Battle of Trafalgar

By Baldmichael Theresoluteprotector’sson

24th October 2021

This took place on 21 October 1805, 216 years ago. Or 6 x 6 x 6 years ago. 666. If you add the individual digits of the date you get 2 + 1 + 1 + 0 + 1 + 8 + 0 + 5. This equals 3 x 6, or 3 sixes. 666.

Mmm…that number seems significant. No doubt it will come back to me.

Anyway, I thought I must as a naval officer’s son write something about it. And following the usual fashion I think I will employ the same method as I and A.N.Other have used.

I have referred to Wikipedia and another link; these links are attached at the end. References are from the main Wikipedia article unless otherwise stated.

And don’t forget to take some of it with a pinch of salt. After all the sea is salty!

Overall Situation

The British and the French were having their usual agreements about who ruled the waves. The French under the ‘Little Corporal’, Napoleon Blownapart wanted to invade England. He thought of digging a tunnel but that would be shelved for the best part of 200 years.

He had even considered hot air balloons. But the means of supplying the hot air en-masse was too limited as Emmanuel Macron was not yet born along with the other EU leaders, so this too was shelved.

So old Boney as Blownapart was known decided to go across the usual way by ferry. Sadly, the ports on the French side were on strike (again), so he had to get the help of the Spanish navy along with France’s own ships.

Thus it was decided to assemble what was called the allied fleet and take the French army or the Grande Armée and land in the Angleterre or England.

The allied fleet would be commanded by the Admirable Mr. Newtown, even Newcity, or Monsieur Villeneuve as the French would say.

The British were commanded by the Admirable Seigneur Glasfils, or Lord Nelson as the British would say.


Pursuit of Villeneuve

Early in 1805 Nelson was keeping a beady eye on the French ships in Brest. Or it may have been the other way round. He had not seen Emma Hamilton for a while, so who can blame him.

Anyway, he was maintaining a rather loos (sic) blockade and ‘Villeneuve’s fleet successfully evaded Nelson’s when the British were blown off station by storms.’

This is a typical problem when, for example you go to the toilet or loos on Haslemere station, and only come out to find your train has come and gone.

Or if there is a gale force blowing and you have your umbrella up and you get blown onto the line, or off the station.

In any event Villeneuve’s fleet headed for the Caribbean with Nelson’s fleet in hot pursuit, having caught a later train.


Then Villeneuve caught a return train to try and shake Nelson off, returning to Europe, and ‘… intending to break the blockade at Brest,…’. Blockade is like lemonade, only in blocks.

However, ‘…Villeneuve abandoned this plan and sailed back to Ferrol in northern Spain.’ This was after a contre-temp with a British fleet.

Mr Blownapart wanted Villeneuve to rendezvous with the French fleet in Brest which included 5 ships under a Captain Allemand, or Captain German as the English might say. Quite what a German was doing with the French fleet is a good question.

Mr Newtown set off for Brest on a suitable train but ‘…he worried that the British were observing his manoeuvres,…’. Frankly I find this rather pathetic; just because someone is looking at what you are doing, doesn’t mean you should change your mind and run away.

Anyway, he ended up in Cadiz in Spain. This meant that Mr Blownapart had his plans to invade Great Britain blown apart and he marched off to Germany in a huff to bash up the Austrians at Ulm where there was an ‘ulm’ tree no doubt.

This may well be the reason a Mr Hitler wanted a go at the French in 1940, in revenge for what Mr Blownapart did.

With Mr Newtown tucked up in Cadiz, Lord Nelson went home for a well-earned break. His ship the Victory needed an overhaul and when it was repaired Lord Nelson joined the fleet at Brest for another look.

Supply situation

I think it easier to sum up the situation from Wikipedia’s article.

‘At this point, Nelson’s fleet badly needed provisioning.’

‘Meanwhile, Villeneuve’s fleet in Cádiz was also suffering from a serious supply shortage…’and ‘…their ships were ill-equipped.’

‘The main French ships of the line had been kept in harbour for years by the British blockade with only brief sorties. The French crews included few experienced sailors, and, as most of the crew had to be taught the elements of seamanship on the few occasions when they got to sea, gunnery was neglected.’

‘Villeneuve’s supply situation began to improve in October, but news of Nelson’s arrival made Villeneuve reluctant to leave port. Indeed, his captains had held a vote on the matter and decided to stay in harbour.’

All I can say is the wusses. In the Royal Navy the captains would have been court martialled. Still, that’s the reputation of Nelson for you; scared the living daylights out of the French. Fear traumatises people.



Commanded by Admirable Lord Horatio Nelson,_1st_Viscount_Nelson

The Victory took the lead in what was called the Weather Column.

The Royal Sovereign took the lead in what was called the Lee Column. This was commanded by Vice Admirable Colin Wood (sic).

It is always good to have a positive attitude in a fight, so having one ship called Victory and one called Royal Sovereign indicates the king is going out to fight and he will obtain the victory.


Commanded by Admirable Pierre-Charles-Jean-Baptiste-Silvestre de Villeneuve

I do hope that the French fleet didn’t have to signal in his full name as it would have taken a very long time to spell his name in flags I assume. However, this might explain the mess the fleet got into later.

As regards the Spanish fleet, this included the monster 4 decker Spanish ship ‘Nuestra Señora de la Santísima Trinidad’.

I thought this might mean ‘New Esther snorer Della Santis I’m a tranny dad’. Therefore a cross dressing father who now self-identifies as Esther.

However, I gather this is not the case. It seems to mean ‘Our Lady of the Holy Trinity’. In any event she was a rather obese top heavy lady, a grand dame when in full sail.

This should be compared to the Father, Son and Holy Spirit who actually make up the Holy Trinity. They don’t believe in being overweight as you are more likely to acquire Covid 19 (a.k.a. the ‘flu’).


Nelson’s plan

Admirable Nelson’s plan was simple; attack the allied fleet line in two columns, rather like attacking with two rolled up newspapers, one on the left and one on the right. So say The Guardian and The Daily Telegraph.

He hoped that this would prevent the allied fleet’s ships in the van seeing the flagship’s signals.

This would enable the centre of the allied fleet to be surrounded and have to fight to the end. I suppose he meant the end of the line.

This makes sense as the allied line was strung out like the washing on a line or perhaps like a newspaper, a broadsheet opened up as it were. Sheets are of course what the sails of the ships were made of, if they couldn’t find anybody to ‘canvas’ for the newspaper.

Overriding all this was that the objective was ‘…subject to the guiding rule that the enemy’s rear was to be cut off…’. In other words, they were to remove the bottom of the newspaper. This could prove useful later for wiping bottoms if all the loo paper had been sold in panic buying.

There were three benefits of this approach which included bringing a decisive constipation (sic) on the rear of the Franco-Spanish fleet. This would ultimately result in the removal of two turds (sic) of the allied fleet.

Nelson ordered the ships of his fleet to be painted in a distinctive yellow and black pattern (later known as the Nelson Chequer) that would make them easy to distinguish from their opponents.

This of course would make them look rather like wasps or bees and would impress upon the allied fleet they were going to be stung. If you saw a swarm of bees or wasps coming towards you might be scared too.

It is alleged that the Admirable Nelson said “No captain can do very wrong if he places his hips alongside that of the enemy and gives him an enema.” Enemas very good at sorting out constipation of course – see earlier.

As regards Admirable Newtown it is reported that ‘…he was suffering from a loss of nerve.’ So Admirable Villeneuve had become merely Admirable Ville having lost his ‘neuve’.

Or in English we might say the newt was removed and the Admirable Newtown was ‘newt-ered’. This explains the loss of neuve; in English we would say he lost his balls or courage.


The allied fleet were in Cadiz, the main port in Spain on the Atlantic coast. Cadiz replaced an earlier settlement, Cadiznt, where the greater part of the old town was consumed in a major fire in 1569.

So it sounds like ‘Cad is’ replaced ‘Cad isn’t’.

As this old town is no longer there you can see how the city got its current name.

Villeneuve had thought of setting out his newspaper in three columns but changed his mind. As his team were generally inexperienced, the type setting was all over the show, and they ended up with a single sprawling column.

This was about five miles long, and quite frankly having a newspaper this long is just not practical, especially if you open one on a train journey, for example. The Daily Telegraph is bad enough, believe me.

The team did try and get some semblance of order, but this took some time and they ended up with a sort of crescent shape, but still not much shorter. Imagine a croissant (which means crescent), so not unsuitable for someone to have with their breakfast whilst reading the newspaper.

Although trying to read a five mile long newspaper in a three bed semi’s dining room would have taken some doing at breakfast whilst trying to eat and drink.

The allied fleet’s newspaper might in fact be considered like a Sunday newspaper such as the Sunday New York Times, which I understand weighed more than 5.4kg (12lb) and contained 1,612 pages in an edition on 13 September 1987.

Anyway, the allied fleet were substantially heavier than the British with a bigger team.


The following are extracted comments about the battle.

‘At 11:45, Nelson sent the flag signal, “England expects that every man will do his duty”.’

Now it seems that the Admirable Nelson came up to the poop deck (this is where the poop was thrown overboard of course), although it is believed that the crew had done their duty earlier as commanded. The poop deck is also the bridge of the ship where the officers gave commands.

He spoke to a Mr Paxo, who was well-known for making an excellent sage and onion stuffing. He asked him to make a signal to the fleet “England confides that every man will do his duty”.

Mr Paxo who was wise and knew his onions as they say, suggested that “England expects that every man will do his duty” would be better with which Nelson concurred.

He also suggested to Admirable Nelson that he would like to signal the allied fleet ‘Come and get stuffed’, but sadly there wasn’t thyme (sic) for that.

‘The term “England” was widely used at the time to refer to the United Kingdom; the British fleet included significant contingents from Ireland, Scotland, and Wales.’

As regards the flags, I note they contain 6 Blue Peter flags, a white square in a blue surround. And that the flag certainly now means ‘P’ or Papa in phoenetics, like father.

It was reported that Vice Admirable Colin Wood said to his officers: “Now, gentlemen, let us do something today which the world may talk of hereafter.”

This reminds me of Jesus Christ who, being crucified and raised from the dead, did something which the world really did talk of hereafter and has been talking about it for nearly 2,000 years.

‘Royal Sovereign had all sails out and, having recently had her bottom cleaned, outran the rest of the British fleet.’

This is very reasonable. After all, if you do your duty and have a dirty bottom, this can make things a bit awkward if you then want to walk around. You tend to waddle a bit so as not to make your underpants dirty and this slows you down.

The Victory came into battle and eventually engaged the Redoutable

It was also said that ‘Temeraire, the second ship in the British windward column, approached from the starboard bow of Redoutable and fired on the exposed French crew with a carrotade (sic), causing many casualties.’

Carrotade is a type of juice made with carrots.

‘The allied van, after long remaining quiescent, made a futile demonstration and then sailed away.’

This was known as ‘white van man syndrome’ when someone turns up to repair your drive in July, takes a look at it and says ‘I could put some chippings down next Thursday in June.’ You know he won’t be back.

Very sadly the Admirable Nelson was shot by a marks-man at about 1.15 pm it seems. No doubt this man was one of the marks of the Beast spoken of in the book of Revelation in the bible.

‘Nelson exclaimed, “They finally succeeded, I am dead.” He was carried below decks.’

This was a slight exaggeration as he was not yet dead, but we know what he meant.

Nelson was carried below decks. I have noted the following:

‘Surgeon William Beatty heard Nelson murmur, “Thank God I have done my duty”’; he had paid his duty, paid his tax in his attacks.

‘Nelson’s chaplain, Alexander Scott, who remained by Nelson as he died, recorded his last words as “God and my country.”

Nelson put God first then his country.

‘Nelson died at half-past four, three hours after being hit.’

This reminds me of Jesus Christ who died at a similar time on a hill, probably a ridge in reality, rather than a b-ridge!

Like Horatius on the bridge across the River Tiber in Rome, Horatio Nelson stood his ground on the bridge of his ship Victory. Only he paid for it with his life as did many other good British sailors.

So did Jesus, and those who gave their lives willingly in service to Him and to the heavenly Father.

But Nelson and his crews won a great victory for the United Kingdom which is still spoken of today.

Cosmao and MacDonnell sortie

As I understand it, only eleven ships escaped to Cádiz of the original 33.

There was a sortie made with 5 seaworthy ships under the Commodores Cosmao and MacDonnell. These should not be confused with The Commodores, an American funk and soul band.

Apparently Cosmao retook two Spanish ships of the line, but it cost him one French and two Spanish vessels to do so. So that was a bit pointless.

The British cast off the prizes

After the battle, I gather that a Gail turned up. She was known to be rather stormy to say the least and caused havoc among the captured prizes, most of which had to be cast off and were shipwrecked.

But none of the original British ships were lost because of good seamanship; the crews were used to stormy women.


You can look at the chart to see the causalities of both sides.

The allied fleet lost 22 ships or two turds (sic) of their main force at Trafalgar.

However, to this may be added 4 ships of the van in a later battle on 4 November 1805 at the Battle of Cape Ortegal.


Aftermath is counting the cost of the battle, so ‘after math(s)’.

‘In the aftermath of the storm, Collingwood wrote:

The condition of our own ships was such that it was very doubtful what would be their fate. Many a time I would have given the whole group of our capture, to ensure our own … I can only say that in my life I never saw such efforts as were made to save these [prize] ships, and would rather fight another battle than pass through such a week as followed it.

— Vice-Admiral Cuthbert Collingwood to the Admiralty, November 1805.’

It seems all parties to the battle treated each other with humanity which is good to know, even if they had been rather nasty to each other in the fight.

‘However, Villeneuve’s fleet had just spent months at sea crossing the Atlantic twice, which supports the proposition that the main difference between the two fleets’ combat effectiveness was the morale of the leaders.’


‘The daring tactics employed by Nelson were to ensure a strategically decisive result. The results vindicated his naval judgement.’

As the S.A.S. has as its motto ‘Who dares wins’.


As I understand it the allied fleet ended up with 9 ships of the line and the British fleet still had its original 27 ships. That is the allied fleet had a third of the ships of the line the British originally started with, having initially had the advantage in numbers.

This can be considered as a ratio of 3:1 in favour of the British.

So that is Nelson’s ratio of success; or in his case his Ho-ratio!!!

As regards Mr Newtown:

‘Vice-Admiral Villeneuve was taken prisoner aboard his flagship and taken back to Britain. After his parole in 1806, he returned to France, where he was found dead in his inn room during a stop on the way to Paris, with six stab wounds in the chest from a dining knife. It was officially recorded that he had committed suicide.’

Now, I ask you would you be likely to try and commit suicide with a dining knife, however pointed that knife might be? And stabbing yourself 6 times before achieving the desired result??

I think he was murdered, don’t you?

The news of the battle as it appeared in the HERALD.

This just goes to show how dictators like Napoleon will lie to distort the truth, a bit like Donald Trump winning the election in 2020 and the democrats under Joe Biden lying to cover it up.

As regards Nelson’s body:

Nelson’s body was preserved in a barrel of brandy for the trip home to a hero’s funeral.

This must be the ultimate booze cruise! His body was pickled in brandy and he traveled back to Britain in a pickle!!

Also note the news of the great victory and Nelson’s death was brought to England by HMS Pickle! It is only a pity perhaps that Nelson’s body came back in HMS Victory rather than HMS Pickle!!

I have no doubt that people would not have wasted the brandy once his body was removed.

I imagine the liquor was sold as ‘Lord Nelson’s Brandy – Full bodied, considered ‘armless but not once you drink it!!’

As regards Nelson you may remember he had lost an eye. As they might have said ‘In the land of the two-eyed, the one eyed man was king!!’

And of course he had lost one arm so ‘He was armless but not in the least bit harmless!!’


It is probably easier to quote the following:

‘Following the battle, the Royal Navy was never again seriously challenged by the French fleet in a large-scale engagement. Napoleon had already abandoned his plans of invasion before the battle and they were never revived.’

‘The Royal Navy proceeded to dominate the sea until the Second World War.’

‘London’s Trafalgar Square was named in honour of Nelson’s victory; at the centre of the square there is the 45.1 m (148 ft) Nelson’s Column, with a 5.5 m (18 ft) (NB 3 x 6!!) statue of Nelson on top. It was finished in 1843.’

The statue does suffer from the birds that poo on it. This is nothing new as some ‘birds’ tend to do that to those that tell the truth and win battles. Nancy Pelosi springs to mind.

I mentioned Blue Peter flags earlier, so perhaps the last words can go to John Noakes of Blue Peter helping to clean pigeons’ poo from Horatio Nelson’s statue. As far as I can tell he says:

‘By gum, me ‘ats a bit dirty, never mind, I don’t suppose anybody ’ll see that.’

Here are the links to information about the battle.

And if you want to read a bit more about Victory try this.

Author: alphaandomega21

Baldmichael Theresoluteprotector'sson. When not posting pages or paging posties, trying to be a good husband, and getting over a long term health issue, I am putting the world to rights. I have nothing better to do, so why not? But of course that includes dancing, being funny (in more than one sense), poking fun at life, poking fun at myself, deflating the pompous, reflating the sad. Seeking to heal the whole of the soul (and body where possible). In short making life as good as it possibly can be for others as well as myself. You can't say fairer than that. But if you can, please say. People need to know.

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