World Menu

By Baldmichael Theresoluteprotector’sson

21st June 2020.

Welcome! This newly opened  establishment, Le Manoir des Quatre Saisons, is run by my Father, my Older Brother and myself, Baldmichael. We have been getting the place ready for you. You should find it clean and tidy, and, whilst the menu will initially be ‘très simple’, the Chef intends to extend the range in due course.

You can stay at the Manoir too. There is plenty of room. In fact it never seems to get full, despite all the people who come, and stay and have been here for years. You may meet them from time to time. But my Father and Brother look after that side.

As regards the menu, we will keep all ‘les choix’ as they are added, unless of course they can be improved. The menu will hopefully expand with the seasons, we always seek to use fresh ingredients wherever possible. We can’t promise, but look out for daily specials!

And if there is nothing that you fancy below, do ask. The chef will be delighted to oblige if he can. We circulate among our guests, and will be most happy to chat with you. The Chef comes out too from his kitchen, to make sure everything is in order. I don’t know how He does it, in and out like a flash.

My Father and Brother are the same. Me, I am a bit of a plodder, but I am no less pleased to see you. Any complaints, please tell us. But if you really don’t enjoy it, well there are other establishments.

N.B. Since this was first penned some of you many have noted that we have opened a new restaurant ‘The restaurant at the end of the universe’ in homage to Douglas Adams who wrote that wonderful book. This restaurant you will find at the end of this page. An obvious place for it of course.

There are also others in between. We are putting recipes in to them as fast as we can. Hopefully sooner than that. You may find recipes repeated in the different establishments. This is because some things are worth eating in different places.

Quite how many eating houses we will open is a moot point, but as so many empty shops are around as a result of lockdowns, we are likely to take advantage of this. We shall see.

In the meantime, bon appétit!

Specials

LE CAFÉ

Please note the tables are not spaced out in this eating place. This is because we are aware that anti-social distancing (see below) is completely unnecessary.

And anyway it it easier to listen in on other tables conversations, as these are often more interesting than your own.

Starters

  1. A is for…..Anti-social distancing
  2. B is for…..Black Lives Matter
  3. C is for…..C. Vitamin C
  4. D is for…..D. Vitamin D A supplement to turn it
    into a mains – or have
    as a separate starter
    More Vitamin D
  5. E is for…..England
  6. F is for…..Fathers’Day
  7. G is for…..Giants
  8. H is for…..Hitler
  9. I is for…..Ireland
  10. J is for…..Jesus (Alpha)
  11. K is for…..Keys
  12. L is for…..Lockdown
  13. M is for…..Masks
  14. N is for…..I don’t know,
    why ask me?
  15. O is for…..etc, etc
  16. P is for…..
  17. Q is for…..
  18. R is for…..Race
    Why not try this supplement to
    turn it into a
    mains – or have
    as a separate starter
    R is for…..Racism
  19. S is for…..Scotland Why not go the whole hog, or haggis, and add this for a mains S is for…..S.N.P.
  20. T is for…..Truth
  21. U is for…..
  22. V is for…..Virus
  23. W is for…..Wales
  24. X is for…..
  25. Y is for…..
  26. Z is for Zinc

Desserts

  1. A is for…..Angels
  2. B is for…..Build Back Butter (and avoid margarine).
  3. C is for…..Chocolate
  4. D is for…..
  5. E is for…..Europe
  6. F is for…..
  7. G is for…..God
  8. H is for…..
  9. I is for…..
  10. J is for…..
  11. K is for…..Kings This is very large pudding, like having everything off the sweet trolley
  12. L is for…..
  13. M is for…..Music
  14. N is for…..
  15. O is for…..
  16. P is for…..Planets
  17. Q is for…..
  18. R is for…..Resurrection
  19. S is for….. States of the U.S.A. This is vast, suitable for a party
  20. T is for…..
  21. U is for…..Union. European Union
  22. V is for…..Victory
  23. W is for…..
  24. X is for…..
  25. Y is for…..
  26. Z is for…..

Ingredients

Whine List

THE ARSENAL

This the repository, as opposed to the suppository, for ammunition to use in the battle of words, or World War Three that we are currently in (January 2022).

Mind you, I suppose a suppository could be appropriate as these include laxatives. Sticking these in the orifices of certain stupid people may help relieve the symptoms of Stupid 20, the current pandemic.

This includes sticking them in the arse ‘n’ all. Which is why we have set up this arsenal of course. We shall stick things here that are suitable for clearing the blockages of stupidity which afflict so many at this time.

We consider it reasonable that this includes a timeline of events as we follow World War Two’s timeline 80 years ago. It is quite fascinating.

We shall include Covid 19 guidance and suitable phrases which we hope you will find helpful in the fight for Truth and Justice. But love must govern all, so use the words wisely.

You may demolish strongholds with it, but the end goal is to rebuild mankind and society. Then we shall see a New World Order based on these principles of Truth , Justice and above all Love.

This is the heavenly Father’s decree, that you love the Lord your God with your whole heart and mind and soul, and that you love your neighbour as yourself. You must love your self to love others properly and indeed to love God, your heavenly Father.

SAINT MANGO’S AND SAINT ALMOND’S CANTEEN

This is set up for the unwell. The chef has specially tailored his creations to suit delicate stomachs. At least he says so, but I am not so sure.

Saint Mango was well known for his fruity language and is believed to to have been born in the back of beyond. Probably in Scotland some said, but I think that is unfair. I like Scotland even if it has a female fish in charge at the moment (September 2021).

Saint Almond was in fact Al-Mond, a worldly angel, who went a bit mad or nuts when he became a hermit. He was rather crabby at first, then just went nuts.

Together they set up the hospital for the incurables, whom they called ‘The fruit and nut cases.’ Personally, I think they were the first inmates, sorry patients, but there you are.

Anyway, I hope you enjoy the section on offer. This are arranged reasonably spaced to comply with current government guidance and advice which is 2.0 meters.

This may change as our great and glorious leader, Boris Johnson & Johnson is currently talking about reintroducing imperial weights and measures.

I like this idea myself, if only to annoy the EU. For some people they never went away (Imperial weights and measures I mean). As regards the EU, this should go as far away as possible. Where is the nearest black hole in space?

Please note the central column is largely empty. This reflects the fact that hospitals are not as full as we think they are. I would not care to go to many hospitals nowadays as you may come out worse or even dead.

I hope to add in more of the useless health officials, doctors etc. who have been telling us how wonderful the vaccines are. They are a load of pricks. The vaccines that is, as they are administered via a needle. What the useless health officials, doctors etc. are, I am sure you can insert you own suitable words.

  1. Kerry Chant An Australian meal. Not very popular in some quarters. Made with a tough old bird it seems. I don’t care for it.
  2. Australia: Ranjana Srivastava and Ian Barr, doctors; what’s the truth about them?

THE LAUGH ORDER

This is for assorted humour. If it is not your sort of humour then tough. On the other hand why not give it a go. The meat here may not be as tough as you think. And thinking is allowed. It is a free country up here. We seek not to be crude, but some may find it rude as in rudimentary.

Who Rudy Mentry is don’t ask me. Yet. For one day I might know. The main thing is that laughter is the best medicine so they say, so better to come here than go into hospital at the moment (June 2022).

I have humour scattered about elsewhere anyway, but I shall in due course stock up. I have lots to do you know, I can’t do it all at once. ” Waiter!”. “Sorry, sir, just coming!” Excuse me will you…

TAPPER’S BAR

This is for small bites. Little meals where you just want a snack and a drink. Or two. Or maybe more if you are enjoying yourself. You can listen to some music and tap your foot. Or both feet if you wish.

How you decide to tap your feet is up to you. We do not provide taps to do this, so you will have to bring your own. And don’t pinch the taps in the toilets as others will need them at some point.

There is a Jake Tapper at CNN, the news media outlet. I gather he is Jewish. Sadly, he sold his soul to big pharma a while back. As his ratings plummet he might be having second thoughts. I hope so.

Perhaps he might like to pop in here. We welcome all sorts, but are especially fond of the repentant as we find our dishes bring healing to them.

But then that’s what our establishment is about, healing for the nations, like lots of leaves in a book , the Tree of Life.

THE SCHOOL CANTEEN

Schools are open, sort of so we had better have somewhere the students can get a decent meal. It is a canteen, or perhaps can-teen, as it is most suited to teen-agers. But children of any age, whether they are six or sixty, can try it out.

Indeed, all ages in between can come and sample our wares. And those outside that range if they wish. We have set things out into the two groups as below.

Below those headings we list what we consider useful; these may be found elsewhere or not. In due course I daresay we say subdivide these but this will do for now.

It is difficult to know which sub group to put them into, as the subject matter can overlap. Perhaps it does not matter very much; after all, all everything comes out of the mind of the Most High, and all things are linked in the end (as they were at the beginning).

We do expect students to do their own research and double checking of the evidence. We are looking at providing critical thinking as much as anything else. And lateral thinking as this is how God thinks, whether you think He exists or not.

But as God expects you to enjoy your time here, we provide humour as required; life is meant to be fun you know. If you really prefer being miserable then I doubt you will enjoy it. But you never know, you could try a bit and see.

So quiet please and pay attention (what ever age you are, six or sixty etc. etc.)

Sciences

Arts

THE BIG BONG

This is a new venture. This will serve the finest subsidised food and drink to the best people in the United Kingdom. I am talking about our beloved politicians who serve us so well.

Okay, so I might be just a teensy weensy sarcastic. Or perhaps quite a bit. Anyway, we needed somewhere to put the twits tweets which are the Chef’s special desserts. You know, like someone with a lisp or lithp, a special tweet.

A pie perhaps, a tweety pie. Or maybe four and twenty blackbirds baked in a pie. I don’t know, ask the chef if you can catch him. He’s always busy, busy as a bee. So much to do you see.

Anyway, we shall include all sorts, in this place, the Mother of All Canteens for the Mother of All Parlia-ments. Where the ment angels gather to chat and shout at each other across the floor.

I say ment angels, I abbreviate it it to ment als or just plain mentals. You will see what I mean if you have look. Try anything you like, it is so subsidised it it is free (like all the other franchises on this site).

There is a cabinet where you can find various members of the cabinet. If you fancy that sort of thing.

  • Matt Hancock People not very keen on this at the moment, but it is all we have to offer. We humbly apologise.
  • Jay Robert Pritzker Governor and very wealthy man from Illinois, USA. A large portion as he is quite a large man. May need to be shared unless you are particularly greedy like Mr Pritzker.

THE BOG STANDARD

This is a recently opened venue. It is designed for the journalist. There are three coulumns as journalists write in columns. There are three because, broadly speaking, there are three wings, left wing and right wing.

Well, okay that’s only two, but there is centre wing where the middle ground can go. This might be described as independent, but whether it is truly independent may be debatable.

Regarding debates, this franchise is by The Big Bong so that any tit bits can be picked up from the tits in that establishment. Or any news worthy stories of course.

If you don’t have any news worthy stories you can make them up of course, as all good (eh hem) journalists do.

As regards our dishes we do make them up, but not in that sense. We seek the truth at all times (and from The Times but that may be optimistic). If we twist and turn with language well, that’s just what one should do with all good recipes. After all, as Mr Micawber might have said, you never know what might turn up.

THE WHETHER STATION

This is a place where you can find what is coming next. Whether or not there will be a storm or sunshine or snow, showers.Or snow showers. Or no showers at all. You might find whether it will rain for a long time, or whether the queen will go on reigning for ever. Who knows?

Not the W.H.O. Or indeed The Who.

It is a station because this will, more or less, remain stationary. But you will not be able to buy stationery as this is not a shop. Stationery does not normally remain stationary as this is designed to be sent to someone, if it is an envelope for example.

As Jesus says The wind blows where it wishes. You hear its sound, but you do not know where it comes from or where it is going.’ So in this place you will never know what will turn up next. Unless you ask me nicely. Even then I might not tell you as it wouldn’t be a surprise.

BOO! There, bet you didn’t expect that.

P.S. This place is in this spot after The Bog Standard because the weather normally follows the news. And because the weather can come from North East West and South. The initials of which are NEWS.

NAFF CAFF

Here is a place for the services, or armed forces. There are three main branches, so we will have three columns. Which is good discipline, as the forces or services like to march in columns.

And we don’t observe anti-social distancing as we know the men (and presumably the women), don’t mind being in close proximity as they are used to it. They probably all think it is a load of bollux anyway.

We will use bullet points as all the services use bullets in some form or other.

We are hopeful that good service will be provided to the services, despite the name of the franchise. As a naval officer’s son the Royal Navy take precedent, and are in the first column. It should also be first as it is the Senior Service, the oldest service.

The British Army are in the middle, neither first or last, but might argue they are central to the defence of the realm.

The Royal Air Force are the Junior Service and are at the end of course, being the youngest service.

However, in this house the first shall be last and the last shall be first, so it is possible you might read from right to left if you are Hebrew. You might find that a nice ‘brew’ or mug of tea is available and you can share with your fellow servicemen, whatever service they come from.

After all, they might be better than you think they are, and they might find you better than they think you are. Which would make for harmony all round. Harmony which is peace, which is what the services are there for, to maintain the peace.

So we hope you find peace here and enjoy the cuisine or nosh or grub as you might say. Canteen open! (we never close).

Combined Forces


Overseas Visitors

THE DIKKI TIKKA

I thought that it was time for a new franchise. This is for the spicy, hot or not. That is with chilli or not. Hot dishes with chilli are very hot. Cold dishes with chilli are also hot despite what words sound like. This is very confusing to some people.

We hope to have a variety of dishes to tempt you. What these are has yet to be determined by the chef. He has various ideas but he can’t do everything at once, so you will have to wait. Rome wasn’t built in a day you know.

As regards the name of this outlet, this indicates that your heart, your tikka (sic), might be sick, or dicky, that is faulty. It is usually spelled dicky ticker as the heart is like a clock. If it stops, you stop.

However, it is sincerely hoped that the recipes here will revive a broken heart before it is too late. Let us know how you fare with the fare we will offer. It’s only fair after all, so can improve our menu if necessary. We only want the best for you, our customers.

THE REFECTORY

If you are a follower of Jesus Christ then you may care to visit. Refectory food is usually very good. Wholesome, well presented, simple. Like me. Well, I don’t know about well presented; hopefully wholesome anyway. Simple? Perhaps, perhaps not. You can judge for yourselves.

If the refectories do open again if they are not already, I can recommend them from past experience. People are generally friendly too from past experience. I trust nothing has changed in that regard.

If you do not follow Jesus then you are still very welcome of course. Everyone is in my books.

Please note the tables are suitably spaced to comply with anti-social distancing. This because we are aware that some people, especially those in the middle class/C of E/churches generally, tend to prefer this type of place. It seems they feel safer as a consequence.

Somewhat anti-social and pointless we agree, but we try and cater for everybody. How they manage to listen in to other tables conversations we don’t know; perhaps they think their conversations are better than others. This may explain why some people speak so loudly so that everyone can hear.


The Restaurant at the End of the Universe

As large numbers of businesses seems to be closing, it is about time we opened up more places to eat.

So here at the End of the Universe is the last one that I will have. There will be others in between of course. I might go sideways into another dimension, of course. There is plenty of space in hyperspace a.k.a the internet.

It is the last and not the first. The omega of restaurants if you will. Or perhaps the Z or ‘Zed’, like bed at the end of the day, when you sleep and dream. And where you will find the ultimate answers to the ultimate questions.

So if you shouldn’t find what you are looking for like U 2, why not try asking me? And if there is only one of you (as opposed to you two), you can ask me as well. But as there is only one of me, and if at least two of you, if you are U2, not all at once please. Or indeed all at twice. I do hope that’s clear.

You never know, I might. Know that is. I can always say no, if I don’t. Know that is.

There may be no obvious logic to the order. But you can order what you like.

Please be patient, the chef has to prepare the recipes. If you are not sure how patient you will have to be think of NHS waiting times. Half of that, and divide by 13, my number and considered lucky by many (not that I believe in luck, as I have said already somewhere).

You might arrive at the correct solution or liquid. Which might be a soup. Whatever, enjoy it when it arrives (if you like enjoying things of course). If you want to be paranoid like Marvin the Android, that’s your affair.

And if you do, just go and make the tea will you? Thank you.

Table Space

Table space

Table Space

Table Space

666

P.S. please note that the tables are well spaced out because we are in space. Obviously, duh!

N.B. We are not spaced out because we are on drugs, let alone the tables.

Or vice versa.


N.N. B. Our fish is responsibly caught from sustainable sources. And our sauces are excellent!

%d bloggers like this: