I felt inspired to do this. Steve Kirsch who is on substack has been over there I gather. So here’s to all you faithful new Zealanders, a humorous, I hope, ditty to keep you going in your fight against Jacinda ‘I was brought up a moron (sic)’ Ardern and her minions.
Jacinda was a little lamb
She also had a duck1
She put him in her cabinet
To see if they could
muck the country up a bit.
Jacinda supports the All-blacks2
The ones who play at rugger
She loves the men with odd shaped balls
Who swear and say ‘oh
Hug her, all you lads and lassies’.
Jacinda is such a marvel
Despite those who boo and hiss
For she bravely carries on
While still she takes the
Miss-ing money millions for the hoax about the ‘flu.
For Jacinda is a wolf,
in clothing like a sheep
And she has cost her country dear
Though most are fast asleep.
So here’s to old Jacinda
The wolf inside a lamb3
And to the good old Kiwis
Taken in by a cunning scam.
You’ve lost your zeal New Zealand, turn back to God for the ‘Zeal of the Lord will perform this’.
And He really, really would like your help in this final act of the pantomime to end all pantomimes, the Greatest Show on Earth.
So what are you waiting for, roll up, roll up, the country of the land of 30 million sheep, including the 5 million odd inhabitants (very odd).
I have seen some posts on him. I am rather amused. It has been reported that he has been playing Barry Manilow songs loudly and turning the sprinklers on the protesters outside the New Zealand Parliament building.
Personally I am not a fan of Barry, but then I am a man and I gather it is more the female of the species who like him. Perhaps they played ‘I Made it Through the Rain’!
Nice weather for ducks as they say! Still what do you expect with a name like Trevor Mallard?
I asked myself is Trevor clever? Or as Ian Dury put it is “….wonder whether Clever Trevor’s clever?”
Anyway, I thought perhaps New Zealand might appreciate some assistance, and that I would look at this chap. He is known as the ‘Father of the House’.
Personally, I think the anagram ‘He fart’ of the House would be more appropriate under the circumstances as he ‘blowing out’ at protesters.
I take an irreverent and lateral stance in my post. You will see why in due course if you don’t already. What I put down may not be strictly true. You will need to double check as usual.
I have use the following link for the basis of my analysis as usual.
the meaning of Colin is “young creature” is seems. Well, I suppose he was young once.
However, Colin might be derived from colline in French for ‘hill’. Perhaps he is a ‘little hill’ as a young creature is typically small. In French montagne is for a mountain, a big hill, and colline, as I understand, is really for a smaller one. This all makes sense.
A hillock is a small hill. This sounds like pillock. Pills are small. Trevor is relatively short in stature I believe. Does this make Trevor a pillock?
Mallard – could be a duck or a railway engine. Here is a duck.
Here are two more ducks protesting.
Here is a railway engine. It is fast and beautiful. Unlike other Mallards I could mention.
This is Trevor Mallard. He is not that beautiful, in my opinion, and he is not that fast. His tie is slightly crooked. I notice these things. Sometimes such things indicate the character of a person.
1 Early life
He was born in a wellington. As opposed to as shoe as in the ‘Old Woman’ nursery rhyme who lived in one with her children.
He trained as a teacher in the trained as a teacher at the Wellington College of Education. I assume this is abbreviated to W.C.of E. Sounds like a toilet. Did he get a bog standard education?
C of E or church of England is completely EUseless (see link at end) nowadays. Gone down the toilet as they say.
His degree is in Commerce and Administration, but I don’t suppose he ran a business, I cannot find anything at the moment.
I gather he taught for a number of years, but I don’t know for how long. Perhaps 12 years.
He is, I assume, rather direct and not very subtle. A prop forward perhaps as he like rugby. After so many years in parliament and he still hasn’t developed a side step, a.k.a diplomacy. And he is the speaker of the house?? I find that rather odd.
Returning to the Wellington area, he contested the seat of Pencarrow in the 1993 election and was successful. He retained the seat until 2017. It is now known as Hutt South.
As Trev supports vaccines or jabs and his ‘seat’ is in a hutt (sic) rather than a house, or indeed a wellington which he was used to, I assume we can now call him ‘Jabber the Hutt’.
2.1 Fifth Labour Government (1999–2008)
In September 2006, Mallard was implicated in the resignation of National Party leader Don Brash after interjecting with an allegation in the House that Brash had engaged in an extramarital affair.
Seems a bit rash of our Trev to accuse Brash. Especially seeing Trev separated from his wife a year later and got divorced later on.
Anyway, I reckon Trev is both brash and rash. Put him in the trash may be appropriate.
In October 2007, Mallard punched National Party MP Tau Henare in a scuffle that took place outside the debating chambers. It is speculated that this was a result of comments Henare made regarding a new relationship Mallard had formed. Mallard quickly apologised for his part in the altercation. He also publicly revealed that the woman with whom he had entered a new relationship was former world champion rower Brenda Lawson. Police declined to investigate but Graham McCready launched a private prosecution. Mallard pleaded guilty to fighting in a public place and agreed to pay $500 to the Salvation Army’s Bridge drug and alcohol programme.
Which proves my point.
In May 2008, Mallard was warned by New Zealand’s Chief Electoral Officer Robert Peden that signage on his electorate vehicle breached provisions of the controversial Electoral Finance Act and ordered him to update the signage to include an authorisation from party officials. However, the Chief Electoral Officer did not refer the matter to the New Zealand Police to prosecute as the matter was considered inconsequential.
Not sure what ‘inconsequential’ means. Perhaps one rule for you and one rule for me.
2.1.1 Minister of Education
Mallard’s handling of the education portfolio was strongly criticised by teachers’ unions, including the PPTA. In his first term as minister, he was strongly criticised by teachers during a long-running strike action over salaries.
In his second term, he was criticised for a program of school closures, that involved almost 90 schools across the country. The program was eventually stopped after it faced heavy criticism from parents and teachers.
Not very positive.
2.1.2 Minister of Sport and Recreation
In April 2002, Trevor Mallard made crude comments about inserting beer bottles into “uncomfortable places” of International Rugby Board chairman Vernon Pugh and Australian Rugby boss John O’Neill during a radio interview about following the withdrawal of co-hosting rights for the 2003 Rugby World Cup. He later apologised saying he mixed up his passion for rugby with his role as Minister of Sport.
So I guess we call him a rugger bugger then. Or, as he is being silly, a silly rugger bugger. Or silly bugger for short. Again, I gather our Trev is short in stature. Rugby players wear shorts
So he is a short silly rugger bugger who wears shorts. This makes sense.
2.1.3 Minister of State Owned Enterprises
In 2006, Mallard announced that the government would introduce a policy that encouraged state owned enterprises (SEOs) to expand into new business areas and diversify in order to build wealth for the country.
In 2007, Mallard said that the government was likely to be more stringent on state owned enterprises in relation to social responsibility. Mallard explained that social responsibility is one of the core functions of SEOs but not enough was being done. The announcement was made following a number of incidents by SEOs, including a power disconnection by Mercury Energy that resulted in the death of Folole Muliaga, an individual who relied on an oxygen machine.
Folole Muliaga sound like a type of oven; Muli-Aga.
She was obese and terminally ill. She had been told she needed to reduce her weight. Some people will not listen and take the broad path to destruction.
Still, it shows how idiotic are some contractors and the monolithic state owned companies.
Mind you the same goes for large electricity companies like Scottish and Southern Electric (SSE) in the UK. They are near the bottom of list for competency and efficiency which Covid 19 exposed big time.
2.1.4 Minister of Labour
In 2008, Mallard implemented a new tool to help small businesses manage hazards. The goal of the project was to improve workplace health and safety.
It is alleged that this ‘tool’ was in fact a Mr Trevor Mallard.
Health and safety now contradicted by vaccines poisoning people. Not very ‘elf & safety’ conscious is this ‘tool’.
2.1.5 Minister of Broadcasting
In July 2008, Mallard was critical of a TVNZ report into an assault by sports broadcaster, Tony Vietch, saying that the report lacked key details, such as not mentioning that an assault took place.
And the foot note link in Wikipedia says ‘page not found’. So perhaps this event did not occur at all. All very odd.
Tony doesn’t sound very nice. An anagram is ‘Thy Vietcon’. Perhaps this explains it.
Veitch sounds rather like ‘witch’. ‘It thy coven’ is an anagram of his name. Perhaps this also explains it.
2.2 Fifth National Government (2008–2017)
In February 2012, Mallard was accused of ticket scalping on Trade Me when he sold four tickets to the Homegrown music festival for a $246 profit. The MP had in 2006 initiated legislation, the Major Events Management Act 2007, prohibiting ticket scalping for major events (although Homegrown wasn’t classified as a “major event” so wasn’t covered). He later offered to refund the money he received for the tickets.
So Homegrown wasn’t classified as a “major event”. That’s nice. Have lots of small events so you can scalp tickets. Trev is clever, clever Trevor.
Except that he was caught out. No so clever Trevor then. One rule for me, one rule for them, the hoi polloi, the plebs.
2.3 Sixth Labour Government (2017–present)
Following the formation of a Labour-led coalition government with New Zealand First and the Green parties in October 2017, Mallard was elected as Speaker of the House on 7 November following some contention from the opposition National Party over whether several of the new MPs had been sworn in.
Nowadays I dare say Trev is more likely to be sworn at rather than in.
In November 2017, Mallard announced that the New Zealand Parliament would be becoming more “baby friendly” while posing for a photo with fellow Labour MP Willow-Jean Prime’s baby Heeni. Such policies have included opening an atrium near the parliamentary chamber accessible to MPs’ children, giving carers and spouses the same security clearances as MPs, opening the Parliamentary swimming pool to the families of MPs and staff, updating the family room to have baby-feeding and changing facilities, and a proposed play area on Parliament’s lawn. On 22 August 2019, Mallard attracted media attention in New Zealand and abroad when he fed Labour MP Tamati Coffey’s infant son Tūtānekai Smith-Coffey during a parliamentary debate.
The parliament becomes more ‘baby friendly’ to accommodate the increasingly babyish behaviour of MP’s. This is the rise of ‘Baby-lon’ or the ‘Baby-Way’ as ‘lôn’ means lane in Welsh.
Of course, it is only a short jump to ‘loon’ which means mad. Need I say more?
Was he feeding the infant son coffee I wonder? Did the baby cough? Any thoughts?
In December 2019, it is claimed by former Auditor-General Martin Matthews that MPs from the Officers of Parliament committee, including former Speaker David Carter and current Speaker Trevor Mallard, had acted out of “political convenience”. Effectively undermining the office of the Auditor-General.
A “political convenience” is a toilet for MP’s etc. where you can have a crap if you wish.
A chamber pot has similar uses.
The chamber of the parliament is where MP’s debate and can talk crap if they want. This is quite frequent I understand. Some MP’s are quite mad. They are potty. Hence you have chamber potty for the crap (that many MP’s give forth).
I have seen that there have been complaints about the protesters ‘shitting’ on the lawn outside parliament. I assume they had a lisp. I don’t have a problem with people ‘shitting’ on the lawn with lisps.
I do however have a problem with MP’s ‘shitting’ in the chamber of parliament. They can go and ‘shit’ somewhere else and not waste taxpayers’ money.
During the 2020 New Zealand general election, Mallard was re-elected to Parliament on the Labour Party list. When the new Parliament assembled on 25 November, he was re-elected as Speaker without opposition.
Except of course he was in government, not the opposition. I gather Trevor was not elected by popular mandate as he did not stand in the ‘Hutt’. No doubt this was sensible as he probably would not have been elected.
Instead he was selected as the best candidate on the Labour Party list. The choice must have been extremely poor if he is the best they could offer. Doesn’t say much for the Labour Party.
After canvassing the views of Members of Parliament in late 2020, Speaker Mallard decided that Parliament would not revise its business attire dress code which required male Members to wear a jacket and tie, as there was “very little support for a change,” though he “personally loathed” ties. On 9 February 2021, Mallard ejected Māori Party Co-Leader Rawiri Waititi from parliamentary proceedings after he defied Parliament’s business attire rule by wearing a Māori hei tiki neck tie instead of a formal necktie. On 10 February, Mallard announced that ties were no longer compulsory in Parliament following a Standing Orders Committee meeting where the majority voted in favour of the Māori Party’s submission calling for the elimination of neckties as part of Parliament’s business attire.
It all sounds a bit of a game to me. A tie breaker. Perhaps it ended in a draw. At least the ties have presumably ended up in the draw, or chest of drawers.
And as I say, ended in a draw or tie.
2.3.1 Rape allegation remarks, 2019–2020
In late January 2020, Mallard was sued by a Parliamentary worker who alleged that the Speaker had defamed him by claiming in May 2019 that a rapist was working at Parliament. The plaintiff has described these remarks as defamatory and untrue. The Parliamentary worker has hired Matthew McClelland QC and is seeking NZ$400,000 in general damages, NZ$50,000 in punitive damages and court costs. Mallard has hired the services of a Queen’s Counsel from Kensington Swan.
On 8 December 2020, Mallard apologised to the parliamentary staff member whom he accused of rape. Both parties now consider the matter closed. On 11 December, The New Zealand Herald and Stuff reported that Mallard’s defamation case involving the parliamentary staff member had cost NZ$333,000 (including an NZ$185,000 ex-gratia payment to the former staffer and more than $175,000 on legal fees). In response, National Party leader Judith Collins stated that her party had lost confidence in Mallard as Speaker of the House while the New Zealand Taxpayers’ Union called on Mallard to reimburse taxpayers.
On 16 December, Mallard appeared before the Governance and Administration Select Committee where he apologised for calling the former parliamentary staffer a rapist. It was reported that the staffer was pursuing an employment case against Parliamentary Service, that had cost NZ$37,500 in legal fees so far. A member of the Taxpayer’s Union dressed in a pig’s mascot costume also held a mock invoice during the proceedings before being asked to leave due to an objection by Labour MP Duncan Webb.
On 9 February, the National Party unsuccessfully attempted to move a motion of no confidence in Speaker Mallard over his involvement in the rape allegations against the Parliament staffer. In early May 2021, Mallard drew controversy and media attention when he used parliamentary privilege to claim that the parliamentary staffer whom he had falsely accused of rape committed sexual assault during an exchange with National MPs Chris Bishop and Michael Woodhouse. Prime Minister Ardern criticised Mallard’s actions as “totally inappropriate” but rejected calls by the National and ACT parties to dismiss him from his position as Speaker.
I suspect this was merely all a case of misunderstanding what was said. Clever Trevor probably said the staffer was ‘therapist’, not ‘the rapist’. An easy mistake to make.
Perhaps Clever Trevor is therapist. Or a therapist. Or may be ‘there a pist’. Completely pist (sic).
The member of the Taxpayer’s Union dressed in a pig’s mascot was mistaken. He/she should have worn a duck’s costume. More logical for a Mallard of course.
2.3.2 Convoy 2022 NZ
In mid–February 2022 the Convoy 2022 New Zealand protesters established a makeshift camp outside the New Zealand Parliament to protest the Government’s COVID-19 mitigation and vaccination policies. As Speaker of the House, Mallard responded to the refusal of the protesters to vacate Parliament’s grounds by turning sprinklers on full and setting up loud speakers playing music and pro-vaccination messages. Mallard’s attempt to disperse protesters backfired and only stiffened their resolve to remain. Mallard was criticised for his actions by the opposition National and ACT parties. National’s COVID-19 spokesperson Chris Bishop criticised Mallard for antagonising the protesters further while ACT leader David Seymour remarked that Mallard “seems to be acting like a kid in a very adult situation.”
I assume backfired means Trev farted as he is the ‘farter of the house’ as previously mentioned.
On 16 February, the National Party said that it intended to lodge a motion of no confidence in Mallard over his handling of the Convoy 2022 protest and occupation in Wellington
My birthday! Did the motion get passed? ‘Passing a motion’ (ahem) sometimes occurs after farting I gather.
I can’t quite see how he squares what is obvious common sense with some of his other actions. Strange, very strange. World is quite mad nowadays though.
Worth looking more at stuff.co.nz website.
3 Personal life
Mallard announced his separation from wife Stephanie in June 2007 after 33 years of marriage. He has three children, one of whom is a Black Fern, Beth Mallard. On 29 December 2014, Mallard married journalist Jane Clifton. He is interested in outdoor recreation, including rugby and mountain biking.
Beth gets around a bit it seems. I assume as a ‘Black fern’ she is a mobile fern. Why not give her a call on her ‘fern’ as Inspector Clouseau might say.
Do look it up, most interesting. Females suffer more than males for some reason it seems. Not sure this is really true though. They may just call it something different. This always help to ‘divide and rule’ as they say.
Oratorical – what else do you expect from a speaker. Not sure that oratory is Trevor’s greatest skill however.
Railroader – to do with trains, see picture earlier.
Vacillated – I believe he has.
Vacillator – I believe he is.
Alienator – I believe he is.
Armadillo – I always want to say ‘Armadildo’ for some strange reason. In Trev’s case perhaps ‘I’m a dildo’ more suitable.
Avoidance – won’t speak to protesters despite being speaker.
Canoodler – I’m not too bothered about what he gets up to in his spare time, but who is he canoodling with? Jacinda Ardern?
Carnivore – what does he like eating?
Cartooned – somebody should do some cartoons, but I haven’t seen anything yet.
A cavernoma is a cluster of abnormal blood vessels, usually found in the brain and spinal cord.
They’re sometimes known as cavernous angiomas, cavernous hemangiomas, or cerebral cavernous malformation (CCM).
A typical cavernoma looks like a raspberry. It’s filled with blood that flows slowly through vessels that are like “caverns”.
Looks like a raspberry. Mmm…blow Trevor a raspberry then. Or several raspberries. This is sticking your tongue out, like the traditional Maori greeting. Ask some Maoris if they wouldn’t mind obliging. Or your kids.
(Classical Myth & Legend) classical myth a sycophant forced by Dionysius, tyrant of Syracuse, to sit under a sword suspended by a hair to demonstrate that being a king was not the happy state Damocles had said it was.
An abnormal desire to give presents. Like vaccines perhaps. Lots of people like them though for some strange reason.
Laodicean – ‘I know your deeds; you are neither cold nor hot. How I wish you were one or the other! So because you are lukewarm— neither hot nor cold— I am about to vomit you out of My mouth!’ This is written about this church in the book of Revelation. I recommend reading the rest of this in the bible.
Maladroit – Marked by a lack of adroitness; inept. Of a quality opposed to adroitness; clumsy; awkward; unskillful. inept; clumsy; awkward;
Says it all.
Medicator – well I don’t believe he is injecting anyone personally, but …
Moderator – if only!
Moratoria – ‘delaying or suspension of activity’. Like mandates. If only!
Moronical – of course
Over claim – that the vaccines work at all for public good. They don’t of course.
Overtrain – don’t think Trev’s been trained for very much myself.
Redaction – what has he blotted out?
Rodential – rat like. Who’d believe it?
Caroline – a girlfriend?
Catriona – another girlfriend?
Clarinda – another one Trevor? Oo, you devil! (see ‘devil’ later)
Clotilda – possibly a rather stupid girlfriend.
Cordelia – 5 in a row, wow!
Cardinal – as in Vatican pushing vaccines? Don’t forget, ‘vaccination’ is anagram of ‘Icon Vatican’.
Caveator – buyer beware. Of the vaccines etc. They are not what they seem.
Clitoral – related to his girlfriends I assume.
Colander – full of holes.
Comedian – ha, ha very funny I don’t think.
Conamore – As opposed to conaless. So more conning of hapless public.
Contrive – to con more of course
Corroder – of public morals
Daniella – another girlfriend
Dartmoor – a prison for him and his cronies.
Democrat – his cronies.
Demoniac – noted
Demotion – should have happened years ago. Why didn’t it?
Deviator – from the truth.
Divorcer – you couldn’t make this up!
Elianora – how many girlfriends is it now for goodness sake??
Idolater – who or what does he worship? Not the Most High that’s for sure.
Lancelot – well we know about Lancelot (nudge, nudge, wink, wink)
Lovelorn – with so many girlfriends are we surprised.
Madelina – Gordon Benett, another one!
Montreal – in touch with Mr Turdeau are we?
Microdot – proof positive. He’s a spy!
Romancer – with all those girlfriends I should think so.
Rotarian – does he belong to this society?
Tandoori – favourite food?
Toreador – a load of bull.
Tricolour – blame the French
Macron – blame Macron, he’s French.
Vandal – yes.
Veronica – not again?!
Violated – his responsibilities and the health of others
Orville canard mort L – canard is ‘duck’ in French. Mort is ‘dead’ in French. Therefore we have Orville the dead duck!!!
Mort L sounds like ‘mortal’. Al is related to angel. A mortal is a dead angel.
armored Calvin troll
arnold clitoral Merv
arrival cloned mortl
Carlton Dior Marvell
Mr Vatican doll Errol – !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Mr Vatican droll role – !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Devil Aral ctrl moron
Devil macron rat roll
What more can one say?? He clearly has a serious problem.
After all that you are not convinced that Trevor ‘duck the issues’ Mallard is really not that clever, then I think there is no hope for you.
Whilst the anagrams may seem merely amusing, there are so many that one must wonder especially in the light of his other misdemeanours.
He is completely quackers, mad, moronic, makes you vomit, a rat, a troll, the list is endless it seems. And most of these words are in his name!
In short, a dead duck.
And New Zealanders have put up with him for so long. Why for goodness sake?? So for goodness sake get rid of him and your moronic government [don’t forget Jacinda Ardern was brought up a moron (sic)] before any more damage is done.
I will leave you with Ian Dury and the Blockheads lyrics to ‘”Clevor Trever”
Just ‘cos I ain’t never had no nothing worth having never ever never, ever
You ain’t got no call not to think I wouldn’t I’m fall into thinking that I ain’t too, clever
And it ain’t not having one thing nor not another either neither is it anything, whatever
And it’s not not knowing that there ain’t nothing showing and I answer to the name, of Trevor
Just ‘cos I ain’t never said no nothing worth saying never ever never never, ever
Things have got read into what I never said till me mouth becomes me head which ain’t not all that, clever
And it’s not not saying one thing nor not another either neither is it anything I haven’t said, whatever
And it ain’t not proving that my mind ain’t moving and I answer to the name, of Trevor
Knock me down with a feather, Clever Trevor
Widebrows wonder whether Clever Trevor’s clever
Either have they got, nor neither haven’t not
Got no right to make a clot out of Trevor
Why should I feel bad about something I ain’t had
Such stupidiness is mad
‘Cos nothing underfoot comes to nothing less to add
To a load of old toot
And I ain’t half not half glad ‘cos there’s nowhere to put it even if I had
I’m a bit of a Jack the Lad
Knock me down with a feather, Clever Trevor
Widebrows wonder whether Clever Trevor’s clever
Either have they got, nor neither haven’t not
Got no right to make a clot out of Trevor
Also, it takes much longer to get up North, the slow way
A link if you wish to listen.
P.S. For further research/consideration if you wish.