By Baldmichael Theresoluteprotector’sson
14th September, 2022
I have this below as a page on my site under the World Menu in LE CAFÉ. I am posting now as I am lazy and want to post something before the 17th when I plan to post on the Battle of Antietam.
Please note that that will not be your usual historical take, but my sideways look at the madness and bizarre humour that might arise despite the terror and bloodiness of it all.
But perhaps it is fitting we should have this piece on blood. There is a follow up More Blood via a link at the bottom. I might turn that into a post as opposed to a page.
25th June 2020
Out of a stone. Or as I recall Barry Cryer once said on ‘I’m sorry I haven’t a clue’, ‘You can’t bloody get out of Estonia!’ Thanks Barry.
It is quite hard getting blood out of a human too. Yes, really. I know you can run one over with a steam roller (don’t try this at home or anywhere else, please) and that would extract it all. About 9-12 pints I gather. It varies of course.
However, a steam roller would not be a good way of collecting blood. It would go on the road, track or whatever and be rapidly soaked up. I understand the cops in the U.S.A. use concentrated coca cola to clean up the stains after an accident. Makes you keen to drink coca cola doesn’t it?
Mind you anything concentrated would not be good for you. Even too much water can be problem. After all Doctor Foster went to Gloucester, in a shower of rain. When he got there, the cupboard was bare, so he never went there again.
The cupboard was probably bare because of panic buying for the next outbreak, sorry, second wave, of Covid 19. Hang on, I think I have got in a muddle. Wasn’t it Old Mother Hubbard who had the cupboard? And Doctor Foster, didn’t he step in a puddle, right to his muddle? Or step into a piddle right up to his middle?
But a piddle can be a river like the one in Dorset. Beautiful valley. I must go and look again from my Cloud. And the village of Plush just off it. And a low thatched pub, The Brace of Pheasants. Typically English. At least how we imagine the idyll must be.
But pubs are still closed (except the more enterprising who have offered takeaway food). Still, I see that they will be ‘allowed’ to open from the 4th of July. So, is that inclusive of the 4th? Happy 4th of July. If there are any Americans stuck over here, perhaps they will be able to celebrate with a pint of good old English ale, from the pump.
However, has anyone checked the rules? Anyone?? What does the Government website say children? Let’s have a look, shall we? That’s right. Search for Gov UK. Carefully now, you might catch something if you’re not alert. Stay Alert, that’s the motto. ‘Businesses and self-employed people’. Under >>>Guidance<<< and support. That’s right. Now ‘Getting financial help and keeping your business safe’. Well done!
Next ‘Reopen your business safely during coronavirus (COVID‑19)’ Ehxcellent, as Mr Brittas might say. Second paragraph. Now remember what I told you about stress the vowels (No dear, vowels, and no, you cannot go to the toilet, hold it in a bit longer). So, let’s try, ‘eU-z… th-hiss… guy-d-aunts. Once more, bit quicker. Use..this..guidance. There now, not difficult, was it.
There now follows >>>guidance<<< from the HSE. ‘The text underneath is not considered suitable for small children. Or adults with small brains’. I apologise if you have already understood this, and certainly some have. You don’t need to read this.
OI, YOU MORONS! GUIDANCE! GUIDANCE! KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS? ASK A GIRL GUIDE (OK, SCOUT THEN, WHATEVER). STREWTH! OH LORD GIVE ME STRENGTH!
Whatever have you been thinking about? Anything? Anything at all?? By all the Gordons of Bennet (little know Scottish clan, but seen everywhere). So that means you can decide. For yourself. Shall I, shan’t I?
What are you afraid off? Bogeyman going to get you? No he snot! Policeman? Well if he comes round ‘’ello, ‘ello, ‘ello, what ‘ave ‘we ‘ere?’ ‘Well officer, we have done our Health and Safety checks and we have come up with the following assessment. We had ‘flu last year, and the year before, and the year before ….’
And it is possible that if you go on in this fashion, if you have been in business some time, that he will get bored and go away. Or you could offer him a cup of tea or something. And have a chat. You know, my name is, what’s yours sort of thing. Busy? ‘Well, no getting bored actually. No one to chase, all locked down’.
Brightening. ‘Managed to apprehend two felons, standing too close to each other ‘tho’. But if he arrests you, why not enjoy it? Try their tea at the Nick. They will offer you a cup eventually, I imagine. They don’t usually like to have inmates die of thirst, bad for business you know.
You get the picture. And if you don’t, all being well, one day they will say….
Sorry? Oh, really? I must interrupt my discourse. It is reported that the government have just issued latest GUIDANCE as follows:
Scientists have just discovered, that probably, they’re not quite sure, but on balance, that if we all jump off Beachy Head Covid 19 will be over by Christmas. Possibly. That will leave the animals etc but they have reasonable levels of intelligence (apart from lemmings from which most of the world is descended, apparently).
However, I see a problem with that. I have been thinking. Mmm? What’s that? Thinking?! Big sigh. Thump, thump, thump. That’s better, head hurts, but plaster was coming loose and needed repair anyway.
Where was I? Oh, yes if we all jump off at the same time there will be a pile up on the beach below. I haven’t calculated if all the people in the UK did this what the volume would be (doubt anyone in government, civil service, NHS has checked either).
But at some point, the pile could reach the cliff top. And then you would be walking on to bodies (the last people alive, but groaning). And then you would have to find another cliff. And do a Health and Safety Risk Assessment first of course.
P.S. Cliff Richard (thanks for all the music, Cliff) is not a suitable cliff for jumping off. He is not that tall for a start, and he is not quite as young as he was. Just listen to his records instead. Might stop you jumping off cliffs because someone told you it was a good idea. Possibly.
P.P.S. Forgot what I was going to talk about. See B is for….(more) Blood
P.P.P.S. If you want to know about the current issues with Covid 19 try this
The Tree of Life 
Something you said in this post, made me remember… They killed all of the mink. WTF? The mink? Because of Covid-19? Yes. How ridiculous was that? I now for years, everyone has been dissing fur wearing, but to kill all the mink for Covid? Ruined a lot of people. Can’t say whether or not it hurt the fur industry in general, but it would take years to see whether or not it was effected.
I could not believe my ears. I was looking for a good mink at the time. Used, of course. Macys, several years ago, after Avanti had left here, was storing my furs. When I went to get my mink, it was not my mink. I had inherited the mink from James’s aunt. I loved that damned mink. All black. When I went to get it, it had red and gray in the fur, and it was a whole inch shorter than my mink had been. My mink had been specially tailored to fit me. A nice furrier at Macy’s when I left it one year, said he wanted to refashion it to fit me better. Hell yes! So he did, and put a new lining in it. The lining in the coat I picked up, was not the same. The hem was up and down and ragged. It looked like shit.
I don’t know who did what, or what had happened to my mink, but that was not it. I took it back and bitched. To this day, Macy’s kept both my mink and the ugly thing they tried to pass off on me, as my mink. I never got anything out of the deal, except Macys stole my mink for whatever reason.
I am still pissed off about it!
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I had not picked up about the mink cull, so I have just looked it up. What idiots they were, Covid 19/the ‘flu is not transmissible between humans or animals, it has all been lies to scare the masses into taking the poisonous vaccines etc.
Mind you given all the lies about Covid 19, is this really true about the culling I wonder? After all they were lying about all the bodies in the mass grave from Covid 19 in New York. Moronic media spin that was, part of the fear campaign (as opposed to the fur campaign!!!).
As regards you Macy’s saga I am appalled, and no wonder you are still pissed off. Macy’s deserve a good beating for it.
I have checked online about Macy’s (I knew of them) and see they were bought out. in the new millennium. Lots of companies have been bought out in the push by the elites for monopoly and standards have fallen with the moral decline.
Personally I do not approve of factory farming and it leads to all sorts of problems, and makes people think merely of money and profit. I am not against fur being worn, or animals killed for fur, but it should be managed correctly.
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Yes, I agree with you on your thoughts about factory farming, money and profit, and agree with your feelings on fur. I probably would have never had a mink, in fact I am sure I would have never had a mink, had James’s aunt decided it was too heavy for her, and she had shrunk so much. I loved it, and it had a lot of sentimental value more than anything else. What Macys did, just made me determined to get another one. Of course, I won’t go for a new one, costs too much, but there are plenty of really nice ones for sale. I went with a Finnish raccoon until I find the right mink. The Coon is gorgeous, used of course, but my black mink, I really, really miss it.
But yea, they killed all those mink, whose lives thereby become totally meaningless, and shut down the mink farms. I don’t feel sorry that the farms were shut down, except feel sorry for the people whose livelihoods were killed along with the minks. I worry about people when they lose everything. At Christmas, I always worry about all the people that have been foreclosed upon, and pray that they are not living on the street, and that it will not effect the children for the rest of their lives.
God has a special place in hell for the attorneys and banks that throw people out on the street, with nothing left. I realize some people dug their beds, and they now have to lie in it, but sooo many were duped into believing that they could afford the house with these teaser rates, and then reality sets in when they get what the rest of their payments will be.
I would have been suspicious as hell, had someone told me that I would need a second loan (2 loans) to buy one house. Clearly, that has to be a red flag to people. But they were assured that they could make the payments, so that the house would sale, then the vultures came, sold the properties into securitization, and everyone continued making money on all of that, then, rather than help the people with a loan modification, they foreclose and get the house anyway, A lot of the lenders were betting that the family would lose the house, and they won the bets. Some of the banks were taking out life insurance policies on people, realizing many of them would die from one thing or another.
There are a lot of sick people out there, without hearts, and they will see that special place in hell,, set aside just for the likes of themselves.
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Amen
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If the bodies piled up and reached the cliff top, would it not count as another hill? Just trying to make it easy for the poor folks trying to just jump off.
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Yes, interesting point. If I understand you correctly in what you are saying, as I see it the bodies form a heap with slopes so not much of a cliff. I am assuming that landing with a thump on other bodies would still likely cause death from a certain height. Not that I have tried or carried out an experiment of course.
Beachy Head is just one spot on the chalk cliffs along the south coast. Its just that sadly this is well known as a suicide spot, being readily accessible by car. Many people can’t be bothered to walk up a hill to commit suicide as they are so depressed.
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