World Menu

By Baldmichael Theresoluteprotector’sson

21st June 2020.

Welcome! This newly opened  establishment, Le Manoir des Quatre Saisons, is run by my Father, my Older Brother and myself, Baldmichael. We have been getting the place ready for you. You should find it clean and tidy, and, whilst the menu will initially be ‘très simple’, the Chef intends to extend the range in due course.

You can stay at the Manoir too. There is plenty of room. In fact it never seems to get full, despite all the people who come, and stay and have been here for years. You may meet them from time to time. But my Father and Brother look after that side.

As regards the menu, we will keep all ‘les choix’ as they are added, unless of course they can be improved. The menu will hopefully expand with the seasons, we always seek to use fresh ingredients wherever possible. We can’t promise, but look out for daily specials!

And if there is nothing that you fancy below, do ask. The chef will be delighted to oblige if he can. We circulate among our guests, and will be most happy to chat with you. The Chef comes out too from his kitchen, to make sure everything is in order. I don’t know how He does it, in and out like a flash.

My Father and Brother are the same. Me, I am a bit of a plodder, but I am no less pleased to see you. Any complaints, please tell us. But if you really don’t enjoy it, well there are other establishments.

N.B. Since this was first penned some of you many have noted that we have opened a new restaurant ‘The restaurant at the end of the universe’ in homage to Douglas Adams who wrote that wonderful book. This restaurant you will find at the end of this page. An obvious place for it of course.

There are also others in between. We are putting recipes in to them as fast as we can. Hopefully sooner than that. You may find recipes repeated in the different establishments. This is because some things are worth eating in different places.

Quite how many eating houses we will open is a moot point, but as so many empty shops are around as a result of lockdowns, we are likely to take advantage of this. We shall see.

In the meantime, bon appétit!

Specials

LE CAFÉ

Please note the tables are not spaced out in this eating place. This is because we are aware that anti-social distancing (see below) is completely unnecessary.

And anyway it it easier to listen in on other tables conversations, as these are often more interesting than your own.

Starters

  1. A is for…..Anti-social distancing
  2. B is for…..Black Lives Matter
  3. C is for…..C. Vitamin C
  4. D is for…..D. Vitamin D A supplement to turn it into a mains – or have as a separate starter More Vitamin D
  5. E is for…..England
  6. F is for…..Fathers’Day
  7. G is for…..Giants
  8. H is for…..Hitler
  9. I is for…..Ireland
  10. J is for…..not sure yet
  11. K is for…..Keys
  12. L is for…..Love Letter
  13. M is for…..Masks
  14. N is for…..I don’t know, why ask me?
  15. O is for…..etc, etc
  16. P is for…..
  17. Q is for…..
  18. R is for…..Race Why not try this supplement to turn it into a mains – or have as a separate starter R is for…..Racism
  19. S is for…..Scotland Why not go the whole hog, or haggis, and add this for a mains S is for…..S.N.P.
  20. T is for…..Truth
  21. U is for…..
  22. V is for…..Virus
  23. W is for…..Wales
  24. X is for…..
  25. Y is for…..
  26. Z is for Zinc

Desserts

  1. A is for…..Angels
  2. B is for…..something, I’ll think of something
  3. C is for…..Chocolate
  4. D is for…..
  5. E is for…..Europe
  6. F is for…..
  7. G is for…..God
  8. H is for…..
  9. I is for…..
  10. J is for…..
  11. K is for…..Kings This is very large pudding, like having everything off the sweet trolley
  12. L is for…..
  13. M is for…..Music
  14. N is for…..
  15. O is for…..
  16. P is for…..Planets
  17. Q is for…..
  18. R is for…..Resurrection
  19. S is for….. States of the U.S.A. This is vast, suitable for a party
  20. T is for…..
  21. U is for…..Union. European Union
  22. V is for…..Victory
  23. W is for…..
  24. X is for…..
  25. Y is for…..
  26. Z is for…..

Ingredients

Wine List

THE SCHOOL CANTEEN

Schools are open, sort of so we had better have somewhere the students can get a decent meal. It is a canteen, or perhaps can-teen, as it is most suited to teen-agers. But children of any age, whether they are six or sixty, can try it out.

Indeed, all ages in between can come and sample our wares. And those outside that range if they wish. We have set things out into the two groups as below.

Below those headings we list what we consider useful; these may be found elsewhere or not. In due course I daresay we say subdivide these but this will do for now.

We do expect students to do their own research and double checking of the evidence. We are looking at providing critical thinking as much as anything else. And lateral thinking as this is how God thinks, whether you think he exists or not.

But as God expects you to enjoy your time here, we provide humour as required; life is meant to be fun you know. If you really prefer being miserable then I doubt you will enjoy it. But your never know, you could try a bit and see.

So quiet please and pay attention (what ever age you are, six or sixty etc. etc.)

Sciences

Arts

THE BIG BONG

This is a new venture. This will serve the finest subsidised food and drink to the best people in the United Kingdom. I am talking about our beloved politicians who serve us so well.

Okay, so I might be just a teensy weensy sarcastic. Or perhaps quite a bit. Anyway, we needed somewhere to put the twits tweets which are the Chef’s special desserts. You know, like someone with a lisp or lithp, a special tweet.

A pie perhaps, a tweety pie. Or maybe four and twenty blackbirds baked in a pie. I don’t know, ask the chef if you can catch him. He’s always busy, busy as a bee. So much to do you see.

Anyway, we shall include all sorts, in this place, the Mother of All Canteens for the Mother of All Parlia-ments. Where the ment angels gather to chat and shout at each other across the floor.

I say ment angels, I abbreviate it it to ment als or just plain mentals. You will see what I mean if you have look. Try anything you like, it is so subsidised it it is free (like all the other franchises on this site).

There is a cabinet where you can find various members of the cabinet. If you fancy that sort of thing.

  • Matt Hancock People not very keen on this at the moment, but it is all we have to offer. We humbly apologise.

NAFF CAFF

Here is a place for the services, or armed forces. There are three main branches, so we will have three columns. Which is good discipline, as the forces or services like to march in columns.

And we don’t observe anti-social distancing as we know the men (and presumably the women), don’t mind being in close proximity as they are used to it. They probably all think it is a load of bollux anyway.

We will use bullet points as all the services use bullets in some form or other.

We are hopeful that good service will be provided to the services, despite the name of the franchise. As a naval officer’s son the Royal Navy take precedent, and are in the first column. It should also be first as it is the Senior Service, the oldest service.

The British Army are in the middle, neither first or last, but might argue they are central to the defence of the realm.

The Royal Air Force are the Junior Service and are at the end of course, being the youngest service.

However, in this house the first shall be last and the last shall be first, so it is possible you might read from right to left if you are Hebrew. You might find that a nice ‘brew’ or mug of tea is available and you can share with your fellow servicemen, whatever service they come from.

After all, they might be better than you think they are, and they might find you better than they think you are. Which would make for harmony all round. Harmony which is peace, which is what the services are there for, to maintain the peace.

So we hope you find peace here and enjoy the cuisine or nosh or grub as you might say. Canteen open! (we never close).

British Army

Royal Air Force


The Refectory

If you are a follower of Jesus Christ then you may care to visit. Refectory food is usually very good. Wholesome, well presented, simple. Like me. Well, I don’t know about well presented; hopefully wholesome anyway. Simple? Perhaps, perhaps not. You can judge for yourselves.

If the refectories do open again if they are not already, I can recommend them from past experience. People are generally friendly too from past experience. I trust nothing has changed in that regard.

If you do not follow Jesus then you are still very welcome of course. Everyone is in my books.

Please note the tables are suitably spaced to comply with anti-social distancing. This because we are aware that some people, especially those in the middle class/C of E/churches generally, tend to prefer this type of place. It seems they feel safer as a consequence.

Somewhat anti-social and pointless we agree, but we try and cater for everybody. How they manage to listen in to other tables conversations we don’t know; perhaps they think their conversations are better than others. This may explain why some people speak so loudly so that everyone can hear.


The restaurant at the end of the universe

As large numbers of businesses seems to be closing, it is about time we opened up more places to eat.

So here at the End of the Universe is the last one that I will have. There will be others in between of course. I might go sideways into another dimension, of course. There is plenty of space in hyperspace a.k.a the internet.

It is the last and not the first. The omega of restaurants if you will. Or perhaps the Z or ‘Zed’, like bed at the end of the day, when you sleep and dream. And where you will find the ultimate answers to the ultimate questions.

So if you shouldn’t find what you are looking for like U 2, why not try asking me? And if there is only one of you (as opposed to you two), you can ask me as well. But as there is only one of me, and if at least two of you, if you are U2, not all at once please. Or indeed all at twice. I do hope that’s clear.

You never know, I might. Know that is. I can always say no, if I don’t. Know that is.

There may be no obvious logic to the order. But you can order what you like.

Please be patient, the chef has to prepare the recipes. If you are not sure how patient you will have to be think of NHS waiting times. Half of that, and divide by 13, my number and considered lucky by many (not that I believe in luck, as I have said already somewhere).

You might arrive at the correct solution or liquid. Which might be a soup. Whatever, enjoy it when it arrives (if you like enjoying things of course). If you want to be paranoid like Marvin the Android, that’s your affair.

And if you do, just go and make the tea will you? Thank you.

Table Space

Table space

Table Space

Table Space

666 – NEW!

P.S. please note that the tables are well spaced out because we are in space. Obviously, duh!

N.B. We are not spaced out because we are on drugs, let alone the tables.

Or vice versa.


N.N. B. Our fish is responsibly caught from sustainable sources. And our sauces are excellent!