I felt inspired to do this. Steve Kirsch who is on substack has been over there I gather. So here’s to all you faithful new Zealanders, a humorous, I hope, ditty to keep you going in your fight against Jacinda ‘I was brought up a moron (sic)’ Ardern and her minions.
Jacinda was a little lamb
She also had a duck1
She put him in her cabinet
To see if they could
muck the country up a bit.
Jacinda supports the All-blacks2
The ones who play at rugger
She loves the men with odd shaped balls
Who swear and say ‘oh
Hug her, all you lads and lassies’.
Jacinda is such a marvel
Despite those who boo and hiss
For she bravely carries on
While still she takes the
Miss-ing money millions for the hoax about the ‘flu.
For Jacinda is a wolf,
in clothing like a sheep
And she has cost her country dear
Though most are fast asleep.
So here’s to old Jacinda
The wolf inside a lamb3
And to the good old Kiwis
Taken in by a cunning scam.
You’ve lost your zeal New Zealand, turn back to God for the ‘Zeal of the Lord will perform this’.
And He really, really would like your help in this final act of the pantomime to end all pantomimes, the Greatest Show on Earth.
So what are you waiting for, roll up, roll up, the country of the land of 30 million sheep, including the 5 million odd inhabitants (very odd).
This took place 80 years ago in North Africa in Egypt between the coast of the Mediterranean and the Qattara Depression. The battle was between the United Kingdom and its Imperial and commonwealth forces including India, New Zealand, Australia and South Africa, and the Axis forces comprising German and Italian troops.
Both the sea and the depression formed a boundary which could not be readily by passed.
The Axis forces of the Panzer Army Africa (Panzerarmee Afrika) (included the Afrika Korps under Field Marshal (Generalfeldmarschall) Erwin Rommel), whilst the United Kingdom forces were the Eighth Army under General Claude Auchinleck.
The Axis forces were very close to Alexandria, about 66 miles, the main naval base at the eastern end of the Mediterranean, and the cities of Egypt and the Suez Canal.
The battle was a successful halting of the Axis forces which were too far from their main base at Tripoli, well over 1,000 miles by road today I understand, although in 1942 this was I believe more as there have been road alterations.
So here is my take on the battle in my usual fashion. If you just want me summary, then go to the end. I shall add some fascinating observations for those who have understanding in these matters.
Please note I do not intend any disrespect to those who died or fought, merely to show the absurdity of war, how mad things can be, even if it is only how one can use language. After all, it is propaganda and morale that count most to win battles and wars, especially wars of words.
Now the Eighth Army had been beaten at a Gaz-ella, or gas lady’s station on the coast road further west in Libby-yah, a country named after a lady.
The Bright-ish Eighth Army commanded by a Left-ten-ant general Kneel Rich Tea, a type of biscuit, had retreated east to Mer-sur-Ma-true, a seaside town in He-gipped where Mrs True or Ma True as she was known, lived.
It had to be here as it was a better spot to organise the fences as the fences on the He-gipped border with Libby-yah were not up to much.
Anyway, he didn’t have many thanks to form a reserve to counter the Axes attacks. One should of course give thanks in everything, but one must use them correctly. Giving thanks for, say, someone ruining your tea party by driving over it with a large vehicle whilst saying ‘Heil Hitler’ as the Axes were prone to do would be rather silly.
And General Rich Tea did not want his biscuits crushed, thank you very much, let alone his cucumber sandwiches.
He believed he could you use his infant-tree, a type of sapling, to cover the mein fields. These sound rather Germ-men to me, but meins are not particular and will blow anybody up if they are unwary.
To defend Ma-true line (probably her washing line she strung across the desert), he put 10 Ind-Ians , Ians from India, to protect the dear lady Ma-true.
The 50 North-humble-Ians he put at Gerra-walla, a chap who was not too far from Ma True.
Inland he put 5 Ind-Ians, another 29 Ind-Ians and 2 Art Hillary around Sid-he Ham-sa. I assume Sid liked ham.
2 New Seal-enders were at Min-car Ky-am on the is-carp-ment which they carped on about having a fishy smell.
The 1 arm division was in the open dessert enjoying Baked Alaska.
On the 25th June, the preceding 24 Junes being unsuitable, the general Clawed Ouch-in-lake who was the Sea-in-Sea Muddle East Command relieved Rich Tea who was unable to relieve himself as his fly buttons got stuck.
He decided not to seek a derisive conflagration at Ma True’s place as his inferiority in amour or love would put him at a disadvantage with Ma True.
He decided instead on delaying tack-tics. That is, putting down tacks and tics to make the Axes forces tread carefully and to bite them with the tics to tick them off or annoy them.
Like tik-tok videos today.
This would enable him to remove his draws back to a position near Elle Ali-mine where he could set up the fences along a shorter line. It was only 40 miles between the coast and the Guitar-a Depression where the music played by the local Bed-doin’ was rather sad and would send people over the edge into a deep depression.
As the depression is below sea level and the edges can be over 900 feet high, you can see this is a serious depression and difficult to get out of. If you suffer from depression you will understand.
Thus the Axes amour would be cooled and be ineffective.
1.2 Battle of Mersa Matruh
In repairing the Ali-mine fences, general Ouch-in-lake fought delaying actions at Mer-sur-Ma-true on the 26th– 27th June and at Fucker (don’t blame me) on the 28th June.
There was a late change in orders for the kitchens and this resulted in some confusion. There were two corpses, one called X which was unknown and one called XIII or X the third, and there were divisions over them.
As a consequence, late on 26 June, the Germ-men with 90 lights (for romantic effect at night) and 21 panzies (for Ma True who liked flowers), managed to find their way through the mein fields.
Early on 27 June, resuming its advance, the 90 lights were checked by Bright-ish 50 North-humble-Ians Art Hillery to make sure they passed the regulations on light bulbs.
In the meantime, 15 and 21 panzies were driven east above and below the escarpment. Which seems confusing but that’s the Germ-men for you, confusing their enemies.
The 15 panzies were blocked by 4 amours and 7 motor ‘brigands’, vehicles to transport Ma True to a good restaurant, but the 21 panzies were ordered on to attack Minker Came who was likely to distract Ma True.
As the 21 panzies moved on Minker Came, the 2 New Seal-enders found themselves surrounded but broke out on the night of 27/28 June, without serious Ian Dury who they left behind as he had reasons to be cheerful, and withdrew east.
Ouch-in-lake had planned to try and stop the Axes forces at Fucker to the east of Ma True. Apparently I may have misunderstood; it seems it should have been spelled Fuka or Fouka. This means fruit in Arabic. This could lead to some unfortunate misunderstandings in pigeon English.
‘You lika fouka?’
Of course there is the ‘fruit of the loins’ in the Bible, so perhaps there is a connection somewhere…
Anyway, due to confusion in the hors d’oeuvre, the 2 New Seal-enders withdrew to Elle Ali-mine. This left the X corpse vulnerable although as it was already dead this seems odd.
Nevertheless, the X corpse must have been revived as it started heading south. In the darkness it ran into some enemy units drinking lager it seems and where there was considerable confusion.
As a consequence, 5 Ind-ians were suffered heavy casual-ties as their ties were put into disarray in the melee. 29 infant trees were destroyed at Fucker.
Editor’s note: Rather like children being killed in schools in the USA by mad men.
The Axes forces captured more than 6,000 poisoners. It is rumoured these were pharmaceutical makers which seems highly likely to me.
2.1 Defences at El Alamein
Elle Ali-mine owned a consequential inn by a railway station on the coast. If you got off at the station the consequences were that as there might not be another train for hours, you would have to get a drink at the inn as there was nowhere else.
There were ten Miles to the south. These were ‘jolly good chaps’ in the Eighth Army. They occupied the Rue We-is-at on a ridge. The ridge gave good views of the dessert, although the dessert did not exist and was only a mirage.
There were another 20 Miles to the south, and they suffered from the Guitar-a Depression.
The line of fences the Bright-ish chose to defend again meant that the Rome-el, or Rome angel who commanded an Africa Corpse, could outflank it only by crossing Sarah’s dessert. This was a very, very big dessert and extremely hot, dry and dusty, and, quite frankly, not sounding like a dessert at all.
The Bright-ish Army, being bright enough to recognise this, constructed some boxes behind the fences. These contained lots of surprises like Doug Outs, mein fields and Barbara Wire who would keep the Axes forces distracted for hours.
Left-ten-ant-general Will-I-am No-‘R’-i.e., organised the position and started to construct the boxes, apparently all on his own.
By the way I believe that Will-I-am No-‘R’-i.e. didn’t believe in the reinfection rate regarding the version of Covid 19 then prevalent i.e. the desert ‘flu.
The first box was by Elle Ali-mine and had been partly wired and meined by 1 South African.
The second, the Bob el Guitar box (essentially a guitar case belonging to Bob), was south west of the Rue We-is-at ridge. This had Doug, but no wire or meins.
The third was at Knack A-boo De-we-is on the edge of the Guitar-a Depression. Very little work had been done here as it was so depressing there, nobody fancied doing much.
The Bright-ish position in He-gyp-tea was desperate, the route from Mer-sur-Ma –true had created a panic in the Bright-ish H Queue, or Ed Quarters, at Kai-Row on the River Nile. The panic was later called ‘”The flap”.
Rather similar in the first Lockdown in the UK where we had the “Flap for Carers”. In Kai-Row it was more fully known as the “Flap for pharaohs.”
On what came to be referred to as “Ash Wednesday”, the bureaucrats and administrators burnt their papers. It is alleged the ashes were then scattered on the river, but everybody was in de-nile about this.
Ouch-in-lake thought he could stop the Rome-el at Elle Ali-mine, but nevertheless put up other fences nearer Kai-Row with signs saying such things as ‘Nasties keep out’ and ‘No rotters allowed’, that sort of thing.
The Nile delta was also flooded in part. The Nile delta was said to the source of an earlier version of Covid 19, Nile gamma.
The Axes thought that He-gyp-tea would be captured by them shortly and Ben-I-too Mussel-‘n-he, the strong man of Italy, caught the ‘flu in Libby-yah when he went there getting ready for his entry in a Triumph, a car taken from the Bright-ish.
The scattering of the X corpse at Mer-sur-Ma-true disrupted Ouch-in –lake’s plan. On the 29th June he hors d’oeuvred XXX corpses, which consisted of 1 South Afri-can , and 5 and 10 Ind-Ians respectively to take the coastal sec-tor a high point where it was dry (sec means dry in French). This was on the right as you looked at the Germ Men and Ital-Ians.
The 2 new Zeal-enders and 4 more Ind-Ians would be on the left.
The remains or 1 amour and 7 other amours (presumably these were more corpses) were to be held as a mobile army reserve. So their remains still included their arms. I assume legs too as they were mobile.
But if they were corpses this doesn’t make sense. But then they were fighting the Africa Corpse etc., so I suppose they were all dead anyway.
On the 30th June the Rome-el’s Pansy Army Afreaka approached Elle Ali-mein. The Axes forces were exhausted and understrength. Their exhausts were broken and needed repair.
The Rome-el had driven them forward Ruthlessly; Ruth was their girlfriend but he said they could do without her which is why they were panzies. He thought his moment tum, or stomach, would take him through Ali-mein and to the Nile where no doubt he would a Nile ate the Bright-ish.
Supplies remained a problem because the Axes staff had originally expected a paws of six weeks after the capture of Toe-bruk. The Pansy Army Afreakca had hoped to put their toes, let alone their paws, in the sea to wash and cool off.
Germ men hair units were also exhausted as their hair dryers were broken down. So they provided little help against the RAF’s all-out attack on the Axes supply lines which, with the arrival of Uni-Ted States Army Hair Farces (USAAF) heavy bumbers, could reach as far as Ben-khazi. Ben-khazi was where the toilets were.
The Rome-el’s plan of attack was for the 90 lights and 15 and 21 pansies of the Afreaka Corpse to penetrate between Elle Ali-meins box and dear Elle Abi-Add.
The 90 lights would then veer north to cut the coastal Rod and trap Elle Ali-mein’s box. Sounds painful.
The Afreaka Corpse would the attack the rear or bottom of the XIII corpse. I can’t see what pinching a corpse’s bottom would do but there you are.
An Ital-Ian was to attack the Ali-mein box from the west. If it had been Germ men they would have attacked from the vest. As it is hot in the dessert, wearing a vest only can be a good idea as long as your shoulders don’t get burnt.
Another Ital-Ian was to follow the 90 lights. The It-al-Ian XX corpse was to follow the Afreaka Corpse and deal with the Guitar-a Box or case as already explained.
The 133 amours, also Ital-Ians, and called the “Little Oreo’. Not sure why, as Oreo is a biscuit. Still, it is hard on the outside like a tank with a softer filling like the men in the tank. Makes sense to me.
Anyway, these amours were of course very good at wooing like signor Casanova, or Mr Housenew, or Newhouse to the English.
Doesn’t have the same ring to it in English somehow.
The Rome-el had planned to attack on the 30th June but couldn’t get the things he needed for his tropes. This gave the Bright-ish another day to improve their fences.
On the 30th June the 90 lights were still 15 Miles short, not having enough Miles of any height, and the 21 pansies was suffering from lack of fuel. They did not suffer fuels gladly of course.
And one mustn’t forget the promised hair cover which had yet to move to its advanced hairfields. This was because the RAF made things a bit hairy for them I believe.
3.1 Panzer Army Africa attacks
On the 1st July the 90 light infant trees advanced east but strayed too far north and ran into the 1 South Afri-can’s fences and became pinned down. If they were pine trees then they would have been pined down, so this may be a spelling mistake.
The 15 and 21 pansies were delayed by Sandra Storm and the heavy hair attack by a chap called Shorn (allegedly).
It was broad daylight (because all the ‘broads’ as they can call them in the USA, were out) by the time they got round the back of dear Elle Abi-Add, and she was in event a very large lady to get round.
There they found 18 Ind-Ians who were already entertaining Elle Abi-Add, having previously been looking after Ira Q, another lady further to the east.
These Ind-Ians were just west of Rue We-is-at where they exposed themselves and east of dear El Abi-Add at dear Elle She-in where they created a box belonging to No-‘R’-i.e.
At about 10 am on the 1st July, the 21 pansies attacked dear El She-in as she was in, not out. There were 18 Ind-Ian infant trees supported by 23-25 pounds of bun-how-it’s-as which is a lot of buns, 16 new 6 pounder anti-thanks buns and 9 Ma Tildas, who were slow but sure.
They held out all day but eventually the Germ men overran them.
However, this did buy some thyme for Ouch-in-lake who could add to the stew that the Germ men were getting themselves into at the western edge of Rue We-is-at.
The 1 amour of the Bright-ish had been sent to enter the vein at dear El She-in and ran into the 15 Pansies and drove them west.
Thus by the end of the day the Afreaka Corpse had 37 tanks left out of its original 55, i.e. two thirds.
During the early afternoon, the 90 lights had extracted themselves from the wire fences around Elle Ali-meins box and carried on moving east. But they came under Art Hillary’s fire from 3 South Afri-cans and were forced to dig in.
On the 2nd July the Rome-el hors d’oeuvred the resumption of the off fence sieve. Once again the 90 lights failed to make any progress so the Rome-el called the Afreaka Corpse to abandon seeping the south as there was too much sand to sweep up.
Instead they were to attack east towards the Rue We-is-at ridge. The Bright-ish fences here relied on Rob Col, a combination of a Robert and a Collin. As Collin comes from colline meaning ‘hill’ in French, it was suitable that they should defend a ridge.
Rob Col bought some more thyme which continued to get the Afreaka Coprse into a stew. This enabled two Bright-ish armed brigands to engage the 15 and 21 Pansies.
They drove back repeated taxes by the Axes who then withdrew.
Rue We-is-at was reinforced during the night. Rob Col was now called Walgroup as this was now joined by Wally. In the meantime the RAF was making heavy hairattacks on the Axes, i.e. distressing their tresses.
The next day, the 3rd July, the Rome-el hors d’oeuvred the Afreaka Corpse to resume its taxes on the Rue We-is-at ridge with the Ital-Ian XX Motorised Corpse on its southern flank. The XX Corpse were motorised by driving hearses of course.
The Ital-Ian X Corpse was to hold El M’rear, which I assume was the bottom of the Afreaka Corpse. At this stage the Afreak Corpse had only 26 operational thanks.
There was a sharp exchange south of the Rue We-is-at in the morning and the main Axes advance was held. On the 3 July the RAF ‘flu 780 sore ties which caused a lot of blisters on the Axes feet.
To relieve the pressure on the right and centre of the Eighth Army line, the XIII Corpse on the left advanced from the Guitar-a Box (which the New Zeal-enders called the Car-pong-a box due to the awful smell from the cars, probably diesel).
Editor’s note: diesel was invented by a German so this may explain things.
The plan was that the 2 New Zeal-enders with the remains of 5 Ind-Ians (a leg or two) and 7 Motors would swing north to threaten the flank and rear of the Axes.
However, this force encountered the Ital-Ian Harriet’s Art Hillary which was driving on the southern flank as it attacked the Rue We-is-at.
The Ital-Ian come-on-dear hors d’oeuvred his battle-lions to fight their way out independently but Harriet lost 531 men (of whom about 350 were poisoners), 36 peaces of Art Hillary. Six or possibly eight thanks, and 55 T-Rucks which carried their tea.
By the end of the day Harriet had only 5 thanks left for which she was not very grateful.
So the day ended with the Afreaka Corpse being already deader than it already was, and Harriet was no better.
Once again doing its part the RAF ‘flu 900 sore ties which caused a lot more blisters on the Axes feet.
To the south, on the 5th July, the New Zeal-enders resumed their advance north towards El M’rear to cut the rear off the Harriet who was being a pain.
However, heavy fire from 27 Ital-Ian infant trees called Bres-kea (like Ikea on steroids) which were at El M’rear checked their progress and so the taxes were called off.
3.2 Rommel digs in
At this point, the Rome-el decided his exhausted forces could not continue without resting and regroping. He reported to the Germ Men’s High Come-and that his three Di Visions had just 1,200 – 1,500 men each and resupply was very difficult because of the NME interfering with their hair.
The Rome-el was now suffering, the poor diddum’s, from the extended length of his supper lines. Food was cold and mouldy by the time it had arrived.
The All-ide DAF or Dessert Hair Force was constipating on his fragile and elongated supper routes causing great stains as you will understand if you have been constipated.
In the meantime the Bright-ish mob-isles were causing havoc in the Axes rear by pinching their bottom, suppers etc.
The Rome-el could ill-afford these losses a ships from It-a-lie had been substantially reduced. The tonnage was short and veh-ickles were smaller or ickle as in ‘little’ in the UK.
Meanwhile the Bright-ish Army was benefitting from its shorts from the Nile nearby.
By the 4th July (Happy 4th of July!), 9 Austria-lions entered the line in the north, and on the 9th July 5 Ind-Ians came along to help at the Rue We-is-at.
At the same time, a fresh 161 Ind-Ians reinforced the depleted 5 Ind-Ian infant trees who had withered in the hot dessert.
3.3 Tel el Eisa
On the 8th July, Ouch-in-lake hors d’oeuvred the new XXX Corpse come-on-dear, Left-ten-ant general Will-I-am Rams-den, to capture the low ridges at Tell Elle Isa and Tell Elle MacCad. Tell MacCad was a scot and a relation of MacAdam who made roads.
Having captured these people he was to push his mobile bottle gropes south toward dear El She-in to see if she was in. Ray Ding (part A’s) was to go west to the hairfields at Elle Dabber who was a dab hand at hairdressing.
Meanwhile XIII Corpse would prevent the Axes from moving tropes north to strengthen the coastal sec or dry tor, a small dry hill on the coast.
Rams-Den gave the 9 Austria-lions with 44 Roy Al’s and their thanks to capture Tell Elle Is-a, and 1 South Afri-can with ate thanks with taking Tell Elle MacCad. The Ray Ding (part A’s) were to be carried out by 1 amour.
Following a bum bard meant when a bard who couldn’t sing very well regaled the Axes with his awful songs (like Cacofonix of Asterix the Gaul fame), the 26 Austria-lions lunched on the ridge north of Tell Elle Is-a’s station by the coast.
The bum bard’s singing was so bad it created panic in the inexperienced soldiers of the 60 Ital-Ians there (called Sa-bra-tha as they wore bras for some strange reason).
They had only recently made sketches of the fences there and had not completed their pictures.
The Austri-lions took more than 1,500 poisoners, routed an Ital-Ian Di Vision and ran over the Germ men’s singles intersex company (probably an early version of Tinder).
Meanwhile, the South Afri-cans had by late mourning taken Tell Elle MacCad. They were happy about this despite the mourning.
Elements (or filaments) of the Germ men 164 Lights and 101 Mo-Tor-eyesed Di Vision also known as ‘Tree Est’ (tree east) arrived to plug the gap in the Axes fences.
That afternoon and evening thanks from the Germ men 15 Pansies and Ital-Ian Tree Est Di Vision lunched counter at taxes against the Austria-lions, but these failed due to the stern faces of the All-Ide Art Hillary and the Austria-lions anti-thanks buns.
At first light on the 11th July, the Austria-lions 2/24 of a batty-lion, i.e. 1/12th, supported by thanks attacked the we-stern end of the Tell Elle Is-a Hill, in other words gave her a kick up the bottom.
By early afternoon this ‘feature’ was captured. This was also known as pinching her bottom. Anyway, her bottom was held against a series of counter at taxes by the Axes.
A small column of amour, Motorised infant trees and buns set off to rayed dear Elle Abi-add which caused a batty-lion of Ital-Ians infant trees to surrender.
Its progress was checked at My-tie-rear ridge and thus forced to take its draws back to the Elle Ali-Mein box from whence they had taken them in the first place.
During the day, more than 1,000 Ital-Ian poisoners were taken.
On the 12th July, 21 Pansies lunched a counter, a tack against Trig and Point, but as they were beaten off there was no point, let alone Trig. 600 dead and wound-dead were left strewn in front of the Austria-lions, which was very untidy.
Buts that’s the left for you, always leaving the right to clean up the mess.
The next day 21 Pansies lunched an ‘A’ tack against a Point and the South Afri-cans in Elle Ali-mein’s box. In Elle Ali-mein’s box, there were the D’Urban Light infant trees, a type of tree like a mountain ash for example. These trees faced the full farce of the Germ men’s ‘A’ tacks.
They did not have adequate anti-thank buns and the Germ men’s Art Hillary sneaked in and cut the South Afri-can telephone lines without telling them.
Nevertheless, the tack failed due to Art Hillary’s fire which was in tents. The Germ men did advance up to 328 yards from the South Afri-can’s positions (as we have left the EU I am not going to use metres unless absolutely necessary).
The 9 Austria-lions field Art Hillary and 7 Bright-ish mediums had to help repulse the Germ men.
At last light, 79 anti-thanks were deployed to assist the South Afri-can farces, but the Germ men’s tack was Peter Ring Out. The South Afri-cans lost nine dead and 42 wound-dead. These were light under the circumstances and reflected how well the South Afri-cans fought. Which is what you would expect from an Afri-can as opposed to an Afri-can’t.
Had the Rome-el farces captured Ell Ali-mein’s box, the consequences for the Eighth Army would have been devastating; Elle Ali-mein’s line would have been raptured, i.e. pinched and where then would she hang out her washing?
With the Germ men in charge, on the Siegfried line presumably.
Also, the Austria-lions would have been cut off from the A teeth Army and forced a general to retreat to the Nile Delta where they might have been a Nile A Ted.
If the Delta didn’t get them then the omicron version might have done as they ‘flu in terror.
The Rome-el was still determined to drive the Bright-ish farces back from the northern salient. Whilst the Austria-lions had been forced back from a point by the Germ men’s tack, heavy causal ties had been inflicted on the 21 Pansies.
They mounted ‘A’ tack on 15th July but made no ground against ten-acious resistance fighters. If there had been five perhaps the outcome might have been different.
On the 16th July the Austria-lions lunched ‘A’ tack to regain the point, but were forced back by Germ men counter tacks and suffered nearly 50% casual ties.
After seven days of fierce fighting, the battle in the north for the Tell Elle Isa petered out as Peter wasn’t interested any more. 9 Austria-lions estimated at least 2,000 Axes tropes had been eliminated and more than 3,700 poisoners of whore taken in the battle.
Possibly the most important feature of the battle was that the Austria-lions had captured SIC which sounds rather unpleasant, but as this was the Single Intersex Company wasn’t quite so bad.
Anyway, this company had been providing the Rome-el with priceless intelli-gents from the Bright-ish communicants. This probably had to do with some Roaming Cataholics informing on the Bright-ish positions .
3.4 First Battle of Ruweisat Ridge
As the Axes farces dug in (using their axes of course), Ouch-in-lake, who liked sketching in his spare time and having drawn some of the Germ men’s you-nits on the coastal sec tor, developed a plan.
This was code named Opera-shun Bacon. This was because it was bacon hot in the dessert and because the Germ men liked pork, especially bacon.
The aim was to ‘A’ tack 17 Ital-Ian infant trees, ‘Pa’ Via and Bres-kea Di Visions in the centre of the Rue We-is-at.
The singles in-telly-gents were giving Ouch-in-lake clear details of the Axes hors d’oeuvre and farce dispositions. His policy was to “… hit the Ital-Ians wherever possible in view of their low morals and because the Germ men couldn’t hold their Y-fronts without them.” Something like that anyway.
The intention was for the 4 and 5 New Zeal-enders to ‘A’ tack and capture the western end of the ridge, whilst the 5 Ind-Ians would capture the eastern end in a knight ‘A’ tack.
Then 2 amours would pass through the centre of the infant tree adjectives to exploit towards dear Elle She-in and the My-tie-rear ridge.
On the left a further 22 amours would be ready to move forward to protect the infant trees.
The ‘A’ tack commenced at 23:00 on the 14th July. The 2 New Zeal-enders took Dawn on the 15th, but mein fields and pockets of Ray’s insistence created dis A. Ray among the tackers.
A number of pockets of Ray’s insistence were left on his behind at his insistence. This imp pee did the movement forward of Ray’s serves, Art Hillary and supporting arms which were to replace the arms that had fallen off.
As a result the New Zeal-enders exposed themselves on the ridge with nothing else but a few anti-thank buns. More significantly the two Bright-ish amours failed to move forward to protect the infant tree.
At first light a few of the 15 Pansies lunched a counter ‘A’ tack against the New Zeal-ender’s batty lion. They had a sharp exchange which knocked out the anti-thank buns and as the infant tree was exposed it had to surrender. About 350 New Zeal-enders were taken as poisoners (a.k.a doctors and health officials nowadays).
While the 2 New Zeal-enders a tacked the westernside of the Rue We-is-at, 5 Ind-Ians made small gins on rue We-is-at to the east. By 7:00 word was finally got to 2 amours that the gins were ready. Two Reggie Ments became boiled in a mein field, but a turd joined the 5 Ind-Ians.
With the help of the amour and Art Hillary, the Ind-Ians were able to take their adjectives by early afternoon.
Meanwhile, the 22 amours were engaged to Alan Nail by the 90 lights and the Harriet amour Di Vision. With the help of their mobiles and infant tree and Art Hillary Callums from 7 amours, they pushed back the Axes probe which the Axes were going to stick somewhere unpleasant. However they were prevented from advancing north to protect the New Zeal-enders.
Seeing the Bres-kea and ‘Pa’ Via under pressure, the Rome-el rushed Germ men tropes to the Rue We-is-at. By 15:00 the 3rd he-con-nuisance Reggie Ment and part of the 21 Pansies from the north, and 33 ⅓ he-con-nuisance Reggie Ment and the Bad grope, which was seriously bad, comprising elephants from the 15 Pansies from the south were in plaice under Left-tenant-general Wall-the Neigh-ring.
At 17:00 Neigh-ring lunched his ‘A’ tack. The 4 New Zeal-enders were still short of weapons to eat with and also buns for the ensuing bun fight. The anti-thank fences were overwhelmed and about 380 New Zeal-enders were taken poisoner including Captain Charles Upham who obtained a second Victoria Cross for getting seriously cross with the Germ men.
His actions included destroying a Germ men thank and several buns and veh-icles with green aids despite being shot through the eel-bow. You can read about him here in my earlier post if you wish. A brave, understated man.
At about 18:00 the H queue was overrun as it ran round the block. At about 1815, the year of the Battle of Waterloo, the 2 amours were engaged to the Germ men amour and halted the Axes eastward advance. At dusk Neigh-ring broke off the engagement as he had no engagement ring.
Early on the 16th July, Neigh-ring renewed his a tack. The 5 Ind-Ian infant trees pushed them back but it was clear a further attempt would be made.
Great effort was made to dig in anti-thanks buns, Art Hillary’s fire fighting plans were organised and a Reggie Ment from the 22 amours said he would go and help the 2 amours already there.
The a tack was repulsed and after the fight the Ind-Ians counted 24 thanks knocked out, as well as amoured cars (pink Cadillacs etc.) and numerous anti-thanks buns left on the battlefield.
In three days of fighting, the All-eyes took more than 2,000 poisoners, mostly Ital-Ians. The New Zeal-enders suffered 1,405 casual-ties.
The fighting at Tell Elle Is-a and Rue We-is-at caused the destruction of three Ital-Ian Di Visions, forced the Rome-el to redeploy his amour from the south, made it necessary to lay mein fields in front of the remaining Ital-Ian Di Visions and stiffen them with Germ men tropes.
3.5 Miteirya Ridge (Ruin Ridge)
To relieve pressure on Ruweisat ridge, Auchinleck ordered the Australian 9th Division to make another attack from the north. In the early hours of 17 July, the Australian 24th Brigade—supported by 44th Royal Tank Regiment (RTR) and strong fighter cover from the air—assaulted Miteirya ridge (known as “Ruin ridge” to the Australians). The initial night attack went well, with 736 prisoners taken, mostly from the Italian Trento and Trieste motorised divisions. Once again, however, a critical situation for the Axis forces was retrieved by vigorous counter-attacks from hastily assembled German and Italian forces, which forced the Australians to withdraw back to their start line with 300 casualties. Although the Australian Official History of the 24th Brigade’s 2/32nd Battalion describes the counter-attack force as “German”, the Australian historian Mark Johnston reports that German records indicate that it was the Trento Division that overran the Australian battalion.
To relive pressure on the Rue We-is-at, Ouch-in-lake hors d’oeuvred the 9 Austria-lions to make and ‘A’ tack from the north.
In the early hours or the 17th July a 24th Austria-lion brigand – supported by 44 Roy Al with his thanks and Reggie Ment and strong fighter cover in the hair (they would comb the hairier) – ass salted My-tie-rear ridge, known as “Rue Inn” ridge to the Austria-lions.
The initial knight ‘A’ tack went well as the knights wore their amour and 736 poisoners were taken, mostly from the Ital-Ian Train-toe and Tree-east Mo-tor-eyesed Di Visions.
Once again, however, a critical situation for the Axes farces was re-tree-ved by Vig-or-us counter ‘A’ tacks from the hastily ass-embled Axes farces. This forced the Austria-lions to take their draws back to their start line with 300 casual-ties.
The official history of the 24th brigand’s 2/32th or 1/16th batty-lion describes the counter ‘A’ tack farce as “Germ men”, allegedly due all the coffin’ and spreading germs or back-t-rear.
However, Germ men records when played back indicated it was the Train-toe Di Vision that ran over the Austria-lion. This would have given the Austria-lion paws for thought especially if the Train-toe ran over its pause.
3.6 Second Battle of Ruweisat Ridge (El Mreir)
The Eighth Army now enjoyed a massive superiority in material over the Axis forces: 1st Armoured Division had 173 tanks and more in reserve or in transit, including 61 Grants while Rommel possessed only 38 German tanks and 51 Italian tanks although his armoured units had some 100 tanks awaiting repair.
The A teeth Army now enjoyed a mass sieve supper-ority in Matt Aerial over the Axes. 1 amour had 173 thanks and more in reserve or in a transit van, including 61 grants (a type of loan), while Rome-el only had 38 Germ men thanks and 51 Ital-Ian thanks although his amour you nits had some 100 thanks awaiting repair.
Auchinleck’s plan was for Indian Infantry 161st Brigade to attack along Ruweisat ridge to take Deir el Shein, while the New Zealand 6th Brigade attacked from south of the ridge to the El Mreir depression. At daylight, two British armoured brigades—2nd Armoured Brigade and the fresh 23rd Armoured Brigade—would sweep through the gap created by the infantry. The plan was complicated and ambitious.
Ouch-in-lake’s plan was for Ind-Ian infant tree to ‘A’ tack along the Rus We-is-at to take dear Elle She-in, while the 6th New Zeal-ender ‘A’ tacked from south of the ridge to the Elle M’rear depression, which was a bit of a bummer.
At daylight, two Bright-ish amour brigands would sweep the gap created by the infant tree. The amours would of course go ‘broom, broom’ to do this as their vehicles moved along.
However the plan was complicated and ambi-tish-us.
The infantry night attack began at 16:30 on 21 July. The New Zealand attack took their objectives in the El Mreir depression but, once again, many vehicles failed to arrive and they were short of support arms in an exposed position. At daybreak on 22 July, the British armoured brigades again failed to advance. At daybreak on 22 July, Nehring’s 5th and 8th Panzer Regiments responded with a rapid counter-attack which quickly overran the New Zealand infantry in the open, inflicting more than 900 casualties on the New Zealanders. 2nd Armoured Brigade sent forward two regiments to help but they were halted by mines and anti-tank fire.
The infant tree knight ‘A’tack began at 16:30 on the 21th July.
Editor’s note: I do not see how this could be possible. Night does not fall until nearer 18:30 at this time of year – is this a Wikipedia entry error?
The New Zeal-enders ‘A’ tack took their adjectives in the Elle M’rear depression, but depressingly many vehicles failed to arrive and they suffered from short arms supporting them as they exposed themselves.
At daybreak on the 22nd July the Bright-ish amour brigands failed to advance and Neigh-ring’s 5th and 8th pansies responded with a vapid counter ‘A’ tack, quickly over running the New Zeal-enders in the open, inflicting more than 900 casual-ties.
A 2nd amour brigand sent forward two Reggie Ments but they were halted by meins and anti-thank fire.
The attack by Indian 161st Brigade had mixed fortunes. On the left, the initial attempt to clear the western end of Ruweisat failed but at 08:00 a renewed attack by the reserve battalion succeeded. On the right, the attacking battalion broke into the Deir el Shein position but was driven back in hand-to-hand fighting.
The ‘A’ tack by the Ind-Ians had mixed four tunes. This link may contain some of them. I understand the four tunes or styles are Dhrupad, Khyal (or Khayal), Tarana, and the semi-classical Thumri.
On the left the initial attempt failed (presumably due to a temptation) but a renewed ‘A’ tack by the reserved batty lion succeeded.
On the right the ‘A’ tack from another batty lion broke into the dear El She-in position but was driven back in hand-to hand fighting, i.e. hand wrestling.
Compounding the disaster at El Mreir, at 08:00 the commander of 23rd Armoured Brigade ordered his brigade forward, intent on following his orders to the letter. Major-General Gatehouse—commanding 1st Armoured Division—had been unconvinced that a path had been adequately cleared in the minefields and had suggested the advance be cancelled. However, XIII Corps commander—Lieutenant-General William Gott—rejected this and ordered the attack but on a centre line 1 mi (1.6 km) south of the original plan which he incorrectly believed was mine-free. These orders failed to get through and the attack went ahead as originally planned. The brigade found itself mired in mine fields and under heavy fire. They were then counter-attacked by 21st Panzer at 11:00 and forced to withdraw. The 23rd Armoured Brigade was destroyed, with the loss of 40 tanks destroyed and 47 badly damaged.
Compounding the disaster at Elle M’rear the come-on-dear of the 23rd amour brigand hors d’oeuvred his brigand forward, intent on following his orders to the letter.
This is like those in the Covid 19 so-called crisis following the guidance without engaging their brains and thinking that perhaps this was not such a ‘Good Idea’ after all.
A major-general Gatehouse (i.e. a lodge gate), who was the come-on-dear of 1 amour, had been unconvinced that a path had been adequately cleared through the mein fields and had suggested the advance be cancelled.
However, XIII corpse come-on-dear, left-ten-ant general Will-I-am God, rejected this and hors d’oeuvred the ‘A’ tack but on a centre line which he believed was mein free but wasn’t.
The hors d’oeuvre failed to get through due to the waiters not waiting and the ‘A’ tack went ahead as originally planned. The brigand found itself admired in a mein field and under heavy fire.
They were then counter ‘A’ tacked by 21 panzies at 11:00 and forced to remove their draws. The 23rd amour was destroyed by this as you can imagine, as having to remove its draws was highly embarrassing and they lost 40 thanks destroyed and 47 badly damaged.
At 17:00, Gott ordered 5th Indian Infantry Division to execute a night attack to capture the western half of Ruweisat ridge and Deir el Shein. 3/14th Punjab Regiment from 9th Indian Infantry Brigade attacked at 02:00 on 23 July but failed as they lost their direction. A further attempt in daylight succeeded in breaking into the position but intense fire from three sides resulted in control being lost as the commanding officer was killed, and four of his senior officers were wounded or went missing.
At 17:00, God hors’ oeuvred 5 Ind-Ian infant trees to execute a knight to capture the western half of the Rue We-is-at ridge and dear Elle She-in.
A 3/14th (about a fifth) of a pun jab Reggie Ment from a 9th Ind-Ian infant tree ‘A’ tacked at 2:00 on the 23rd July but failed as they got lost.
A further attempt in daylight succeeded in breaking into the position but fire from within the tents of the opposition on three sides resulted in control being lost as officers were killed, wounded or went to Miss Sing, the naughty boys.
3.7 Attack on Tel el Eisa resumed
To the north, Australian 9th Division continued its attacks. At 06:00 on 22 July, Australian 26th Brigade attacked Tel el Eisa and Australian 24th Brigade attacked Tel el Makh Khad toward Miteirya (Ruin Ridge). It was during this fighting that Arthur Stanley Gurney performed the actions for which he was posthumously awarded the Victoria Cross. The fighting for Tel el Eisa was costly, but by the afternoon the Australians controlled the feature. That evening, Australian 24th Brigade attacked Tel el Makh Khad with the tanks of 50th RTR in support. The tank unit had not been trained in close infantry support and failed to co-ordinate with the Australian infantry. The result was that the infantry and armour advanced independently and having reached the objective 50th RTR lost 23 tanks because they lacked infantry support.
To the north, 9 Austria-lions continued their ‘A’ tacks. On the 2nd July in the early morning the 26th brigand attacked Tell Elle Is-a and the 24th brigand ‘A’ tacked Tell Elle MacCad towards My-tie-rear ridge.
It was during this fighting that Arthur Stanley Gurney performed the actions for which he was posthumusly awarded the Victoria Cross. This was allegedly for making ugly faces at the Axis farces which naturally put the wind up them.
See what I mean? Anyway, do go look Arthur Gurney up. A very brave Australian man who gave up his life so that we could be free from tyranny.
The fighting for Tell Elle Is-a was costly but the Austria-lions controlled the feature by the afternoon
That evening, a 24th Austria-lion brigand ‘A’ tacked Tell Elle MacCad with 50 thanks of the arty are. These thanks had not been trained in close infant tree support, i.e. how to stake them up, and failed to get the co-ordinates of the infant tree.
The result was that they advanced independently of the infant tree. This resulted in the loss of 23 thanks as the thanks were meaningless on their own. One does need something to be thankful for after all.
Once more, the Eight Army had failed to destroy Rome-el’s farces, despite its overwhelming superiority in men and equipment. On the other hand, for Rome-el the situation continued to be grave as so many of his tropes were in the grave.
His infant trees had suffered heavy losses and he reported that “the situation is critical in the ex-stream”. The ex-stream is a dried up river bed or wadi which you find in the dessert.
3.7.1 Operation Manhood
This was an operation to castrate the Axes, an attack on their manhood of course, a final attempt to break them. XXX corpse was reinforced with 1 amour (by excluding the 22nd brigand), the 4th light amoured brigand and the 69th infant tree arranged in an interesting shape (ahem).
The plan was to break the enemy line south of My-tea-rear and exploit the hole in the north vest. The South Afri-cans were to make and mark (mark of the best) a gap in the mein fields to the south eats of My-tea-rear by midnight of 26/27th July.
By 1:00 on 27th July, the 24th Austria-lion brigand was to have captured the ‘E’ stern end of My-tea-rear ridge and would exploit towards the north vest where the hole was.
The 69th infant tree brigand wood pass through the mein field gap created by the South Afri-cans (no doubt marked with empty cans), and go on to dear Elle Di ‘B’ where they would clear and mark gaps in father mein fields.
The 2nd amour brigand would then pass through to Elle Wish-car and would be followed by a 4th light amoured brigand to help see in the dark which would ’A’ tack the Axes lions of communism.
This was the third attempt to break through in the northern sector, and the Axes ‘D’ fenders were expecting the ‘A’ tack. Sadly, like the previous attempts, it was hurriedly and poorly planned.
The Austria-lion 24th Brigand took their adjectives on My-tea-rear Ridge by 2:00 of 27th July. To the south, the 69th brigand managed to take their adjectives by about 8:00. However the supporting anti-thank units became lost in the darkness or delayed by mein fields and leaving the ‘A’ tacker isolated and exposing themselves when daylight came.
There followed a period during which reports regarding the mein field gaps were confused or conflicting.
In other words, reliable reports came to a full stop or period (if you are from the USA).
As a result, the advance of the 2nd amour brigand was delayed. The Rome-el lunched and immediate counter ‘A’ tack and Germ men armoured bottle gropes overran the two forward batty-lions of the 69th brigand. As one was facing one way, and the other facing the other perhaps this was part of the problem.
Meanwhile, the 50 arty ‘R’s had difficulty finding the gaps in the mein fields. They failed to file through the fields, got caught in a big fire and lost 13 thanks.
The unsupported 2/28th (or 1/14th) of an Austria-lion batty lion on the ridge was overrun. The 69 brigands suffered 600 casual-ties and the Austria-lions 400 for no gain and lots of pain.
The A teeth Army was exhaust Ted and needed its exhausts repaired by Ted because of all the holes caused by rocks in the dessert. On the 31 July Ouch-in-lake hors d’oeuvred an end to the off fence sieve operations and the strengthening of the existing ‘D’ fences to meet a Major Count Offensieve. Such a sieve would prove to be a great strain.
The battle was a stalemate but had halted the Axis advance. Wikipedia says
Rommel was later to blame the failure to break through to the Nile on how the sources of supply to his army had dried up and how:
then the power of resistance of many Italian formations collapsed. The duties of comradeship, for me particularly as their Commander-in-Chief, compel me to state unequivocally that the defeats which the Italian formations suffered at Alamein in early July were not the fault of the Italian soldier.
The Italian was willing, unselfish and a good comrade, and, considering the conditions under which he served, had always given better than average. There is no doubt that the achievement of every Italian unit, especially of the motorised forces, far surpassed anything that the Italian Army had done for a hundred years.
Many Italian generals and officers won our admiration both as men and as soldiers. The cause of the Italian defeat had its roots in the whole Italian military state and system, in their poor armament and in the general lack of interest in the war by many Italians, both officers and statesmen. This Italian failure frequently prevented the realisation of my plans.
Rommel complained bitterly about the failure of important Italian convoys to get desperately needed tanks and supplies through to him, always blaming the Italian Supreme Command, never suspecting British code breaking.
In the UK we have tended to view Rommel as an excellent general, but in the desert war, whilst a very good tactical commander, some historians view his strategic and logistical awareness as limited.
He would outrun logistical supplies and squander the mainly Italian resources.
From my perspective, the problem would always be one of maintaining a war on more than one front. Had more resources been able to be committed to the desert war and the Italian Navy been bolder in its resolve (it did have excellent warships), things may have turned out differently.
As regards losses, the Allies had suffered over 13,000 casualties in the month of July, roughly 9,500 being from the Commonwealth divisions.
On the plus side they had taken 7,000 prisoners and inflicted heavy damage on the Axis men and machines.
The following link says
Allied losses for this first battle amounted to some 13,250 killed or wounded of 150,000 troops; for the Axis, some 10,000 killed or wounded of 96,000 troops.
However, planning and preparation on the allied side had been poor, and lack of co-ordination between the various elements of the army appears to have been severely lacking.
Auchinleck reckoned the Eight Army would not be able to attack again before mid-September at the earliest and therefore prepared for a defensive battle.
However, Gott who commanded XIII corps, was appointed to take over from Auchinleck but was killed when his aircraft was shot down.
The circumstances of that are rather suspicious as it seems an official military attaché from the USA, a Bonner Fellers, was careless in his communications although these had in fact been compromised as the transmitting codes had been broken.
Nevertheless, this brought Lieutenant General Bernard Montgomery on to the desert war stage and the war would never be the same.
Summary and conclusions
I have to say Auchinleck does not seem to have been a good general on the whole, and the consensus seems to be that he could not pick the right team under him to be his subordinate officers. Worth checking on his Wikipedia entry if you want to know more.
It was the sacrificing of men and material that grieves me. Proper planning is always essential, although as always ‘A man’s heart plans his course, but the LORD determines his steps’.
I tried anagramming the name ‘El Alamein’. Fascinatingly, I found this.
This can be ‘Élan Aleim’, meaning ‘The spirit of God’ or ‘The spirit of the angels’, or ‘The force of God’ etc.
It is written
Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.
2 Corinthians 3:17
For it is God who works in you to will and to act on behalf of His good purpose.
We might note the role of the New Zealanders and particularly, Charles Upham who was an inspiration. And their zeal is noticeable! And don’t forget Arthur Gurney from Australia who saved the troops with him from a dire predicament.
It is somewhat strange that Gott was killed in the sense that Gott means ‘God’ in German. Perhaps it is that the German’s thought that by killing Gott they would kill ‘God’ and thus win the war.
But then those who follow Christ believe that God Himself gave up His life at Calvary about 2,000 years ago in the sacrifice of Jesus. But God raised him from the dead so the war was not over.
I said at the beginning, ’But then war is mad, why do we do it?’ The letter of James says:
‘What causes conflicts and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from the passions at war within you? You crave what you do not have; you kill and covet, but are unable to obtain it. You quarrel and fight. You do not have, because you do not ask. And when you do ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may squander it on your pleasures.’
Of course the Axis forces wanted something, more land, particularly the Germany who wanted an empire as it was jealous of the U.K. Fighting against German or more particularly Nazi aggression was essential for a free world.
Jesus said to His disciples ‘You will do greater works than these’ which may seem strange when you think of how His life impacted the world.
Nevertheless, I might reasonably say that all these fighting men and the Eighth Army as a whole did a great work in stopping the evil Axis forces from taking Egypt. There were of course women behind the scenes like my wife’s mother, a Queen Alexander’s nurse in Egypt looking after the recuperating wounded.
And in today’s world I see the children of God, men and women rising up to halt the wave of evil trying to swamp the nations. The swamp creatures are being halted and will be driven back.
And the spirit of the Lord will achieve this with all His angels seen and unseen.
Keep going, and look up, your redemption draws near!
P.S. There will be a 2nd battle of El Alamein in November so you may wish to look out for that.
If you are interested in other battles, then have a look at the Naff Caff under World Menu for more tales of bravery and derring-do.
If you want to understand how the battle might relate to today 80 years later have a look at this.
On the night of 14th–15th July, 1942, during the First Battle of El-Alamein, this brave New Zealand man achieved amazing feats of heroism in his fight against the German enemy. He won a Bar to his first V.C. which means he won a second V.C.
You read about it here. I will summarise and make my observations using the article, text in italics from this unless otherwise stated.
He had already won a V.C. in Crete for his extraordinary courage there, a real inspiration to the troops under his command and the battalion as a whole.
He was born in Christchurch New Zealand and
From an early age he was a quiet and unusually determined boy, and on more than one occasion he intervened to defend schoolmates who were being bullied.
He was a sheep farmer, manager and valuer.
Second World War
He fought with the 2nd New Zealand Expeditionary Force (2NZEF) having had 5 years’ experience with the Territorial Army. He had become a sergeant there but decided to enlist with the 2NZEF as a private. He eventually trained to be an officer.
In March 1941, Upham’s battalion left for Greece and then withdrew to Crete, and it was here that he was wounded in the action, from 22 to 30 May 1941, that gained him his first VC. When informed of the award, his first response was “It’s meant for the men.”
“It’s meant for the men” is very telling. He did what he did for those to whom he was responsible as much as anything else.
Bar to VC
When the recommendation was made for a second VC, the King remarked to Major-General Howard Kippenberger that a bar to the cross would be “very unusual indeed” and enquired firmly, “Does he deserve it?” Kippenberger replied, “In my respectful opinion, sir, Upham won the VC several times over.”
Only two other men won the Bar, a second V.C.
With this award, Upham became the third man to be awarded a Bar to the VC. The previous recipients were Lieutenant Colonel Arthur Martin-Leake and Captain Noel Godfrey Chavasse, both doctors serving in the Royal Army Medical Corps. Martin-Leake received his VC for rescuing wounded under fire in the Second Boer War, and the Bar for similar actions in the First World War. Chavasse was similarly decorated for two such actions in the First World War, subsequently dying of wounds received during his second action. Neither of these men were combatants, so Upham remains the only fighting soldier to have been decorated with the VC and Bar.
Prisoner of war
Upham refused on principle to escape from the hospital, but was branded “dangerous” after several later escape attempts.
On another occasion, he tried to escape a camp by climbing its fences in broad daylight. He became entangled in barbed wire when he fell down between the two fences. When a guard pointed a pistol at his head and threatened to shoot, Upham calmly ignored him and lit a cigarette. This scene was photographed by the Germans as “evidence” and later reprinted in a biography, Kenneth Sandford’s ‘Mark of the Lion’
‘Mark of the Lion’ is an interesting phrase. The word ‘beast’ in the book of Revelation in the bible actually means ‘wild beast’. A lion is a wild beast, considered the king of the wild beasts.
There can be good and bad marks at school. In Charles Upham we have a lion of a man, and as Jesus is considered the Lion of Judah, Charles Upham can be a mark of the beast in the good sense.
Or better perhaps, a mark of the best!!!
He obtained a war rehabilitation loan and bought a farm on Conway Flat, Hundalee, North Canterbury. It is said that for the remainder of his life, Upham would allow no German manufactured machinery or car onto his property.
I don’t blame him. And when you know as I do that Germany has been pinching our manufacturing over the years, it makes me livid to think we let this happen.
A bronze statue stands outside the Hurunui District Council buildings in Amberley, North Canterbury, depicting Charles Upham “the observer”.
It is quite a memorial to the man. His face is set like flint, determined.
What a man. I salute you sir.
I gather that Amberley is a town on the east coast of the South Island of New Zealand. It is named after a farm name in Oxfordshire. Although I cannot be sure, I suspect this may be in Great Coxwell just south west of the small town of Faringdon in the west of Oxfordshire.
There is also a village of Amberley near where I live, so when I go past it I can be reminded again.
Also there is a village of Upham, in Hampshire, England. It lies near and to the north-west of Bishops Waltham, a small medieval market town. I have been to the village; it is a lovely quiet spot. If I visit again, I hope I shall be reminded once more of Charles Hazlitt Upham.
I thought I would have a quick look at anagrams of his name. I selected these three although there are many others I consider suitable.
Allah chutzpah mister – chutzpah is from a Hebrew word and is the quality of audacity, for good or for bad.
I have seen some posts on him. I am rather amused. It has been reported that he has been playing Barry Manilow songs loudly and turning the sprinklers on the protesters outside the New Zealand Parliament building.
Personally I am not a fan of Barry, but then I am a man and I gather it is more the female of the species who like him. Perhaps they played ‘I Made it Through the Rain’!
Nice weather for ducks as they say! Still what do you expect with a name like Trevor Mallard?
I asked myself is Trevor clever? Or as Ian Dury put it is “….wonder whether Clever Trevor’s clever?”
Anyway, I thought perhaps New Zealand might appreciate some assistance, and that I would look at this chap. He is known as the ‘Father of the House’.
Personally, I think the anagram ‘He fart’ of the House would be more appropriate under the circumstances as he ‘blowing out’ at protesters.
I take an irreverent and lateral stance in my post. You will see why in due course if you don’t already. What I put down may not be strictly true. You will need to double check as usual.
I have use the following link for the basis of my analysis as usual.
the meaning of Colin is “young creature” is seems. Well, I suppose he was young once.
However, Colin might be derived from colline in French for ‘hill’. Perhaps he is a ‘little hill’ as a young creature is typically small. In French montagne is for a mountain, a big hill, and colline, as I understand, is really for a smaller one. This all makes sense.
A hillock is a small hill. This sounds like pillock. Pills are small. Trevor is relatively short in stature I believe. Does this make Trevor a pillock?
Mallard – could be a duck or a railway engine. Here is a duck.
Here are two more ducks protesting.
Here is a railway engine. It is fast and beautiful. Unlike other Mallards I could mention.
This is Trevor Mallard. He is not that beautiful, in my opinion, and he is not that fast. His tie is slightly crooked. I notice these things. Sometimes such things indicate the character of a person.
1 Early life
He was born in a wellington. As opposed to as shoe as in the ‘Old Woman’ nursery rhyme who lived in one with her children.
He trained as a teacher in the trained as a teacher at the Wellington College of Education. I assume this is abbreviated to W.C.of E. Sounds like a toilet. Did he get a bog standard education?
C of E or church of England is completely EUseless (see link at end) nowadays. Gone down the toilet as they say.
His degree is in Commerce and Administration, but I don’t suppose he ran a business, I cannot find anything at the moment.
I gather he taught for a number of years, but I don’t know for how long. Perhaps 12 years.
He is, I assume, rather direct and not very subtle. A prop forward perhaps as he like rugby. After so many years in parliament and he still hasn’t developed a side step, a.k.a diplomacy. And he is the speaker of the house?? I find that rather odd.
Returning to the Wellington area, he contested the seat of Pencarrow in the 1993 election and was successful. He retained the seat until 2017. It is now known as Hutt South.
As Trev supports vaccines or jabs and his ‘seat’ is in a hutt (sic) rather than a house, or indeed a wellington which he was used to, I assume we can now call him ‘Jabber the Hutt’.
2.1 Fifth Labour Government (1999–2008)
In September 2006, Mallard was implicated in the resignation of National Party leader Don Brash after interjecting with an allegation in the House that Brash had engaged in an extramarital affair.
Seems a bit rash of our Trev to accuse Brash. Especially seeing Trev separated from his wife a year later and got divorced later on.
Anyway, I reckon Trev is both brash and rash. Put him in the trash may be appropriate.
In October 2007, Mallard punched National Party MP Tau Henare in a scuffle that took place outside the debating chambers. It is speculated that this was a result of comments Henare made regarding a new relationship Mallard had formed. Mallard quickly apologised for his part in the altercation. He also publicly revealed that the woman with whom he had entered a new relationship was former world champion rower Brenda Lawson. Police declined to investigate but Graham McCready launched a private prosecution. Mallard pleaded guilty to fighting in a public place and agreed to pay $500 to the Salvation Army’s Bridge drug and alcohol programme.
Which proves my point.
In May 2008, Mallard was warned by New Zealand’s Chief Electoral Officer Robert Peden that signage on his electorate vehicle breached provisions of the controversial Electoral Finance Act and ordered him to update the signage to include an authorisation from party officials. However, the Chief Electoral Officer did not refer the matter to the New Zealand Police to prosecute as the matter was considered inconsequential.
Not sure what ‘inconsequential’ means. Perhaps one rule for you and one rule for me.
2.1.1 Minister of Education
Mallard’s handling of the education portfolio was strongly criticised by teachers’ unions, including the PPTA. In his first term as minister, he was strongly criticised by teachers during a long-running strike action over salaries.
In his second term, he was criticised for a program of school closures, that involved almost 90 schools across the country. The program was eventually stopped after it faced heavy criticism from parents and teachers.
Not very positive.
2.1.2 Minister of Sport and Recreation
In April 2002, Trevor Mallard made crude comments about inserting beer bottles into “uncomfortable places” of International Rugby Board chairman Vernon Pugh and Australian Rugby boss John O’Neill during a radio interview about following the withdrawal of co-hosting rights for the 2003 Rugby World Cup. He later apologised saying he mixed up his passion for rugby with his role as Minister of Sport.
So I guess we call him a rugger bugger then. Or, as he is being silly, a silly rugger bugger. Or silly bugger for short. Again, I gather our Trev is short in stature. Rugby players wear shorts
So he is a short silly rugger bugger who wears shorts. This makes sense.
2.1.3 Minister of State Owned Enterprises
In 2006, Mallard announced that the government would introduce a policy that encouraged state owned enterprises (SEOs) to expand into new business areas and diversify in order to build wealth for the country.
In 2007, Mallard said that the government was likely to be more stringent on state owned enterprises in relation to social responsibility. Mallard explained that social responsibility is one of the core functions of SEOs but not enough was being done. The announcement was made following a number of incidents by SEOs, including a power disconnection by Mercury Energy that resulted in the death of Folole Muliaga, an individual who relied on an oxygen machine.
Folole Muliaga sound like a type of oven; Muli-Aga.
She was obese and terminally ill. She had been told she needed to reduce her weight. Some people will not listen and take the broad path to destruction.
Still, it shows how idiotic are some contractors and the monolithic state owned companies.
Mind you the same goes for large electricity companies like Scottish and Southern Electric (SSE) in the UK. They are near the bottom of list for competency and efficiency which Covid 19 exposed big time.
2.1.4 Minister of Labour
In 2008, Mallard implemented a new tool to help small businesses manage hazards. The goal of the project was to improve workplace health and safety.
It is alleged that this ‘tool’ was in fact a Mr Trevor Mallard.
Health and safety now contradicted by vaccines poisoning people. Not very ‘elf & safety’ conscious is this ‘tool’.
2.1.5 Minister of Broadcasting
In July 2008, Mallard was critical of a TVNZ report into an assault by sports broadcaster, Tony Vietch, saying that the report lacked key details, such as not mentioning that an assault took place.
And the foot note link in Wikipedia says ‘page not found’. So perhaps this event did not occur at all. All very odd.
Tony doesn’t sound very nice. An anagram is ‘Thy Vietcon’. Perhaps this explains it.
Veitch sounds rather like ‘witch’. ‘It thy coven’ is an anagram of his name. Perhaps this also explains it.
2.2 Fifth National Government (2008–2017)
In February 2012, Mallard was accused of ticket scalping on Trade Me when he sold four tickets to the Homegrown music festival for a $246 profit. The MP had in 2006 initiated legislation, the Major Events Management Act 2007, prohibiting ticket scalping for major events (although Homegrown wasn’t classified as a “major event” so wasn’t covered). He later offered to refund the money he received for the tickets.
So Homegrown wasn’t classified as a “major event”. That’s nice. Have lots of small events so you can scalp tickets. Trev is clever, clever Trevor.
Except that he was caught out. No so clever Trevor then. One rule for me, one rule for them, the hoi polloi, the plebs.
2.3 Sixth Labour Government (2017–present)
Following the formation of a Labour-led coalition government with New Zealand First and the Green parties in October 2017, Mallard was elected as Speaker of the House on 7 November following some contention from the opposition National Party over whether several of the new MPs had been sworn in.
Nowadays I dare say Trev is more likely to be sworn at rather than in.
In November 2017, Mallard announced that the New Zealand Parliament would be becoming more “baby friendly” while posing for a photo with fellow Labour MP Willow-Jean Prime’s baby Heeni. Such policies have included opening an atrium near the parliamentary chamber accessible to MPs’ children, giving carers and spouses the same security clearances as MPs, opening the Parliamentary swimming pool to the families of MPs and staff, updating the family room to have baby-feeding and changing facilities, and a proposed play area on Parliament’s lawn. On 22 August 2019, Mallard attracted media attention in New Zealand and abroad when he fed Labour MP Tamati Coffey’s infant son Tūtānekai Smith-Coffey during a parliamentary debate.
The parliament becomes more ‘baby friendly’ to accommodate the increasingly babyish behaviour of MP’s. This is the rise of ‘Baby-lon’ or the ‘Baby-Way’ as ‘lôn’ means lane in Welsh.
Of course, it is only a short jump to ‘loon’ which means mad. Need I say more?
Was he feeding the infant son coffee I wonder? Did the baby cough? Any thoughts?
In December 2019, it is claimed by former Auditor-General Martin Matthews that MPs from the Officers of Parliament committee, including former Speaker David Carter and current Speaker Trevor Mallard, had acted out of “political convenience”. Effectively undermining the office of the Auditor-General.
A “political convenience” is a toilet for MP’s etc. where you can have a crap if you wish.
A chamber pot has similar uses.
The chamber of the parliament is where MP’s debate and can talk crap if they want. This is quite frequent I understand. Some MP’s are quite mad. They are potty. Hence you have chamber potty for the crap (that many MP’s give forth).
I have seen that there have been complaints about the protesters ‘shitting’ on the lawn outside parliament. I assume they had a lisp. I don’t have a problem with people ‘shitting’ on the lawn with lisps.
I do however have a problem with MP’s ‘shitting’ in the chamber of parliament. They can go and ‘shit’ somewhere else and not waste taxpayers’ money.
During the 2020 New Zealand general election, Mallard was re-elected to Parliament on the Labour Party list. When the new Parliament assembled on 25 November, he was re-elected as Speaker without opposition.
Except of course he was in government, not the opposition. I gather Trevor was not elected by popular mandate as he did not stand in the ‘Hutt’. No doubt this was sensible as he probably would not have been elected.
Instead he was selected as the best candidate on the Labour Party list. The choice must have been extremely poor if he is the best they could offer. Doesn’t say much for the Labour Party.
After canvassing the views of Members of Parliament in late 2020, Speaker Mallard decided that Parliament would not revise its business attire dress code which required male Members to wear a jacket and tie, as there was “very little support for a change,” though he “personally loathed” ties. On 9 February 2021, Mallard ejected Māori Party Co-Leader Rawiri Waititi from parliamentary proceedings after he defied Parliament’s business attire rule by wearing a Māori hei tiki neck tie instead of a formal necktie. On 10 February, Mallard announced that ties were no longer compulsory in Parliament following a Standing Orders Committee meeting where the majority voted in favour of the Māori Party’s submission calling for the elimination of neckties as part of Parliament’s business attire.
It all sounds a bit of a game to me. A tie breaker. Perhaps it ended in a draw. At least the ties have presumably ended up in the draw, or chest of drawers.
And as I say, ended in a draw or tie.
2.3.1 Rape allegation remarks, 2019–2020
In late January 2020, Mallard was sued by a Parliamentary worker who alleged that the Speaker had defamed him by claiming in May 2019 that a rapist was working at Parliament. The plaintiff has described these remarks as defamatory and untrue. The Parliamentary worker has hired Matthew McClelland QC and is seeking NZ$400,000 in general damages, NZ$50,000 in punitive damages and court costs. Mallard has hired the services of a Queen’s Counsel from Kensington Swan.
On 8 December 2020, Mallard apologised to the parliamentary staff member whom he accused of rape. Both parties now consider the matter closed. On 11 December, The New Zealand Herald and Stuff reported that Mallard’s defamation case involving the parliamentary staff member had cost NZ$333,000 (including an NZ$185,000 ex-gratia payment to the former staffer and more than $175,000 on legal fees). In response, National Party leader Judith Collins stated that her party had lost confidence in Mallard as Speaker of the House while the New Zealand Taxpayers’ Union called on Mallard to reimburse taxpayers.
On 16 December, Mallard appeared before the Governance and Administration Select Committee where he apologised for calling the former parliamentary staffer a rapist. It was reported that the staffer was pursuing an employment case against Parliamentary Service, that had cost NZ$37,500 in legal fees so far. A member of the Taxpayer’s Union dressed in a pig’s mascot costume also held a mock invoice during the proceedings before being asked to leave due to an objection by Labour MP Duncan Webb.
On 9 February, the National Party unsuccessfully attempted to move a motion of no confidence in Speaker Mallard over his involvement in the rape allegations against the Parliament staffer. In early May 2021, Mallard drew controversy and media attention when he used parliamentary privilege to claim that the parliamentary staffer whom he had falsely accused of rape committed sexual assault during an exchange with National MPs Chris Bishop and Michael Woodhouse. Prime Minister Ardern criticised Mallard’s actions as “totally inappropriate” but rejected calls by the National and ACT parties to dismiss him from his position as Speaker.
I suspect this was merely all a case of misunderstanding what was said. Clever Trevor probably said the staffer was ‘therapist’, not ‘the rapist’. An easy mistake to make.
Perhaps Clever Trevor is therapist. Or a therapist. Or may be ‘there a pist’. Completely pist (sic).
The member of the Taxpayer’s Union dressed in a pig’s mascot was mistaken. He/she should have worn a duck’s costume. More logical for a Mallard of course.
2.3.2 Convoy 2022 NZ
In mid–February 2022 the Convoy 2022 New Zealand protesters established a makeshift camp outside the New Zealand Parliament to protest the Government’s COVID-19 mitigation and vaccination policies. As Speaker of the House, Mallard responded to the refusal of the protesters to vacate Parliament’s grounds by turning sprinklers on full and setting up loud speakers playing music and pro-vaccination messages. Mallard’s attempt to disperse protesters backfired and only stiffened their resolve to remain. Mallard was criticised for his actions by the opposition National and ACT parties. National’s COVID-19 spokesperson Chris Bishop criticised Mallard for antagonising the protesters further while ACT leader David Seymour remarked that Mallard “seems to be acting like a kid in a very adult situation.”
I assume backfired means Trev farted as he is the ‘farter of the house’ as previously mentioned.
On 16 February, the National Party said that it intended to lodge a motion of no confidence in Mallard over his handling of the Convoy 2022 protest and occupation in Wellington
My birthday! Did the motion get passed? ‘Passing a motion’ (ahem) sometimes occurs after farting I gather.
I can’t quite see how he squares what is obvious common sense with some of his other actions. Strange, very strange. World is quite mad nowadays though.
Worth looking more at stuff.co.nz website.
3 Personal life
Mallard announced his separation from wife Stephanie in June 2007 after 33 years of marriage. He has three children, one of whom is a Black Fern, Beth Mallard. On 29 December 2014, Mallard married journalist Jane Clifton. He is interested in outdoor recreation, including rugby and mountain biking.
Beth gets around a bit it seems. I assume as a ‘Black fern’ she is a mobile fern. Why not give her a call on her ‘fern’ as Inspector Clouseau might say.
Do look it up, most interesting. Females suffer more than males for some reason it seems. Not sure this is really true though. They may just call it something different. This always help to ‘divide and rule’ as they say.
Oratorical – what else do you expect from a speaker. Not sure that oratory is Trevor’s greatest skill however.
Railroader – to do with trains, see picture earlier.
Vacillated – I believe he has.
Vacillator – I believe he is.
Alienator – I believe he is.
Armadillo – I always want to say ‘Armadildo’ for some strange reason. In Trev’s case perhaps ‘I’m a dildo’ more suitable.
Avoidance – won’t speak to protesters despite being speaker.
Canoodler – I’m not too bothered about what he gets up to in his spare time, but who is he canoodling with? Jacinda Ardern?
Carnivore – what does he like eating?
Cartooned – somebody should do some cartoons, but I haven’t seen anything yet.
A cavernoma is a cluster of abnormal blood vessels, usually found in the brain and spinal cord.
They’re sometimes known as cavernous angiomas, cavernous hemangiomas, or cerebral cavernous malformation (CCM).
A typical cavernoma looks like a raspberry. It’s filled with blood that flows slowly through vessels that are like “caverns”.
Looks like a raspberry. Mmm…blow Trevor a raspberry then. Or several raspberries. This is sticking your tongue out, like the traditional Maori greeting. Ask some Maoris if they wouldn’t mind obliging. Or your kids.
(Classical Myth & Legend) classical myth a sycophant forced by Dionysius, tyrant of Syracuse, to sit under a sword suspended by a hair to demonstrate that being a king was not the happy state Damocles had said it was.
An abnormal desire to give presents. Like vaccines perhaps. Lots of people like them though for some strange reason.
Laodicean – ‘I know your deeds; you are neither cold nor hot. How I wish you were one or the other! So because you are lukewarm— neither hot nor cold— I am about to vomit you out of My mouth!’ This is written about this church in the book of Revelation. I recommend reading the rest of this in the bible.
Maladroit – Marked by a lack of adroitness; inept. Of a quality opposed to adroitness; clumsy; awkward; unskillful. inept; clumsy; awkward;
Says it all.
Medicator – well I don’t believe he is injecting anyone personally, but …
Moderator – if only!
Moratoria – ‘delaying or suspension of activity’. Like mandates. If only!
Moronical – of course
Over claim – that the vaccines work at all for public good. They don’t of course.
Overtrain – don’t think Trev’s been trained for very much myself.
Redaction – what has he blotted out?
Rodential – rat like. Who’d believe it?
Caroline – a girlfriend?
Catriona – another girlfriend?
Clarinda – another one Trevor? Oo, you devil! (see ‘devil’ later)
Clotilda – possibly a rather stupid girlfriend.
Cordelia – 5 in a row, wow!
Cardinal – as in Vatican pushing vaccines? Don’t forget, ‘vaccination’ is anagram of ‘Icon Vatican’.
Caveator – buyer beware. Of the vaccines etc. They are not what they seem.
Clitoral – related to his girlfriends I assume.
Colander – full of holes.
Comedian – ha, ha very funny I don’t think.
Conamore – As opposed to conaless. So more conning of hapless public.
Contrive – to con more of course
Corroder – of public morals
Daniella – another girlfriend
Dartmoor – a prison for him and his cronies.
Democrat – his cronies.
Demoniac – noted
Demotion – should have happened years ago. Why didn’t it?
Deviator – from the truth.
Divorcer – you couldn’t make this up!
Elianora – how many girlfriends is it now for goodness sake??
Idolater – who or what does he worship? Not the Most High that’s for sure.
Lancelot – well we know about Lancelot (nudge, nudge, wink, wink)
Lovelorn – with so many girlfriends are we surprised.
Madelina – Gordon Benett, another one!
Montreal – in touch with Mr Turdeau are we?
Microdot – proof positive. He’s a spy!
Romancer – with all those girlfriends I should think so.
Rotarian – does he belong to this society?
Tandoori – favourite food?
Toreador – a load of bull.
Tricolour – blame the French
Macron – blame Macron, he’s French.
Vandal – yes.
Veronica – not again?!
Violated – his responsibilities and the health of others
Orville canard mort L – canard is ‘duck’ in French. Mort is ‘dead’ in French. Therefore we have Orville the dead duck!!!
Mort L sounds like ‘mortal’. Al is related to angel. A mortal is a dead angel.
armored Calvin troll
arnold clitoral Merv
arrival cloned mortl
Carlton Dior Marvell
Mr Vatican doll Errol – !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Mr Vatican droll role – !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Devil Aral ctrl moron
Devil macron rat roll
What more can one say?? He clearly has a serious problem.
After all that you are not convinced that Trevor ‘duck the issues’ Mallard is really not that clever, then I think there is no hope for you.
Whilst the anagrams may seem merely amusing, there are so many that one must wonder especially in the light of his other misdemeanours.
He is completely quackers, mad, moronic, makes you vomit, a rat, a troll, the list is endless it seems. And most of these words are in his name!
In short, a dead duck.
And New Zealanders have put up with him for so long. Why for goodness sake?? So for goodness sake get rid of him and your moronic government [don’t forget Jacinda Ardern was brought up a moron (sic)] before any more damage is done.
I will leave you with Ian Dury and the Blockheads lyrics to ‘”Clevor Trever”
Just ‘cos I ain’t never had no nothing worth having never ever never, ever
You ain’t got no call not to think I wouldn’t I’m fall into thinking that I ain’t too, clever
And it ain’t not having one thing nor not another either neither is it anything, whatever
And it’s not not knowing that there ain’t nothing showing and I answer to the name, of Trevor
Just ‘cos I ain’t never said no nothing worth saying never ever never never, ever
Things have got read into what I never said till me mouth becomes me head which ain’t not all that, clever
And it’s not not saying one thing nor not another either neither is it anything I haven’t said, whatever
And it ain’t not proving that my mind ain’t moving and I answer to the name, of Trevor
Knock me down with a feather, Clever Trevor
Widebrows wonder whether Clever Trevor’s clever
Either have they got, nor neither haven’t not
Got no right to make a clot out of Trevor
Why should I feel bad about something I ain’t had
Such stupidiness is mad
‘Cos nothing underfoot comes to nothing less to add
To a load of old toot
And I ain’t half not half glad ‘cos there’s nowhere to put it even if I had
I’m a bit of a Jack the Lad
Knock me down with a feather, Clever Trevor
Widebrows wonder whether Clever Trevor’s clever
Either have they got, nor neither haven’t not
Got no right to make a clot out of Trevor
Also, it takes much longer to get up North, the slow way
A link if you wish to listen.
P.S. For further research/consideration if you wish.
It is time I lent a hand in New Zealand. They are struggling a bit. This post is long but split into subheadings following those in the Wikipedia link below.
For those that don’t know, Jacinda Ardern is leader of the Labour Party; she has been prime minister of New Zealand since 2017. And full of zeal for her country it seems. This is the main Wikipedia link.
But how shall we approach her here? Sensibly or not so sensibly? Why not both. I can see some opportunities here for a bit of teasing and I think she deserves it. Any leader worth their salt needs teasing anyway.
Salt is good and adds flavour, but I am not sure she is flavour of the month to some people.
Well, she looks quite pretty to me as a man (I mean I am a man, not her!), although her teeth are rather dominant. She has quite a mouthful. Still, I can say in all honesty that I will seek to tell the ‘tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth!’
Meaning behind the name
Her full name is Jacinda Kate Laurell Ardern. This is quite a mouthful, again reminding me of her teeth.
Jacinda – means Hyacinth. This is because a ‘j’ can be used liked an ‘I’ or a ‘y’, and ‘d’ like a ‘th’. Hence ‘Yacintha’ or ‘Hyacintha’ or ‘Hyacinth’.
The hyacinth flower name has a most interesting meaning. In Greek mythology, Apollo the sun god and Zephyr the god of the west wind compete for a young boy’s affections. At one point Apollo is teaching Hyakinthos how to throw the discus and Zephyr gets so angry that he blows a gust of wind in Apollo’s direction, which sends the discus hurling back in the direction of Hyakinthos, striking and killing him. Apollo, brokenhearted, notices that a flower springs up from the blood that was spilled and names the flower hyacinth in honor of the boy. This symbol of the hyacinth flower has remained pretty simple throughout history.
And perhaps Jacinda Ardern is pretty simple. Some would say simply stupid.
Kate – means ‘pure or chaste’. Chased by whom it doesn’t explain. Probably by those who want to ask her why she trashed the New Zealand economy over a few cases of the ‘flu.
Laurell – means the evergreen tree, a crown of its leaves being used as an honour.
Neurenteric – Of or pertaining to both the neuron and the enteron apparently. I assume this related to the moron, see later, heading below.
Relaundered – what is she laundering? Money perhaps.
Alienated – might be becoming true although she has been very popular.
Unclean – despite being laundered. But she also can be clean. So perhaps both at the same time. So perhaps she is confused. That makes better sense. See later too.
Aaren cardinal jelled kraut – German and Catholic links, makes sense.
Dark red Canaanite Judea Jl – reminds you of what the Caananites got up to in Judea. Red reminds you communism, and of blood, the blood of the children sacrificed to Moloch. Similar to abortion which she has supported.
She gained a Bachelor of Communication Studies (BCS) in politics and public relations. So nothing useful then.
She worked in a soup kitchen for a time. It is rumoured she was known as the soup dragon whilst there. See The Clangers, a children’s program from the late 1960’s/early 1970’s.
Ever since she has been dropping clangers.
Ardern moved to London, England where she became a senior policy adviser in an 80-person policy unit of British prime minister, Tony Bliar (sic). This explains a lot. Employ a Moron (sic) as a senior policy advisor (despite being a ‘junior’ in age).
Ardern was also seconded to the UK Home Office to help with a review of policing in England and Wales. The one who was ‘firsted ‘didn’t want to go so they made do with second best.
This may explain why Cressida Dick got where she did. I have done a post on her too. Link at the end if you are interested.
These are Ross and Laurell Ardern. They were both morons (sic) too which is why Jacinda was brought up a moron (sic) of course.
But they do look decent sort of people from the photographs. Perhaps appearances can be deceiving.
Apparently he was High Commissioner of New Zealand to Niue, an island about 101 sq. miles in extent so equivalent to roughly 10 miles long by 10 miles wide for those whose maths is not very good. This includes Jacinda I expect.
He also served as Niue’s director of prisons and director of immigration.
The population was 1,784 at the last census in 2017 so I am told. It is 1,755 miles from New Zealand.
The population is about the size of a large village. So perhaps the prison there is like a village lockup in England.
The prison is currently less secure than a village lockup. Here is a picture of a village lockup as an example which is in Wheatley, near Oxford, England. It looks more substantial. Perhaps they should send their felons there.
I understand the roof leaks on the Niue prison. Perhaps the current chief of Police should find a solid piece of corrugated iron and repair it himself, as it doesn’t seem the New Zealand government will pay the price of having someone do it for him.
He may be too busy of course, as no doubt crime is rampant among the 1,784 inhabitants. Social distancing not being observed, not wearing masks, that sort of thing.
They talk about high security prison. Perhaps they need a new door with a padlock.
I have been rather distracted. Anyway, Ross Ardern was based in Samoa for a while, about 2,028 miles from New Zealand.
I believe he was last reported in Tokelau which is 4 sq. miles in extent over three atolls. It has a population of 1,499 according to the census in 2016.
And it is 2,046 miles from New Zealand.
It does rather seem that he is trying to get as far from the mainland of New Zealand as possible without leaving the country as it were. And to a place where the land mass is shrinking.
There are unsubstantiated rumours that his next posting will be to a 10 foot square rock in the Pacific somewhere, but that seems rather silly.
But then there is no accounting for moronity.
There is no airstrip on Tokelau and no helicopter connection, so the only physical link to the outside world is by boat. It is not clear whether this is due to Jacinda not wanting to see him or vice versa.
There is no prison on the atolls. I suppose it is rather difficult to get off the islands, so perhaps that is why.
In Jacinda’s Wikipedia article only her father is mentioned under parents on the top right hand summary. This is a bit odd.
Jacinda doesn’t seem to me to look like her parents. She has these teeth you see. This is a bit odd.
I understand male Morons (sic) can have more than one wife. Could this explain things?
President of International Union of Socialist Youth
I checked online and found this booklet from its website. There is no obvious date on it except the link address says 2016.
From page 5 (as opposed to the 5th page).
No single right is more important than others. Human rights are connected and cannot be viewed isolated from each other – they are indivisible.
That seems very good. However, I prefer to stress responsibility rather than rights; we are all responsible to each other, our neighbours, to love one another.
It then says this.
All kinds of discrimination based on social origin, gender, ethnic background, religion, ability, sexual orientation or abibility are a violation of the human rights.
Including the ability to use grammar, spell and proof read it seems. Still, it’s the thought that counts.
Jacinda wasn’t the president at the time of publication of the booklet so perhaps this sub-heading was a waste of time.
On the other hand perhaps Jacinda has been elected prime minister on the same basis. You know, not discriminating on the grounds of ability or even abibility. It happens a lot nowadays.
Leader of the Opposition
I note this.
During the protest, one farmer displayed a sign calling Ardern a “pretty communist”. This was criticised as misogynistic by former Prime Minister Helen Clark.
I assume Helen Clark was also brought up a Moron (sic), however. Being pretty is not misogynistic. Being a communist is not misogynistic (although it is stupid, but that’s another matter).
It is rumoured that the farmer later apologised and said he meant to say she was a ‘pretty ugly communist’ and ‘would that make Helen Clark happier?’ I understand Helen was not available for comment (but this is only a rumour).
The above article is hard hitting. Someone else thinks she’s a communist.
First term (2017–2020)
She went full term for her first term but was part time for a while due to maternity leave to have her daughter. It is not clear if she went full term for the birth of her daughter or whether this was also part time for a while.
I assume she went into labour in the usual fashion. She is of course leader of the Labour party. I don’t know if she went into the Labour party in the usual fashion. If anybody has any information, please could they let me know.
What would have happened if the communists invaded is anybody’s guess.
Hang on, silly me, they already have.
…planned tax cuts were cancelled, saying instead it would prioritise expenditure on healthcare and education.
So they decided to reallocate resources and not reduce taxation. Did the electorate know this before they voted for her and the Labour party?
I gather Jacinda has used canapiss in the past. I think I have misspelled that. Some people may think she still uses it. Cana-piss is also known as ‘wee-d’. Again this makes sense.
I gather that foreign relations between Australia and New Zealand are also referred to as Trans-Tasman relations.
I thought Trans-Tasman relations are those who were once Torpedo and Anti-Submarine warfare men who became Torpedo and Anti-Submarine warfare women.
This just goes to show how wrong you can be.
Apparently ‘In 2020 Ardern criticised Australia’s policy of deporting New Zealanders, many of whom had lived in Australia but had not taken up Australian citizenship, as “corrosive” and damaging to Australia–New Zealand relations.’
It seems that ‘New Zealanders in Australia previously had immediate access to Australian welfare benefits and were sometimes characterised as bludgers.’
I thought bludgers were what they used in quidditch. This just goes to show how wrong you can be.
Still, not very tactful on Australia’s part. Jacinda seems to have made a fair point.
I have extracted the following, removed the reference links and paragraphed it to make it easier to read. Check the original if you wish.
In mid-February 2021, Prime Minister Ardern criticised the Australian Government’s decision to revoke dual New Zealand–Australian national Suhayra Aden’s Australian citizenship. Aden was an ISIS bride who had migrated from New Zealand to Australia at the age of six, acquiring Australian citizenship.
She subsequently traveled (sic) to Syria to live in the Islamic State. On 15 February 2021, Aden and two of her children were detained by Turkish authorities after illegally crossing the border.
Australian Prime Minister Morrison defended the decision to revoke Aden’s citizenship, citing legislation stripping dual nationals of their Australian citizenship if they were engaged in terrorist activities.
Following a phone conversation, Ardern and Morrison agreed to work together in the “spirit of the relationship” to address what the former described as “quite a complex legal situation.”
In late May 2021, Morrison defended the revocation of Aden’s citizenship but indicated that Canberra was open to allowing her children to settle in Australia. In mid–August 2021, Aden and her children were repatriated to New Zealand.
Anyway, the long and the short of it is that we have what I call an ‘Ardern of Aden’ situation. As opposed to Garden of Eden situation.
Christchurch mosque shootings
This is recorded of Jacinda.
In an address at the Parliament, she declared she would never say the name of the attacker: “Speak the names of those who were lost rather than the name of the man who took them … he will, when I speak, be nameless.” From
Why she thought she should not say the attackers name is unclear. Perhaps she forgot his name. Here it is, I don’t mind saying it. Brenton Tarrant.
The article says he is Australian. Perhaps this is why she thought he should be nameless; don’t upset the Australians as this may piss them off.
After all if Australia is going to get some nuclear submarines and there are a lot more Australians than New Zealanders, this shows discretion and tact.
Or possibly fear, one or the other.
There is a picture of Jacinda which is described by the Guardian as an ‘image of hope’.
She looks rather miserable to me. I am not very hopeful as a result. Perhaps it is just me.
Apparently the image of her ‘…hugging a member of the Christchurch Muslim community with the word “peace” in English and Arabic was projected onto the Burj Khalifa, the world’s tallest building.’
This is in Dubai. It is rumoured that the economy of Dubai will collapse. Whether the two events are related is unclear.
It has also been rumoured that the image was that of the beast of Revelation. ‘Peace, peace and there is no peace’. Someone may be taking the peace (sic) of course.
In mid-April 2020, two applicants filed a lawsuit at the Auckland High Court against Ardern and several government officials including Director-General of Health Ashley Bloomfield, claiming that the lockdown imposed as a result of the COVID-19 pandemic infringed on their freedoms and was made for “political gain”. The lawsuit was dismissed by Justice Mary Peters of the Auckland High Court.
It may not be significant but I found this re a judgement of Mary Peters in 2012.
In the 2020 general election, Ardern led her party to a landslide victory, winning an overall majority of 65 seats in the 120-seat House of Representatives, and 50 per cent of the party vote. She also retained the Mount Albert electorate by a margin of 21,246 votes. Ardern credited her victory to her government’s response to the COVID-19 pandemic and the economic impacts it has had.
‘Yet for squashing Covid-19 flat, Ardern’s New Zealand has paid a terrible economic price. In the second quarter GDP fell by 12.2 per cent. That’s smaller than Britain’s fall, but it is a horrendous collapse considering the far lighter footprint of coronavirus in New Zealand.’
So perhaps New Zealanders just love economic collapse. There are a lot of sheep in New Zealand. This may explain things.
Whether this term will go into Labour after a full term will depend on the voters of New Zealand. Unless of course voting is suspended due to Covid 19 and her majesty allows it. I am speaking of Jacinda Ardern of course, not Elizabeth II. See political views later.
‘On 2 December 2020, Ardern declared a climate change emergency in New Zealand’
‘However, climate activist Greta Thunberg said about Jacinda Ardern “It’s funny that people believe Jacinda Ardern and people like that are climate leaders. That just tells you how little people know about the climate crisis … the emissions haven’t fallen.” ’
Well, if the great Greta Thundermountain has spoken or thundered like this, who are we to argue?
I find reference to a ‘Bright Line Test’. I thought this was a minimum standard for those entering politics in New Zealand, especially for prime ministers. Apparently not, it has something to do with property.
Anyway, looks like an intelligence test for politicians is not on the cards, so Jacinda should be in the clear.
On 14 June 2021, Ardern confirmed that the New Zealand Government would formally apologise for the Dawn Raids at the Auckland Town Hall on 26 June 2021.
Her father was apparently involved in the dawn raids. This may be another reason for him to be as far away from his daughter as possible.
On 12 December 2020, Prime Minister Ardern and Cook Islands prime minister Mark Brown announced that a travel bubble between New Zealand and the Cook Islands would be established in 2021, allowing two-way quarantine-free travel between the two countries.
It is rumoured that this will be known as ‘The South Sea Bubble’. This may remind you of the one in 1720 which resulted in a financial crash in the UK.
As the psychologist Jonathan Haidt revealed in The Righteous Mind, we wish for things to be true, and no amount of counter-evidence will change our minds. Ardern is lucky that humans have this mental bug because on practically every single metric her administration has failed.
And New Zealand has been buggered. That is, the population has been infected by the mental bug. What else did you think I meant?
In September 2017, Ardern said she wanted New Zealand to have a debate on removing the monarch of New Zealand as its head of state.
I imagine this is because she wants to be Queen instead. I found this extracted from
Along with sloganeering, Ardern shamelessly ego-strokes her important people by muddling up their names and titles. Chris Hipkins is referred to as Minister Hipkins instead of the Minister for Covid Response and Ashley Bloomfield as Director Bloomfield instead of his title which is Director-General of Health. It’s a subtle little manoeuvre designed to delegate kudos to the unfortunate person whose authority attaches to the role rather than the person.
If she can do it for her cronies, she presumably hopes they can address her as ‘Your majesty’ one day.
Ardern has described herself as a social democrat, a progressive, a republican and a feminist,…
I describe her as confused. I can be polite you know.
It is recorded she has gone on to say.
“I have always described myself as a Democratic Socialist”,
Watch: Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern says Budget 2021 is ‘a real milestone for us’
I think she meant ‘a real millstone for us’. Perhaps New Zealand will sink into the sea never to rise again. That would be a pity as I have yet to visit the beautiful country. Could you wait a bit please before sinking?
Ardern has been described as a celebrity politician.
Others are not quite so polite.
What her father thinks is not recorded as far as I am aware.
In 2020, she was listed by Prospect as the second-greatest stinker (sic) for the COVID-19 era.
A beetle (Mediocre-ema (sic) jacinda) has been named after her, and an ant (found in Saudi Arabia, Tomato-gaster (sic) jacindae,). I assume tomato as she likes wearing red. Both beetles, ants and tomatoes can be squashed quite easily.
I can’t reach New Zealand with my feet as much as I would like to. Please could somebody do this for me. Many thanks in ant-icipation.
Apparently she supports gay rights. I am not sure what is wrong with being gay or happy as I understand it to mean. But then I don’t go out much at the moment so perhaps it means something else now.
She doesn’t see herself as being a member of an organised religion again. Unless perhaps she is running it of course, but that’s only my humble opinion.
On the other hand Jacindamania is a thing and many seem to worship the ground she walks on. So maybe she is running one already.
Her partner is Clarke Gayford. This explains the ‘gay’ rights I suppose, but seems biased as she should support everybody’s rights, not just her partner.
They have a baby daughter ‘Neve Te Aroha’. It seems ‘Neve is an anglicised form of the Irish name Niamh, meaning ‘bright’; Aroha is Māori for ‘love’, and Te Aroha is a mountain in the Kaimai Range, near Ardern’s home town of Morrinsville.’
So ‘bright’ and ‘love’, good things indeed. Let’s hope she is brought up to fulfil her name, and not a Moron (sic) like her mother.
Well, overall I think we have a good example of having a Moron (sic) in control. Whether Jacinda is a sick Moron (sic) remains to be seen. Anyway, I don’t think she has had Covid 19, a.k.a. the ‘flu until re-branding last year.
In reality she has not been up to the job. Her policy of zero tolerance of Covid 19 has not worked. You can’t fight the ‘flu my dear, not unless you realise that is what it is.
She has however managed to trash New Zealand’s economy. She has taken New Zealander’s ‘ard ern-ed money and wasted it!
She reminds me rather of Lewis Carroll’s Cheshire cat. Will she disappear leaving only her grin to remind you of the mess in which she has left New Zealand?