expense.

Can I hear an ‘Amen’ to that?

P.S. If you need to know more about the planscamdemonic, please see here.

Covid 19 Summary

You will find Wuhan ‘Flu in the above link but also on the main menu bar at the top of the page (for the time being).

S is for….States of the U.S.A.

By Baldmichael Theresoluteprotector’sson

24th March 2022



I have decided to make this a post so that those who haven’t viewed it might enjoy it. Given all that is going on in the world right now we need more humour.

You will find reference to Joe Biden scattered about. Even some democrat voters might appreciate the little scraps about him.

I have been brought up on all sorts of music, much of the modern genre has come from the States to which I make allusion in the post. If you are not familiar with the lyrics of the particular song it may not make sense.

Still, I hope you find it a worthwhile read. I have made some minor amendments to bring certain matters up to date.

3rd September, 2020

There is a well-known song which Perry Como sang written by Irving Gordon called ‘Delaware’. It puns on several U.S. states names. You can find it here.

There are other versions around, and certainly useful to help memorise at least some of the names of the 50 states.

Whilst I am not singing the following, I thought I could add my pennies worth to the current pundemic. I hope you enjoy it, whether you are from the states or not. It may even contain some truth, you never know.

Alabama – Named after the muslin God Alah, and after the O’Bama family who came here having emigrated from Ireland.

Its oldest city is mobile apparently, but where it moves to nobody knows. There are rumours it visits trailer parks across the state.

Its most famous resident was Leonard Skinhard, so named as his hands were coarsened by the picking of cotton without gloves. He would often sing softly to himself of his sweet home, Alabama.

Alaska – You can get baked in Alaska allegedly, especially in the middle, although I scream at this, as surely it is very cold in the centre. Me, I harangue the exterior which makes the dessert (sic)-like conditions more favourable.

A nickname is ‘The last front ear’. Presumably because the other ear fell off due to frostbite in the very cold winters.

Arizona – The Spanish who came here called it ’arry’s zona’ as Harry was a local tough guy. If the Spanish didn’t say it was his, he would beat them up, or worse.

Contains the Grand Onion, so called due to the layers of exposed rocks, and because it is so amazing it brings tears to the eyes. That’s the Most High for you.

Arkansas – So named because when the first settlers came they thought it was Kansas and said ‘Ah, Kansas’. But it wasn’t, it was a bit further up on the left on the map.

However, scholars disagree. Some say it should be ‘Ah can saw’, as the first settlers found woodland they could cut to make new homes.

There are a few who suggest that it is from ‘ark and S.A.S’. It is suggested that the ‘Special Air Service’ built a boat, or ark, on the Mississippi to ferry people across on their journey west.

It may be possible, but that doesn’t make much sense as that would be a special boat service, rather than a special air service.

California – Home of Fornication, its main industry. The Cali bit comes from Kali, the Hindu goddess, who was one of the Tantric Sects. She was hot stuff apparently, which is why we have calorific etc.

The industry is not liked by everyone. The fault frequently gets put on San Andreas, although why he should be responsible I don’t know. Perhaps he was a roaming Catholic.

Its main area of forest is known as Holly Wood. Rather prickly as you might imagine. You have to be careful how you move around if you go in, as there are a lot of pricks about (on the leaves of course).

Colorado – Its main export is Colorado springs, a type of jumping device you can attach to your feet. Attempts are regularly made to jump over the nearby rocks or rockies, as they are affectionately known.

Not to be confused with the rookies, which are baby birds (small rooks) of the corvid family.

Not to be confused with the Covid family. These are obese Americans who have gone down with the ‘flu. They are stupid.

As the saying goes ‘For the lack of knowledge the people perish.’ And they are perishing idiots.

Connecticut – Not much sense in the name as, if you are going to connect something, why then cut it?

The state well-known for lock making at Yale, New Haven (you may have heard of Yale locks). These, however, are of the canal kind, necessary to help connect to the interior of the state and neighbouring Massachusetts.

N.B. a canal is a ‘cut’, so this could be the real reason behind the state’s name.

Delaware – Not as Perry Como supposed, but related to Del Boy of ‘Only fools and Horses’, a British sitcom. Del was always ‘aware’ of an opportunity.

I see the World Championship Punkin Chunkin festival is held here. I understand they see how far they can ‘shoot’ pumpkins. Good practice I suppose for prospective employees of NASA.

And goes to show the yanks can be as mad as the Brits when it comes to wacky sports. Which I consider good for the special relationship.

A stretch of good sandy beach seems to make for a great escape from Washington D.C.

And, of course Joe Biden lives in the state. Still, you can’t have everything.

I see that the state has, amongst many state symbols, the state fossil. As it is always a good idea to update things, why not have Joe Biden as the new state fossil? He is after all of a good age, and can be found in thick deposits such as Demoncrat (sic) conventions.

Florida – Home to the Miami vice, a type of tool for gripping items you wish to secure before cutting etc. Invented by Florie’s dad or Florie’s da for short.

Also home to the Everblades, a minor league ice hockey team. It’s true. And I thought I could be funny with that. Never mind.

I see Alley Gators is taken too.

However, we mustn’t forget the Florida keys, which are made in the state to go with the Yale locks as referred to earlier.

Regular parties are held at Cape Carnival. I understand these always go like a rocket.

Georgia – Named after George II of Britain. As Georgia is a girl’s name this annoyed him.

Contains both Rome and Athens. Why go abroad when you have these great cities? Still, I imagine Italy and Greece might want them back. After all Elgin only took the marbles from the Parthenon, not the whole metropolis.

Brasstown Bald is the highest point, approaching 5,000 feet. Sounds like my kind of mountain. Perhaps I could have a hill named after me, call it Michael Bald.

Hawaii – ‘Ha why!’ is an expression you may hear. ‘Why should we leave here as it is so pleasant?’ Quite so.

Has a pearl harbour where the Japanese thought that the U.S.A’s battleships would look better if they were sitting with their keels on the bottom rather than floating.

This led to a small argument which the Americans eventually won. It was a sumo wrestling contest that decided it.

The US sent two men over to Japan. ‘Little boy’, as he was known by his nickname, did well, but it was ‘Fat boy’, the other, who clinched it. Weight is an important factor in sumo wrestling.

‘Fat boy’ should not be confused with Fat Boy Slim who wished to change his diet to her diet (whoever she was). He became known as ‘The Trans Fat’ as he crossed from one dresser containing his food to the other dresser containing her food. And so Fat Boy became Slim Boy, so worth the effort it seems.

Idaho – Ida was a lady of, shall we say, ill repute. She hung out in the saloons on the trails west. A ho is, well, you can look it up.

Idaho Joe seems to be a common name. Joe Biden has been there. The state is known for its potatoes, and a reputation for being backwards, a common slur on the rural populations by townsfolk. But then it is easier to hide in a town or city if you are dumb.

Joe Biden seems to have been infected by dumbness on his visits. Or it may be the other way round.

Illinois – From ‘ill in ois’. A mixture of English and French. Ois short for ‘oiseau’ meaning ‘bird’. The phrase eventually morphed into ‘sick as a parrot’. You can probably see why.

Its main business is called ‘Chic A Go’, haut-couture for the well-dressed lady. This may include Hillary Clinton apparently born and raised in the suburbs.

The state is said by Wikipedia to be currently a Demoncratic (sic) stronghold. The balance of power in what was a political swing state has shifted to this position more recently. The current Governor is JB Pritzker. He looks a large man so this would explain the shift in the balance.

But he should be careful as his weight is a risk factor in getting Covid19.

He has proclaimed on the 3rd March I find that a disaster exists within the State of Illinois and specifically declare all counties in the State of Illinois as a disaster area.’ As I have indicated earlier, the state is a Demoncratic (sic) stronghold, so this makes sense.

The state is said to have a history of political corruption. This may include Hillary Clinton apparently born and raised in the suburbs. But I think I am repeating myself.

Indiana – Apparently ‘she wants me but I can’t go back there’. Mind you, I have never been at all, so I can hardly go back, can I?

The name said to mean ‘Land of the Indians’. Except of course it isn’t any more as the colonists eventually took over the area and ‘ …Native American titles to Indiana lands were extinguished by usurpation, purchase, or war and treaty.’ according to Wikipedia.

I assume war and treaty means roughly ‘We have just beaten you up. If you don’t agree to our terms we will do it again.’

A resident in Indiania known as a Hoosier. The etymology of this word is disputed allegedly. Come on, it’s obvious. There are a lot of people in the State of Scottish origin.  A ‘hoose’ is a house in Scotland. So a ‘Hoosier’ is a householder, someone with a house.

And don’t forget the problems you can have when there’s a ‘moose loose about the hoose’.

Iowa – Arose from the debts Italians on the trail west suffered at the hands of unscrupulous bankers. ‘How much do I owa you! was the Italians’ cry.

There is Sioux City. It sounds like it is the place where people bring civil actions against one another.

Atlantic is also a city in the state. Wikipedia says ‘…local legend tells that the founding fathers estimated that the town was about halfway between the Pacific Ocean and the Atlantic Ocean, so it led them to flip a coin and, clearly, Atlantic won.’

Why they didn’t call it Midpacificatlantic I don’t know. Or just Middletown as that would been shorter and still reasonably accurate. If you ask me the local legend came from the local drunk.

Kansas – So-called from the cowboys who sat around the campfire on their bottoms (arses) and ate beans from the tins (cans). Cans arses became Kansas. Easy really.

‘What would Jesus do?’ is a phrase from a book by Charles Seldon who had is home in the state. Well, above all Jesus told the truth whether people liked it or not, because He loved them. Speaking the truth in love.

If the truth was someone needed healing and they wanted it, He healed them. That’s what Jesus does, and true followers do.

He could speak with humour too, which the Bible translators miss. I will write more elsewhere.

And I’m sure He would like to sit round a campfire eating beans with the cowboys (or anybody who would listen to him – He’s worth listening to).

Whether, as a consequence of eating beans, He would suffer from the affliction that the cowboys had in Mel brooks film ‘Blazing Saddles’ is a moot point.

Kentucky – A well-known gentleman from down-under called Ken Tucker lived here. He loved his food (‘Tucker’ is food in Australia). As a consequence became obese. And vulnerable of course to Covid 19, or at least the equivalent back then, whenever it was.

He particularly liked fried chicken, cooked by his friend Collin ‘Nell’ Sanders.

It has the Ark Encounter, a life size version of Noah’s ark, although the remains of the real one can be seen from the air on Google Earth near Mount Ararat.

And Daniel Boone is famous for his exploration and settlement of the area. A real boon then.

Louisiana – Named apparently after Louis XIV of France by René-Robert Cavelier when he claimed the territory and called it La Louisiane. Much of the territory was low-lying swamp as it drains the great Mississippi river basin.

A swamp is a bog and a bog can be a toilet. And a toilet can be a loo. Louis XIV was not, despite the French attempts to focus on his sunny aspects, a good king. Louis can sound like ‘toilet is’ (loo-is), so I think perhaps René-Robert Cavelier was having his ‘petite blague’, or little joke, n’est ce pas?

The area struggles with poverty and crime, and suffers hurricanes and floods. Not a sensible place to live, at least on the low lying areas which are extensive.

And it is apparently known as ‘The prison capital of the world’. Oh dear.

Still, New Orleans is its most populous city and well-known for its Mardi Gras celebrations. Mardi Gras means ‘Fat Tuesday’ or really ‘Tuesday fat’. Both refer to a Miss Tuesday, who was rather large, and celebrated for her dancing and cuisine.

She used to do both together around her kitchen, and still manage to produce a culinary delight.

Maine – This was originally the English Maine as opposed to the Spanish Maine. English dropped when the states revolted against English rule.

You may occasionally hear people say ‘You are my Maine man’ when they meet.

People there can be known as Mainiacs. Which just goes to show they’re not German, as they must have a sense of humour.

There seems to be a town called Bristol in Maine, and not far off another called South Bristol. They both look pleasant places, worth a visit I’d say.

So go to Maine to see a nice pair of Bristols.

Maryland – Apparently named after Henry ate a Maria, wife of Charles I of England. Why the state wasn’t called Henrymaryland I don’t know. Perhaps it is a shortened version.

It has an odd outline compared to other states. But it doesn’t seem Charles’s wife was an odd shape, so they can’t have designed it after her.

Much of the state borders the Chesapeake Bay. As it is more of an estuary than a bay, I can’t think why they called it that. That’s Americans for you ‘tho. They call bonnets hoods and boots trunks, so why not estuaries bays?

Still, if you are going to revolt against the Mother Country, you need a reason to make yourselves different, so changing the words round helps.

Massachusetts – Named after the Gibb brothers who lived there. They had wonderful teeth, big and strong, as their father had a tooth paste company. They sang a song about it as an advertisement for the firm called ‘Massive chew sets’.

The state is famous for its tea parties, the best known being that thrown in the harbour of Boston, the capital.

And for its bands. As you walk through the city you will see signs to ‘Walk this way to the Air O’Smith’. I also have more than a feeling that if you don’t look back, you will have peace of mind and will be feeling satisfied at your visit.

Michigan – ‘Mich’ Egan, an Irish itinerant worker came here in the 1800’s.

The centre of the American automotive industry. A well-known make of car, the ‘Gerald’ Ford came from here. It had four of the five Great Lakes, which included Greg Lake who has sadly now died.

Minnesota – A diminutive lady, who liked her bourbon, or whiskey. She lived in Minneapolis which was a small town for people of similar size, with a small town mentality. The place is now rather a large town, really city, for larger people with a large town mentality.

Said to be a Demoncratic (sic) stronghold. So quite a lot of people with mental conditions must live there, and rather more than would seem evident at first sight.

The state is said to have voted for Demoncratic (sic) Presidents since 1960 except for Richard Nixon, a Republican. Well, we know about dear Dicky and ‘Dicks’ so that’s still consistent.

Will they vote for Joe Biden in upcoming Presidential election and prove that mental health has not improved? We’d better wait and see.

Editors note: They did vote for Joe, so the answer is no, mental health has not improved. How many of the voters were dead as opposed to brain dead is a moot point.

Mississippi – Or Mrs Hippy, after the rather large lady who frequented the paddle steamers on the river of the same name. She was broad in the beam as they say, hence the Americans use the term ‘Broads’ of ladies of similar girth.

Should not be confused with Mister Zippy the parrot who does his own blog.

https://misterzippyblog.wordpress.com/

The state had a significant impact on the development of the Blues. Which is somewhat strange seeing as it sided with the Confederates who were Gray.

And given segregation between the humans in the state because they were pinkish white or chocolate brown, this is also odd. After all if you are going to be Gray, this would be a mix of black and white, but that was not allowed for a long time.

Enough to give anybody the Blues.

Missouri – Many people here not very happy because of the extreme weather, so the state is known as ‘Misery’. Others dispute this, and say they just ‘miss the souris’ (French for ‘mice’).

Yet others say, no, no, it is ‘miss houri’ a dancing girl from the Mississippi steamers.

They all sound reasonable to me.

The state contains part of the Ozarks. This is where the Wizard of Oz was born. Rather like Moses he was put in an ark of bulrushes and floated down the White River to the Mississippi and the Gulf of Mexico.

From there he eventually made it to Australia (Oz) where his ability or ‘whizz’ to make things up won him acclaim amongst the natives. You can work out the rest.

Montana – Land of the monts (French), or mountains/hills in English. As perhaps only a third of it is that seems a bit strange. But better than calling it Flatana or Plainana I suppose.

Perhaps best known for the Battle of the Big and Little Horns. The argument arose over the U.S. army insisting the natives put Custard on their buffalo steaks. The natives thought this revolting, naturally.

In the end a one-to-one fight ensued. General Custard sounded his horn, whilst Mr Bull, sitting on his mad or crazy horse, sounded his.

Mr Bull won as his horn was louder and bigger.

Editors note: It should be added that Bull shit has a stronger ‘flavour’ than Custard which explains how one can win battles, in theory anyway..

Nebraska – Home to the centre of brassiere making, which is why you find ‘bras’ in the middle of the name.

Famous for its beach on the river Mississippi called Omaha Beach, where a bloody fight took place. Good American boys strove to remove the Nasties (sic) who had invaded from Germany (what they were doing there in the first place I don’t know).

There are of course a lot of people who trace their ancestry back to Germany living in the states. This might explain the U.S’s support for Germany after the war.

After all, if you have just destroyed much of Europe (and the U.K), murdered a few million people, and stolen some old paintings, you deserve a little help don’t you?

Nevada – This means ‘Snowy’. Sensible, as it is mountainous and has a lot of snow over much of the area in winter. Does not mean that Tintin’s dog was seen here, to my knowledge.

Known for Las Vegas. This is said to mean ‘The meadows’. I think this is optimistic. Vega could mean ‘Descending or falling eagles’ after Vega, the star in the night sky.

But Vega can mean bottom in Spanish. This makes sense. ‘The bottoms’ referring to the large bottoms that frequent the city to lose their wages gambling. There ought to be something better to do with one’s money surely?

Of course in Greek a ‘V’ can be a ‘B’ so Vegas could be Begas. Sounds like ‘big ass’. Big asses making big asses of themselves. Same difference.

New Hampshire – More recent than the old one back in England.

Interestingly, an area known for sap houses. These were places where sap from maple trees is converted into maple syrup. By saps presumably, or sapheads who left the sap too long which fermented and became alcoholic.

And sapheads were alcoholics which is stupid, as it saps your strength.

Sap houses also known as sugar shacks. Not to be confused with the love shacks, which is where the B52’s are kept (see later).

The notches are mountain passes in the north of the state. The best ones are called by the Spanish, who occasionally visit at night time, ‘Buenos notches’. The ‘t’ is silent.

New Jersey – Very necessary for the first settler’s from Europe who weren’t used to the cold winters and had come unprepared. Bartered with the native Indians for this woollen garment.

A Led Zeppelin is said to have crashed over Lakehurst, but as it was German I am not surprised.

There was a chap called Eddy, whose son had a light bulb moment and came up with lots of good ideas. It seems this is why the township of Edison is so-called.

The state doesn’t seem to have any great highlights. Except that Joe Biden lives in Delaware next door. As they say, always be thankful for small mercies.

New Mexico – Again, more recent than Old Mexico. Mexico was an oil company, and a rival decided to set up a new company across the border.

Petrol (gas if you are from the states) was needed to fuel the cars of the local people, the Mexies. Hence the Mexies cars, or Mexi’cas for short, could drive to and fro.

Its largest city is Albuquirky, which is a bit strange.

According to Wikipedia ‘The Spaniards had hoped to find wealthy indigenous Mexica (Aztec) cultures there similar to those of the Aztec (Mexica) Empire of the Valley of Mexico.’

This is presumably because, as the Spaniards were roaming Catholics, they hoped to steal borrow from the locals to make up for losses elsewhere. Fortunately for the locals it seems they weren’t wealthy.

It has the most amazing landscapes from rose coloured deserts to snow-capped peaks. Which just goes to show what the Most High can do with a few tons of water and His equivalent of a bucket and spade. And a lot of help from His angels.

New York – Not that good, so they only named it once, unlike the city of the same name. New York City is the largest city in the U.S. lying in a state. And given how many have died there from, with, by Covid 19 are we surprised? What a state to be in.

Still, if you have a governor who is a roaming Catholic and a Demoncrat (sic) what do you expect? There are rumours he is a closet raffia man (I hope I have that the right way round), and likes tying up deals in in this useful string.

The state includes Long Island. There is a village called Mastic Beach. This is named after Mastic Kate who used to live here. She was a great eater, as well as inventing a universal sealant.

Viagra Falls lies on the border with Canada. It is not far from Buffalo. It is said you can’t wash your hands in Buffalo. This may be because there are no bisons in which you can wash your hands, again so it is said.

It is however possible to wash your hands in the Viagra River which flows past the city.

Viagra is supposed to help things go up rather than down, but no one seems to have realised this when they named the falls, or indeed the river. If washing your hands in the falls or river helps things go up let me know.

North Carolina – Named after Charles I of England, the top half that is, as north is up. Charles rather annoyed as Carol was, and still is, a girl’s name.

The state is well-known for Orville the Duck, the first powered flight by a green duck in a nappy, piloted by Keith Harris.

The state capitol is Raleigh, named after Sir Walter who, you may remember, invented the bicycle. The city is consequently quite cycle friendly.

Cary is another city in the state. This gives money to the Arts & Media, known as the ‘Cary Grant’.

Krispy Kreme has its headquarters in the state. I have tried their doughnuts, or donuts as the Americans call them. Gonuts would be a better word; anybody who eats them must have gone nuts that’s for sure. I and others think they are revolting.

I would say they’re crap; krap the Dutch might say. So Krispy Kreme krap, or K.K.K.

A German investment company has acquired the firm more recently. Germany and the Nazis, now Germany and the K.K.K which is nasty. Nothing changes.

The K.K.K also means Koo Klucks Klan, a family of doves and chickens. You may notice them in their distinctive white plumage and tufts sticking out of their heads. It is rumoured they were bred by the Nazis, or that they are nasty. Perhaps both.

North Dakota – Part of the Great Planes, such as B17, B52’s (kept in a love shack), and the Boston Marauder.

The highest point is the White Butte. Other white buttes may be observed but not as a rule in public as this is frowned upon.

The state has not had a Demoncratic (sic) governor since George A. Sinner in the early 1990’s. His brother Richard ‘who became a Catholic priest, was later listed among Diocese of Fargo clergy who were accused of committing acts of sex abuse.’ according to Wikipedia.

Well, we are all sinners, but it seems in some families having a surname to remind you of this is helpful. Especially if your name is Richard as the name often seems to crop up with certain sinners (remember Richards can be Dicks).

Editors note: If your name is Richard, don’t be alarmed. I had a cousin Richard who was a decent chap. Indeed, my wife has a cousin Richard who is a decent chap. But England had three Richard kings who weren’t very good, so you can see what I mean.

Ohio – It has a motto ‘With God all things are possible’. Very sensible and true. It’s in the name too. From ‘Oh hi yo’. Yo is singular for y’all, and as God is the Most High to address Him you say ‘Oh High Yo’. The highest ‘You’ as it were.

I see Joe Biden has been to the state recently. Apparently he said “I spent the bulk of my adult life driving to an Amtrak station,” Biden said, as a helicopter hovered overhead. “It’s not as fast as a helicopter, but I made a lot of family friends on Amtrak.” This is from

https://eu.usatoday.com/story/news/politics/elections/2020/09/30/joe-biden-embarks-train-tour-ohio-pennsylvania/3586229001/

Well Joe, I am sorry to hear you spent most of your adult life driving to an Amtrak station. Did you ever get there? Did you get the chance to eat or sleep? I just wondered that’s all.

I am so pleased you realise the Amtrak station is not as fast as a helicopter. Of course if the helicopter is on the ground, then in a race with the station, which would win? Perhaps you might advise me as I can be a bit slow on these matters.

I am glad you made a lot of family friends on Amtrak. Were you on the train or the track at the time, it’s a bit confusing? And were the family not friends before? I just wondered that’s all.

Anyway, I imagine Ohio must have places of interest. And it must be a boon that Joe Biden lives elsewhere.

OklahomaAnother part of the Great Planes. And ‘where the wind comes sweeping down the plane’ according to Roger Hammerstone. Presumably the wind sweeps down the plane because the air hostess has served up beans to the passengers.

The name seems to have originated from the Italians coming from Iowa (see earlier) who said ‘Diss homa is ok-a.’

Wikipedia says ‘The state is home to the Storm Prediction Center, the National Severe Storms Laboratory, and the Warning Decision Training Division, all part of the National Weather Service and in Norman.’

I was initially confused as I thought it meant that the information these government agencies produce was in Norman French, an old language. Fortunately I see there is a place called Norman, so problem solved.

Wikipedia also says in Arapaho  (a native language) the state is known as bo’oobe. Perhaps the people were a lot of boobies. Or perhaps they were all female and there were a lot of boobies. Any thoughts?

Oregon – Its quite simple, Ore Gone. Who pinched it that is the question? Probably disappeared in the Gold Rush. A song was written about it ‘Where has all the ore gone?’ Never made a hit unlike ‘Where have all the flowers gone?’

Ken Kesey grew up in the state and wrote ’One flew over the cuckoo’s nest’. If he were alive today he would wonder about the madness going on over Covid 19. The lunatics have taken over the asylum I think.

Pennsylvania – Penn’s wood. Sylvan is ‘woods’ or ‘forest’ and William Penn the man. The state is known for the ballard of ‘Allentown Jail’. The lover of the man who stole that diamond should have gone round the corner. There was bound be a store selling Allen keys which could have opened the door to the jail.

The Declaration of Independence was signed in Philadelphia. There was a Penn there who added his signature. Of course without a Penn it would have been difficult for the others to sign, and a pencil could be rubbed out.

Philadelphia is the home of the soft cheese. Which goes very well with apples, the best and largest of which can be found in New York City, home of the  best big apple(s).

Rhode Island – It is mostly mainland, so not very logical to call it Rhode Island. Presumably Rhode because they had to row across to get there. Known for its academics who are well-read, hence ‘Rhode Island Read’ is a catch phrase.

I see the Gina Raimondo is currently governor. Wikipedia says she has ‘…issued an executive order to remove “Providence Plantations” from a range of official documents and state websites’.

As I understand that the full name of the state was/is ‘State of Rhode Island and Providence Plantations’, this means the documents and website will say ‘State of Rhode Island and’. ‘And what?’ I hear you cry. Quite.

Still, she is a Demoncrat (sic) and a roaming Catholic, so what do you expect.

And there are rumours she is a closet communist, so one of the Rhode Island Reds we hear a lot about. Personally, I think they are all just scared chickens.

South Carolina – Named after Charles I of England, the bottom half that is, as south is down. Charles further annoyed as Carol was, and still is, a girl’s name.

Part of the Bible Belt where if you are naughty you get belted over the head by a bible. Well, ok, someone wielding a bible then.

Some peoples’ stupidity is such that using a bible in this way is very tempting. It is however better to teach from it first. Children brought up this way may well be inclined to be a little less naughty, providing the humour of God is brought out and the foolishness of man(kind) is exposed.

As I have said elsewhere, many parts of the translations of the bible are poor, so going back to the original is vital.

And if the terminally stupid do not respond, then try hitting them on the head with the bible. It may not do them any good, but it may make you feel better.

As the good book says ‘Don’t let the sun go down on your anger’ as venting your feelings will help you get a good night’s sleep. You can then try teaching again in the morning.

South Dakota – Yet more Great Planes. These include the F 111 or Aardvark made by General Dynamix, a well-known army man.

It is said that Aardvark never killed anybody, but as it saw active service in Vietnam this cannot be true, as the Viet Cong will no doubt attest to.

The state’s main claim to fame is probably Mount Rushmore-or-less. Conceived and constructed by three masons (but funded by the American taxpayers of course for rather more than less); it is a monument to man’s ingenuity.

And how to piss off the native Indians, who held the mountain sacred. If you renege on a treaty what do you expect?

Tennessee – Perhaps best known for its trains. There’s the Chat and Nougat Chew Chew where you can relax with a friend and be served sweets by the guard.

Or why not take the last train to Clarksville? This usually has a travelling zoo, famed for their monkeys. The proprietor was one Davy Jones who used to keep them in his locker.

We mustn’t forget Gnashville, the place where you can eat all you like.

And of course Memphis where Elvis Parsley was brought up. He sang many great songs including ‘Love me tender’. This was a homage to the railways of Tennessee when the engines were wood fired and needed tenders to store the fuel and water.

Texas – They like horse riding, and as a consequence can suffer from ‘Tex Arse’ from spending too long in the saddle.

Remembered for Dallas, the place where J.R was shot. And someone else, I can’t think who it was at the moment.

We mustn’t forget the Half a mo near the Mexican border. This was where Satan Anna (boo hiss) fought David Bowie and Jimmy Croquet (hooray!). Sadly Satan Anna one, Bowie and Croquet nil.

In those days Mexies could cross the border, as Mexi can. Nowadays they are Mexican’ts as they are not allowed (in theory at least).

Editors note: With the ‘election’ (ehem) of Joe Biden as president or vice-president, or president of vice, Mexicans can now cross the border in droves I gather.

This wouldn’t be so bad if one knew for certain who they really were, but that doesn’t bother the demoncrats (sic) as long as they can hand out taxpayers money to them and they vote demoncrat (sic)

The locals have a dialect word for can’t which replaces the a with a ‘u’. Thus they consider that Mexicans should not cross the border willy-nilly and should be labelled Mexicun’ts.

It should be note that Mexico suffer a lot from narcotic drugs which are illegal but make the drugs gangs very rich.

The same is true in the USA of course, but many of the drugs are legal and licensed by the FDA. Doctors and hospitals can administer these and get paid for the privilege. These include vaccines of course.

Utah – I understand just over half of the population are morons (sic) according to Wikipedia. As there seems to be some stress by the governor and the Church of the Later (sic) Day Saints on the wearing of masks this makes sense.

But then moronanity is a worldwide problem at the moment. This includes Jacinda ‘The tooth fairy’ Ardern was brought up a moron (sic), which is why she suffers from mental health issues and is sick.

The Later (sic) Day Saints came when Utah was Mexican territory. They are so called because they arrived there in the afternoon, or later in the day.

The Mormon settlements are said to have provided pie in ears for other settlements in the West. This was of course very thoughtful as when you are hungry you can just reach behind your ear for something to eat.

Vermont – According to Wikipedia ‘The most-populous city, Burlington, is the least-populous city to be the most-populous city in a state.’ Hmm….Right.

How about ‘Burlington is the most populous city. The most populous cities of the 49 other states are all more populous than Burlington’?

That didn’t hurt now, did it?

Patrick Leahy is a senator for Vermont. He has wanted to move heavy truck traffic onto the interstate highways as the traffic currently goes on the states own roads.

Well Paddy, how about reducing the weight limit on the states roads then? And lobbying to reduce the weight of trucks which are oversized and damaging the environment?

Still, you are a Demoncrat (sic) and a roaming Catholic, so I know common sense comes hard to you.

Virginia – There are the Blue Ridge Mountains of Virginia, immortalised by Laurel and Hardy’s song. They look very beautiful.

The world’s largest naval base is there at Norfolk, next door to Portsmouth. As opposed to Portsmouth in the UK which is its largest naval base, but next door to Gosport, not Norfolk, which is about 140 miles away.

Of course, in the U.S. 140 miles is nothing to those used to driving long distance, so perhaps it could be considered next door.

There is the annual Shad planking event. Wikipedia notes:

An April 20 editorial in The Roanoke Times noted the event’s lack of Democrats, but said that didn’t mean it was dead:

No, it probably meant the Demoncrats (sic) were dead. After the political scandal in 2019 are we surprised?

Washington – Not to be confused with Washington D.C. which is the electric current in Washington. As opposed to Washington A.C. which is the opposite.

This must not be confused with Washington AC/DC, a tribute band.

It is famous for Mount Saint Helens which exploded in 1980 and which research has proved over the decades that is possible for thick deposits to be laid down quickly. Anybody who had been to a Demoncrat (sick) convention will have known this for a long time of course.

Seattle is a place where you cannot sleep if Tom hanks and Meg Ryan are to be believed.

According to Wikipedia ‘Washington state was the first state in the United States where assisted suicide, same-sex marriage, and recreational cannabis use were all legal at the same time.’ How nice. You can get stoned, buggered and put to death without a qualm.

It hasn’t had a Republican governor for some time. That figures.

And it has a home of Bill and Melinda Gates. Bill co-founded Microsoft which we love so much, and both of them pushing for vaccination against Covid which of course we all want – not.

Hopefully Mount St. Helens and the other volcanic mountains around the area might consider exploding when they are both at home. Thick deposits come in handy sometimes.

West Virginia – The state’s capital was once Wheeling. Then it went to Dealing. Then came back again until the capitol burnt down. Hence we have ‘wheeling and dealing’ in English.

The ‘Mountain State’, its motto is Montani Semper Liberi or ‘Mountain ears are always free’. Well, you may have heard of ‘Walls have ears’; in West Virginia the mountains have them.

And indeed there is the Green Bank radio telescope listening for messages from space which proves my point.

Wisconsin  – Pronounced ‘why’s con sin?’ Well, obviously conning someone is a sin. Conning is just another form of lying which the Most High objects to strongly.

There was a Bennett law (after a Mr Bennett) near the end of the 1800’s which ‘…required the use of English to teach major subjects in all public and private elementary and high schools.’

The German Americans violently objected exclaiming ‘Gordon Bennett!’. In fact Mr Bennett was Michael John, not Gordon, but that Germans for you, always getting the wrong end of the schtick.

They say that Mr Bennett’s attitude was as a result of pride and prejudice, as his daughter Elizabeth might have confirmed.

Wyoming – Why indeed. Nobody knows. Not much help I’m afraid.

Most of Yellowstone national Park lies within the state. It is perhaps best known for the old geezer who faithfully erupts at regular intervals about his war exploits.

Looks like it is well worth a visit. Wyoming?

Why not?



K is for…..Kings

By Baldmichael Theresoluteprotector’sson

19th March 2022

This is posting a page I did near the start of my journey into the unknown as it were, when I set up this site. I am still struggling with the Ukraine issues. It is certainly not all cut and dried and Zelelensky certainly looks dodgy to say the least.

In the meantime here is a piece that may amuse those who know something of the history of Britain.


K is for…..Kings

10th July 2020

…and queens. Well not many queens. Of England that is. The internet indicates eight who ruled, but Lady Jane Grey wasn’t crowned. And Mary of William and Mary was only crowned, along with her husband, by a bishop. So not sure that counts, strictly speaking.

Anyway, I thought I give the full list of monarchs and my alternative history, somewhat à la mode 1066. Thank you Sellars and Yeatman.

Alfred the Great – burnt the cakes. While watching the grate. Hence the name.

Edward the Elder – older than the younger one. Obviously.

AElfweard – not crowned, so shouldn’t include him. But as a ‘weird elf’ are we surprised?

AEthelstan – brother of AEthelollie. Not to be confused with Ollie Hardlycanute. AEthelollie was in charge of finance. So named because if money seemed to be missing would cry out ‘Ae! Where’s the lollie!’

Edmund I – rather depressing character. Wrote song ‘Blue Munday’ after a particularly bad day, whilst trying to instigate a New World Order in England. Didn’t succeed (hooray!).

Eadred – apparently ‘…sucked out the juices of his food, chewed on what was left and spat it out’. Invented soups as a consequence. Died a bachelor, hence Batchelor Soups.

Eadwig – bald from birth. Invented the toupée.

Edgar the Peaceful – was always eating legumes. So full of peas. Would go round asking his subjects if they would like a pea. Never fathomed out why they would then say ‘yes’ and disappear behind the nearest bush.

Edward the Martyr – mother was Aelma. Hence Aelma mater (as opposed to Edgar pater, his father – see above). If he needed to learn something would go to his mother. We use a similar phrase today, but context escapes me.

Aethelred – the unready. When he was born, he was, well, red. Wasn’t properly educated. So he was not well read. Or ready. So unready.

Sweyn – aka Sweyn Forkbeard due to his unpleasant habit of putting his fork in his beard for safe keeping. With bits of food on it. Hence the saying ‘You dirty sweyn, you’.

Aethelred – the unready. Yes, same one as before Sweyn. Still hadn’t learnt his lessons, so still not well read. Or ready.

Edmund Ironside – went around in early form of wheel chair. An adapted chariot. Liked playing detective. So became a man called Ironside.

Canute – or Cnut the Great. The ‘C’ of Cnut is hard. Hence, he was a hard nut. Used his head to prove he wasn’t God to his silly courtiers who thought he could do anything. Sat on his chair at Bosham. Commanded the waves to stop. Got rather wet. Not as wet as his courtiers who should have known better. They were wet behind the ears.

Canute reputed to have said ‘Let all men know how empty and worthless is the power of kings, for there is none worthy of the name, but He whom heaven, earth, and sea obey by eternal laws.’

Harold Harefoot – bald, but made up the deficit with his feet. Would be frequently seen with his head down to his toes, grooming them with a comb. His servants couldn’t get his attention, so they said he was com’a toes. Went into the English language denoting someone who is asleep. Like most of the nation at the moment.

Harthacnut – not half the man his father king Cnut was. So, therefore, also known as Hardlycanute, as he was hardly Canute, was he? However, Hartha apparently really does mean ‘tough’ and Cnut means ‘nut’ so he really was a tough nut.

Edward the Confessor – always owning up to things he didn’t do.

Harold Godwinson – incarcerated at Winson Green by his parents for some bad behaviour. Managed to escape by untying the ropes he was bound up in. As he would say ‘Well, you Winson, you loose some’.

William I – aka William the Conqueror. Better than being known as William the Bastard, which no doubt the Saxons called him. As he was illegitimate, this was perfectly reasonable. And he wasn’t entitled to the throne of England – so there, you Normans!

William II – William Rufus. They say he was Rufus because he was ruddy in complexion or had red hair. No. It’s in his name. He was a thatcher, and laid roofs (or rooves if you prefer). Started a family trade. They branched out as more materials became available. You could find reference to the business if you looked it up in the middle ages. You know, that well-known magazine, Wat Tyler.

Henry I – aka Henry Beauclerc. Saxons still not liking Normans, so preferred to keep first letter and last three for more appropriate name (between themselves of course).

Stephen – Wikipedia says he didn’t get on board a ship ‘…out of concern for overcrowding on board the ship, or because he was suffering from diarrhea.’ Why not both? If the weather was choppy, you can imagine if he was feeling sick as well. Which end over the side first?

Henry II – known for suggesting his old friend Thomas the Bucket should be removed from office. Four knights took him up on his word, and did him to death. Henry only wanted him given a kicking, so they rather overdid things. Hence we now say ‘kick the bucket’ for someone dying.

Richard I – Wikipedia says he was besieging the ‘…virtally unarmed castle of Châlus-Chabrol’. And Richard was hit in the shoulder by a crossbow’. That shows how desperate the defenders were. Had run out of quarrels, so in last resort the crossbow was thrown out. Richard wasn’t looking was he? Should have jumped out the way.

John – lost his baggage in the Wash. You probably know the feeling if you go down the launderette and come back and you’re missing your knickers or a bra. Happens to royalty too.

Henry III – or Henry the Third. Saxons still not happy about the Normans. Tended to drop the ‘h’, but not in polite company (and not in front of the Normans). Irish still do, but they didn’t like the Normans either.

Edward I – know as Longshanks. Result of walking in the Wealden clay in winter no doubt. Legs got lengthened whilst trying to extract them from the mud. I found this extract from ‘Map Of A Nation: A Biography of the Ordnance Survey by Rachel Hewitt’. ‘…Sussex men and animals had grown long-legged through pulling their feet through the clay’.

Edward II – well, if you were educated in history you might know the story of the red-hot poker stuck you-know where. There are rumours of a homosexual affair with Piers Gaveston, so perhaps this was considered suitable punishment at the time. In any event, not a good or successful king, apparently.

Edward III – had a son, the Black Prince. Had pictures taken of him, but none came out. All blacked out, hence black prints. The ones of his son in Snowdonia came out, although you couldn’t see him properly as he was too far away. They were called the prints of Wales.

Richard II – Wikipedia entry says of him on his character and assessment Richard’s mind “was losing its balance altogether” and “Richard’s grasp on reality was becoming weaker”. So he became a nut case. Perhaps related to Canute then? Again, Richard’s condition reminds you of most people in lockdown.

Henry IV – as Shakespeare said, he came in two parts. Part A everybody wanted to join. After all everybody loves a part a, right? Part B was not so popular as it didn’t seem to mean anything. He was also known as Henry Ivy. Set up early football matches with the Native Americans. Hence the Ivy League.

Henry V – best know for the phrase ‘Once more unto the beach, dear friends, once more’. Inspired the masses after lockdown. Inspired the masses (probably Saxons) response to the officious officials (probably Normans), who said it was disgusting (crowding together on the beach that is). Same as the archers response to the French at Agincourt. Which is why he is Henry with a ‘V’ sign after his name.

Henry VI – who inherited the 100 years war according to Wikipedia (his father should have left him something better, like gold). It says this war lasted from 1337–1453. Maths not Henry’s strong point. Not a king you could count on. Wikipedia says he “lost his wits, his two kingdoms, and his only son”. And his ability to count. Probably signalled the French like the archers at Agincourt and had fingers cut off. Couldn’t then count to ten, let alone a hundred.

Edward IV – he came in two parts too. Exiled to Flanders, where the Swans came from. Listened to Flanders and Swans to keep himself amused before returning to England. If you are bored as well, go and listen to them on Youtube etc.

Edward V – possibly murdered, possibly not. Might have been practicing ‘V’ sign on the French, who objected violently. Or not.

Richard III – a short reign. Lost his voice at the Battle of Boswell. You know ‘A hoarse, a hoarse my kingdom for a hoarse’. Said by some to be a hunchback. And by his wife. As the courtiers said in Franglais ‘Le hunchback de notre dame’. May well have been maligned by the Tudors. Victors write the history books etc.

Henry VII – not another one! Henry Tudor. As you know Henry Tudor rose. Would have been ok if he’d stopped at the petals but ate the stem as well. Thorns made his mouth bleed and the rose petals red (they had been white).

Henry VIII – had VI wives. Or was it Henry VI who had VIII wives? One or the other. Mmm…. No, it was VI. Let’s see.

    • Catherine of Aragorn. She came, stayed quite a while and then she was gorn.
    • Anne Bowling. She couldn’t stand Henry and lost her head over it. Henry, ever inventive, found her head and used it for Lawn Bowling.
    • Jane Seemore. Despite her name, didn’t see that Henry would always want more (wives). Died in a small sized bed, it seems (it says ‘childberth’ here anyway).
    • Anne of Cloves. Or is it Clothes? Didn’t spice up Henry’s life, or wore the wrong clothes, whatever.
    • Catherine Howard. Came from Howard’s End. And unfortunately met it. Her end that is.
    • And finally, Catherin Parr. Better than average, so above par. Survived Henry (just).

Edward VI – died young sadly. But managed to bring benefits to the nation by introducing potatoes to the country. In several places. Not Sir Walter. Look, he set up schools specially for the purpose. King Edward’s schools. Honestly, I don’t know, peoples’ ignorance.

Mary I – bloody Mary. Drink named after her. Catholic.  Had over 280 dissenters burnt at the steak. The French rolled their eyes up, and shrugged their shoulders at the news. ‘Les Anglais toujours overdo leur viande’.

Elizabeth I – the Virgin Queen. Did lots of good things for England. Set up lots of companies. Amongst others there were two most notable; Virgin Rail (held up her train – frequently) and Virgin Atlantic (Sir Walter Raleigh was deputy in charge, after his failed venture into bicycles). Celebrated for her virginity, apparently. Must have been rare in those days as now.

Sir Francis Drake was a hero in her time. Whilst waiting for the Spanish in their ships (manaña, manaña) he played lawn bowls in Plymouth with a hoe. And was out for a duck. Hence his surname.

James I – aka James VI and I. Which presumably means there were two of him. Vi and I. Sounds schizophrenic to me. Wikipedia has a picture of him as a boy. Looks like a girl. No wonder he was called Vi and I. Guy Forks tried to blow him up (I think Forks related to king Sweyne). Failed miserably. If the Houses of Parliament anything like today, the whole of London would have been destroyed. I mean, all the gas produced in there would have ignited, and BOOM!

Charles I – ultimately responsible for English Civil War. I suppose it was civil, as opposed to uncivil as most wars are, because social distancing was in operation back then. Explains the long pikes so they could reach the enemy. After all, if they got too close and coughed over each other, they might have died from Covid 19, or its equivalent. And they didn’t want to kill the other side as that wouldn’t be civil, would it? Ended up with him loosing his head, having lost his marbles by trying to make people Catholic, or at least more like the Catholics. Twit.

Charles II – had seven mattresses (not sure that’s quite right) which he stuffed himself. He called one Nell Gwyn because it had oranges embroidered on, and it reminded him of something he liked squeezing. Wikipedia says ‘He was the playboy monarch, naughty but nice, the hero of all who prized urbanity, tolerance, good humour, and the pursuit of pleasure above the more earnest, sober, or material virtues.’ So, a celebrity then. And about as useful as one. Another twit. Like father like son.

James II – aka James II and VII. Another schizophrenic. His mother was Henry ate a Maria (French; they eat anything, frogs’ legs, snails, you name it). No wonder he was schizoid. I mean, Maria was probably a baby and if you eat babies that’s mad. Drive you mad anyway.

James became a Catholic. Had Cromwell spinning in his grave. And a lot of others. Once enough people were spinning, or revolving, James was deposed. It was a lady who clinched it, Gloria by name. So the masses called it Gloria’s Revolution in her honour. Which led to..

William III and Mary II – he was Dutch. She wasn’t, but as they reigned together people thought she was. They would often speak at the same time. Which was confusing. Hence the populace said they were speaking double Dutch.

Anne – she suffered a lot according to Wikipedia. 12 stillborn babies. Oh hell. 5 live born children. 4 died before the age of two. Bloody hell. And the other died at the age of eleven. The poor woman. I didn’t know. I am crying……

Wikipedia says ‘She attended more cabinet meetings than any of her predecessors or successors, and presided over an age of artistic, literary, scientific, economic and political advancement that was made possible by the stability and prosperity of her reign.’ Despite everything, despite all the blood and hell, and that can still be said. You brave, brave woman. I bow my head to you. Excuse the bald patch.

George I – German. But we shouldn’t hold that against him, after all, the English originally came out of that area. Saxons from Saxony, the Angles from Denmark. Huh? Oh, I see at the angle of Denmark with Germany, right. It is said he revived the Order of the Bath (Oi, you peasants stink, go and wash! And you nobles!). Wikipedia says of him ‘Cynical and selfish, as he was, he was better than a king out of St. Germains [James, the Stuart Pretender] with the French king’s orders in his pocket, and a swarm of Jesuits in his train.So, better a German king than a king out of St. Germains. Needs must I suppose.

George II – seven years’ war started in his reign. From 1756 to 1763. Apparently arose from issues left unresolved by the 1740 to 1748 War of the Austrian Succession. Which I make 8 years. So that’s deflation for you. Pity all wars couldn’t get shorter and shorter ‘til they disappeared in a puff of smoke from the last shot fired.

Reign known for the ‘South Sea Bubble’ which caused economic disaster. Reminds me of today, putting people into bubbles to keep them safe from Covid 19. Disastrous economically. Still we got over the South Sea Bubble, so there’s hope still.

George III – dubbed ‘Farmer George’. Which means ‘Farmer, Farmer’, or ‘George, George’. Whichever you like. Look, George means ‘earth worker’, from geo meaning of the ‘earth’, like geography. And ‘rge’ meaning ‘rge’.

Well, ok, probably related to ‘urge’ as in ‘I have the urge to go and dig the garden’, or perhaps ‘rage’, as in ‘gardening is all the rage’. I don’t know, I made it up. But might be true. You can always check as I keep saying.

George IV – continued the tradition of many kings by stuffing mattresses (still not sure that’s quite right). Had Brighton Pavilion built with its Indian style ‘onions’ or domes.

Well I say ‘onions’, but they may have reminded him of the mattresses he stuffed, who knows. Or perhaps he was a gardener (secretly) and knew his ‘onions’, and was sending a hidden message to the world.

William IV – according to Wikipedia joined the Royal Navy. Sensible chap. Recorded that he was not given command of a ship when war was declared against France in 1793. Possibly because ‘…he had broken his arm by falling down some stairs drunk.’ Not sure if the stairs were drunk or he was.

Explains why he went into the Navy as, one way or the other, he would get the same experience. Lurching from one side of the ship to the other in a storm. If you get drunk in a storm perhaps this will counter act the effects of the storm. People still take refuge in that today. Don’t think it works ‘tho. Not even in lockdown.

Victoria – also the Empress of India. Which is impressive. Married the Albert Museum and had several children who became Heads of Europe. This resulted eventually in World War I, which led to World War II. Which in turn led to World War III today.

Look, I’m not going to argue with you, this is World War III, lockdown, anti-social distancing, etc, etc, etc. War of words, that’s what it is.

Anyway, lots happened in her reign. Palmerston was prime minister. He was a thinker; you find his thoughts in coastal towns. Misspelt however. They are now known as Palmerston Forts.

Victoria was very sad when the love of her life, her husband, died. Took to wearing black the rest of her days. Became fond of a servant, John Brown. Black depressing, so I suppose Brown a little less so. Had a very long reign (she did, not John). Which is depressing in itself if it rains for over 60 years.

Edward VII – original ‘Teddy Boy’. Enjoyed stuffing mattresses (you know, I’m certain I have misspelt that). Perhaps best known for his In Tent Cordial, which he invented. Most suitable drink when camping out, which he liked to do when stuffing mattresses.

George V – went into Royal Navy. Another sensible chap. ‘V’ designation most appropriate as this time had to be used against the Germans. Waving two fingers eventually worked, but we lost huge numbers of men, good craftsmen, good yeomen, good landed gentry. Hell, a bloody hell. The last veterans of the War have left us.

His cousin, Kaiser Willhelm II, can be seen in old photos wearing a funny hat, a helmet with a white eagle on top. Reminds me of Neville Longbottom’s grandmother’s hat, only she had a vulture on top. She was a bit mad, but didn’t start a war.

Wikipedia says of George ‘When he acted, he did so decisively, but within a well-prepared context and in a way which made the outcome seem natural—a great skill in a monarch….’. Sounds like a good man.

Edward VIII – very short reign. Known mainly for his abduction and marrying Wally Simpson. Was he a wally? Perhaps not. They lived happily ever after I suppose, but not in Britain. Mrs Simpson as she had been (Edward was the third husband it appears, so third time lucky – not that I believe in luck, the Most High guides everything). Suspect she had a child from a previous marriage, Homer.

But she can’t have been a gold digger as such; she was faithful to the end of Edward’s life. She wasn’t after a king, so much as a prince, a real man who won her heart.

George VI – went into the Navy. Yet another sensible chap. Usually good to go into the Navy, helps you navigate the ways of the sea and the ways of Life. Which are rather similar…..no, very similar. Had to wave two fingers at the Germans again, like his grandfather. And, sadly, this time also the Japanese. Took rather longer to finish the battle.

And it is recorded that king and parliament called 7 national days of prayer in the six years of war, three in the first 12 months. And the Most High, who is just above me, heard the cries from His children, his angels. In England, and Wales, and Scotland, and Northern Ireland. And He intervened, as He always does, when ‘We cry unto him’. I have been crying a lot recently, in this crisis, this war of words. Perhaps you have too.

Elizabeth II – still reigning. Longest reigning monarch ever. Despite the wonderful sunshine during lockdown. The Most High was beaming at us, His children. Amazing things have happened in her reign. Man on the moon (unless you believe it is false of course, some do). Internet, without which I would not be sitting on my Cloud writing to you. And lots and lots of lovely music to dance to. Or to which to dance. Whatever.

She made a promise to God at her coronation. It is recorded that, amongst other things, the archbishop asked of her Will you to the utmost of your power maintain the Laws of God and the true profession of the Gospel?’ To which, amongst other things, she replied ‘All this I promise to do’.

So, I wonder why she has never refused to sign a Bill of Parliament, of all those contradicting God’s, the Most High’s, laws? There have been a very great many. So, I would like to ask her, why? Why did you sign?

Why?



From the Public Eye

11th March 2021

The following extracts have been taken from somewhere and adapted for use following the time honoured tradition of many journalists who like to poke fun at goings on around the world. The public readership who prefer a laugh then are more likely to read the articles to try and work out what is really going on as there may be some nugget of truth hidden away.

There are some links to pages on this site which may be of further interest to those who are in need of additional humour. These can be found at the end of the five pieces below. And just as some truth may be hidden away, you may find Joe Biden hid’en away.

It should be stated that this emphatically does not mean that Joe Biden is being truthful as we would not wish to defame his character, merely that references to him are occasionally made.

Shelling Kills Eight in Kabul

The market in Kabul was the scene of chaos as indiscriminate shelling took place yesterday. ‘It was dreadful’ said Ahmed. ‘All these shells started raining down on people’s heads’.

‘As soon as we took cover the shelling would stop,’ he explained. ‘But as soon as we went back to our stalls, it would start again.’

When asked who was responsible, he explained it was the monkeys who pinched the pistachios from his father’s stall, then went up onto the roofs of nearby buildings to eat them. They then pelted passers-by with the empty shells.

The monkeys were unavailable for comment, despite tempting them with figs.

The casualties were 8 Taliban fighters who ran for cover but fell into an open latrine and were drowned. The locals, who did not wish to be named, said this was despicable as there was enough dung in the latrine already.

Four unknown Constables Found

Several unknown drawings have been unearthed in Lewes, Sussex, England. They have been taken to Sussex Police Headquarters for analysis.

They are believed to be the work of four constables who have been wandering the corridors there for some time. The constables may be trainees who lost their marbles when they started wearing masks and refused to take them off, even when eating.

The Chief Constable has reliably informed us that Sid (sic) is looking into the case, drawing on his long experience to solve the problem.

We have said we can provide Sid with paper to draw on instead. The Chief Constable declined to comment further.

Extra £3 Billion for NHS not enough to reduce back log, Doctors warn

Leading medics said the extra £3 Billion promised for the NHS is a ‘stop gap’ to deal with the mammoth waiting list.

An insider in the NHS, who refused to give his/her name, said that as far as he/she was aware, no mammoths had ever been treated by the NHS.

In any event, the ‘back log’ was a jargon medical term for constipation.

‘It’s a serious problem, really serious’ he/she explained. ‘And it’s not a stop gap, that’s the last thing the poor patients want. They need Senokot or Picolax – that’s really good, shift a whole field of constipated horses that would’.

Se’ville Society reports health bosses receiving bonuses for hitting targets

It has been reported that health bosses are receiving large bonuses (a.k.a. large sums of money) for hitting targets. The targets are understood to be the customers who are now black and blue from the bruising caused by the hitting.

Customers are also understood to be called patients for patiently enduring being hit and not fighting back.

Public Eye has questioned various health bosses as to what they would get if they murdered the customers/patients instead. They declined to comment.

However, a whistle blower, a.k.a. a referee, has informed us that they are already murdering people with Nazi (sick) (sic) drugs.

He/she explained that these drugs can take a while to act, so murder is slow and painful for the recipients which has always pleased the Nazis.

When asked why people have not spoken up about this earlier and the perpetrators brought to justice, the whistle blower hung up.

Black flags flying at White House

It is reported that black flags are flying at various public buildings in Washington D.C. (D.C. apparently stands for Demoncratic Controlled). The reason for this is unclear.

It is believed these are the POW*MIA veterans flags. It is said they show a silhouette of Joe Biden’s head in the white circle below the initials. It is understood that the initials stand for Prisoners Of War* Missing In Action.

Someone has also said the prisoners refer to those in lockdown across the USA, mainly in Demoncratic Controlled States. And that Missing in action refers to Joe Biden’s head or brain, they are not sure which.

We are reliably informed that he tried to use it recently and lost it (again). However, it appears to the editor that he may have been born without a brain as it is possible, apparently, to exist without one.

The flags are being flown at half-mast to indicate that someone is dead. It is rumoured that the most likely person is Joe Biden. We are keen to have further information on this subject to confirm or deny these rumours.

Further links

As stated earlier here are some links. Again I consider these to be funny or humorous; but then I am easily pleased.

Please note the order of the list is deliberate to indicate what many governments around the world are like at the moment. As in ‘jamming’ up the economies and ‘spouting rubbish’ to the public. I’ll leave you to work it out.

G is for…..Guidance

U is for…..Union. European Union

M is for…..Masks

S is for….. States of the U.S.A.

Covid Marshals

Rule of Six 

A is for…..Anti-social distancing

P is for…..Planets

By Baldmichael Theresoluteprotector’sson

D is for…..Doom

By Baldmichael Theresoluteprotector’sson

28th January 2021

and gloom. Depressing isn’t it? Nothing’s going right. World’s gone mad, everybody’s out of work, nothing to eat and drink. I think I’ll just curl up and die.

On the other hand, the sun is shining (well it is up here on my Cloud, and I see also in the land of the West South Saxons). The air is clear; you can see forever up here. I can hear the pigeons cooing. All’s well. So perhaps I won’t die after all, not yet anyway.

But, silly me, I forgot. I died last year so I can’t die again. So I’ll stick with curling up and not the dying bit. I could curl my hair, for example. You see when you die, your hair still keeps growing for a bit.

I’m not sure if I’m not an oddity though. Yes ok, I know I’m very odd thank you. I mean it’s been 8 months or so and my hair is still growing. I think if it grows long enough, I can plait it like Rapunzel and drop it down to the earth. Then anyone who wants to join me up here can climb up.

Alternatively, as my hair is only growing slowly, I may make a couple of pig tails. Come Christmas I will attach some red baubles and have a party. If any comes and joins me up here of course.

Which may be unlikely at this rate. Which is depressing. So perhaps I’ll mope around and feel miserable and wail ‘Nobody loves me, nobody!’.

But then again, I might move my Cloud and get a new vista. Wales maybe, or Scotland. I don’t know. With a new perspective I may very well feel better.

Of course, the weather may not be so good there and I could be buffeted around by the wind (too many beans for supper). Look, I still have to eat you know. Angels bring me food, manna from heaven. I am very grateful to them, eternally grateful.

Hang on, I’m supposed to be miserable, aren’t I? No good being grateful then. Grateful for small mercies. Grateful for anything. Hate myself, hate everybody.

No I don’t, I love myself and I love everybody (except those I hate). There are exceptions, those beyond the pale, unlovable. Perhaps you feel like that, you are one of the unlovable who has never been loved. You feel ugly, ugly as sin (sin is ugly you know, like crap on your precious soul).

So I’m depressed again. Oh God what am I going to do? How do I get myself out of this mess? Won’t somebody help me? Won’t somebody dance with me?

I’ve remembered. Lyndsey de Paul. That song ‘Won’t somebody dance with me?’.

And now the band is playing very slow
And once again, I’ll get my coat and go
A lonely wallflower waiting by the wall
Without the will power to face the music at all

Please, won’t somebody dance with me
Start up a romance with me
Just someone to care
Someone, somewhere for a dance with me

I feel so silly in my patent shoes
So many partners but none of them will choose
A lonely wallflower, growing very tired
Into the small hours and feeling undesired

Please, won’t somebody dance with me
Start up a romance with me
Just someone, somewhere
Someone who dares, take a chance…

I have always loved it, but forgot about it until now. Loved her too as a teenager. Never liked that mole on her face though. But reading about her I realise what a wonderful person she is.

I say is, because as I look around up here at the other Clouds and the angels whizzing around, I realize that she must be up here too. But asleep like all the others in their cosy, fluffy white Clouds. Waiting for resurrection day.

People look at people and see the outside and miss the inside, the unseen. Lyndsey is said to be funny, sharp, and clearly intelligent. But abused by a father as a child who was himself abused and so on back up the family tree.

Probably back to Adam at the beginning who was abused by the Dark Angel.

The dark angel who was once called Lucifer, the light bearer. Lucifer or Lucy for short. Loopy Lucy as I am calling him now.

Still, that’s depressing (but the name’s funny so that helps). I don’t really want to be depressed and I don’t suppose you do either.

So what are we going to do about it then? Well, when I was younger, I would get depressed by all the worries of the world. Down and down I’d go, down down, deeper and down (hang on that’s Status Quo). And I’d be miserable and not much fun to anybody. Or helpful to my parents. Or nice to my sister.

When I turned to Christ, I found things change, my attitudes change. A bit trite, but I gained an attitude of gratitude. Trite can still be right. I also said to the Most High, the Father, if You making things tough for me means that I will be a better person, then do it, please.

And of course he did. Because, as I have said before somewhere, he answers pleas from his angels. So when I went down, down, down and seemed to be at rock bottom (another Lyndsey de Paul song) I would remember what I asked.

So I would laugh, laugh at myself. Silly boy. What did you expect? And I would say thank you to the Father, my Father. And up, up, up I would go. Out of the deep pit I was in. Rescued out of the pit, by my loving heavenly Father.

He pulled me out and we had a dance. Lyndsay sang ‘Please, won’t somebody dance with me’. Well , He did. And He will with you if you want it badly enough.

Or if you’re not even sure what you do want any more but can see just a glimmer of light at the top of the deep, dark well you are in. Even if there is no light at all but there is a flicker, just a flicker of a flame in your heart. A glowing ember.

You feel dead? Nothing at all? That’s ok. He can shine a light into your heart. He will strike a match come down to you, pick you up and carry you to the light if He has to. And He will, believe me; believe Baldmichael if you can. He did it for me.

On the other hand if you like being miserable, a miserable old (or young) git like I am (ok, not that miserable), why not listen to Noel Coward’s ‘There are bad times just around the corner’. Here’s a link if you want.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WFhTsunuXpY

I imagine, assuming you have listened, unless you are too far gone, that you might be having just a teensy, weensy, smile on your face. Don’t overdo it, you might injure yourself.

Of course, the words are very suitable. Rats leaving the BBC!! Rats coming out everywhere. And the terriers are catching them all, one by one. I’m playing my part too.

So perhaps its not all doom and gloom after all, unless you’re a rat.

Or Loopy Lucy. And He is going down into the fiery lake for keeps.

Now that should make you feel better.

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P.S. I posted this as a page, as opposed to paging this as a post, last year. There is more stuff to look at if you wish under World menu. Food for your soul and mind.

I find it not difficult to find humour in all sorts of situations and words which may help further. Do go and look if you need to, there is of course, no charge.

And no annoying ads.

If you need advice, just ask. Desserts in the Cafe are usually funny, at least I think so. But then I am easily pleased. Specials can be especially good for humour too.

Which is why you are special. Yes, really! If you ask I can do something for you, otherwise keep browsing for good things. I avoid nasty things, but not difficult things so I can provide answers and ways out of black holes and dark corners.

By shining a bright light in, the best I have. Drives the shadows and terrors away you know.

So keep your chin up and look up (unless you need to look down at your keyboard). There are lots of good angels out there waiting to help, just ask.

And don’t forget a good cup or mug of tea helps!

P.P.S Alternatively if you are finding it is lockdown making you depressed try ignoring the government GUIDANCE as that is all it was or is in the UK. I have written about this elsewhere.

I also have a song if you like the Beatles and ‘Help’. Link ‘Covid Help’

Stupid 20

By Baldmichael Theresoluteprotector’sson

7th January 2021

What’s this?? Well, if you have been following my site you may have come across occasional references. I believe I started calling it Stupidity 20, but three syllables may be too long for some people, so I shortened it to two.

This then matches the two syllables of Covid 19 which preceded it.

I have said that Covid 19 stands for vitamin C Or VItamin D. Strictly, I should now add ‘with K2’ or ‘K’ for potassium (this has atomic number 19). Both are important but are not the same. Vitamin K 2 is needed for reducing of calcium carbonate in the blood and furring up the arteries.  But what does Stupid 20 stand for?

Well, in a sense it doesn’t stand at all, because when you have it, you tend to sit down in despair with your head in your hands (but still attached to your body, hopefully).

But what are you despairing of? You are despairing that you will die of the Covid monster, of course.

Instead of Stupid 20, which you don’t realise that you have.

I did have a touch of it myself; indeed I have carried it, or something similar, for many years. Stupid has been around for a long time.

I was not rid of it until last year until after the start of lockdown in the spring, having the opportunity by virtue of being on furlough to thoroughly investigate and check the facts.

And for which I have been in training all my life, except that I did not realise it until last year.

Of course, it isn’t that Covid 19 as far as it is a virus isn’t nasty, it is just that it is a poison. A chemical poison, either made by our bodies during metabolism, or introduced by various chemical nasties (or Nazis) in our food or environment.

Or injected, such as with drugs and vaccines.

Or prescription drugs from doctors.

Such things have been around for years, and their effects have been more evident of late as the health of the nation, in this case the UK, deteriorates overall.

I have tried to make it clear elsewhere that Covid 19 is not infectious, because it is chemical, not biological. And it is logical that it, Covid 19, is not ‘bio-’ as in ‘life’ or ‘alive’.

This so-called Coronavirus is an exosome, the body’s defence system at work, clearing out poisons from our bodies.

Anyway, I have explained this in depth elsewhere; see Covid 19 Summary for more details.  

Ok, but what does Stupid 20 stand for really? Well, I think probably the following will do:

SaTan’s a Useless Pillock, Idiot and Dunderhead with calcium.

The reason Calcium is the 20 is because it has the atomic number 20. And is important in the formation of clots.

Bloody clots in this case, as in ‘bloody stupid’. See links below re clotting and calcium. Satan is a clot of course, a bloody clot.

https://dictionary.cambridge.org/dictionary/english/clot

https://healthfully.com/calcium-blood-clotting-4234230.html

https://www.healthpedian.org/the-role-of-calcium-in-the-human-body/

In the case of Stupid 20 it targets the brain and needs careful surgery to remove it before permanent damage is caused.

I have used the word ‘dunderhead’, but ‘dummkopf’ would be better. This is because Satan, or Loopy Lucy, is in George Soros (a.k.a. ‘George Black’). And old George is Germanic in essence.

And stupid of course, criminals always are.

Anyway, what are the symptoms of Stupid 20? I list the following:

    1. You believe that Covid 19 is a variant of influenza (the ‘flu’) which has mutated genetically.
    1. You believe that Covid 19 is biological, rather than chemical.
    1. You believe (Anti-) social distancing works to stop the spread of ‘the virus’.
    1. You believe masks work to stop the spread of ‘the virus’.
    1. You believe staying home stops the spread of ‘the virus’.
    1. You believe staying alert to Coronavirus works to stop the spread of ‘the  virus’.
    1. You believe controlling the Coronavirus works to stop the spread of ‘the virus’.
    1. You believe that herd immunity is possible by ‘catching the virus’.
    1. You believe that lockdowns work.
    1. You believe all the governments tell you without double checking the facts, let alone the so-called ‘rules’.
    1. You believe what the media is telling you without double checking and comparing with other ‘information’.
    1. You believe the BBC is infallible.
    1. You believe the media statistics without double checking the actual statistics.
    1. You believe the ‘r’ rate or reinfection rate has any meaning.
    1. You believe that vaccines work, have worked in the past and will work in the future.
    1. You believe ‘the virus’ came from China, particularly a military laboratory, and that it is ‘All their (the Chinese’s) fault’.
    1. You believe that the above is all about saving lives.

These are the principal symptoms, but there may be others I haven’t described. As with any sickness, there are varying degrees of Stupid 20. In the worst case you will die of/by/with or from it.

Although, in reality, it is the result of not doing sensible things that will cause your death. What do you do about it? This is assuming you recognise at least some of the symptoms in yourself, and you are concerned that you may well have Stupid 20.

Well, the overall description of the symptoms can be summed up in one word. Lies. They are all lies. Though the latter is four words. You have believed a lie, or lies.

The only cure is Truth. So here is my suggestion for a cure in more detail.

    1. Chemical poisons do not mutate, but there are different poisons.
    1. Chemical poisons cannot be spread by touch or hugging someone, unless, for example, someone is smothered in arsenic or strychnine and you lick it off.
    1. Masks inhibit good breathing, and you breathe in some of the carbon dioxide you have just exhaled.
    1. They also make it difficult to hear people sometimes which is stressful.

      They also make it difficult to recognise people sometimes which is stressful.

      Stress can put strain on your heart which can be fatal.

    1. Staying home is sensible when the weather is cold and wet, but not when it is sunny and pleasant. You benefit from sunshine on your skin as this can give you protective vitamin D if you do the correct things.
    1. Staying alert is sensible if this means you watch what you are eating and don’t ingest poisons, such as sodium nitrite, a common preservative in bacon and processed meats.
    1. Your own immune system is the key to your good health. Remember that Covid 19 stands for vitamin C Or VItamin D with K2’ or ‘K’ for potassium. Both are important but are not the same. Check these websites for more information.

https://www.nutritionalspirit.com/vitamin-k-and-potassium-whats-the-difference/

https://www.differencebetween.com/difference-between-vitamin-k-and-potassium/

    1. Lockdowns cause more problems for health than benefits, if it means people stay indoors and are not sensible. And get frustrated and take it out on others around them, sometimes fatally.

      Not rushing around and stressing out with rush hour traffic is beneficial, but you don’t need lockdowns to tell you that.

      Being out of work because you firm closes can be stressful unless you find a better, more fulfilling job.

      However, lockdowns do have the benefit of exposing the stupidity of the devolved governments in Scotland and Wales. And the NHS bureaucracy. And the Uncivil Service bureaucracy.

      And the EUsless European bureaucracy which the UK has left (up to a point). More work to be done there.

    1. Double check all information you are told, including mine.
    1. Double check so-called government rules in the UK and realise they are GUIDANCE, not mandatory. You don’t have to follow them.
    1. Double check the statistics. This is the hardest, which is why I have tried my best to make it as simple as I can to follow. I sympathise if it makes your brain hurt, as I have struggled to make sure I am setting things out correctly.
    1. Carefully consider the issues around vaccines – just because someone tells you they work does not mean they do. Big pharmaceutical and chemical companies stand to make large amounts of money, and they link back to Germany and the Nazi/communists.

      Who has funded research as to effectiveness? If not truly independent, why should they be believed?

    1. Don’t blame China for everything, and certainly not all Chinese. There are good and bad people in all nations, but some are better/worse than others.
    1. Finally, I would add that there is one golden rule. Love the Lord your God with your whole heart and soul and mind. And love your neighbour as yourself. Well ok, that’s two rules then.

      Note no mention of worship, just love; rather important that.

That should cover it for now. There is, however, one family utterly corrupted, with a web of infiltrators in the world. You will have to wait a bit for the truth on that, although there are those in the know.

And I hope you stay safe from Stupid 20 in the meantime.

P.S. For a brief explanation of the latest Stupid variants, see here.

100 up and Stupid 20 variants

If you are from the U.S.A. then I would add to the list of Stupid 20 symptoms believing that Joe Biden won the presidential election. That is incredibly stupid.

And if you should have a poisonous vaccine you may die. That would be fatal, and therefore fatally stupid. Regarding vaccines I suggest this.

V is for…..Vaccination

Should you wish to see how stupid Joe Biden is you can watch some of his videos.

Alternatively try searching for him on my website. Best place to start is Lost Property which should be self-explanatory why. Scroll down towards the bottom (where you often find turds, see earlier).